3 Yr Old and Bedtime

Updated on March 23, 2012
R.C. asks from Kansas City, MO
12 answers

My DD is 3 1/2 years old. I have tried everything with this child to get her to go to bed when it is bedtime. Our Routine is 7:45 get PJ's on, 8ish get a book to read, 8:15 put 2 yr old sister to bed, 8:30pm read story and sing one song of her choice, hold her hand while I count to ten, give her a kiss, and a hug and tell her good night, I love you, see you in the morning. I have had this routine since October. She still gets out of bed or cries "mommy" from her bed. If she cried from her bed I try the CIO but she evently gets out of her bed and comes downstairs to cry to me. I take her back to bed and tell her good night. She is right back at my feet and I just take her arm and guide her back to bed and not say a word. This goes routine goes on for about 30mins. Then she stays in her bed and cries from her room and it starts all over again. I am at my wits end with bedtime. Do you think she doesn't need a nap anymore? She is suppose to go bed at 8:30pm to about 7:45am and then she takes a 2 hours nap from 1pm to 3pm. Please help and let me know what I am doing wrong. We have tried a penny jar, pocket full of change jar, bribing her with taking her see Loraz movie if she stays in her bed with no crying, bribing her with chocolate milk in the morning....the list goes on and on. I do not give in the next morning. She get regular milk, she hasnt seen the Loraz movie. When she does got to bed without crying she gets all excited and wants to call her dad the next morning, (he goes to work before she gets up) tell her babysitter, talks about it all morning. She knows what she is doing is wrong but how do I make her listen. She is a smart and sweet little girl but when it comes to bedtime...she becomes a monster. Please help

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B.C.

answers from Tampa on

Honestly, 7:45pm lights out otherwise it gets worse. Possibly start bedtime routine earlier. Wake her up earlier? Does she nap? No juices before bed time.

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T.V.

answers from San Francisco on

Your children are young enough to have the same bedtime. No need to do double time. Your 3 1/2 year old is old enough to understand if she doesn't cooperate when you say it's TIME to get ready for bed, after PJs, brushing teeth, drink of water.......there will be NO story, NO song...and personally I don't think its a good idea to put on a video at bedtime. If you have a timer, you can show her how much time she has to get ready for bed and get a story and/or song.

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S.M.

answers from Chicago on

Sleep training is one of the hardest things, isn't it? Plus we have to do it at the time of day that we are the most tired as well!! I agree with your other posters that said maybe try moving up the bedtime a bit? In my experience there is a window of opportunity and sometimes if they become overtired then bedtime becomes a disaster!
My sister just went through this with my niece and she used a clock type item that really helped. It is pretty basic, just showed my niece (by pictures of day and night on a glowing clock face) when it was okay to be up, and when it was time to be sleeping. Maybe it is just the idea that there is an end, eventually they will be allowed to be up? Lol, not sure, but here is the link if you want to take a look:
http://www.onestepahead.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId...
Hope everything works out soon, so you can all get a better nights sleep!

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T.H.

answers from Kansas City on

I agree most with Sara M. I think pushing back her bedtime to later is a bad idea. A 2 hour nap does seem pretty long for her, but she obviously needs it. I hate waking kids up from naps, but you might consider going in there after an hour or so and waking her up a little bit...she might get up she might fall back asleep, but it might help.

Being overtired is a real (and challenging!) thing and sometimes these behaviors come out when they are there!

Personally, I would also put the two kids to bed at the same time. My two kids (2.5 and 4.5) have basically had the same bed time from the beginning, minus of course those first few months. Sometimes my husband and I split up and each take a kid and sometimes only one of us puts both kids down. You'll have to find what works, but what works for me is to let them each choose a short story (or just let them pick one and switch off nights) and we read both of them in one of their rooms. We switch between their rooms each night. Then they are in bed, lights off, etc.

When we moved my daughter to a big girl bed we had these issues as well and it did take a very long time to get past them. Did you recently move her? Probably not if you have a 2 y/o, but just checking! I think that your routine seems consistent and that is key! I think ulitimately you are just going to have to stick to your guns and deal with the crying for a while. Plus, as I said, I'd move bedtime up too. Good luck!

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❤.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

My friends w/girls stopped their naps before this age because they were not as active as the boys.
She probably isn't tired.
I say drop the nap if you can since you are going to have her go to bed at this time.
Try to get her more active during the day.
She's fighting bedtime b/c she is not ready for bed at this time.
It will change but you have to work "with" it.
Hang in there.
Try staying in her room quietly.
Btw, I've had to change my son's bedtime a few times to accomodate his
changing needs/activity level etc.
It's worked. Aaaahhh. :)

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S.A.

answers from Kansas City on

Sometimes it seems like it's never going to work, but it will. I've often said, kids need consistancy. Don't break it. If she's taking a nap during the day shorten it or consider 15 mins later in the evening. Also, when you talk during getting her ready for bed talk about tomorrow. "You need a good night sleep so when we go to the park tomorrow" or whatever you're doing. This way it gives her something to look forward to, but keep a routine. You'll be glad you did, don't give in. Good luck.............

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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

If she's not sleep she's not sleepy. Giving up her nap is not the answer. If she is falling asleep she needs it. Plus if you plan on her going to pre-school or kindergarten they still take naps in those classes and it is much easier if the kiddo's are still used to doing that.

I would say it sounds like you need to stay in her room and put her to sleep. Even though that usually works for us there are just days when one or the other of the kids are just not tired enough to go to sleep.

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C.P.

answers from Albuquerque on

What if you don't "force her" to sleep? Let her pick her animals, maybe some soft music, and a book to "read" in bed? Or, maybe you can push the bedtime back a little bit? We were trying for 8-830, but found that 9-930 works better for us. We wake up between 630-7. They still do a 2-hour nap at daycare and that's from 1230-230, so I don't think losing the nap will make much of a difference. Most of the time my dd goes to bed withouth much of a battle, but on the nights where she just can't fall asleep, I will leave a small lamp on and let her read in bed.

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

Maybe rather than offering something that's far off (the next morning), offer her something right then or take away something right then. For example, if she gets up over and over, maybe put a gate on her room so she can't get out. Or a baby knob cover on her door (inside). Do you think she is genuinely having trouble (my DD has nightmares and is afraid to sleep. I leave the light on if she stays in bed) or is this a "sister is in bed so I get mommy's attention" kind of thing?

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M.M.

answers from Kansas City on

I suggest you google "ask moxie 3 year old sleep habits" and click on the first link. The post and its comments are educational and funny. About halfway down the page is a comment by Bella. She wrote a long comment about something called Theory of Mind. It was extremely interesting to me. It helped me know that at least there may be a reason for the bad sleep, even if there isn't much I can do about it.

S.L.

answers from New York on

Mine stopped napping at 2 maybe 2 and a half. You'll have to plan on starting the routine at 7 and putting her to bed at 8.

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A.S.

answers from Chicago on

I know with my daughter if she has a nap she will not go down easy or early.so sadly we stopped nap time.she goes to sleep in minutes,after potty,brush teeth and a book. Try no nap one day and see how it goes.you may find her to be cranky and ready for bed even earlier without a nap!good luck!

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