4 Year Old Selective Communication

Updated on November 27, 2012
S.M. asks from Neshanic Station, NJ
4 answers


I am a mother of 4 year old twin boys. My boys were born early (27 weekers) so we had a rough start. But slowly everything started falling back n place. I got back to work when they were about 3 year old. They started going to preschool/daycare when they were 2.5. Initially the main purpose was to help them with their speech which was delayed. They slowly caught up and this year in September we moved them to a bigger school which has the pre-K program. That is when things started changing. In the previous school the boys were extremely well adjusted and they did a LOT of activities. They even went on the "stage" to put up small shows like on Halloween or Christmas, with the parents as the audience. Now the teachers of the new school tell me that my boys do not talk or play r do anything. If the teacher hands them a block, they would sit there with the block and not do anything till the teacher came back. They would not talk or play with the other kids. At home, they can write their name in both caps and lower case. They know all the alphabets, and the sound that these alphabets make. They did all that in their pre school program. But at the new school they just stare at the paper and do not write anything. I have talked with the teacher and no one seems to have any idea on what we should be doing. I have talked with my neighbors and they are very surprised, since my kids are usually extremely friendly and would not let anyone go by without saying (yelling) Hi-s and exchanging some sort of pleasantries. I have asked if anything has been bothering them at school, but all they say is they do not want to go to school. They want to go back to the old school. I am really at my wits end. The teacher says that the boys need to repeat preschool, mainly because they are not talking. On the other hand she says they have mastered reading! Can someone please help me ? (Also, I have noticed that they are extra clingy to me ever since they started new school).

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answers from Chicago on

My momma gut tells me that something is not right at the new school.

A. put them back to thier orginal school
B. Find a new school.

I have my 4 year old in a special school. it helps with all the issues, sensory, ADD/ADHD, other challenges, speach etc.. My son is now thriving well. But we have had to take him out of daycare and put him with a nanny etc..

With the "sudden"change in thier personality From old to new.. and comming from somone who has had to deal with a lot of child care changes in the last 1.5 years.. I would say that this change is more than just changing schools/daycare.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Columbia on

It does sound to me like they aren't emotionally ready for school. Or at least they aren't ready for THAT school.

I would talk to the school counselor about your concerns. But be open to the idea that they might need another year in pre-K.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from New York on

I had a child in special Ed. She was in a self contained school. Then NY state said all special Ed programs should be in a regular school. Self contained school closed. So come Sept. she goes to school, comes home and says she is never going back! She meant it too. Hysterics for six weeks. My school district said she will be fine. I did not agree. So I got in my car and spent looking at other BOCES classes ( this is a program in NY). Found one that I thought was appropriate. Went back to my district and asked them to look at it and if she was not placed in a new school by Friday at 3PM I was pulling her out of school. Well Friday came and she was accepted into the class. I told my daughter about it and she was happy. I also said Daddy will take you to your old school to get your things. She would not go!! She got on a new bus, went to new school with new teachers and never looked back. She flourished in that class. What I am saying is listen to your kids. Go with your gut. Something was not right at my daughters school. Never found out what it was. It could have been something small but to her big. Listen to your children. Good luck.
Can they go back to their old school?



answers from San Francisco on

It sounds like to me they just don't like the new, bigger school and perhaps feel like "fish out of water" there. Is there anyway to put them back at the old school?

They should not repeat preschool just because they choose not to speak to the teacher and students in the new school. In fact, unless a child has serious disabilities, they should NEVER have to repeat preschool. It is "PRE" school meaning before school. The most important thing for them to get out of going is simply how to be in school. Your boys already know that from having been in preschool. So no way in he!! would I have them repeat.

Teachers are always looking for an excuse NOT to work with a child to get them to succeed. If the child is not "cookie cutter" the teacher wants them to repeat which means he/she will just not worry about their progress for the rest of the year because they are going to repeat anyway or they want to diagnose them with something so the parents will medicate them.

Let them earn their money! Unless the teacher lived her life in a bubble, she KNEW or SHOULD HAVE KNOWN that people come in all shapes, sizes, colors and with their own minds, likes, dislikes, etc. If she didn't want to deal with that, she should have chosen another profession. And that is exactly what I would tell her.

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