4 Year Old Daughter Only Wants to Play with Boys

Updated on December 18, 2011
L.M. asks from Bristol, CT
15 answers

My 4 year old just started preschool this past fall. She has always had boy friends at home and hasn't really had a lot of interaction with girls her age. She is very much a girlie girl. She loves barbies, and babies, and princesses, and playing dress up. When she started preschool i was hoping she would make some girl friends. Since she has started ive seen the other girls in her class visiting with each other, but my daughter is always with the boys. I have spoke with the preschool teacher about this and she has told me that my daughter doesn't play with the other girls in class. She also says that the girls are distant towards her when she does try to play. The teacher said this is normal, but i don't know. I really dont understand why she has such a hard time making girl friends. Is this something to be concerned about?

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S.J.

answers from St. Louis on

Not at all. She is 4. She is having fun with other kids her age and is interacting in an appropriate manner. What is there to worry about?! (well, besides the fact that these boys may want to date her in 10 years!)

Best wishes

4 moms found this helpful

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J.K.

answers from Phoenix on

My daughter who's 16 now, was the same way when she was younger. She'd rather play with her brother's friends than make friends of her own. The girls were distant with her also. But she has plenty of girl friends now and no boyfriends...LOL Girls come with too much drama... boys are easier, no nonsense...LOL

3 moms found this helpful

K.L.

answers from Sacramento on

I don't see a reason to be concerned. Not all L. girls have to play w L. girlsls. Boys are more fun, especially if she likes to play in the dirt, with trucks, and play a L. rougher. Don't worry about it :-)

3 moms found this helpful

A.S.

answers from Iowa City on

My daughter is 4. She prefers to play with the boys in her class. She says they are more fun.

2 moms found this helpful

M.L.

answers from Houston on

She sounds like me when I was that age. Pretty normal!

1 mom found this helpful

C.B.

answers from Kansas City on

nothing to worry about at all. love her as she is. if she's happy, you can be happy.

1 mom found this helpful

C.C.

answers from San Francisco on

I wouldn't worry. My younger daughter (6) has always been that way. She is super cute, very girly, everything is glitter, rainbows, and unicorns with her. BUT she pretty much only plays with the boys at school. I can't say I blame her. I've never had a ton of super-close girlfriends myself. I went into a field of work where there are only men, and I get along with them great. I'm not emotional and can't deal with emotional drama. Men are just easier. Simple, straightforward, pretty easy to figure out their agenda. Likewise, my 6 year old has very little drama in her social life. My older daughter, who has several "BFFs" has tons of social drama. I'm kind of glad both girls don't have that kind of upheaval on a daily basis. I say the fact that your daughter only plays with boys is fine, normal, and lucky. ;)

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D.F.

answers from Boston on

My Daughter was a girlie girl when she was around her age, But only played with boys. She is 24, she still only hangs out with men her age. She never liked hanging out with girls and for some reason girls did not take to her. She has the sweetest friends in the world, they all adore her. They just happen to be men. She is what is called a mans girl. She relates to them, no drama she says with them. They take her everywhere, she is part of their life and its always been this way. I was concerned like you, made play dates......tea parties.....dress up. She had fun but it never went further than that one day. She would rather dress pretty and look for frogs and snakes. She now fishes with them twice a week, watches the fights and football with them, has a lizard as a pet. If she is happy ...... so am I. So don't fret, she is just doing what makes her happy.

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M..

answers from Youngstown on

My 3 year old goes to preschool too and her two best friends there are boys! When we take her to the play area at the mall, she imediately gravitates toward the boys. She is also a girlie girl. Loves dress up and princess stuff, but she is quite rambunctious also and I think she likes boys for that reason. She likes the way they play lol. I think this is pretty normal. Good luck to you.

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B..

answers from Dallas on

No! You're daughter sounds perfectly normal.

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A.S.

answers from Eugene on

No, there is nothing you should be concerned about! My daughter did that last year. She couldn't deal with the girl drama, and had more fun playing with the boys. She is active, so were the boys. She to is very girly, but fit with this group of boys. As long as she is having fun-nothing else matters. This year so happens, she in playing with a couple of girls. She knows them outside of class and that seems to be the big difference.

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K.G.

answers from Burlington on

I wouldn't be too concerned. I was that way, and still am to some degree. Boys are simpler (I don't mean that in a mean way) My 3 y/o tells me some of the girl conversations, and already they are excluding and "not being best friends" blah, blah, blah...The boys may argue over a toy, or who gets to be line leader, but then they fight over sitting next to each other at lunch, and share toys (exchange overnight until the next day). I find girls to be very catty, even at young ages, and maybe she would rather avoid the drama! I was more of a tomboy, so I appreciated the racing games, physical stuff more than playing dress-up and dolls anyway. I've always had a few close girl friends, but found more guy friends even today. Let her chose her path, and make sure the girls are not bullying her at school. We had some issues with that...and the bully was a girl. Some role-playing at home with both kids helped to prepare them to respond to those mean actions. Hope this isn't the case.

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L.M.

answers from Boston on

My 4 year old daughter loves playing with boys too. Her favorite friend at school is a boy. Probably did not help that last year in preschool she was one of only 2 girls in the class. She is not a girly girl at all and prefers boy toys too. She has made a couple of girl friends this year though. No need to worry. If she is having fun and making friends then I would say she is just fine.

C.T.

answers from Santa Fe on

Can you go volunteer a few times at the preschool to see what is going on? In my son's preschool I noticed some girls forming cliques (so young!) and it would be good to make sure they are not excluding her. At that age it is usually easy for the teachers to set the girls straight and make sure it does not happen. I think it is your teacher's job to step in and make sure everyone is playing nicely. If the other girls are being distant towards your daughter they are excluding her. It is the teachers job to try to get everyone included at times. Have you ever invited any of these girls over to your house for a playdate or met at the park? When I did this with my son suddenly he and that other little boy were buddies at preschool. I think it would be helpful to try to get together sometimes outside of school with another little girl who seems nice. Another thing I wanted to say is just that maybe she prefers playing with the boys? My son at that age preferred playing with calm girls and at preschool he usually did not run around with the more rough and tumble boys (it was a very active crowd!). He still likes playing with girls his age (7) but now most of his best buddies are all boys.

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

I have always had a lot of male friends. They are less catty than girls and many times the girls in elementary school didn't want to play in the sandbox and didn't have the cool matchbox cars (trucks, farm equipment). I see in my own DD that while she will hang out with girls, she is just as comfortable playing blocks or trucks or dinosaurs with the boys.

I would only worry if you think she's being bullied or if she had NO friends and was having trouble socializing in general. That she gets along with a kid, boy or girl, is a good thing.

A friend of a friend got SO upset that her son was playing with the "girl toys" that another kid brought over that I think she was giving him more of a complex than the actual toy was (which he was using to attack other toys anyway).

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