4 Year Old and Newborn Sharing a Room?

Hi Dawn,

I have 3 boys, and all three of them share a room. We do not have toys in the room, their bedroom is just for sleeping. I have sstruggled with sleep issues my whole life, and this is one of the things that the sleep doctor recomends. Sleep only in the bedroom, that way they know that when they are in there that is what they are suppose to do.
If that is not an ooption, I would still put the baby in the room, 'it' will get use to sleeping through whatever noise that is produced.

Good luck!

Angela

Sounds like you have my girls' room! My daughter has a daybed/trundle and we did have the crib in her room. Thats too funny! She did very well with her sister in the room. My girls are older now and the older one still sleeps on the daybed and my little one sleeps on the trundle.

My boys didn't share a room until the baby was 6 months old and sleeping through the night pretty well. Until then, he slept in his crib in our extra room that we used for storage. Just work with the space you have. One of my friends, who lived on a student budget and therefore had very little space, would have her babies sleep in a pack 'n play in the living room until they were sleeping well and then would put them in the kids' room.
If your relatives can hold off visiting for a couple months, I recommend putting the bassinet or crib in your guest bedroom until your baby is in a good sleep pattern. You'll ALL sleep better that way.

Hi Dawn,

We were in the same predicament a few years ago...without the option of having a guest bedroom. It was either our room or our 3 year old son's room. We decided to put him in our room instead of bothering our son with middle of the night feedings and trouble with naptimes as you mentioned. Although, if I were you, I would suggest putting the baby in the guest room...either in the baby bed or a basinette for the time being, until the baby is at least sleeping through the night. If you did put the baby in a smaller bed you could probably at least move him/her to another room without changing beds if you did have family overnight.

I agree with you that putting the baby in your room is not a good idea. My husband and I didn't have a good night's sleep until we moved our son to another room. We had an upstairs that we finished into a bedroom/play room...fortunately that was finished shortly after our second son was born. Then we had to go through the transition of moving our 3 year old upstairs...he did exceptionally well...probably better than Mom.

Good luck!

C.

My 2 daughters have shared a room since the birth of my second. They are 3 years apart. They have had no problems with naps or sleeping through the night. My older daughter has really enjoyed having the youngest in the room. They've really built a bond together.

Having a baby is such a change, particularly to an older sibling. Reassure your 4yr old daughter about your love for her and remember to give her some one-on-one attention throughout the day (talking with her, playing card games, baking, etc.). Have your 4 yr old be a part of helping out with baby like grabbing a clean diaper when needed, handing you the towel after bath time, getting the baby's clothes. This will make the transition smoother and allow your 4 yr old to feel involved in the baby's life. You'll have a great time and whether your baby is a boy or girl, your oldest will have fun being a BIG sister.

Are you ok with the newborn waking your 4 year old several times a night?

There is no problem having small children share a room boy/girl girl/girl it doesn't really matter that young.

If it were me, the baby would be in my room until the baby sleeps through the night. Then I would worry about who's sharing a room etc.

How often is your family in visiting? 1-2x a year I'd just put the bed in the basement and make a makeshift room down there until the basement is finished. If they visit more often prehaps keep the guest room.

I'm just curious why you would want the baby waking up your daughter at night but not you? You will then end up with a whole lot of other problems with your daughter. I'm not sure why you don't want the baby in your room until after sleeping through the night-I kept my children in my room as newborns only until they were sleeping through the night. Then they moved to their crib. Personally, I think it is best for them to have their own rooms since you have the space. Just my opinion.

Hi Dawn,

All I can share with you is thta my kids (boy & girl) were 3 years apart and they shared a bedroom for over several years. The only downfall to that was that our son was a neat freak and our second one (our daughter) was a little piglet! LOL Guess who became a little piglet too!

But they are 21 & 18 this year and they are the best of friends. They go to bat for each other, stick up for each other, they get a long great.

It didn't affect their napping at all. We just worked around it. Made it work for us. It just worked. Kids adapt to what ever schedule you give them.

Just trust your instincts, do what you feel is right and it all comes together.

J.

dawn; yeah i agee with the boy girl thing, and keeping them separate, however, its not that she wont see him, she will see him plenty while his diaper is being changed, and they are young enough now, what is her opinion of him in her room? does she want to share? is she willing to share? i had 3 boys, and the two older boys did not get along too well with the baby, i could not leave the baby with them, they would put pillows on his face and things, so i always used extra caution, however girls take to babies far easier than boys do, if she is agreeable to it, then go for it, you can say when you were little, you slept in here with the crib, and your new brother will do the same, will you enjoy that ? she may not even think twice about it, and totally enjoy it, i would not feed her such lines like will you be jealous if we put him in here etc, i feel it would be ok, however when she starts school, it might be time to separate them, like kidengarten age, meanwhile dont fret it, if thats where its easier for you to take care of baby , then so be it, moving her to another room and giving baby her room may insight jealousy too, depends on her attitude, so i m all for sharing, and having them get along, our boys shared a room for 2-3 years, however we did have the bassinet in our room, D. s

As a person who has 5 siblings, I always shared a bedroom with my sister. There are pros and cons to every situation. I think that you should put the newborns crib in your spare bedroom. You can keep the guest bed in there or down size the bed if you need to to have enough room. Even a futon would be ok for a guest only staying a night or 2. Of course it is always nice to have a bed for a guest, but at the same time I think your children need their space. Although your 4 year old will probably get "used" to the crying and sleep through it. From what has been on the news lately,the crying would likly bring her out of REM sleep and that is the deep sleep a person needs to recover and be productive the next day.

Our 4 year old daughter shares a room with our 9 month old son. We have a 4 bedroom ranch (1 bedroom downstairs) and tried having the 4 year and 2 year old son share, but they played too much when it was bedtime. Nap times can be tricky with the 4 year old and baby sharing a room. My 4 year old doesn't take a nap everyday. When she does, I often have her sleep in my bedroom. My daughter loves playing with her baby brother. We can put him down at night and she entertains him until he falls asleep, which is good and bad. If he cries during the night, she seldom wakes up. So far it has been a good situation for us. I say give it a try, if it doesn't work, make room in your spare bedroom. We also did a bassinett in the living room at night and moved it to our room during the day. That also worked, until he was too big for it.

If you are nervous about putting them together, distrupting playtime and sleep, put the baby in the spare bedroom. You probably don't have family over every weekend. When guests come over, you can work that situation out then. When my parents would visit from out of town at our other house, our daughter got to sleep on our floor on her special blanket. It was a treat for her.

I too would have the baby sleep in your room until he/she is sleeping through the night. If the baby is in your daughters room, the baby will wake her up many times a night when the baby wakes up. Unless you wanted to move the guest bedroom downstairs and give the baby his/her own room (what I would do).

We moved into our house Jan 25, 2007. At that time we had 2 kids and this was only a 2 bedroom house. Therefore my 3yr old son got the second bedroom and my 10yr old daughter got a makeshift bedroom in the basement on one end. We hung sheets up to make a "wall". She actually lived this way until October 2007, when we finally got the 2 bedrooms done in the basement (Oct 19). Just in time for our baby girl to arrive (Oct 23) and we also promised the kids we would have them done by their birthdays (Oct 22 & Oct 25). We than moved our son down there and our baby was in the 2nd bedroom.

Even though our daughter had her own room, she still slept in our room until about 3 months, as it was much easier for us.

To make a "makeshift" room, just get some queen or king sheets for walls and some area rugs and any other furniture you currently have in the guest bedroom. I am sure your family members will understand.

It wouldn't be a problem at all. During nap time it can be special time for you and your daughter to read together, or bake or clean. Have playdoh or something that can't be out when the baby is awake and only let her play with it when the baby is asleep, since it is a "big girl toy."
You work full time, so really, it won't be a problem very often after you go back to work.
Eventually you will need a second room, but that gives you a year or two to get the basement finished.

My boys are 3.5 years apart, and when I was pregnant, we only had two bedrooms upstairs. We seriously considered having them share (as we didn't want to move the 4yo dowstairs alone and the downstairs bedroom was too small for our bed), and ultimately decided to remodel our house to add a third bedroom upstairs. I really thought it would be best if my kids had their own space. A year later, we are very glad we did. My older son really appreciates having a place to go that's private for reading/resting during the day, and I like having a place where he can play with all the toys (legos, tinker toys, etc.) that are too dangerous to have in the playroom with a 1yo). My older son also had some problems seeing his little brother take his old baby toys, clothes, etc., so I think it really helped that he didn't lose his room, too. I know a few families for whom sharing worked great, so I think you really need to consider what your daughter is like and how she'd react. This may sound corny, but try to visualize "a day in the life" with each scenario...when I did that and thought about trying to get both down for naps, etc. (this was when my older one actually still napped!), it stressed me out. Yet, I know of a woman whose daughter and son (1.5 years apart) still share so they can have a guest room, and it's worked fine until now. Good luck!!

I did exactly what you want to try. My then 5 year old shared a room with her new baby sister. We did have a bassinett in our bedroom for a few weekes to get through the night feedings, but then we transitioned the baby to the crib by 6-8 weeks. The big sister adjusted to the crying in the middle of the night- however I did breastfeed in my room and then returned the baby back to the shared bedroom for the remainder of the night. We did this arrangement for approx. 6 months. We moved at that time so each child then go their own room

Best of luck.

The great thing about babies is that they are portable. Try it - what do you have to lose? Just don't glue the bed down in her room so you can't change your mind.

Dawn,
Here is my experience. We have 5 kids and when our second came we were remodeling. 3 1/2 a the time we put them together. With and infant roommate she was excited but was kept up lot at night the baby is up so should I, which made it hard during the day. Once the room was done and we separated them. Life was easier I could go and do night feedings n changings without interupting her or being interupted. We have most of our family out of town too. My thought would be to use the guest room as a nursery for a year. When people come use a pack-n-play in your bedroom or your daughters room. The first month you can have the baby in a basinet beside you. Because you have alot of guests.
A.

My oldest was nearly 4 when my youngest was born, and they've shared a room from day one. We did have the baby sleep with us on and off for the first couple of months, but otherwise he was in the bedroom with his big brother. Our oldest has always been an excellent sleeper, so it didn't impact him as much as it would have our other child, who is a light sleeper. I think it's worth a try, but then again, you have the extra bedroom you could easily use. My house is full of kids, so our out-of-town guests always stay in a hotel, and they don't mind at all. Best of luck to you!

When my second child was born we put him in with his sister since we only had a two bedroom apt. That really didn't work well for us. My daughter would wake up when he cried at night and he would wake up when she went to bed or had nightmares. You are right, naptime was tricky. It was hard to tell her not to go in her room since her brother was sleeping. I ended up moving him into our room since there was no place else to go. At least then everyone could have a break at naptime.

Dawn,

We did this and it worked out fine. We left the baby in a cradle parked outside our bedroom door for a couple months until he could sleep through the night. Then he moved in with the 4 year old. Make sure your 4 year old clearly understands that she can't give the baby toys/stuffed animals or blankets in the crib. If she can't follow those kinds of directions, don't leave them alone together.

We timed their naps so she learned to sneak into her room to go to bed after the baby was asleep. We did her bedtime rountine on the couch before she went in.

Congrats on #2,
S.

If I were you, I would turn the guestroom into a nursery. I tried my girls sharing a room (they're almost five years apart) and it didn't work so well. We tried it when our older daughter was 6 and our younger one 1. My older daughter thought it would be fun to have her little sister in her room, but quickly realized she didn't like having to share her personal space, and she had no where to go to get away from her younger siblings. It lasted about nine months before we put them in separate bedrooms. I also have two boys that do share a room, but they're the same age and are best buddies so it works out really well. I think because my daughter had her own room for so long before having to share it, it was that much harder. And because of the age difference. Good luck with your decision!

I think it really depends on the child. My daughter was excited to share a room with her brother when he was born. We kept him in a basinette in our room for nursing reasons, plus I didn't want him waking her up in the middle of the night, but she thought it was the coolest thing that she got to share a room. Now that they are almost 4 & 2 we've got some problems because they want to play at night, but they are getting their own rooms in 2 weeks so that problem is taken care of. However, we have our third coming in 6 weeks and my daughter is upset that she isn't going to share a room because it's another boy. I would ask your daughter. After all, it is her room and if she wants to share (which I bet she would) then I say go for it. If it seems like something that's really going to be a tramatic event for her then I would set up the other room. I'm sure your family would understand when they come to visit that your children have their own rooms, and as long as you don't have visitors every weekend then it's not going to be that big of an inconvience anyway. I'd say ask her and go from there...you might be surprised at her answer.

We only have 2 bedrooms at our house and before our son was born the other room was a spare bedroom/laundry/quilting room. After about 7 months in our room with us we moved his crib into the 2nd room. The spare bed and laundry are still there. All my family lives at least 300 mile away so when they come they like to share the room with my son. The laundry is still in there and he sleeps through the washer and dryer running.
My family doesn't get here too often to visit so I think that makes it work. How often do you have visitors?
My concern with a newborn and 4 yr old in the same room is that the newborn will wake up the 4 yr old throughout the night.
My opinion... Since you can't/don't want to have a bassinet in your room, I would use the quest bedroom for the new baby and let your 4 yr old keep her room, at least until the new baby is sleeping through the night.

I have 3 kids...4, almost 3, and 6 mos. When my baby was born, I personally would not have put the newborn in my 4 year old's room...and this is why.. He likes to help. He's very responsible. But I wouldn't want him trying to "help" the baby go back to sleep at night--if he heard him crying before I did. A few times he has covered my baby up (head included). Luckily it was during the day and I was right there to correct him. He really does think he is being helpful. He doesn't understand the risk of SIDS, etc. Once your baby is over 5 or 6 months, your 4 year old will be used to having the baby around and I think then it will be okay. Also, your newborn will wake less, and bother your 4 year old less. We all assume that our children will know better, but your daughter is only 4. She can still have 4 year old impulses that I wouldn't trust alone with a newborn. Good luck!

We are in the process of moving our guest room to the basement, so our soon-to-be May baby can have her own room. I would just worry about the baby waking the older child up several times in the night. Then you may have problems with your older child getting back to sleep. Plus there's the whole "my room" thing on your older daughter's part. You could try it, but I think you're better off with them having their own rooms. Even if you have to move the guest room to the unfinished basement. Or could the baby's room/guest room be the same room somehow? Maybe a pull-out trundle? Or a new sofa-bed? Good luck, whatever you decide.

I say go for it. I have had many sleeping battles and my girls ages 3 and 7 sleep together. Everyone seems more relaxed, gets better sleep, and sleeps through the night. Your four-year-old will probably sleep through any crying.

Not sure what your many personal/philosophical reasons are for not simply having the baby in your room until she sleeps through the night, but since you are likely to have to get up a lot during the night anyway it makes the most sense to have the baby near you for convenience if nothing else. Obviously you know newborns need a lot of attention during the night. Putting him/her in with your 4-year old will possibly disrupt her sleep. Your comments seem like you are working to avoid disrupting your own sleep or private time. Sorry if this seems judgmental but this is a no-brainer to me.

I grew up sharing a room with two sisters...three girls in one tiny room was not always a great experience, but we lived through it and I think it made us very close. Our home only had two bedrooms, no basement and I think the total square footage was somewhere around 900 sq ft. We only had one bathroom for four women, too! We fought a lot. I am the oldest and my younger sisters are one year and five years younger than me. I think because the middle sister and I are so close in age, it was easy for me to adjust to sharing my room with her. When I was old enough to climb a ladder, my dad built us bunk beds and I got the top bunk. When our youngest sister came along, I was very maternal and liked helping, so again, easy for me. The middle sister however had a four year age difference with the new baby and had a lot of jealousy issues. She also had to share a bed with her when the youngest was old enough to sleep in a "big bed". By the time we were all in grade school though, they were best buddies and enjoyed playing together. My family was always dreaming of the day we would buy a bigger house, or add on to the one we had. However, the funds were never there. So, we adjusted. And I had no problems crowding into the dorms in college. I didn't have my own room until I was a junior in college.
I now own my own two-bedroom home and am planning for baby #2...we're hoping to move to a bigger place within the next five years, because we're hoping to have 3-4 kids, and I would like them to have at least two bedrooms to share.

All that being said, I would say if you have the space, give them seperate rooms. But don't feel bad if you have them share, because they will adjust and may even be closer for the experience.

It is fine to put the crib in your daughter's room, however, I would not recommend letting the baby sleep there. One of my friend's little girl got a chair and picked the baby up out of the crib and carried her thankfully under the armpits! Also, it might affect your daughter's rest until the baby sleeps all night. What about putting the crib in the guest room? I, personally, always liked my newborn in the room with me simply because it was less of a walk in the middle of the night to change and nurse.

Hope this helps.

I had a freind who when she had her second child they were in a 2 bed apartment for awhile. She kept her baby in her room until she slept through the night and then she moved her into the crib and shared a room with her brother. At nap time the baby then would still take a nap in the parents room in a pack n play. It seemed to work good for them. Since you dont want the baby in your room, maybe just have him/her in the guest room until he is sleeping through the night and then transition him to your daughters room. I just think it would be hard to have a baby sharing the room with the older sibling because the baby will need to eat at night and be crying etc. Good luck!

We have 3 kids. my first was a little over 3 when the 2nd was born. we chose to have the crib in our room until he slept through the night, but since you don't want the baby in your room, I would set the guest room up for the baby at least short term until he/she sleeps through the night. If they share a room and one of them wakes up you may end up dealing with 2 awake instead of just one. I am of coure assuming that all 3 of the bedrooms are on the same floor. Once our 2nd was sleeping through the night, the transition to his brothers room was pretty smooth. We ended up doing the same with the 3rd. Now the boys share a room downstairs and she has the room upstairs by us. Amy

All our babies shared rooms, and some still do. There is a psychological benefit to having another warm body in the room at night. The result for our seven is that they are happier, less prone to be "loners" and have learned tolerance of others as well as how to share everything, including their space! I'd encourage you to rethink keep the baby in a bassinette in your room initially, though. I found I actually got more sleep, as did my husband, if I wasn't constantly having to get out of bed, but could just reach over on my side, attend to the baby's needs (I even had a tiny light on my side - not enough to wake anyone) and go right back to sleep. We kept all ours in our room until they outgrew the bassinette (and our last, who is adopted, was with us in a crib, until he was about a year old). The alternative would be to make yourself a sleeping area in the children's room, so you can stumble in, attend to their needs, and drop right there, since you will most likely have to get up a number of times per night, at least for awhile. My husband is a pilot so there were nights when I slept on the couch with the baby, since his sleep prior to a trip could not be interrupted. Also, we never told any one child that a room was "theirs" until they were teens, that way they never felt too territorial about it. Sometimes the baby would nap in my room in a portacrib, to allow the other children access to their toys during the afternoon. At other times we would move the toys to the living room or den, and make the bedroom just a sleeping and clothing area. In nice weather they were sent out to play during nap time - the possibilities are endless but the best thing is to never cultivate a "mine" and "yours" attitude. The whole house belongs to the family, and as needs change, usage must change, for the betterment of all. Fostering a community spirit when they are very young helps tremendously when they go away to college and/or get married!

Homeschool SAHM of seven, 23yr - 17 mo. One married, one in college, one graduating high school in May, four more adopted and sharing rooms ina small house. They all enjoy each other and rarely fight, because they have learned how to share.

When its absolutely necessary, kids can share a room-we can all adapt if needed. However, you have a bedroom for the new baby! Its not your responsibility to provide sleeping space for guests. It IS your responsibility to provide sleeping space for you new baby! Your 4 yr old deserves to have her sleeping life unchanged as much as possible. You don't want 2 crying kids!!! Your out of town family/guests will have to adapt-they can stay elsewhere. If they really insist on staying at your house-how 'bout they help pay for the new guest room in the basement! Bottom line, your daughter was there 1st and should not have to share her space when the baby could have its own room. Take care of family first, guests are second!! When my son was born, I lost the room that I used for my sewing business and had to move that to the rec room. It was a huge sacrafice for me, but thats what has to happen for happy kids!