30 Weeks Pregnant and NOT Aroused at all.....sigh

I completely understand. I wanted it, and I felt bad that he was wanting it....but I was like you it just couldnt get into it. My body did fine with lubrication, its hormones. Remember every pregnancy is different. We tried doggie! That worked best for us! He felt weird when my belly was so big....but once we got started....it was good. Try to get into even if you have to use ky. The breast thing I understand. I am still breastfeeding and he is such a breast man. He pouted for a while that the baby got his favorite part! But now he is better! It will take adjustment....and unfortunately women are usually better at it than men.

I'm 37 weeks and SO feel your pain. My brain wants it, but the body has other ideas! Try different positions till you're comfy - being on my back was a no-go from about 20 weeks and on. Try a romantic shower together (but not too hot); massages are great - though sometimes they have the opposite intended effect and I get really drowsy ;) Just relax and have fun, but don't push it.

Try different positions. Get creative. Figure out what you can do to make things comfy. Every woman is different and carries the baby different so positioning will depend on you. Some ideas --- Doggy style, with a pillow under you for support. You on top controlling everything might be great for you. From the side has worked for me right up until my due date... we make a T basically, him on his side facing me I put one leg draped over him and the other threaded between his legs. I can be on my side or on my back this way, or somewhere in between. Spooning also has worked for us -- both of us on our side, his front to my back.

Also try using pillows to prop yourself up when you are on your back -- a few pillows under your hips might make you more comfortable. Use pillows liberally for anything you might need - your body might need some support to be comfortable. Pain/discomfort is the fastest way to end up not in the mood.

Talk to hubby about the nipples. I have the same issue and it's okay if he touches some after I am warmed up. If he goes straight for them at the beginning it's a major turn off. Ask him not to touch your nipples unless you ask him to... just tell him the truth - it hurts and it's putting you off wanting to be intimate. Given the choice between playing with your chest and getting some.. I am sure the choice is fairly easy. :)

Good luck!

I remember feeling that way too. And ditto on the breast. I remember always like my hubby to spend time on them but with my second pregnancy I hit a point where I hated it! I don't know why but when he touched them I just wanted to slap him and tell him GET OFF ME! haha again I really don't know why it made me feel that way. But the good thing is it went away after I had the baby. And we only waited about 2 weeks after my second before having sex again but I have c-section so it's easier to get back into the swing of things. So as for now just explain what you don't like right now so he doesn't make things worse and just try and relax. It will pass.

You def shouldn't even be on your back at this point so don't even worry about that position.

Have a frank talk with hubby to steer clear of the nipples but let him know if the rest of the breast is ok.

Have you tried spooning position? or facing each other lying on your side? Might be more comfortable and getting kisses on the back is nice ;)

If you are still feeling it mentally that's a great thing. Try taking things slower than you normally might, extra foreplay that works for you, that type of thing.

I think the only way you can get your body to agree, is to try positions until they work. It might seem mechanical at first, but once you find something that will work, it won't in the future. Truthfully, I was never "on" in my pregnancy. Literally, not once. I was so ill I could barely open my eyes without puking and feeling like I would faint. Then, at the end of my second trimester I was ordered to abstain from sex, for the rest of the pregnancy. Your husband doesn't have it so bad! I understand you worry about that, though! As long as you are trying, something will work out for you psychically. Good luck!

L.,

First of all, know that this is temporary. I second everything that Heather A said, and also what Jennifer S said about making sure that you explicitly tell your husband that it has nothing to do with him. The only thing I would add is that on the days that you're really feeling for him, and nothing is doing it for you, can you find ways to, ahem, make sure his needs are taken care of? If you're feeling like you want to show your love in tangible ways, but you're not into it yourself... This could work both ways also. After the baby is born it will be a while before you will resume intercourse, so it's good to get into the practice of sharing non-intercourse sorts of intimacy :). Good luck!

Your body is behaving! It's growing a baby!! You can try other positions or you can simply try other methods of pleasing each other. Since you'll have a while to heal after baby arrives, it's probably best to find other ways to connect. Some women with vaginal deliveries are ready for sex 6 weeks after baby, many it's much longer and c-sections can be even longer.

Also, if you're planning to breastfeed, your breasts will be repurposed for awhile. You and your husband will both have to adjust to this.

Someone mentioned taking a shower together.
If you've never tried this, it can be really amazing, pregnant or not.
Take turns soaping and washing one another.
One of the nicest things two people can do together.
imo.

L. - All your previous answers have already said what I would have said: I've been there (with all 4 of my pregnancies!), try different positions, use the shower, etc.

The only other thing I would mention that helped me a lot is to honestly tell your husband exactly how you feel. "I want you, but sex just isn't doing it for me, and I'm really frustrated. I want to give you sex, but I'm not enjoying it." That meant a lot for my husband, because he didn't want to push himself on me, knowing I wasn't into it.

I tried to show him my love in many other ways. (Have you read "The Five Love Languages"? Great book!) My husband feels loved in not only physical ways, but in words of affirmation and quality time. So I really tried to focus on the other aspects of our relationship, and it builds your bonds so much!!

My baby is 8 weeks today, and I'm so happy to be "back in the game"! The first time he laid on top of me after I had my daughter - even before we had sex again - it just felt so good to have his weight on me. Just remember that these few weeks are pretty insignificant compared to the rest of your lives together!!!

It is your husband who should ask the question: "My wife's body is changing and she needs new and different ways to get her going." Guide him gently and ask him to try new ways to touching that respect your discomfort.

After the baby is born, you may have little interest in sex for a short while, but he can get you aroused if he is willing to be imaginative and not attached to the way it used to be. Eventually things will feel normal again, but, with a baby, it will be hard to have a whole lot of sex. Life changes all the time.