3Yo Waking up Throughout the Night, and VERY Early in the Morning....

Every child is an individual, so probably the best you'll hear are general tips to try, like these:

It sounds like your daughter's days and nights are confused and not very well biologically regulated. The more physically active a child is during the day, the more avid their little bodies will be for getting rest at night, and for naps when they're young. Lack of physical activity makes for a less comfortable body and mind. So, in spite of your daughter's inclination to lie around during the day, it may serve both of you well to be sure she gets plenty of physical activity. She may well be resistant out of habit, so you'll do well to make it something "worthwhile" to her. Things that have always drawn my grandson into being active and giggly when he's cranky are pillow fights, building tunnels with chairs and blankets, tumbling tricks on the rug or lawn, exercise to video routines, races up and down the sidewalk, bopping a balloon around for an hour. Dancing and exercise balls are fun.

Contact with nature is nourishing to the brain and nervous system, so physical activity outside (walking, biking, free play, a trip to the park) helps children settle, relax, and focus. And a good dose of natural daylight during the day, ideally a couple of hours or more, contains the "blue" light wavelengths that helps normalize day/night cycles.

Similarly, the blue light radiated by TV and computer screens should be avoided within a couple of hours of going to bed, because it disturbs the brain's ability to produce natural sleep-regulating hormones like melatonin. (You might ask your pedi about using melatonin with your daughter – it helps some kids with neurological dysfunction to sleep better.)

Good bonding, happiness, and relaxed, cuddly family time during the day helps kids relax toward sleep. Particularly in the evening, snuggling helps kids unwind and feel safe. This is not just on the conscious level, it goes deep into the child's whole take on how happy and safe the world is, and is why so many kids adopted from orphanages seem so tense, watchful or detached, uncomfortable, and at odds with the world. (It's also why older siblings tend to regress, in sleep, eating and/or potty habits, when a new baby arrives or is imminent.)

Loneliness, anxiety, and physical discomfort are much more difficult for adults to deal with in the middle of the night. There's every evidence that this is true of toddlers and children, too. Be sure your daughter has lots of quality cuddling and conversation during the day, and perhaps her need for it at night will diminish.

Also, talk with her during the day about how she can meet some of her own needs during the night. Have a light within reach, a box of tissue, books or a cuddly toy that will allow her to lie quietly in bed. It sounds like she really wants her mommy's company. Ask her if a "mommy bear" to cuddle or a picture of you cuddling her on her wall might help. She may have other ideas that could help, too. Kids can be quite creative problem-solvers (read the wonderful book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk for more on this and other wonderful techniques).

Some very recent research suggests that a pre-bed "routine" is not uniformly helpful to every child on every night. Kids have different moods/needs on different days, just like adults do. So it may help to stay flexible and respond to whatever needs become apparent. This might result in skipping a bath and putting her down 20 minutes early if she's showing clear signs of drowsiness early, or taking an extra 20 minutes some nights comforting your adorable child.

You are creating this routine by responding to it. I would tell her in a firm voice when she wakes up the first time, "It's time to sleep. Lay down and go to sleep." And that's it. Dont' respond to subsequent requests. She'll learn quickly that she won't get anything out of that behavior. Your husband should participate too. When he gets up at 5:30 he should tell her the same thing. "Go to sleep."
And, I'm thinking it's time to throw the binky in the trash. :)

She's doing these things because you are responding to them. First rule - do not turn the lights on. If she cries for her binky or something, tell her to find it. If you really want to get up and give it back to her, go ahead but then say good night and leave the room. Do you normally shut the door? If not, tell her you will shut it because it's still night time. This may quiet her down if she doesn't want the door shut.

Second - I would only respond to her when it's something like a binky. Not a tissue or anything else. Let her cry or fuss for a few minutes. Then go back in and tell her it's still time to sleep and leave.

Third - my children have woken at times when my husband gets home or goes to work so I understand that. If you are both okay with her waking that early and watching tv, then let that one go. Instead of that much tv, you may tell her she has to read books or play quietly in her room until you come and get her (not sure if she's in a bed or crib still).

Fourth - I would get her on a better sleeping schedule. My 3 year old does not nap at home so she's in bed at 7pm when she doesn't nap (8pm when she naps at daycare). We have a schedule (reading, brushing teeth, songs, etc) and have done it since she was small. If you don't have one, that is okay and it's never too late to start. You'd be surprised how many children sleep longer if they go to bed earlier. I think a lot of people think if they go to bed late, they'll sleep later!

Fifth - Have you tried having her lay in your room (either in your bed or on the floor)? Not the best solution but this is what works with our 3 year old. SHe wakes up in the middle of the night, doesn't call for us but comes in our room and gets into bed with us. We tried to 'you have to sleep on the floor thing' for awhile but then we gave in. As long as it's not ALL night we do not mind!

Sixth - I would suggest adding a nightlight (if it's completely dark) or turning it off (if it's too much stimulation). Add a fan / sound machine or noise machine.

Good luck!!!!

Sounds to me like your daughter's sleeping cycle is off. She's up most of the night which explains why she is tired and cranky.

This will be a bit tough, but you might need to just let her cry. For the first week, check on her..do not turn on the light though (nightlite is a good idea). Tell her it's sleepy time but do not give her anything to play with. Sorry but she needs to realize that night time is sleep time not play time. It's going to take some time but eventually she'll get the idea.

Well, I'm dealing with a 2yo who wakes up at 5am for the day, raring to go.
I have no solution to that one yet (see other post from me out there today).

But if it were just him that we still had, he'd be crying. Period. We've done it a few times when these habits start (albeit, habits that WE create by responding to them). She's crying to get your attention and you're playing right along.
Don't respond to her. Or if you want to reassure her once, do that, and then tell her that you're going to sleep until morning time. She'll cry, but it won't last long and you'll be broken of the habit.

As for the binky, we were in the same boat. That and his blanket were his "anchors" for dealing with all drama. My son had actually developed a rash around his mouth from all the moisture.
So one day I just said "all done binks!" and took it away. Every time he asked for it (sometimes he still does, it's been a month) I just say "no, we're all done with binks". I was VERY surprised to find how little he fought me on it. Which told me that he was more ready than I thought he was. I just offered his blankie instead when he asked, and that was enough.
So she might be ready, and she's just asking for it because she can have it. Worth a try.

Well, she's sure got you trained. Sorry, but she will only stop if you stop going in there. She is three, she should not need you to get her a tissue, throw away her tissue, etc. In the middle of the night, she should not have a book. If she's calling you in to pick something off the floor, quite honestly, I'd punish for that. How can you work on getting rid of the binky? Throw it away, that's the only way of getting rid of it. If she's still got it, you're not getting rid of it. At 3, if she is sleeping in a bed, she has no reason to call you in for it,. Leave on a nightlight and she can get her own binky or tissue. It is fine to teach your kids that you don't parent around the clock (unless of course they are sick, have a nightmare, etc). It may be hard breaking this bad habit now, but it is a disciplinary issue, don't be afraid to treat it like one. If she wakes up at 5 a.m, dont tell her she can play quietly - tell her in no uncertain terms that it's in-bed time til the clock number starts with a "6" or "7" or whatever your rule is. Good luck

I've had a lot of sleeping issues with my oldest son who is now 3 1/2. We actually went to the sleep clinic at Children's hospital in Boston. He was diagnosed with severe sleep apnea and had to have his tonsils and adenoids out. So first I would make sure she doesn't have something like sleep apnea. Assuming she doesn't these are the things suggested to us by Dr. Ferber(he's an expert on sleep in children).

Same routine, same bedtime at night. At her age a bedtime should be between 7-8. We had to do a sticker chart....if he stayed in his room all night, got a sticker, if no wake ups got 2 more stickers, etc....then at end of week if he had a lot of stickers he would get a small prize - toy from dollar store, extra 1/2 hour of tv, etc...this did work - my son was motivated by putting the stickers on the chart and working towards a prize.
Then if he was to wake us up in night, no sticker. We would escort him back to bed, tuck him in and say goodnight. There should be no conversations, no talking, just say sleep time and goodnight. You return to your child, reassure briefly and leave. So 1st return you respond within 1 minute, second return you make daughter wait 3 minutes, 3rd return 5 minutes, etc...you get it....goal is to make each time you respond longer and longer.
She can have multiple night lights but if she turns on lights, take out bulbs temporarily. Sounds extreme but that's what we were told. If your daughter comes to your room then you temporarily install a gate on her door, so she can see outside her room but can't get out. So when you return to her, you talk to her at the gate and that's it. Goal is to force her to stay in room, but still lets her see "out" and not feel like she is in a locked room.
Absolutely no lights on, no tv at 5:30, etc...She should have the same wake up time daily. Dr. Ferber set our time for 6am, so had to stay in room until then, if he slept past 6 we were suppose to wake him. Idea is to keep the body on a schedule.

I'm actually reading my handouts from the sleep clinic as I'm typing this...please let me know if you need more detail. My son was better for awhile, not we get the 5:30 wake up which is too early. A child this young should be in bed until at least 6. No more wake ups but just early waking.
Good luck!

Hi Rachel,
I seem to be the only one who noticed you said you have 16 month old twins you are trying not to wake which is why you run to her right away. I don't have much to add except that maybe more physical activity during the day may help her sleep better at night but its probably hard to get her out with the twins right? Also, as far as the binky goes just want to say getting rid of it might not be as bad as you think. We kept putting off getting rid of it since my son was addicted to it but then I lost it so I decided then and there it was time and he really stopped asking for it the next day. He had just turned 3 by the way. Wish I could help more. Hang in there and good luck!

Hi Rachel,

How about setting a kid's alarm clock WITH her and telling her she's not allowed to get up until the alarm goes off. Teach her how to turn it off, so she can look forward to being a "big girl".

She obviously needs some sleep reprogramming.
Good luck!
"Grams"
from the Pocono Mts. of PA

Make sure she has a night light in her room. Have a very loving bed time routine, at 3 she is old enough to understand that crying and fussing at 3 am is not going to get her what she wants and is not acceptible behavior and there will be coinsequences if she does not obey. Throw the paci away, she's not an infant, she has become addicted to it, later it may be food, ciggaretts or worse. I think in these times parents are afraid to just say no, afraid to discipline in fear of CPS and as parents we can't be, we must be the ones who make and inforce the rules in our homes. J.

Whoa! Stop giving her everything she wants in the middle of the night! There's some good advice below. Avoid t.v. before bedtime for the reasons mentioned below. Make a list of the things she says she needs. Set a timer for 1/2 hour before bedtime, (at three she still needs about 10 hrs. of sleep so plan accordingly.) organize all the things she thinks she wants, brush her teeth, read a story (sing a song, say a prayer, cuddle, whatever you like to do) and when the timer goes off, tell her goodnight. I tell my daughter, "Sleep all night and have nice dreams." When she wakes up, you can tell her quietly, once, that you love her and she needs to go back to sleep. Don't talk to her after that. You'll have to do this every night for a while, (and at 5 a.m.) depending on how stubborn she is, but if you keep the lights off and don't respond, she will start to get that nightime is for sleeping and her body will get used to it. She is probably waking up during a light sleep cycle and if she does not get stimulated her body will just learn to go back to sleep. Give her a time that she can wake up and say goodbye to Daddy. Post this on the wall above her clock so she can see it for herself. Be consistent, you are not hurting her, you are just trying to break a bad habit! It will be rough for a while but it will pay off for all of you.