4 Year Old Stealing/horading?

Hi B., As a mom the most important thing to me was peace of mind where my children were concerned, If the mom is concerned she should take her daughter to a Child Socologist. I'm not overly concerned about the child having her own room,or the boundaries in the home, but to go through her mothers belongings is not good. This child has an attachment to the pillow, and that's why she hiding things there. It may be for attention, mom is probably pretty busy with a 10 month. She may be replacing the time her mom spent with her, with her moms rings and credit cards, this may be her way of feeling close to her mom while her mom is busy with the baby. what ever her reasons are I think this little girl is in need of some help. Connie

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Hi B., As a mom the most important thing to me was peace of mind where my children were concerned, If the mom is concerned she should take her daughter to a Child Socologist. I'm not overly concerned about the child having her own room,or the boundaries in the home, but to go through her mothers belongings is not good. This child has an attachment to the pillow, and that's why she hiding things there. It may be for attention, mom is probably pretty busy with a 10 month. She may be replacing the time her mom spent with her, with her moms rings and credit cards, this may be her way of feeling close to her mom while her mom is busy with the baby. what ever her reasons are I think this little girl is in need of some help. Connie

To me this sounds like completely normal kid stuff.

Not stealing is a taught skill... not a born one. Aka, it comes up in nearly every child's life. Taking a pretty gold ring that's special to mommy is completely understandable (if needing correction... "we don't take things that belong to other people" etc.... but gets WAY harder when there's a new sibling because adults are CONSTANTLY taking "their" things for the baby and saying "share" or "you're a big girl now" or "the baby doesn't know any better" etc., so things can get really confusing on the whole stealing/not taking things that are other peoples.

<Laughing> Oy! Credit Cards!! I have yet to meet a child who doesn't go into mommy's purse at some point and put all of mommy's important things somewhere "safe". Credit Cards, car keys, and cell phones are the shiniest targets. These are also completely normal behaviors even without a new sibling. Your friend is lucky her daughter is old enough to know that they're *important* and so put them somewhere safe, instead of seeing how well they flush, if they fit down the heating/air con vent, or bent the cards to make tents.

The pillow COULD be a lovey, but I'm willing to lay $20 down right here and now that even if it WAS a lovey before... it's become her own "baby" that she carries around and loves on like mommy carries around and loves on the baby. She might not have taken it to the complete imitation phase (feeding the pillow, laying the pillow down for naps, etc) but she's at SUCH an imitation stage that I would be surprised if she wasn't doing something similar. ((When my son was 4, I remember being concerned a touch about his 'dankin (blankie/ aka lovey). He wanted to take it to preschool for show'n'tell, and I redirected it very carefully. Looking back... my stars... how YOUNG 4 is, and how precious. I very much wish I had let him show off his blankie. A whole year later one of the boys in his K class and 2 of the girls brought their lovies with them to school on a regular basis, and no one made fun of them. But I was afraid it was too babyish. Sigh.)) A pillow is an incredibly USEFUL Lovey, and very under the radar.

The toys I see as a very proactive stage in her development, and at least half of it directly tied to her younger sibling. She wants to know where her stuff is, and that it's safe while she sleeps. Part of this is undoubtedly not wanting anything snuck away for the baby to have/use... or snuck away BY the baby... and the other part more of the mimicking behaviors of those around them stage that's she in (all toddlers are in this stage in general... it's how we learn). I'm sure that not only do mum & dad tuck her in at night and make sure she's safe, I'm sure she's seen them do it for the baby, too. So double whammy. She wants to protect and keep safe the things that SHE cares about as well. Awwwww.... heart melt.

So yeah... all this stuff sounds like totally normal kids stuff to ME.

I am SHOCKED that so many people run to a therapist to address their child's behavior issues. I believe that setting limits/boundaries for the child and then giving consequences for inappropriate behavior is the best place to start. My son is 5.5 and when he was four, he was sneaking into things and taking objects that did not belong to him. It took a lot of hard work, consistency, and discipline, but those behaviors are at a minimum now. It is part of parenting. I don't think the child should be whisked off to therapy -- it will label the child as having a "problem" which might end up needing MORE therapy later on.

I am leaning towards talking with a specialist on this one...it couldn't really hurt.

Get help now A. no hills

i am sure there will be a lot of psychoanalytical offerings for this situation. let me share one story - my child had a friend doing just that at the same age. therapy-shmerapy - nothing wroked. He also was sick very often, parent did not have health coverage to run to the doc with every cold, so on the next trip out of country they took him to homeopath - for cold treatment only - the remedy he was given took care of the stealing/hiding/hoarding. pretty amazing for a little sweat pill!
Good Luck finding your own solution,
V.

Sure sounds weird to me! Usually little kids are willing to share things unless they've learned otherwise from the others around them. She should probably take the child to counseling and see if she can get the counselor's perspective on what's causing this.

I would suggest taking her to a behaviorist, just to get another perspective. I have a nephew that upon arriving at Grandpa's house, takes 'inventory' of all of the stuff that he left there. Within 2 minutes, he wants to know where 'x, y. or z' is. Even if he hasn't played with it in months. Usually they are items that my daughter has taken home with her.

We've asked his mom to take him to a observation session, because he has other issues, and added together they are key factors for Autism Spectrum Disorder, but she refuses and says that's just the way he is and a dr. isn't going to help him or label him.

Good luck.
M.

It definitely sounds like she has a problem but I think that I would wait a while and see what happens and see if it continues or it gets better. I would talk to her about it first and see if she can get any answers from her. She is the mother and it is up to her to teach the child that is not right. If she can't succeed then I would approach a child therapist and see what he/she thinks.

I definatly see a problem there...I see the biggest issue as no boundries. She feels it's acceptable to go through her mothers things and take them. It's one thing when it's her own stuff. My son has to sleep with all hs animals and toys as well and still carries around a blanket that he loves (he's 7), but I disagree in saying that it's a security issue only. We all have somethng that comforts us and children are no different.. I think the whole family needs to address boundries. Children need boundries to feel secure. When chidlren dont' have boundries they feel out of control and insecure and find ways to get that security..