3 Year Old Not Sitting for Time Outs

How about taking away dessert or bedtime stories? Or perhaps that planned trip to the park will not happen that day (although that punishes everyone, sometimes it's worth it). Even though those are things that may not take effect until later on, a 3 year old can comprehend that something is going to be taken away. The main thing is to stick with whatever privilege you take away, even if he is an angel for the rest of the day.

We had the same problem when my son turned 3. We were lucky - we missed the "terrible twos" - (not so bad at all) - but we ran into them when he turned 3, which was worse because he had learned how to negotiate. He would not sit still for time-outs either.

We had to make sure he did not have any stimulus during the time-out, so making him sit on the bottom stair was the best place. (Not his room).
Setting a timer, so he knew when it would be over and not making it too long was good. I think they recommend one minute/per year of age. (So 3 minutes).

My son went to preschool and they never had any problem with him taking a time-out, which was frustrating for me at home.

I used to sit with him but tell him that I would not talk to him until the timer went off, then we would talk. My pediatrician felt that this contributed to him getting the attention he wanted but sometimes I would have to sit with him till he calmed down. At times he would be kicking and hitting the wall and would really be beyond control.

So I would sit with him, till he calmed, then do the time out alone and then talk.

If I lost my temper during the situation, then we would BOTH take time outs in different places and talk when the timer was done.

Eventually, (for not so bad situations where he had a little understanding and was not out of control), there were times when we would say "time-out" and he would go sit on the stairs and pick up the timer on the way. He would even try and set it himself!

The good thing - this really was just a phase. It still happens (he is now 5), but occasionally, and not so intense and he understands more what a time out is and why we do it.

Hope this helps,
S.

Hello A.,

I think most people have this same issue. With my first son I had a gate and put it over his door. We also used this if he kept coming out at night. He disliked the gate so much that I could leave it where he could see it and he would not come out because he knew the gate would go on if he did.

With my second son I just hold the door closed and open it when the timer goes off. I don't speak to him. Initially he would scream and try to open the door. Now he tries the door once and then I can hear him talking to himself "Mommy is mean. She never let me come out." It is actually quite cute and always makes me smile.

Keep in mind that "this too shall pass". Three is the worst age! I will take two's or four's, but would happily skip three's!

Good luck.

It's too bad your son won't sit still, but the sitting still is not the essence of the punishment for most kids-- it's the lack of attention from you. Just say as calmly as you can (I know it can be hard, if a child has already pushed my buttons enough to get a time out) 'you need to be in the corner for the time out to begin'. Then ignore him, but don't start the timer for the time out till he's sitting where you want him to be.

Well... my thought about time outs is that it's exactly that - time out for both me and the child. A time out is an opportunity for my kids to collect themselves and calm down, outside the presence of the rest of us who are not acting like heathens. I don't think sitting in a chair is really necessary. I just put them in their room (or other place out of earshot where I am) until they calm down. I don't go crazy trying to deal with them. They'd LOVE that power struggle. The goal is to stop whatever offensive behavior immediately, and then remove them from polite company until they're fit to be seen again.

My kid used to throw fits when I tried the time outs. I ended up putting him in the play yard as a time out so he wouldn't hurt himself. He'd cry, but at least he was in an area that he couldn't hurt himself. Also, when he finally started to be less fitful, we sat him down, and kept putting him back in the same seat everytime he was in time out, eventually he learned to stay put.

Good Luck!

Just keep putting him back in his time out spot. And be consistent. Also try and hour glass timer so he can see how much time he has left in timeout. I always go with a minute for every year, so three minutes.

This worked with my 6 year old and now my two year old.

Hi- When we started time outs with my girls they were around 18 -24 months. The first few times I had to physically put them on the chair several times. They were upset at being disciplined and very emotional. I'd set them in the chair, explain why I was doing it and they would get up and try to walk away. I would gently pick them up, put them back on the chair and repeat calmly that they were having a time out due to their behavior, then immediately turn to leave. At first I didn't even make it to the door but I just kept it up until finally they realized I wasn't giving up. It only took a few times before they "got it" and future time outs worked beautifully. You cannot allow your son to walk away as that will just teach him he's in charge. If he's strong willed this may take a while but you have to make it stick while he's small as it will be much more difficult with an older child. Finally, every kid has a currency. Something they enjoy (treats, favorite toys, fun activities etc.) I've found it very important to be tuned into each of my girls favorite things as they get older (they are now 5 & 9) and time outs are less appropriate. Knowing what they would not want to lose and reminding them they'll miss it is usually all I need to do to get them to correct inappropriate behavior. Hope this helps & good luck!

Take away a favorite toy (no not his sleeping buddy) for a week.
Take away dessert for a week, whatever it is that is his "currency" His currency will change.
I used the "personal bubble" everyone ahs a bubble around them, and we do not want to pop their bubbles. Demonstrate by getting in his face, showing him all around his body and yours how far the bubble goes out from his body. My son really grasped this at age 3-4. good luck!

I got a timer.
a minute for each year of age.

At first I had to keep putting her back in..
I would hand her the timer. when it went ding we would talk.

we still do, but we don't use the timer.. I needed it at first but after about the 100th time of throwing it, it broke, but it did it's job and I never replaced it.

Pick a time out area/ chair, the same one at home all the time. You have to stay calm, don't let him see that he may be getting you frustriated. Keep puting him back in the same time out chair/ area. Every time he gets up put him right back. He may last a couple of hours, but by the time you are done he will know you mean business.

An almost 3 year old is going to push his sister sometimes, and is going to test you. That's what children that age DO. It's completely normal.

It is NOT normal for an almost-3yo to be able to sit still in time out. You are expecting way too much from him right now.

Instead of focusing on *punishing* him, I would instead reinforce what behavior is expected from him, and SHOW him. You are his teacher and you are there to help him learn correct behavior, you are not his enemy.

If he pushes his sister, you tell him, "No pushing. Pushing hurts sister. Be GENTLE with sister." and stroke his hand gently to show him what gentle touching feels like.

I don't know what other situations you are having trouble with, but testing limits is totally normal. That's how children learn about the world around them. Be gentle, yet firm.

I would really suggest you read "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" by Dr. harvey Karp. It is excellent at helping you communicate with your toddler in a way that he can understand, using very short, simple sentences.

Also, "Your Three-Year-Old, Friend or Enemy?" is a great book for understanding what is developmentally normal at this age. It sounds like your expectations are not in line for his age. Three year olds are pretty frustrating sometimes. That's just the way they are.

You definitely don't want to set up a situation where you are in a power struggle with him over everything. That doesn't help him OR you. You are both on the same team, right?

I would really focus on communication, and helping him learn *good* behavior, not just punishing him for what you think he is doing wrong.

You might also want to Google "positive discipline" for other methods to help handle specific situations.

My older son just turned 4, and this last year with him has been challenging. I have a 1yo too.

Every time that I focused on punishment with my 4yo, his behavior got worse, and our relationship suffered. Instead, I tried to stay patient with him and guide him towards correct behavior. Some days I repeated over and over, "No hitting brother. GENTLE hands with brother." or "That is a loud voice. We use quiet voices inside. If you want to use a loud voice, please go OUTSIDE." Or I would give him a snack and say, "Thank you Mommy," to let him know the polite way to respond to me.

But hey, you know what? It worked. He is very well-behaved now, very loving, and we kept our close relationship. He knows that Mama is here to help teach him how to behave nicely, not to punish him. We are working together, we are not enemies.

L. Hamilton
http://www.theportablebaby.com

Advise for making them stay in timeout...Stand over him while he is in timeout and reinforce the fact that he is trouble and he needs to sit there in time out and think about what he just did that was wrong so that it does not happen again. If he will not sit in timeout then I would tell him he can sit there for three minutes or go to his room. He may choose his room the first or second time, but I bet he will choose timeout by the third time. In his room he does not get what he wants nor does he get your attention.

Other advice which you may already be doing is to have a specific seat in the same place every time where he “serves” his timeout. Also explain to him why he is getting timeout before it starts in simple 6 words or less and then have him tell you why he had timeout before he gets to get up and play again. This way he learns a beginning and an end with timeout and soon you can ditch the timer.

If you are consistent with the use of timeouts as a form of discipline then he will get the hang of what is expected of him.