3 Year Old Will Not Do Activites Without Me

I have a 5 year old as well who is like that, but I am a personal trainer and I try to show the mom's how they can use the children in their workout to make it fun for kids as well as the parents and they both get a workout, and trust me after a while the child poops out and just wants to watch. You can also do these workouts right from home using the child as the weights for different moves. If you have any questions please feel free to give me a call ###-###-####.

When you say that she "will not" what you really mean is that you won't. If you sign her in at the gym and walk away - she will have no choice. She may get upset the first few times and might even cry hysterically the whole time. You need to remember, your job is to develop a happy adult and that means that you will sometimes have an unhappy child. Focus on the ultimate result rather than the immediate situation. It is not healthy for your daughter to be with you 24/7 she needs to develop healthy social interaction and you need to provide those opportunities for her, even if she doesn't "want" to at the moment. When you drop her off, don't linger and coddle her or show that you are upset about leaving her. Don't apologize! Your daughter will take a cue from your emotions and reactions so she has learned that if she throws a fit, you won't leave her. When you drop her off, simply say, "It's time for you to play with some friends... I will be back in a little while to pick you up." Give her a hug and hand her off to a staff member. Then, don't look back!!! Go work out and then come back and keep your tone upbeat as you ask her about what she did while you were gone. One technique I have found helpful is to be as casual as you can, but be firm.

Pick a certain day of the week and time of day so she can learn the routine and do it the same way every time. Once she realizes that you are consistent in the drop off and pick up process, she will realize that you always come back to get her and will begin to explore the fun activities rather than manipulating you. You need the time alone and I know it's hard but remind yourself you are doing it for her wellbeing as well.

I'm not judging nor do I wished to be judged but. I was with my mom 24/7 until I was in school. I was afraid of santa claus everyone in between. I vowed not to do that with my children. I worked until my oldest was 3 and I gave birth to a second. My 3 year old is in a preschool 3 hours a day not for me but for her. I will do the same for her 18 month old sister. My 3 year old is very social and outgoing unlike her mother was at her age.
Most children will do better with mom not around. Try a program where you are not involved. Your daughter may do worlds of good by herself. Good luck.

She's just a very little girl. She doesn't want to or need to be independent, and she shouldn't be...there's plenty of time for that. She already has to share you with 2 other babies and is fighting for her own time with you. If you want to work out for 30 minutes, find a Mommy and me class, or work out at home, or when your husband or someone else that she's comfortable with can give her the company and time she needs and you a break. I know it's difficult, but she's so little and doesn't understand your need for "me" time. These years will go VERY fast and when she gets older you'll wonder why she's so independent and needs "her" time. When she's ready to start her road to independence you'll know and won't be able to stop her. It's tough to see how little 4 is when you have smaller babies, but 4 is very little. From you this is her time now. Enjoy it...together.

Have you tried some local play groups just to get her more involed with playing with kids her age?? I have 4 kids 12,4,4 and 3. y oldest was a only child for almost 8 years andhe was the same way till I went back to work and got him into daycare. I find the best way to leave them with sitters or daycare centers is to drop them and run. Give her a kiss say I will be back soon and try not to worry. I babysit alot and I make parents do this. I swear less then 2 min after they are out the door the child has calmed down and starts playing. Good luck!!

Is she in preschool? If so, maybe you could try spending some time in the class, helping the other kids. You could be with her, but she would be able to venture out and do things alone. You could work up to leaving her for the whole class. My daughter (and several others, I've seen) would cry once in a while when I left her, but two seconds after I left she was off and playing. Honestly, I was more upset then she was :}.

Hi Erica,

My 3 yr old son is the same way. We have tried everything and not much seems to work, or not for long anyways.

I've spent a tremendous time praying about it, asking God for his help and intervention in my son's life. It takes time with prayer, because in time God can change things.

My son is making great progress in this area now. He now goes to his class at church on Sunday and i can leave him with his dad while i go shopping and we have no more melt downs. He is even doing much better listening and participating in the preschool program that i teach to him and my daycare kids.

Good luck! My advise is to start praying about it.

M.

Dear Erica,

Work with her at home for a short times. Play a game that she gets to be a big girl and play in her room for 15 minutes with out you. Then you go play with her for a bit. Then keep lenghting it. Then when you are getting ready to take her some where talk about how much fun she is going to have. Make it as exiting as possible. It might help if you only go to the same place for a while. Like the gym. Show her that it is boring for her to be with you ae you work out and that she will have more fun in the play area with the others. Then tell her if she is good than she gets to do something special with you. If she throughs a fit than you jsut go about doing your regular routine. I did this with all three of mine and it seemed to work. My oldest is 23 and independent, my 15 yr old son knows who he is and is very confident, and my 5 year old gets very excited about school and Sunday school.

I hope this helps. J.

My children have been grown for a while, but I did have a little girl in our church nursery who use to cry and cry for her mom when she left her. Eventually upon seeing her mom always return and knowing that I cared for her she quit crying. She grew to love being in the nursery during church service.

Hello Erica,

I too am a stay at home mom with an almost 4 year old and a one year old! It took us, my husband and I quite some time to get our almost 4 year old to stay in our church nursery and with grandma! My best advice is prayer, pray for your little one and yourself too! Reassure her that you will be back and always be sure to say goodbye and not just drop her off! We found that yes it is hard to leave when they are screaming and crying but letting them know you will return, don't linger around and make things more traumatic for her, just explain to her in short what is taking place, drop her off say good-bye and I reccommend not letting her cry for more than 15-20min - and ask whoever is watching her to not let her cry any longer than that either! Yes you may be picking her up everytime early for a while - but keep on trying and be consistent with the drop off routine! Eventually, she should adapt to the routine and what is taking place! Personally, if you find that she still is not doing well after a couple of months - I would definately pray about those watching her and maybe there is something going on in the daycare that your daughter is not okay with and I would check it out!

In short - pray, if it is God's will for this to take place he will bring both you and your daughter the peace that will work for you both!

Blessings to you,
T.