3-Year Old Regressing to Act like Little Sister

K.,

I'm cracking up b/c this sounds exactly like my house! We have a 3 year old daughter and 1 year old son. From the get go - she never used a binky or bottle and wanted to have both when her brother did...she wants me to feed her...I could go on and on. I've done a lot of "ok, you can (insert the behavior) but that means you don't get to (insert the fun thing she likes to do that only big kids get to do). I try and emphasize that big kids get to do stuff little kids don't and point those special things out and praise her...even little things like play dough, going on the swings alone...I'm interested to see what everyone else says. I could use some new ideas!

This reminds me of my house also! I have a 3-year old daughter, and the "baby" is 10 months. We are still working on potty training and I think that is a big reason. She wants me to change her diaper just like her baby sister. I try to praise her every chance I get for acting like a "big girl". I also try to make her feel like she's a big help when it comes for caring for her little sister. I'll ask her to watch the baby for a minute so mommy can do something (although I'm actually still watching!). Or I will ask her to bring me a diaper, get a toy, etc. It seems to help a little, but she is still very clingy and wants a lot of attention. It is very difficult. The best advice I can give is to just give your son time to grow out of this stage. Just continue to reaffirm over and over again how much you love him and care for him. Good luck! :)

I'm not saying you are wrong, but your sentence beginning, "He thinks....." try to avoid thinking like this. I read a lot of M.'s making this comment and the truth is, we human beings haven't developed the ability to read minds yet. Think more in terms of he "might" be wanting more attention, he "might" be jealous of his sister. Why? Because in the future if you continue to think like this it will interfere with communication. I have friends who are so convinced that they are correct in what they think other people are thinking and what their motives are that they create problems in their lives because of this. Especially with kids their thoughts and motives are often very different from what adults think. You will hear stories about adults thinking the child was this or that and the child's problem was actually something very simple and easy to correct.
That said, I know how annoying regressive behavior can be. I would use a combination of ignoring it, motivating him not to behave in such a way because, " ...a big boy would be able to go to such and such or do such and such, but I guess you are too little now" and just outright saying how proud you were that he learned to walk, to talk, to run and it makes you sad to see him acting in a different way now. That it is fun to have a one year old and they need a lot of help, but that you loved being with that big boy he used to be even more.

This is normal for an older sibling to think mom is paying more attention to the young child and to start acting like the younger child.
One thing you can try is talking to him and reminding him he is the one who needs to teach her how to do things. That he needs to be mommies helper and help show her how to do things that he already can do.
You also could give him a treat for helping you and not acting like a baby. (sticker, scoop of ice cream, box of raisins, etc)

Good Luck,
S.

My 2 yr old daughter has had the same regression at times. I try to acknowledge the attention she is looking for. My 10 mo old is learning to walk, and as I encourage him to take a couple of steps to me, my 2 yr old wants to join in. We take turns and clap for my 2 yr old too. I find that if I encourage her to help her baby brother learn to do new things it helps. I also have to be consistent in my scolding (I have to lightly scold my son for the same misbehavior - and sometimes I am reminded). I just keep reminding my daughter that we need to teach our baby brother. This seems to help. I also remind my daughter all day of what a "big girl" she is. Also, during one of the baby's naps, I spend solo time with my daughter. Hope this helps.

Do I gather you think a 3-year-old is too big to be carried? Not so. A little extra attention would make her feel better and will not hurt you. She'll get over this soon enough.

Tell him that he's not a baby and he should not act like one and then tell him that you will not acknowledge him as long as he's acting like a baby. He will stop.

My son is 3 and my second son is almost 10M. Overall, I have to admit that Jacob has been awesome with his younger brother (Ryan). He shares toys, helps, gives hugs and even shares food (sometimes when we don't want him to, lol). I am so grateful for this. BUT, Jacob has regressed at times. Ryan will chew on his fingers or arm and Jacob will do the same. There are days when Jacob wants to be fed like Ryan or wants to drink from the bottle. I really think it's just normal. In our case, Jacob adores his brother and I think he mimics him to be just like him. I know that will turn around and Ryan will start wanting to act like his big brother. I kinda see it as a form of flattery to each other.

We are trying to potty-train - or at least are preparing for it - and I think that's part of our issue. He sees Ryan get a diaper change and whatnot, so he wants it.

So, what we try to do is to redirect Jacob. By this I mean if he wants to use Ryan's (smaller) sippy cup, I will get one of the big ones from the cabinet that look the same and I will tell him. "Ryan has the small one and Jacob has the big one." He loves that. I stress that Ryan is a baby and, like others have posted, I ask Jacob to 'help' teach Ryan. I explain that he is the Big Brother and he needs to show his Little Brother how to do things. It's really awesome to see him try and teach. Lol.

Some of the things I give into. If he wants me to spoon feed him a couple bites of food, so be it. But, I also have him feed me a bite or Dad. That way, it doesn't seem like it's an activity reserved just for Ryan. It makes dinner interesting sometimes. :)

I don't let him use the pacifier or bottle, though. I just tell him that Ryan has things that are his - just like he has things that are his own (his cars, books, etc).

My son did the same thing, when his sister first started crawling. Me and my husband tried everything and the only thing that worked for us was giving him lots of praise, whenever he did anything bigboyish. (like putting his dishes in the sink) We would not react to him when he acted like his little sister, and he just loved the praise so that made him want to do more to get more. I do have to tell you that it did take A LOT of patience.

Just an idea. Don't know if this will work:

Make an announcement to your son that, for the next 15/20 minutes, you will treat him just like a baby. Give him the binky, the bottle, wrap him in the blanket. Whole shebang, really get into it.

If he deviates from the "script" remind him that he's a baby, not a big boy, and he can't be both a baby and do the big boy things.

This way he gets to satisfy his need to regress, but you reinforce your point that being a little kid isn't as much fun.

My older boys are 20 months apart and the older one did that, too. He used to baby talk and it drove me crazy!! I don't really have any advice but to tell you it is normal and they will grow out of it. I like Heather's idea of spending a little time just treating the older one like a baby- if it doesn't work at least it would make you both laugh!