4 Year Old Bi Racial Daughters Hair

Updated on February 27, 2009
T.K. asks from Blackwood, NJ
14 answers

Hi, I have an adopted four year old beautiful bi-racial daughter. I need HELP with dealing with her beautiful hair. It is THICK, THICK and curly. No matter what I try to do, it doesn't hold the moisture. I have tried olive oil, pink, detanglers, Even after just washing it, it is so hard to comb through. It is usually very knotted underneath and she just screams while I am trying to comb it. Can someone help me?

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D.S.

answers from Allentown on

Hi T.,

Keep it cropped to her head. When she gets older, take her to a beauty shop to have her straigthened.

Good luck. Hugs and Kisses. D.

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A.B.

answers from Philadelphia on

Congrats on your adoption! ok so I have a multiracial daughter (caucasion, hispanic, and black) and her hair is very thick and ringlet curls. I have spent so much money trying all lotions, creams and oils to no avail. I started keeping her hair in different style braids and ponytails because she would get this enormous knot ball in the back of her hair. What has helped is that i take her for trims every four to six months. my daughter's hair is down the middle of her back and I want the length and curls just not the knots. The regular cuts help. I use adult conditioner on her hair (she is 4) becuase that makes it more manageable. As soon as she gets out of the tub i put a leave in conditioner (Johnson and Johnson have one now)on her hair and try to comb ( with a large tooth comb - never a brush) right away. Alot of times I will put it in braids or multi ponytails because it is just easier. Ther hairdressers have told me that this is the just the texture of her hair but continue to use the conditioner. i only wash her hair once a week but when I change her style i will use a water bottle and the leave in conditioner.
Hope this was helpful.

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Y.B.

answers from Philadelphia on

Hi T.,
I am a mother of two mixed race girls. One with extrememly curly/coarse hair, and the other with straight hair. My daughter with curly/coarse hair (she has a lot of it, and it's thick!)has had to be experimented on for several years to find out what's right for her hair. What I have discovered at a young age, is that it's easier if you use a ton of conditioner in her hair after washing, and brush her hair while she's in the bathtub with the conditioner in it. Once you rinse it out (it's best to wash her up while she has conditioner in her hair)brush it again, immediately and put it in a ponytail with a loose braid before you take her out of the tub and towel dry her hair, but don't take the loose braid out!:) Once she's out and her hair has been towel dried, let it stay in the ponytail and loose braid while naturally drying. I've also found with my daughter, because of the texture of her hair, that she only needs her washed and conditioned once a week, and anything in between should just be a clear water rinse with conditoner added again. Pantene for Women Of Color works best in their hair, and don't be afraid to use a pomade (by pantene as well) to keep her hair healthy and glossy, but don't put any gels in her hair, they will make matters worse and dry her out. I hope this helps. Please don't relax her hair until she's twelve! If nothing else works, take her to a hair salon for women of color, a lot of the times they will braid her hair for a reasonable fee, and/or they might have plans for children where you can take them once a week to have their hair done and all you have to pay is a monthly fee.

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B.G.

answers from Harrisburg on

I commend you for reaching out for help. I am a Black woman who sees Black & Bi-racial girls with White parents whose heads are one big matted ball because they child can't tolerate them combing tbru it & they just don't know what to do! I'd love to see adoption agencies give out a list of Black salons in the are of adoption. It would spare mothers and children pain!

I'm sure the products everyone mentioned are all good. However, since you are inexperienced with this type of hair, contact a Black hair salon and ask if there is a stylist who is good with kids and NATURALLLY curly, thick hair. It'll be the best investment you'll ever make. Once it gets trained you won't have a problem. If you have any Black friends or know ANY Black person well enough, they will probably recommnend a salon.

Or --- if you see a Black woman looking really hard at your daughter's hair &/or you -- ask her for a salon suggestion, believe me if she's staring she has one in mind :-)

Be blessed!

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L.B.

answers from Alexandria on

Carol's Daughter has some great products for thick curly hair. It is best to condition and comb while wet or her hair will break as AA hair is very fragile. I also like Aveda's leave in conditioner. Also, be sure to use a thick comb while combing the curls out. Once it dries, you will need to keep it well- hydrated with light oils.

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O.Z.

answers from Philadelphia on

Hi T. K
The best way to deal with your childs hair may be easier if it is damp! I recommend a small spray bottle and a brush. Before brushing apply enough oil (olive) to lightly coat the hair. Use a denmen brush. It will be easier to manage the hair. Rember to get her ends trimmed every 6 to 8 weeks. I believe the more natural the better for now. If any questions feel free to email me at ____@____.com

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S.W.

answers from Philadelphia on

Oh have I been there. the oils just sit on the hair and don't really get absorbed. Cholesteral creams are too heavy, childrens' detanglers aren't enough, and nothing, NOTHING seems to last for more than a few hours unless it leaves her hair looking like you loaded it up with gel.

The thing I have found with my daughter's hair(2 1/2) is that, no matter what I do, it requires maintenance, pretty much every day if I want it to look good and stay healthy. It is extremely dry and sucks everything up like the Mohave Desert.

First: Don't wash her hair with shampoo any more than once a week tops. I actually don't use shampoo on my daughter's hair at all, we wash with Organix intensive repair conditioner in coconut.

Second: Use a good leave-in conditioner. Read the ingredients, almost everything has alcohol in it. It's impossible to get away from. The manufacturers do it on purpose, partly b/c it has a dehydrating effect and will cause you to have to use the product more often.

I use Organix Split end serum in Coconut. I have also found that the Sunsilk leave-in conditioner in the pink bottle works well. While my daughter's hair is still wet. I apply a LIBERAL amount to her hair(I use about 6x as much on her little head as I use on my head) Fully saturate her hair with the conditioner and finger comb it. The more you separate her hair(brushing)the frizzier it will look. I use a wide-tooth comb and, starting at the ends, comb her hair out.

To minimize the pulling and the pain, I seperate her hair into smaller sections and pinch it tightly in my one hand while combing with the other hand. This way, when it pulls, it doesn't necessarily pull at her scalp. BUT, there are still times when she yells at me and tells me that it hurts before I even get a comb to her head. You know what it feels like to have your hairs pulled, especially at the back of your neck. It HURTS, but you also get used to it after the first few strokes. It might help with the screaming if you acknowledge that it hurts, but let her know that it will be over soon.

Now that my daughter's hair is getting longer, I can do this to her hair at night, and in the morning just add a little more conditioner to the really dry looking areas and finger comb through, to fluff up the flat areas where she slept on it. Sometimes I do this again in the evening if we're going out. If I don't wash her hair in the bath, I can keep this look for almost a week, and the curls get more defined as the week goes on.

In addition to this, you might consider applying a hot(warm) oil treatment to her hair every two weeks or once a month. Just warm some olive oil, saturate her hair and cover with a shower cap or plastic wrap for 10-15 minutes, then wash it out.

She is old enough to wear a head wrap to bed, and that will help her if she can get used to it now. I've tried this with my daughter, but she doesn't keep it on. Maybe if I wore one myself, she'd be more open to it, but for now, I'll just have to wait til she's old enough to understand.

I love my daughter's poofy fro. She's adorable with her hair pulled back and braided and twisted, but I still love it natural the best. It takes a lot of maintenance. I can't stand when I hear black and white women complaining about frizzy haired mixed kids whose mother's don't know how to do their hair. It's a learning experience. What works on white hair doesn't automatically work on mixed hair, and the products out there for black hair are either too heavy or too something. I do sometimes wish that my daughter could just wake up in the morning and run a brush through her hair and be good to go, but I wouldn't trade her fluffy curls for all the flaxen hair in the world.

Also keep in mind that we have all had to learn our hair personality and how it responds to what. What works for my daughter might not be the best formula for your daughter. It's trial and error, and lots of tweaking. Keep trying. You'll figure it out, and she'll thank you one day for going to the trouble of figuring it out for her.

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V.W.

answers from York on

T.,

Hi there is a product line called Royal Spa Soft and Elligentis is for women of color. I am told it help lock in the moisture. go to www.marketamerica.com/bvwolfe

Type in Roual Spa it will bring all formula's up.

V.

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N.L.

answers from Philadelphia on

Hi Terry,

I just had to respond to this request, but I apologise in advance because I do not have much time...

Whatever you do...DO NOT RELAX HER HAIR WITH CHEMICALS!!! It will damage the hair shaft beyond repair and you will have a much bigger problem on your hands. Instead,

Go to
www.mixedchicks.net

I, too, am multi-racial and their products have worked WONDERS on my hair and the hair of soooo many other mixed raced people. In fact, the founders of the product line are two bi-racial women who have dealt with some of the same hair issues most of their lives. (They even sent me free product samples so I could try out their product before I purchased it-just ask). Their product line is really simple (only 4 products), and unlike most other brands, the products last a long time (trust me, I have hair down to my butt). The reason they last for so long, is you don't have to use them every day. One application lasts me 4-5 days. After browsing their website, I'd be happy to walk you through the process if you still have any questions. You may have to order the products online if you cannot find a local retailer in your area (check website for this) but definitely, DEFINITELY worth the investment and time.

You will thank me later, and so will your little girl. :) Good luck.

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D.W.

answers from Philadelphia on

you need to go to the section of the store that sells products for african american people. there are products to help moisturize. another thing you can do is take her to a hair dresser who is good dealing with this type of hair for a hair styling and suggestions.

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K.E.

answers from Reading on

www.curls.biz is my first recommendation. I use their curly q shampoo, conditioner, detangler, and leave in conditioner, and their tea tree oil conditioner once a week on my daughter. (Congratulations on your adoption! We adopted 3!) Anyway, wash her hair, put on the tea tree oil conditioner, let it sit 20 minutes, rinse it out. separate the hair into very small section (maybe 1" wide at most) and hold tightly while you comb it out. After combing, apply leave in conditioner. immediately braid, twist, or style as you wish. If it's not braided, twisted, cornrowed, etc., it will dry and it will tangle. At her age, it's much easier just to braid in several sections or do twists. I only wash her hair with shampoo once a month, I get her hair wet and condition it 2-3 times a week. If she won't wear a cap to bed as my daughter won't, invest in a silk pillowcase - it makes a HUGE difference. Always use a wide toothed comb. If you want it to be easier to comb after you've tried all these things, go to Sally Beauty Supply and buy the Texturizer. This will loosen the curl. It is not the same as a relaxer, but definitely makes combing easier. One caveat -- make sure hair has been WELL COMBED the day before you do it and right before application, otherwise you will not meet the time constraints and could "burn" her hair.

Best of luck,
K.

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M.A.

answers from Allentown on

My niece is the same way and I took her to a hairdresser. What the hairdresser told me is first, don't wash her hair alot. Once a week maybe. When you do wash, make sure you use a shampoo for her. My niece is older, so she straightens her hair, and only does it once a week as well. She sometimes has to touch up, but that it is. Make sure if you are going to do anything to her hair, blow dry, straighten, etc, you put a product in it so that it doesn't dry it out anymore. The other thing for dryness my niece uses is mayonaise for conditioning. She does it on a Friday night, because her hair is yucky the next day, but it does help.

Good luck!

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T.L.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I have a three and four year old bi racial daughters. My youngest hair is the same way. The only thing that has worked for me is silkening child from sallys beauty supply. Buy all the products. They are only 4 and 5 dollars. The conditioner in the pink bottle feels like crisco. It states to rinse out but I leave it in. And use a lot. I only wash my daughters hair twice a week. Every other day i use the detangler and moisturizing creme. These products were made for their hair and make your life so much easier. Always try to twist hair or braid it. It should last two or three days. Then you don't have to do it every day. Good luck and let me know if you need any other info.

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S.

answers from Philadelphia on

Hi T.,
I use the Carol's Daughter Tui Herbal shampoo, Tui Conditioner, Tui Leave in conditioner, And the mimosa Hair Honey in my daughters hair. It's all natural an works great. I use the Hair honey and Leave in conditioner in their hair every day. You can get it from Sephora or directly from their web site. www.carolsdaughter.com
Good Luck!!!

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