5 1/2 Year Old - Issues at School

Updated on November 17, 2008
J.W. asks from Ashland, MA
15 answers

I'm hoping some other moms may have been in a similar situation as we are and have some suggestions on how to work through it. My 5 1/2 yr old started Kindergarten this year. He had 2 years of preschool and prior to that has been in full time daycare since he was 10 weeks old. He is very kind, funny and creative child. We have always had what we deemed normal issues at home - although he can "explode" with emotions often enough which we have been trying to learn ways of dealing with. However, up until now, he has never behaved out of line with other authority. We are learning that he has been acting out in class for the past few weeks. i.e. singing wrong words to class songs -inserting "bad" instead of "kind", roaming the hallways when saying he needs to go to the bathroom, not finishing his work and playing with toys that it is not time for and then scribbling on paper when told he needs to finish his work, touchy with other kids at reading time (poking/playing) fidgety - can't sit still and overall being disruptive to the other children. It's not only with his K teacher but other teachers he experiences during the day as well. We have been working with the teacher trying out different methods (having him sit in a chair next to her during reading time, getting to his level to make sure he hears and understands the requests, etc) nothing seems to be working. I've spoken with family and nurses about this to get their take, some think it is just a phase and it will pass. I can admit I can tend to be an overworrier - and in my head, I'm thinking we need to fix this before it effects his learning, becomes who he is and what type of adult he'll be. I know the teacher is concerned enough that she mentioned bringing him to the pediatrician. At the beginning of the year he also made frequent trips to the nurse which I have learned is very common and these have been minimized - part because the teacher only allows 1 trip per day and part i believe just on his side. He does however complain of headaches frequently - the teacher seems tothink its a trend after an issue occurs in class - perhaps being brought on from the stress of that situation. My husband and I have had many many conversations with our son about his behavior, explaining what is appropriate and not, giving him praise for his work he brings home and for the completing the homework he has 1x/week, etc. He is a smart kid and he gets it. He's helped offer up solutions to having better behavior such as listening to the teacher and keeping our silly time for recess but can't seem to put it to practice at school. I know this is affecting him emotionally - at bedtime is when we usually can get the most info from him on what he's thinking. He says he tries really hard but he can't control it. I have such a hard time distinguishing whether he is "playing" us (he's certainly smart enough to) or if its true. Thoughts, advice?????

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A.F.

answers from Boston on

Hi Jenn

I went through something similiar w/ my son. He is now 7. All through his 2 years of preschool, he had trouble listening and paying attention and bothering other children. We always kept an eye on it and thought it would get better. Then kindegarten came and he then was having problems on the bus, gym class, etc. He was evaluated and found to be an average child. Same problems in first grade but got a little worse. Now in second grade(he has the same teacher as first grade) the teacher says it's worse than ever. He can not pay attn and always gets in other people's space and is very compulsive. I took him to the pediatrician, and they basically says he has ADD. Which I have thought for a long time, we tried see a psychologist for it but it was not usefull at all. I did not want to go the medication route, but felt there was nothing left to do or try so he is now on a medication and there has been a lot of improvement. He is no longer getting in trouble and doing all his work. I don't know if this helps but I thought I would share.

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D.S.

answers from Boston on

Dear Jenn,

i suggest spending more time with him and doing things together that you all enjoy. Time and attention is the most precious gift. There is a good chance this will give you some insights on why he is "acting out' -- since you will get closer to him by spending time with him, interacting and observing. My guess is, he just needs your love and attention a bit more right now, due to a developmental step he is about to take or some outside stressors. I would try just giving him more love and attention, and not make a big deal out of the rest, aside from correcting and redirecting him gently and without fuss.

I recommend "The Discipline Book" by Sears & Sears. It teaches healthy discipline through a deep connection to your child. It is very encouraging and a beloved resource in our family.

good luck!
D.

1 mom found this helpful
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D.D.

answers from Boston on

Hi Jenn, maybe you should have an eye exam to rule out eye problems. He sounds like an really smart well socialized kid who may be bored, most of what he is learning he already knows from daycare and preschool. Maybe the teachers can challenge him more? Good Luck!!

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L.C.

answers from Boston on

Hi,

I have a 5 1/2 year old boy who seems similar to your son. Before any labels get put on him or you put him on medicine, I would look at his diet, we typically don't eat enough fruits and vegetables. I have been sharing Juice Plus with my friends and family to ensure we get the proper nutrition each and every day b/c nutritionis the groundwork which frames our body and mind. This is all natural and worth a try. If you are interested you can check out my website. www.juiceplus.com/+lc11448 . Good luck and be patient.

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R.C.

answers from Boston on

Hi Jenn,
I just read your request and the responses to date. Given the info you have shared, I'm thinking that you might want to keep a notebook of your observations, any factual observations the teacher makes to you, and what you have tried. As others have said, I would definitely have a full eye exam, and also consult with your pediatrian regarding hearing. Sometimes a child's hearing test is adequate, but he has a history of wax or fluid build-up. Both of these contribute to poor attention. Observe his sleep. Is he restful? Does he snore loudly? Large tonsils can interfere with full sleep, which causes attention difficulties. Does his schedule give him enough sleep to concentrate in school? One way to determine this is to observe if you are waking him up, or if he wakes fully rested.
Personally I think there are two avenues not best pursued at this time. The first is boredom. This is often considered, but rarely what happens in the classrooms today. The second is ADD. I know that some children have ADD and benefit from medication, but all the other factors need to be considered prior to this consideration. The reason for this is ADD is diagnosed by symptoms, and the symptoms may be being caused by other things that need to be eliminated. However, I do recommend you do reading about distracted children, available at the library, because they recommend many helpful things you can do, prior to considering any diagnosis for attention.
As for school, if the teacher needs help with his behavior in school, then she should initiate a request for an observation and suggestions from the school psychologist or behaviorist. It may be that the prinicpal should be involved to help brainstorm methods to help him attend (active time built into day, restating directions to get him on correct path, quiet area for concentration, assignments divided into shorter segments, etc.)
Best of luck, Rose

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A.W.

answers from Boston on

My son had some issues last year focusing in kindergarten, fooling around, etc. Although I am sure he still has a hard time focusing all the time, he has matured & realizes what he needs to do in school. School is an adjustment, it may take a while for your son to adjust to the new rules & expectations.

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L.K.

answers from Boston on

I'm sorry your son is having problems and I can understand being uncertain whether he's playing or has a real medical or psychological issue. I would inquire with your pediatrician and the school psychologist. Issues could be testing authority and not wanting to get in line with other people's schedules, or it could besymptoms of O.D.D.(Obstanant Defiance Disorder), or Explosive Personality Disorder, ADHD with some underliying issues. But experts would know best how to determine if there is an issue and what modifications could be helpful.
I hope it turns out to be easily solved. Good luck.

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R.F.

answers from Boston on

I'm wondering if he's just bored at school. If he's super smart then it's very possible that all the acting out can just be a sign of extreme boredom and the desire to dispell that boredom. Maybe seeing if the teacher has some "special" duties that he can take on during the school day, giving him some responsibilities might be enough to keep him occupied. Also take a look at his diet. Make sure he's getting enough protein and limiting the amounts of carbs he's getting really help with hyperactivity and focus. Instead of cereal in the morning try toast with nut butter or eggs if he'll eat them. Even a PBJ sandwich has lots of protein. Oats are also something that can help with focus so if he'll eat oatmeal try that (just make sure it's not full of sugar). You might also look at food allergies. Sometimes gluten and dairy allergies can cause children to act out.

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S.K.

answers from Boston on

Hi,

It is extremely difficult when you find out that your child is the one misbehaving in school. It sounds to me as though he is having difficulty attending to all that learning (which is a lot on any child). Remember that preschool is less challenging and more child directed and unfortunately kindergarten has become more and more teacher (educationally) directed rather than developmentally directed. The headache's concern me. I would talk to your pedi. and have his eyes and ears checked. He may be having trouble attending because he can't hear or not be able to see the visual information being presented to him. These factors will and do cause many children to act out because they do not realize they do not hear or see as well as others. I would start there first, it could be a really simple solution and also continue to work with the teacher to assist him in transitioning to school.

I am a teacher of the visually impaired. I have two children a 5-year old in kindergarten and an almost three year old with a profound hearing loss in one ear and a mild hearing loss in the other. Good luck!!!!!

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D.S.

answers from Springfield on

I know this may sound silly but have him get a thorough eye exam. I was just talking to a friend today about someone she knew whose son did alot of this same behavior and it turned out he had a vision problem and needed glasses. When kids get overwhelmed/frustrated they sometimes act out. The eye screening that preschool gives and at the pediatrician is not sufficient.

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J.P.

answers from Portland on

Hi Jenn
There are many things that could be the cause of your son's difficulty in class, from medical reasons to social/emotional. Since its still early in the school year, he may be still be having trouble with the whole pace of a classroom. Preschool and Day Care are busy places with many opportunities to move around, choose activities, rest and be playful. Not a lot of "authority" or rules as compared with school. In school, there's more structured activities that require a child to sit more and focus on the task without wandering around. Its a big change to an active boy, to have to sit still, listen, and focus on things he may or may not think is all that interesting. Its also difficult for a child that is used to a slower paced preschool/daycare...school is fast paced with lots of waiting/listening and many children, teachers and staff to learn. If he has an attention deficit issue, he'll be even more unable to transition to a classroom setting.

I would chat more with the teacher and find out where she thinks its the hardest for him to focus. I would also try to set up a behavior plan with the teacher and even the principal (sometimes the authority of a principal can really make things hit-home with students, LOL!) where he can earn stamps/stickers on a chart for each activity that he's able to sit through and complete throughout the day. At the end of the week, you can decide what he's earned for his prize (a trip with you to a playground, buying a new book to read together etc). Coming in for a whole day and witnessing him in-class might be a good idea as well...if he's able to keep it together while you're there, you'll know he's not medically unable to sit/listen/complete tasks. You'll also gain better insight of his day and what he faces for changes/stimuli/activities.

The teacher unfortunately cannot restructure her curriculum, so if he's bored, he'll need to learn how to cope with those times and get his work done. Kindergarten isn't boring and is usually a fun little place to be, when you're not in trouble, lol!! She can keep his issue in mind and allow him to walk around a bit etc., but unless he's showing signs of absolute genius, he cannot possibly need a special curriculum for a "bored" student. He may simply be overstimulated with all the new-ness of school, new teachers, new kids etc. and is trying to "get away" from it all by being a clown and taking extended trips to the bathroom. Headaches and tummy aches that aren't real, tend to be stress related and something that he may need to talk out with you or a school counselor.

Putting him on medication for hyperactivity should only be pursued once you've tried all the other avenues (I think his teacher is suggesting that in saying he needs to see a doctor, since doctors aren't going to help with schoolwork, LOL!!). He may have an emotional issue that needs to be dealt with instead of a hyperactivity issue (especially since you've said he has had outbursts before). He may be overstimulated right now with all the changes, all the new authority and especially the structure, that he will grow out of the more comfortable he is, or it may get worse as he gets behind in work. Whatever the reason, try all avenues first and especially spend lots of time with him, chatting, playing and engaging in time alone with you. Its hard to be 5, start school, and even harder when you're in trouble...he's trying to find his way and you're not a worrier for being afraid for him...you're a good mom.
Good Luck with it all,
Jen

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M.M.

answers from Lewiston on

My son is also having issues adjusting to kindergarten. (I'm a teacher at his school, so I communicate daily with his teacher). We are seeing behaviors that he had either grown out of at preschool or never had. He is also fidgety at circle time and can't keep his hands to himself. Sometimes he refuses to do things teachers ask him to do and has received several discipline cards. He has met with the guidance counselor b/c he often gets easily frustrated and angry. He goes to 1st grade for reading and knows everything they're doing (which he makes a point to tell everyone- sometimes rudely). It has been a difficult start of the year for all of us, but his teacher is fabulous with him. She says that the reason she became a K teacher later in life was b/c her son's K teacher was constantly angry with him and it affected him for years. So she is VERY patient and has lots of great ideas.
I suggest you set up a meeting with his teacher(s), the principal, guidance counselor, and anyone else who sees him regularly. Try to come up with a positive plan for behavior, one with rewards and consequences that he can easily understand (focus on only 2-3 behaviors you wish to improve). His teacher will have to monitor these, which won't be easy with all she has to do, so it'll have to be quick and easy. Also, inquire about enrichment activities. My son has never misbehaved in the 1st grade class he goes to 25 minutes a day for reading group. I'm not implying that boredom is at the root of all of his misbehavior, but I think he misbehaves less when challenged. He was also given a smooth stone by the OT teacher to hold during circle time so his hands are occupied.
Just keep reinforcing positive behaviors and encouraging him to talk through his choices. At the start of every day my son and I talk about the 3 things he is going to try hard to do. Goodluck! Let's hope both of our boys start experiencing more success in school!

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L.B.

answers from Portland on

I would see you ped. Share the issues and your concerns with them. He may just be testing his boundaries in his new setting, he may be bored, or maybe he has something else going on. I think it is important to monitor it and write things down as they happen, so you can better explain things to your ped. Before you worry and take matters into your own hands, I think you really need to take a visit to the doc's office...talk with the ped about your child without your son there first, and then bring him in to be examined. Good luck

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T.A.

answers from Providence on

I have been having very similar issues with my eight year old.His grades seem to be good but cannot stop talking when he should and has lost tv time alot for it. He only gets tv on weeknds and video games so he can maybe concentrate more. He is super hyper when other kids are around.At home he always has to be touching something no matter what he's doing.When we get ready in the morning and I'm helping wirth his hair or he's brushing his teeth he's twirling the brush or spinning my hair ties.Or the tooth paaste it is very irritating.I suspect it's ADHD but I am not going to do meds.I have an appointment with his teacher and the pediatrician and I will go from there.He is an awesome kid and I love his personality so I don't want to medicate him.I have read that for some kids preservatives and red and blue dye(juice boxes etc) are bad and can cause certain behaviors. I am trying that first.Good luck. T.

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D.J.

answers from Boston on

Hi Jenn,

I just joined so sorry for the late response.
I have/am going thru the same thing as well. I read all the other responses and wanted to add my 2 cents too :)

My son is 10. I have been going thru the same behavior issues you mentioned, plus a few more, since preschool. I did the eye and ear testing, I sat at each parent teacher conference and many more times with the teachers. Went in to talk to the principle, the school counselors, and had him participate in the classes set aside for the kids from broken homes who were all going thru the same things. I had him in therapy...a few times and am thinkin about doing it again..and hopefully finding the right one this time!!

I too thought it was something he would grow out of...he is dealing with his parents being separated (even us parents can't deal with it that well either) and all the other issues that come with that...i kept wishing it would end...well, now that he is in the 4th grade (and we just moved here so it's all new)nothing has changed...it wasn't the school, or the teachers or the kids...

I am feeling guilty..for letting it go on as long as it did. He always did well, academically, but behavior wise..well not too good.

I again talked to his Dr. and begged him to help...he started him on Ritalin..well that didn't go soo good now we moved to Aderol.I'm not too sure about this one either but I am noticing a change for the better!!..and am now making plans to have a neuro psych eval done. (per his Dr. request)and hope for the light at the end. I feel I now need help to get thru all this as the guilt is weighing heavy on me...on so many levels... :)

...I wish I knew then what I know now...things could be different for us today. Don't wait and see...get him in therapy (find the right one) and let them help!

I hope this helped in some way...

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