4 Year Old Son Acting Out Only with Mom

I think you need to find a therapist for your child.
You need to be firm and not allow him to treat you this way. If he yells, put him in time out. If he is nasty, put him in time out. If he runs, that's a safety issue, put his rear in time out. You need to demand respect. He's not going to give it to you because he never saw his dad give you any.
When you put him in time out, he has to stay there. If he gets up, the clock starts over. Tell him when he is calm, that he can be angry, but he cannot be rude or disrespectful.
LBC

Therapy and quickly.
It is normal that he not understand what happens - he is only 4. But, he has real feelings of confusion and anger that he does not have the words or maturity to express.
A skilled therapist that specializes in little ones will be able to help him.

Um, maybe therapy for you also - your Ex sounds a little scary and it may help you through this process also.

Don't forget - picking a therapist is like picking an OBGYN. If you, or your son, don't like the first one you go to - try another, until you find one that you are both comfortable with.

Good Luck
God Bless

i agree with therapy. plus his dad probably told him really bad things and blamed everything on you. i am so sorry you have to deal with this, but you did the right thing and that took so much courage!!!!!!! just make sure to not say bad things about his dad in front of him and in time things will even out!

I agree - your child needs counseling with a professional. He may have been somewhat traumatized by the experience of the police showing up and sight of seeing his father in police custody. He needs to understand that as much as he may love his father, Daddy unfortunately decided to try to hurt Mommy again, and Daddy cannot be allowed to do that. Plus, who knows what his dad has been saying to him about you.

So if his dad decided to "check up" on you while he had your son at his house, who was with your son? Was your son just left at his house alone? If that was the case, he also needs to understand that it was wrong of his dad to do that, and even though he may love his dad, he is also someone that decides to do the wrong thing at times, and there are consequences to that.

I am sorry you are going through this, but I think this sounds like more than you can handle on your own, and getting a therapist to work with him is the next step. Like others have said, it may take spending time with a few before you find one who is the right fit. Good luck to you.

I agree completely with Ladybug C below. Four is not too young for therapy when kids have dealt with something tragic to their lives. (I have a three year old foster daughter in therapy, and it has helped her tremendously!)
I also agree that, while he is struggling and dealing with what happened, he needs to respect you as his mother. Time outs, time outs, time outs.

He may also be afraid that you will be taken away, that his dad could do something of the same nature to you. The whole relationship between you and his father for however long it has gone on is affecting his development and behavior and he is not only angry, but scared and unsure of what to expect next. He also doesn't know how to "pick sides" - I know you are trying not to make him do that, but the fact remains that you and dad are not on the same side and your son knows that.
He most definitely needs to go to counseling, with you and on his own. This will not be a quick fix that a couple weeks of time outs and drawing pictures will fix (although those are good ideas and it sounds like you are handling this fabulously!), this will be a long road and your relationship will change over time with your son. Expect things to move from good to bad in waves over his lifetime as his understanding of the situation changes, as your or his dad's moods/relationship changes, and as he learns to navigate relationships of his own (including becoming a husband and father) and learns how broken his early life was.
Get yourself into counseling and make sure you stick with it, do not go back to an abusive relationship. I have a friend who's boyfriend/son's father beat her black and blue, she went as far as having a restraining order and a warrant out for his arrest - two years later they are back together, for many reasons, including "for their son." Just don't go there. Be strong and know you are doing the best thing for your son, even when he is angry with you.

Whoa. Okay, well first off I'm really sorry you're having to deal with all this and I'm glad to hear that you are confident in your decision, because you did do the right thing!

Secondly, I agree about counseling. He needs a little help, and so do you. He's been traumatized and maybe you're not equipped to handle it, and he is only 4 so maybe he can't really communicate his emotions, needs, etc. effectively. You may get him to qualify for medicaid which can greatly help in deflecting some of the costs for therapy. I would check into it ASAP. Good luck!