5 Y/o and Tantrums! Any Advice Please!

I'm laughing cuz My five and a half year old just had his first tantrum, sat in time out crying and saying things like I will never eat dinner again, this is not good, I will never play with my friends again, I will never do homework again, this is boring, etc etc etc I'm looking at him thinking WOW first fit at age 5 and a half??? (this was over not wanting what we served for dinner) He is now happily eating seconds on the dinner he refused an hour ago! I'm going to blame it on tiredness and put him to bed earlier! I dont stress things like this cuz I have older teens and when they have problems their problems are more serious and I am not completely in control the way we are with little kids so I really dont sweat the small stuff.
Did your son start school in Sept or more recently? If he just started he could be over tired.
I hate the idea of you and your son not going anywhere!! I think you and he need to come up with a new plan for leaving the park/play date etc. Tell him your old warning system/ alarm isnt working well, act sympathetic to this problem as if the fault is with the system not him, now that he's five he should have a new plan and get him involved in choosing the new plan. He may need a few ideas to choose from....but he needs to feel it was his decision. Of course the new plan wont really be that different he just needs owner ship of the plan like a new sound, or instead of a fifteen minute warning look at your watch and say when the clock says 3:00 or 3:15 (three one five) a tiny snack waiting in the car.... Before you go somewhere remind of HIS plan he came up with, "remember you decided....." Hopefully the novelty will help for a while ....

I think you did hit the nail on the head: "I know he is asserting some control, seeing what he can get away with etc." If he is as mellow as you say he is, then we know there's not some other bigger issue at hand.

It's really important for a child's development for them to assert some autonomy, to test how much power he does have over his own life, and it's important for us to keep being consistent, keep giving clear boundaries and to stick with what we say we are going to do. (eg-- "I told him he would not get to play outside with his friends the next day and I followed through. He knew they were outside and was good about not asking me to go play". )

In short, you are doing everything right about this.

I'm cribbing here from "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen...And How to Listen So Kids will Talk" by Faber and Mazlish (if you haven't read this book, order it today. It will positively impact your future with your child...even a Usually Very Mellow Child:))-- perhaps, if this happens again, you can find a calm time to discuss it later...and not as a precorrection before going to the park, but a more neutral time. "Hey kiddo, I've noticed that when I give you the 'time to go' warning at the park, lately you've gotten pretty upset. I was wondering if you could help me find another way for us to do this." or "What does that sound like for you?" and other open-ended questions. (He may get really silly with the "what does that sound like" question, but at least he's getting invested and open to this process.) He's at an age that he might really appreciate working with you to find a new method. Does he need to be told "all right, one more minute, time for one very last thing"? I'd put your head together with his to find a new thing to try, and tell him you'll "try it 5 times, to see if it works. If it doesn't, then let's try again to think of something else that will work for both of us". (At this point, I have to say that the book itself will be more helpful!) The point of all this is, if he's trying to have some say-so over what that transition might look like, this is a great way to do it.

And good wishes to you-- you sound like a patient and consistent mama!

I think he is just testing you. For some reason he is making sure you really mean it.
Could he be reacting to some sort of change at home? Change at School?

Is he in school? Is this the first time.
Could be he needs some close mothering or parent time.
Spend a little more time with him.

You are handling it well. Letting him know he has limited time. Also letting him know if he cannot come in as directed, he will miss playtime completely next time.
Just continue to follow your rules with him.
I am sending you strength.

The reason I asked if this is his first time in school, is that he may be missing the comfort of home. He is testing and may not even realize it, so that he can feel the comfort of your rules and attention.. Just spend a little more time with him. Have a conversation about this change in his behavior.. but I would not mention he is testing, just ask him what does he think would be a better way to set limits.. Maybe a wrist watch so HE can keep up with the time himself? See if he can come up with a solution.

I disagree with the PP--it is not normal to tantrum at 5 and most definitely not at 7. Especially if your son has not done this in the past. If you only notice this problem when you need him to leave somewhere-maybe do not takehim anywhere for a good month. And tell him the reason that you cannot play with your friends is that you act up when we need to leave and this is unnaceptable. Until I can know that you won't do this we will stay home. And stick to your guns for a whole month so he will know it is not an empty threat. You don't need to get into anything else with him about this like telling him the why and how of this being bad behavior. He already knows that. He needs your authority and that is in fact what he is looking for by tantrumming I think.

... yes, at 5 years old, they still tantrum and can be indignant. In fact, by about 7 years old they still may do this.
By 6-7 it calms down.. but then other age related issues arise.

At any cusp of an age change.. .kids get tweaked and "difficult." It is their changing cognition and emotions.
I have seen this and KNOW it is going to happen, in my own kids, whenever they are about to have a change in age.

Ditto Laurie A. below.

Also, you have to see what will work with your child, each child is different...

The book "Have A New Kid By Friday" by Leman... is great and for tips and useful strategies. It is not derogatory and an easy read. Amazon or even E-bay has it.

You do need... to make sure that this 'behavior" does not just turn into a bad habit though.... whatever strategy you use. So you cannot just let it happen... or at least have repercussions for it... .
For example: when my Husband was a child, he said he backtalked to his Mom and was sassy. His Mom just ignored it and treated it like that is what a child is... and she just won't take it 'personally.'
WELL... flash forward to now, me being his Wife. My Husband, when irked, can have a real sarcastic potty mouth. I tell him off. He tells me "It's your problem... YOU take it too Personally....its just words.... it doesn't mean anything, I was just irritated at the time... so get over it.... " AHEM! I had to RE-do my Husband and tell him, under NO circumstances, is calling people names and being verbally OBNOXIOUS is tolerable... that words DO hurt and causes problems... that words.... are what is in his head and he better grow up... I am NOT his Mom.
So... take that, as an example... and a way of teaching your Son. Because... one day he WILL be someone else's Boyfriend or Husband... and he 'may' treat them... as such.

If that happens to me while at the park with my kids, I just say "I gave you 10 minute already and warned you. We are leaving..." then "I" start walking to our car... keys in hand..... and then they do follow me.

Or if they are outside playing in our yard and back talk and won't come inside.... even after my head's up or warning.... I give them about 10 minutes to finish up. But if they won't... I walk inside, I CLOSE the door and lock it.
THEN my kids, quickly change their tune.
Mind you, it is in our yard which has a perimeter wall around it and is safe.

It does not matter if he went to preschool or not. Even Preschool kids are naughty... or can be worse!

Your child is 5... they do KNOW what is wrong and right by now. They DO know when they are being "difficult."

All the best,
Susan

All kids are different, so don't worry too much about slotting him into age appropriate behaviour. It's a lovely guideline, but all kids have been brought up differently and have different homes and different ways of thinking!

My almost 5yo step daughter has never once had a tantrum (touch wood). She expresses her self at the moment, but sulking or leaving the room to get upset about something and then coming back when she's ready. Which works fine for me.
I agree with Sandy L and Amy J - getting him involved (because he sounds like a lovely kid and intelligent) and ask him how he would like you to tell him it's time to go. Maybe he associates the old warning system with being a little boy. Because 5 year olds are big kids now! :P
Explain that he really can't behave like that, and you don't want to have to punish him, but you will. So if he wants to only have a good time and no bad times (this may sound silly but it's exactely the way I word things with my step daughter) then he needs to tell you why he's getting so cranky now.

People often assume that children of this age group can't articulate themselves very well, but I find it's quite the opposite. So long as we give them the chance to talk to us.

I hope it all works out for you, and that you find a system that works for the both of you :)

School is tough when it's new. He probably is acting out where he safely can. That said, it doesn't sound like you need advice. You are doing what you need to do. When he is calm, try asking him WHAT he was thinking & WHAT he was feeling, when he did X (describe the tantrum).

For what it's worth, I had to carry my oldest out of a few events when he was 5 as well. We'd had a lot of changes in our world and he has intense emotions. Apparently with some kids, this is how the hard stuff comes out. He does pretty well now (age 6).

You could check out a few of these disciplining tips from other mothers that may give you ideas as how to go about dealing with your LOs tantrums that do not involve spanking...hope it helps:

http://www.theskinnyscoop.com/search/discipline?utm_campa...

Maybe it's one of those weird phase things that stop as mysteriously as they start.

Why not change your transition routine just a little. At about the 5 minute mark, say something like "It's almost time to go home. What do you need to finish up to be done playing?" He picks something, finishes it and is now ready to leave.

This gives him more control over his life and also, once he makes the choice, he's so much more likely to abide by it. I've told my son something like "we're leaving in 10 minutes, start to finish up your playing." and so forth.

Also -- kindergarten is a big change. When my son started, he "held it together" for school, but then when he came home, would have a meltdown over the stupidest things. I don't think he realized it, but it was his way to get out his frustrations where it was "safe". It went away after a few weeks as he got used to the routine and what was expected of him.