3 Month Old Will Only Sleep in My Arms

The good news is you have another month to work on this before you go back to work. Some babies are fussier. My daughter preferred sleeping on me and sometimes i took that opportuhnity to catch a nap myself. So it isn't all bad.
Keep trying to put her down with some naps. She needs to get used to somewhere other than you. Keep it as close to being with mom as possible..same room, same background noise.
I think it was in the "no Cry sleep solution" or some sleeping book it said that babies aren't old enough to sleep well or in a pattern until 4 months old. So maybe it will just happen.

Try to trick her into thinking you are still there. Put something solid next to her and play a tape of a heart beat. Do you put her to sleep on her back? Some children sleep better on their tummies.
Also try patting her after you put her in the crib until she falls back to sleep. Good luck!
~G. -mother of seven

My daughter was similar, and one thing that helped was to keep a heating pad (on low) in her bed. I would take the pad out before I put her into bed, but the bed would have a gentle warmth that reminded her of my body heat. She was also the one that could only sleep on her tummy - she hated swaddling, but needed to be warm and cozy in bed. But sleeping on the tummy is not recommended, so talk to your doctor about it first. I felt better after I had my doctor's permission. :)

Without reading the numerous advice that you have already had. Ours was kind of the same. Turns out that she had reflux and had and still has at 10 months old a hard time burping. She still prefers to go to sleep upright, but I think that that is largely habit. However, sometimes she does have air and needs to burp.

Best.

[smiling sympathetically] I don't have any advice, but your last question really touched me because it's the exact question I asked myself a hundred times after my first was born until my now late-grandmother answered it for me: It's "this" hard because it's "this" wonderful to be the parent of "this" child and he's only going to be "this" young and need you "this" much for a very short time.

I don't know if this helps at all - but it really helped me anytime I thought I was reaching my breaking point so I thought I'd share it with you, too!

Sounds spitting image of the problem we had with our son. He had silent acid reflux and the only thing that solved the problem was the chiropractor. After three adjustments with the chiropractor our son was a very very happy baby.

What a flashback for me...my little girl was the same - hated being swaddled, didn't take the pacifier and screamed when I put her down.No bouncy chair, no swing, no nothing but mommy. Yikes it was tough although so sweet too. Here is what I did to get the separation I needed when sleeping. First, I would not let her nurse and fall right asleep on my breast - I would keep her awake while nursing by talking to her, tickling her chin, using a damp cloth on her forehead, etc. Whatever it took. Then I would have alert/play time until it was time for her nap. Of course at night, it wasn't the same - no play time, just burping, cuddles/song and then to sleep. Here is how I would put her to sleep (naps and night). After nursing and if daytime, playing a bit, I would sit on the couch with the boppy pillow on my thighs, open side facing me. I would drape a baby blanket over the boppy like a hammock, and put my daughter into this nice "nest" on her back, facing me, legs toward my tummy. I would then rock my legs left to right (this is a common way to rock babies apparently in Turkish villages that I learned from my mother - she is from Turkey). This really helped me get off my feet and rest a bit too. I would rock her and while doing so placed my hand on her forehead (she liked that). She would cry briefly (short spurt of escalating crying) and then zonk out. Whew. I would slow and then stop the rocking when she was out and carefully lift the boppy off my lap and put it on the couch. She would nap there. At night I would lift the blanket only and place her in her crib with a lovely that smelled like me and her.

With my daughter after about 3.5-4 months all was well; the crying and neediness basically went away. I would still rock her a bit like this, but much less overall. She learned to self soothe and sleep on her own.

I hope this helps in addition to all the great advice from other moms.

They learn fast don't they! Essentially everything I read said that at 3 months they start learning to put themselves to sleep if you let them. I didn't believe in crying it out either but right around 3 months my little guy seemed to cry the minute I layed him down too and I was uterly exhausted. What we did that worked was layed him down and then stayed in the room with him and put our hands on his tummy and said sssshhhh. I felt awful leaving the room and walking away so somehow being in there with him was reasuring. The first night he cried for a half hour and the next the same and now he never cries when I lay him down. Just rolls over and sucks his thumb. Best of luck to you!

Let me just start by saying that I am strongly opposed to any "cry it out" approach - so no advice in this direction from me.

I also would make sure that there are no physical reasons like reflux for her not liking to lay down flat.

Once you have excluded this I would try to find a gentle approach to help her find a good sleep pattern.
When mine was very young I swaddled her in a well worn (=stinky, seriously they love your smell!) shirt of mine, you could just loosely wrap it around her if she does not like the swaddle. I pick her up anytime she wakes, nurse or rock back to sleep. Repeat as long as it takes for her to stay asleep. I go by Dr. Sears' secret to easily transition from arm to bed: limp limb sign - you basically wait until they are fast asleep (limbs hanging from body) before putting them down.
Some kids will go to bed half awake - mine never did, but waiting for her to be asleep works for us.
While it took a little while, I have no problems putting her to bed now, she sleeps in her own crib, in her own room. She still wants to sleep with me occasionally, especially when she is sick - and I let her! Because she is only a baby and I want her to grow up knowing I'm there when she needs it.

I would also wear her any time feasible; now she wants to be on her own a lot and crawl about - go figure. Get a comfy carrier (I love my Ergo) so it does not exhaust you too much.

You sound like you need a break, so please give yourself one! If you can have a relative or sitter take her for a walk or watch her in your home (leave a "stinky" shirt with them) while you get out and pamper yourself.
And remind yourself: she is still a tiny baby and needs to be close to you, that's why they call the first 3 months your 4th trimester.
There is a scientific theory that says that technically human babies are born so immature, we should be pregnant longer, but because they have big heads, they need to be born "early" or they would not fit through the birth canal.

Dave and L.,

You might want to have her checked for reflux even if she does not spit up. My little girl cried every time I laid her flat. After months of misery and no sleep, a wonderful occupational therapist diagnosed her with reflux and told me that every time I laid her down acid would irratate her throat. For the next 6 months she was between a 45 and 90 degree angle at all times (except for a few little bits of tummy time). She turned into a very happy baby and one that slept well. She is now 7 and a doll.

Hi L.,

I want to second the advice you've been given to have her checked for any medical issues. My son has acid reflux, and he could not sleep flat until he was about 8 months old. He slept at night on a wedge until then. We had to put him on a 45 degree foam wedge with straps to hold him in place. We got the wedge with a prescription from a physical therapist. You can email me if you want more info on that. My son also did not sleep or enjoy the swing or bouncy seat--the angle was not good for his tummy. Once he was able to support his neck, the Bumbo seat worked great for him because he was upright.

The book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child was my sleep bible. Unfortunately, I didn't get it until my son was 6 months. I wish I'd started his methods when my son was closer to 4 months. The best piece of advice I can recall from the book is to put the baby down for the am nap within 2 hours of her wake up time in the morning. Once I started doing this, my son started taking a nearly two hour am nap, and that started his nap schedule which was a life-saver.

I agree with you that 3 months seems a little young to try any cry it out methods. Once she's a little older though, you might start some sleep training method to help bring sanity to your days. The book discusses a few methods and the pros and cons of each.

Hang in there! I'll be sending lots of positive thoughts your way!

I also had a baby who only slept in my arms and would instantly start crying as soon as I put him down. So, I understand what you're going through.

I used the heating pad to warm up his basinett before putting him in there. Then I made sure to have a super soft blanket, sides tucked in nice and tight, and laid him down on that. He's now 14 months old and the only place I can get him to sleep now is in his crib, but he still needs that soft blanket to snuggle up to.

I had the same issue with my son! He didn't have any medical issues, just wanted to be held ALL the time. The first three months, we co-slept (swore I never would) and he side nursed so we could both get some rest at night. Days were spent with the Bjorn on walks or in my arms. Didn't get much done! Shortly after his three month bday, my husband had him to give me a break and I heard him crying for about 15 minutes. Finally went upstairs to interfere and found that he'd put him in his crib. I lied down in bed and started crying and both my son and I lasted for about 30 more minutes and miracuously, he fell asleep! The next night it took 30 instead of 45 and stayed that way for a week or so before going to 20 etc. He still would wake up every 2-3 hours at night to feed, but would go right back to sleep. During the day I still had to hold him for awhile, but gradually he caught on and by 4-5 months was also napping in his crib. We officially didn't use the Ferber method as we didn't go in again after we'd put him down, but you have to do what's best for you and your baby. From everything that I'd read, 3-4 months was the best time to start attempting to get them to sleep on their own. Before that, the crying is definitely because they need something. Good luck! I know I was at wits end when I went through it, but every baby is different!

I also have a three month old little boy. At his two month wellness exam we asked about the issue you are currently having because our little guy has been doing the same thing. It makes it so challenging to get anything done during the day. Our doctor said he may still be needing to feel the closeness as he was in the womb. He suggested hanging in there, and it is starting to get better. We purchased these swaddle blankets that work well. I found them at Babies R Us, and they are $9.99. Hope that helps.

Have you considered a hot water bottle or a bucky pillow that you can put in the microwave to heat that will act like a warm bump on her stomach, much like a wedge? It could be that she has a mild form of colic and the warm of your arms, your body is comforting to her. Babies that young cry to express pain or loneliness, their need for attention. She's to young to be spoiled, crying is her only means of communication. So snuggle away. Try the warmth of the pad or the bucky pillow. My kids all loved to fall asleep on my chest. They loved to hear my heart beat, they'd been listening to it for 9 months. Again, comfort, familiarity. Take good care and enjoy the closeness, you'll wonder where it all went when they're about 12 or 13 yrs old.

My advice to you is to tough it out and just let her cry when she wakes up.I had to do this with my now 3 year old daughter. It didnt take her long to get the point and start sleeping by herself. I put a stuffed animal right next to her. That seemed to help. I think it was because she felt secure. Keep me posted on how things are going.

Good Luck-

H.

Oh my,, give this a try it worked for my sister,, go get a recorder,, and have the room quiet,, and record your heart beat for about 15 minutes or longer,, depends on how long it takes the baby to fall asleep on you,,then get a heating pad,, put on low,, the lowest mark,,low lowest mark,, as not to burn any thing you know,,,, ,, and the next time you put baby down,, put a blanket{ with your sent } on top the heating pad so baby is not right on the heating pad,,lay the baby down,, turn on recorder with your heart beat,, turn off heating pad,,have the lights on low,,also you can have some music playing softly in the back ground like a river running or some thing soothing to hear } and see what happens,, give this s try,, let me know if it works,, I hope so,, for you and your beautiful baby,, love and hugs,, D.

You need to help her to sleep alone before you go back to work. I am sure some of the mom's will give you some source books to read. I found with my kids that it helped to have a extra cloth diaper or think blanket that was warm with my scent. I put it down with them. The temperature and the scent helped hide the fact that they were alone. Also consider a binky. Babies at that age need extra sucking--and you need rest.

Good luck.

Wow, your girl sounds exactly like mine, always breaking out of her swaddle, rejects paci and needs daddy arms or mommy's breast to fall asleep. My husband and I held her for 7 months before teaching her how to sleep on her own. It wasn't easy and we wish we had done it a little earlier. It must be so tough for you doing this without your husband most of the time.

Like yours, my girl always fall asleep on me or my husband. We can only put her down after 30 minutes into her sleep. On the good days, I put her down in her crib, put my day old T-shirt(with my body scent) on her and she would sleep for a few hours. On the bad days, she'll wake up crying and we'll have to rock her again. But the key is to have something with your body scent that she can hold onto.

We tried letting her cry a few times but she is not a mellow one so she cried and fought and won. I think mellow baby can be sleep trained earlier. But for us, we decided that she's not ready yet so we waited a couple more months. When she was ready, she only cried for 4 nights and sleep like a baby should afterward (the bed time routine, the most important part of sleep training, was in place for months though). We used the program from www.sleepsense.net It was great.

All the love you give her now will allow her to be more confident and become a better sleeper in a few months.

Best luck to you.

You need to be sure there isn't a medical problem. My daughter was always so cuddly and sweet wanting to be held all the time. As it turned out, her ears hurt. Once we got her tubed she was independent and a whole new child!

Two years ago, I was exactly where you are now. I think I held my son for every single nap for about six months. He just had some sort of radar and would *know* if I wasn't right there next to him or under him. I remember emailing my la leche league leader in tears because I just wanted to sleep for 6 hours. She congratulated me for doing everything right, and having such a well attached child. And she recommmended the sleep book, "The No Cry Sleep Solution," by Elizabeth Pantley.

Propping my son's feet up with a rolled up receiving blanket seemed to help him sleep longer, as did swaddling. He never did take a pacifier. Check out Dr. Sears' website and his book, "The Fussy Baby Book." He has great tips for parenting the "high need" child. Some kids are just higher need than others, and it sounds like you now have one of them. Hang in there. I know it is hard, but remember that they do grow up. My toddler now kicks me out of HIS bed in the evening.

I remained responsive to my son's cries and needs. He ended up sleeping in my bed, for the sake of my sanity. I'm really glad I listened to his needs instead of having him cry it out because now he has grown into an amazingly communicative toddler. He signed from around 12 months, and was putting sentences together by 18 months (with words and signs) and I know it was because he trusted that if he could express the need to me (sometimes after many many patient tries), I would do my best to do or get what he needed. He throws very few tantrums and is a real joy.

Hang in there. I know it is so hard to function when you aren't sleeping well and don't have a moment to just be. It would be so hard to not have a partner there to co-parent during the week. You may want to pump a bottle and find someone to watch your children for a few hours once or twice a week. Or even just visit your mom or a friend and sit in the other room with earplugs in and read a book or take a bubble bath. It feels good to have a few moments to yourself in that high need first year. Going back to work was (surprisingly) a high point for me. I suddenly had several hours nearly to myself to speak to other adults and not have a small child hanging on my body or crying for me. It was nice.

Take care, and best wishes.

Hello -

I had 3 baby boys who were all the same - they nursed a lot and they would fall asleep while nursing - then cry when put anywhere that was not next to my skin. I finally had to do the Ferber "crying it out" method. It was very hard the first 2 nights and then it clicked for them. I just read that your husband is working far away - so this may not work for you if you cannot catch up on sleep in the daytime. BUt I would try to enlist thehelp of a friend or family member to take your 3 year old during the day for the few days after if you try it. I think it's worth a shot - it really does save your sanity in the end!! Good luck!

I am sorry I kinda know what you are going through. Mine is 4 months and won't sleep but I can put her down to find her feet, swing, etc. But I have gotten some advice from good friends. Not saying you have a free arm or time to read but this is what I have been told so far.

You need some major tools to help you all cope with this.
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. She told me this the name of the book you need to buy. She told me "I think if someone had just given me advice it wouldn't have clicked in my head. The book really walks you through how to deal with this stuff."

You can also try to turn our air purifier fan on really high so I couldn't hear him. I would go check by his door from time to time but I had to get a break from the noise too. With her second child she said it has helped to force him to take an hour long nap during the day and if he cries, he cries until he goes back to sleep and completes his hour of nap time. Then by night time he is more worn out and ready to stay down.

t is so hard and no one is blaming you for going in there to check on your crying baby. I know that rock in your stomach when you hear your baby cry. When she is out of stubbornness, she WILL fall asleep. She needs sleep. I will pray that you can see some sort of progress.

I would also call your dr. and take her in to have her just checked out. Make sure there is no possible ear aches, teeth, tummy issues. Get a clean bill of health so that you know nothing is wrong. Go over your diet if you are breast feeding. I did this a hundred times and well I cut out things just to try it and see if she would be happier. Also you can talk to your dr. about a referral to a sleep disorder clinic.

Now last night I tried something. I warmed up some milk and had a small bit last night with dinner. And well my daughter that will not sleep more than 5 to 30 min has been sleeping beautifully all night. She woke for one feeding so far. So maybe you can try something like that.

Good Luck to you!