3 Month Old Only Wants to Be with Me

Updated on July 31, 2011
L.B. asks from Canandaigua, NY
13 answers

My daughter is 3 months old and already seems to be experiencing separation anxiety. Whenever my husband holds her she just screams and cries. Last Friday she continued to be upset for over 2 hours! She scratched herself from flailing around. I ended up having to come home from work early, and as soon as she was in my arms, she immediately calmed down. This happens ALL the time. She just wont calm down with him. It is so heartbreaking because he wants to bond so badly. We just don't understand. He feels like he doesn't even want to hold her now because all she ever does is cry. And I can hardly get a break...ever. Please help........

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

Featured Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.S.

answers from Spokane on

TOTALLY agree with SH! All 3 of my babies do/did this and you know what? Not only do they outgrow it (eventually!), but my older 2 have even gone through Daddy-ONLY phases that made *me* the outsider :o)

Tell Daddy not to take it personally and to keep trying. It'll be SO worth it for when she snuggles into his chest :o)

2 moms found this helpful

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

It is NORMAL.
Nothing wrong with her.
Separation Anxiety... just so you know, occurs at ALL ages.
And is manifested differently, per the age of the child.

Tell Hubby, DO NOT take it personally.
It is not personal.
This is all, part of the development of a baby and child.
ALL babies, bond with their Mommy. First and foremost.
She is only 3 months old.

Get the book "What To Expect The First Year", and "What To Expect The Toddler Years."

5 moms found this helpful

S.T.

answers from Kansas City on

I agree with SH. plus, babies are very intuitive, and can sense when we are nervous or upset or sad and they react. maybe after the first time or two of her crying now he is nervous and she is reacting to that. or sometimes certain things can frighten or confuse a baby. a friend of mines little girl didnt like to be held by men with facial hair. my two year old little boy is scared of stuffed animals with big eyes...this will pass, my hubby had such a hard time with our first always crying with him but eventually they created an awesome bond! good luck!!

2 moms found this helpful

T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Sorry momma, gotta agree with S H on this one, it's very normal. Babies usually want their mommies above all else, even daddy.
That's why they say being a mom is a 24/7 job, it actually is!
Hang in there...you'll all get through it :)

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.P.

answers from Chicago on

maybe try having your husband wear your shirt that has "your scent" on it??? or maybe just put your shirt on his chest while he is holding the baby. my daugther was the same way (but she was 6 months old) when she would go to bed i would put my shirt in her crib so she could still smell me...i know that sounds weird and the shirt was far enough away from her good luck!!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.B.

answers from Rochester on

Mama,
This is normal! it does not last forever. I just answered a topic on stranger anxiety that really covers all this.

Carry her. Put her in mitts and try having her Dad carry her, but don't force it.

Use a carrier. She is only 3months. She doesn't know anything yet - she is just NEW!

My husband went through this - and didn't hold him unless absolutely necessary. I think it really affected how my son relates to him now. Even just holding him (instead of leaving him in the carrier) would have been better.

I can recommend a Moby at this age - but never outward facing (it would hurt her back).

an Ergo would work well too - if you can get the insert to allow her to sit cradled instead of splayed out. (legs together.)

I would also HIGHLY recommend a visit to the Chiropractor. My son was born c-section. Somehow, he STILL Managed to have something wrong with c1 (the very top vertebrae, still in the skull) being out of place. Find a chiro who is certified for infants. If you need one - she is in Fairport, Dr. Paula Derleth, and now her husband is certified also. A fair hike but for a visit or two - it is WORHT IT. it helped SO MUCH with spit up (and spit up was the heartbreak for me, being a breastfeeder, because it is so much work for me to make all that milk and see it go to waste!)

Carry her. Everywhere. She is needing and craving that sensation of being with you. And please ignore anyone who tells you it is spoiling the baby. Truly the spoiling is done when a baby or child is ignored.

so much more I want to say but I have to go sleep. Good luck,
M.

A.F.

answers from Chicago on

We are going through this right now too! Our son is 2 mos and cries nonstop for an hour or more every time I head to the gym. This is our third child in 4 yrs so he is old hat but makes no difference to our son! It will get easier just tell him to keep trying and hopefully a swing or floor mat or by 4 mos an exersaucer will help him out! It is tough- we know! Many hugs!

Updated

We are going through this right now too! Our son is 2 mos and cries nonstop for an hour or more every time I head to the gym. This is our third child in 4 yrs so he is old hat but makes no difference to our son! It will get easier just tell him to keep trying and hopefully a swing or floor mat or by 4 mos an exersaucer will help him out! It is tough- we know! Many hugs!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.T.

answers from New York on

Is it just when your husband holds her, or everyone? Show hubby what you do to soothe her - maybe he holds her in a way that's not comfy, leave him a shirt that you've worn without washing so that she can smell you. Does he wear cologne/aftershave? Maybe she doesn't like it.

M.P.

answers from Provo on

My son did that too. Unfortunately it took till he was about year old to grow out of it. :( I would suggest scent of you trick on a shirt, but it never worked for my son. He knew. Hang in there!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

G.T.

answers from Rochester on

My brother in law and sister in law went thru a similar situation with their first child. Here's what they did.....Try sitting on the couch with her on your lap. Have dad sit next to you so he can play with her and interact with her. Maybe that will make her more comfortable with him so that sooner or later he will be able to hold her on his own without you being there.

Do the same with feeding. Put her on your lap (in your arms) but have dad actually hold the bottle and talk to her. Eventually he may be able to hold her when feeding her as long as you are near by. Then slowly move away a little at a time.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.A.

answers from Washington DC on

your baby feels safe when she is with you because she can sense your body heat which she is used even before she was born. It is this sense, that keeps you connected with the baby. And it will take time for your baby to get adjusted to others. i would suggest you to encourage your husband to start feeding your baby and play with the baby more often. let the baby get familiar to the body heat of your husband and see how much she is going to enjoy her daddy's company....

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

N.K.

answers from Philadelphia on

Try getting the dvd Happiest Baby on the Block for your husband. There are techniques for calming a crying baby he can use. You could also get a vibration chair and a swing to try.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

N.D.

answers from New York on

Mama mia! I just posted a similar qu, but my daughter is 2! It comes and goes... just keep trying different things and try to remember that these moments are really special... My daughter is attached to me these days b/c I usually go to work and she is now with me for a month or so... she is very clingy, but is beginning to relax a bit now. I hear it just comes and goes. Nap time is vital! Good luck!

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions