3 Year Old Potty training...sometimes Histerical, Sometimes Silent

I have my potty training kids sit for about 5 minutes. I put up a poster about using the potty and washing hands on the wall opposite of the toilet for something to look at. Maybe try that or a book (preferably about using the toilet) that stays in the bathroom - i would put it up so it stays there.

You could try having a potty seat in the bathroom and one in the room he plays in. That way he doesn't have to stop what he is doing to go. He can still see TV and not have to leave his toys. I just cut a plastic table cloth from the dollar store down to size and put it and a small blanket under the potty chair. (What the blanket doesn't absorb the plastic catches.) I also have special potty books and toys next to the potty in the bathroom. This helped my daughter improve alot. She still has good and bad days but they aren't as bad. She also only sometimes tells me and sometimes hides it I don't know why.

Hi L.,

I would guess that the reason he may be having accidents is due to distraction. For instance if he is watching a dvd or playing with toys, or eating or whatever he may forget that he has to go. I have had that happen as an adult, and you probably have too. LOL However, we are past the point of accidents, unless you count pregnancy. Giggles... Anyhow, our daughter gets most interested when she watched a dvd called Potty Power. It teaches about very specific actions that kids take when they go potty. It is very encouraging. As for your sons tears, that can come from his own disappointment as well as him feeling your frustration. We have had this happen too just with training pants. I have resigned myself that our daughter will do it when she is ready. I think also my husband wants her to stay small and she picks up on that. We had the same issue with her walking. So, environment can have a lot to do with kids having accidents too. It sounds like you are a very patient and loving mom. Just keep working with your son and he will get it. Blessings to you and your family.

Katherine

I know that this is the wrong response....but it worked for me...

My almost 4 year old would do the exact same thing your son is doing. She would sit on the pot and not go and then have an accident pretty quickly. I finally did 2 things that have helped her over the hump...The first was I started putting her in time-out if she wet her pants and did not tell me. I felt I needed to do that because she was sooo red in her private area. The second thing I did was start a potty time. I would take her to the potty every hour on the top of the hour when she was not at daycare. I have since stopped taking her every hour and just when I need to go as she has been mostly accident free for a few months now. When she does have an accident she does not hide it from me. BTW...Did I mention that my daughter is a little stubborn? ;)

One thing I did was put cherios in the toilet and let him play target practice. It worked with my son and he got to have fun doing it.

Here is something I once heard when my oldest children were babies. When you get frustrated ask yourself, 'How many college students do you know who are not potty trained?' After you answer that question you realize that they all get there. And know that the other moms are right with making it a positive experience and that boys really do take longer. It also sometimes helps to have others involved. When my son was little he was somehow too comfortable with his mommy to potty train. After spending just a little few weeks being watched by grandma and her neighbor (a former elementary school teacher) he was completely and totally potty trained.

One wonders why puppies are more prescient at this; by years, not months.

you've already admitted one challenge - is your consistency in offering rewards. It is confusing for him.

Here are some ideas: I posted this to another gal who has having similar challenges:

3 1/2 is NORMAL to still be learning - especially for a boy. You did not mention if there are any siblings. Consider changes that may have taken place in routine or additions to the family.

Some tricks I learned with my son .. who still had occasional accidents at 4:

see if his friends' parents, or his cousins' parents, will let him watch them go. Peer pressure - or just seeing someone his won size using the toilet will help much better than seeing daddy or mom use the toilet.

With my son I put a blue toilet cleaner in there.. and he liked making the water green - it was a game.

When he does acknowledge that he needs to go: put one small square of toilet paper on top of the water so it floats, Make a game out of it and ask him to make it sink.

Be consistent with incentives: 3 small candies (kept in a small jar out of reach in the bathroom) for each time he succesfully goes.. and after the routine of washing and drying hands.

Big toilets can be difficult, provide a stool for him to rest his feet on . and to reach it. There are special seats available to make the seat smaller for when he needs to use it.

If you have a training toilet.... keep it out in the living room or closer to where he conducts his activities, to remind him what he should do when he feels the urge, and to have quicker access.

Stickers - a sticker for each day he is accident free (you might not get to do this until later) and offer a prize for one week's worth of sitckers on the calendar - and put a picture of a toy or activity he wants near the calendar and look at it every morning so he can be reminded of that motivation.

Cheers and clapping when he succeeds... a little less negative attention when he doesn't... "maybe next time you'll remember."

and let him go naked for a day.... some kids are more aware of when they need to go this way.. this is how my oldest daughter potty trained.

also.. there are pull ups that have features to help provide incentive too... designs that disappear when wet, feel cool when being made wet, designs that well.. they may just not want to pee on!

there are many things you can do... but your positive praise.. and less negative attention when he does have accidents.. may be the best thing.

but be consistent.. it will take a while.. boys generally take longer, and most kids will have set backs... hang in there.

In answer to your last question about sometimes not liking to have wet pants and other times not caring I'd suggest that it might depend on whether or not he's intensely interested in what he's doing. And/or perhaps he cares if he sees that you might know and not when you're not paying attention. The crying may be more related to being "caught" than his pants being uncomfortable.

It takes longer for boys to be able to remain dry both day and night. When you do respond to wet pants, a matter of fact, "oh, oh, let's get you changed" without attention that seems to him that he's disappointed you or has done something wrong might help him by taking pressure off him to be fully potty trained.

And I agree that he should stay on the toilet for at least 5 minutes. We did that with my grandkids and they automatically stay until they have success. I've stayed in the room with them, sang silly songs, sometimes read a book to them, asked them about things in which they were interested and got them talking so they forgot about getting off the toilet. An aside remark: As an adult, I rarely immediately urinate. Except, of course, when I wait until it's almost too late. :) Sometimes it takes time for one's body to let go. This must be especially true for a toddler who is just learning how his body works.

Taking him to the toilet every hour is also a very good idea. It trains his bladder to work when it's needed.

Above all, make it a pleasant thing to do. It is a difficult time and has frustration as a part of the process for both you and your son. Hang in there and he will learn.