3 1/2 Year Old Boy Retaining Bowel Movements

You have received lots of good support here. The only thing I would add to it is aloe vera juice and plenty of fresh produce and water.

You can find a great, tasty aloe vera juice if you look under Local Business Reviews for Victorious Living with Symmetry Direct.

D. Hendon

You know I am hesitant to respond, because it is kind of crude...You know that poop "stinks", it looks funny, and can be scary for some. But you have to draw on the similarities between yourself and your son...somethink special to share...hehehe look mine stinks, mine looks funny and guess what...I have to go once, sometimes twice a day. Show him your poop when you go. Make friends with your poop...show your young fellow that it happens to everyone, everyday, make it cool...

talk to his Dr about ENCOPRESIS! My daughter has this as well.

We had the same problem. I asked a neighbor about it and she had the same problem too. The next time I could tell my son was holding his poop and really had to go, I sat him on the toilet, he was screaming, I asked my husband to go get me earplugs. I told my son he wasn't going to get up until he pooped. He screamed for 45 minutes and his poop came out. I did that a couple more times and the minutes got less and less. I sat on the bathroom floor just waiting. I explained to my son that this is where you poop, not in your pants. I would then rush him to the bathroom every time he had to go. We made a big deal of his going in the toilet - dancing and singing and a few M&M's. I eventually just stood at the bathroom door until he went. We also fed him warmed prune juice in a sippy cup in the morning to help with his fiber intake.

Hi K.,

We had exactly the same issue with my son when he potty trained. Not only was it a total control issue, but there was a bit of fear too. I was at my wits end. It made me so upset (literally crying) to see my son suffering because he simply refused to go poo on the toilet. He held his potty for 2 full days before he just couldn't hold it anymore. We had 2 days of so much crying and screaming you'd think we were torturing him. He was afraid it would get on his legs if he went in the toilet. Since it upset me so much (which in turn made my son more upset and afraid), after 2 days my husband took him to the toilet, closed the door and finally made him sit there until he went. My husband was much stronger and less emotional about making him sit there. I would give in and let him get up. Once he finally went and learned it would go into the toilet and not on him, the fear factor was gone. Then all we had to deal with was the control issue. What worked for us was letting him be in control of when he had to go. He had to tell us when he needed to go instead of us asking and asking if he needed to go. Also, there needs to be A LOT of praise. Praise him for keeping his undies clean/dry, give him applause for going in the potty, give him high-fives for telling you he needs to go, etc...make it fun to go potty. BE SILLY!! We even sang songs on the way to the restroom when he needed to go (we still do). Just make up anything to show him how happy you are that he decided to go in the potty instead of holding it. Also, NO MORE diapers/pull-ups. We went straight from diapers to undies, even at night. We worked up to it for about 3 days. I told him that once he finished his stack of diapers, there are no more and it was time to be a big boy.

I know this is a lot of info (probably more reading than you wanted), but it worked for us. Just tell your sister in law to keep up the good work and stay tough! She's not the only one who has had trouble potty training. No matter what anyone says, EVERY parent has had to go through this and it was never easy for anyone. Give her a little praise too. I know I appreciate it when I need it (which seems more often than not!!) God bless and good luck.

N.

Hi,
My son was severely constipated for 3 years! Finally got it under control by age 4. I got very tired of everyone (specialists included) telling me it was a control issue. When you increase fruit (water, fiber etc..)and they are still constipated, clearly it is not simply control. After literally years of trial and error, specialists, (colon biopsies!) diet changes, laxitives and even enemas :( it was finally determined he had an inverse ratio of diameter with regard to his colon - which allowed too large of stools to form. There is plenty more to it but the fact is, it was not simply "control" as I was repeatedly told.
In the end, the supplement that helped the most was the addition of flax seed oil to his diet. Cannot say if it would work in every case, but for us it was simple and effective. Miralax worked ok too but I wanted something natural. We put it in smoothies, stir it into yogurt etc...but my favorite way is to pour the oil off the peanut butter and replace it with flax oil - you can do this gradually so he gets used to the taste. Buy ONLY a proven brand (with lignan is best -we like "Barleans") and keep it refridgerated!
Another note, do not increase fiber without also increasing water intake!
Many say that bananas are binding, I have found this is not so as long as they are ripe.
Ok, I just realized this may not be the situation your s-i-l is dealing with but will leave it here for any readers who may be dealing with constipation (I know it is fairly common) and emotionally draining I might add!
My youngest son would go off and poo in his pull-up in private, under the table, in the closet...it seemed to be a short phase where he had simply become super aware of the
whole process yet was not quite ready for the potty. It did not last long and praise worked well.
Sorry for perhaps getting off subject, good luck and feel free to write ~
T.

My 5 yr old son has the sampe problem. It is because he's afraid it will hurt when the bowel passes.
We are reading this book called "It Hurts When I Poop: A Story for Children Who are Scared To Use the Potty". Many moms swore by it so we are giving it a try. It is a control issue but the more he gets educated, the less he seems afraid. Little by little he is trying, but so far nothing yet. It takes alot of love and patience but we'll get there soon...Good Luck!

It IS a control issue.

My only advice is to largely ignore it and not make a big deal about it. And definitely don't get mad at him about it. My oldest son had excess poop in his underpants on occasion until the age of 8. And in hindsight I know the best remedy would have been to just quietly clean it up.

And 3-1/2 is still very young, and boys especially can still have potty training issues at that age.

I have seen this too in my child care (my morning break now). The first child's Mom had breast cancer and was taking chemo. With kids, stress comes and then the toilet training goes....a couple others too. Take the pressure off by telling the child to come when they are finished and you will help them clean up. Wipe them up and hand them their clean pullups/underwear and clothes to put back on themselves. Some parents say their kids are in underwear all day but at night ask for a pull up to go in a corner and poop by themselves. They fear the poop going down the toilet. I have read they feel it is like a part of them and they are fearful when they see it go down the toilet. So many things it could be but the main thing is to take the pressure off and have patience that he will go in the toilet when the time is right. F.

My five year old still does that from time to time- and more so when he is stressed out. What has worked for us to alleviate some of the accidents is to make him clean up his own mess. He has the wipes, he washes his undies in the toilet and then leaves them in a bucket by the toilet. My son had this problem from the time we started him using the toilet (at age 3-ish) until this past November when we started making him clean it up (a little older than 4 and a half). We tried all the bribes, charts, threats, and punishments to no avail. We also tried putting him back in diapers/pull ups and ignoring the problem thinking he would get sick of the feeling of being soiled. He didn't care. On the advice of a preschool teacher friend, I told him one night "OK, this is your last day of diapers. Mommy isn't going to change your diapers any more, so you need to wear your big boy underwear." So the next day, he wore his underwear, and he peed in the toilet just fine (when we put him back in the dipes or pullups he just stopped using the toilet; when he was naked, he always used the toilet, even for poops, so I knew it wasn't a medical issue.) When he had his "accident," I said, very calmly, "Oh no. You had an accident. The wipes are on the counter in the bathroom. Go take of your clothes and clean off your buns." He threw a tantrum, which I ignored, and I put him in the bathroom. Then I got the bucket while he was cleaning himself, and I told him to clean his underwear in the toilet and get all the poops off of them and leave them in the bucket. He threw a really big fit, yelled and told me that cleaning was my job. I stayed calm and told him I would be back in a few minutes to help him wash his hands. He kept on for about 10 minutes before he finally cleaned them out, then I went in and helped him wash his hands, and we went to play puzzles after he got dressed again. The next day was a little smoother. By a week later, he was cleaning himself without a tantrum, and by three weeks he wasn't having accidents. After about a month of no accidents, he started having them again, but only every third day or so. No it is about twice a week- and I try to keep an eye on him when he has finished lunch and it's his time... I tell him I can hear the poop trying to come out and he better go put them in the toilet! That makes his eyes widen with surprise (that I can hear them), and he usually goes when I tell him that. We also have a joke about the poops going through the sewer to a poop party (he once asked where they all went).

I hope this is not too much information, and that your SIL finds it helpful. It definitely helped me when I posted a similar question to know that my son was not the only one! It was/is so frustrating.

I know several people who have dealt with this same problem. They thought it was an emotional control issue. For most, it turned out to be a physical issue. Constipation (hard feces that are difficult to pass) causes children to try to hold it because they know it will probably be painful. I think it is important to take the next step and look for the REASON for the constipation in the first palce. One of the main reasons for constipation is a food intolerance. Dairy and especially gluten intolerances are known to cause constipation.

Both my girls had constipaton (difficult to go and hard, sometimes large, stools). I actually had this problem as a child and even as an adult. After I was diagnosed with an auto-immune disorder, I found out I am gluten intolerant. I cannot have any gluten which is found in wheat, barley, rye and often in oats. This is a genetic condition. It is similar to Celiac disease but does not cause the same level of damage to the intestines. You'll have to do a little reading on the internet to understand the difference but it is worth the time to figure out if it is your child's issue or not. It is a long story but I found my daughters have gluten intolerance as well. When I took them off all gluten grains, (against the advice of a pediatric gastroenterologist who wouldn't listen to me!) the constipation stopped!!! So did the rashes and canker sores they were getting which are some of the symptoms some people may have with this condition. Doctors will tell you this is a rare condition but it really is not. Check it out! Might help!

One friend of mine had this problem with her daughter for 9 years before she pushed the doctors to have her allergy tested and tested for gluten antibodies. They had never even thought to look at it from that point of view.

Please contact me if you would like to know more of the symptoms. Sometimes you can look at symptoms in other family members (Autoimmune conditions such as diabetes, thyroid disorders or arthritis. Canker sores, digestive issues, anemia, frequesnt headaches, behavioral problems, aches in muscles and joints, allergies and frequent sinus problems.) You can look online for articles to help you figure out if gluten intolerance might be the problem. Search "gluten constipation" or "gluten intolerance symptoms."

Here is one article on encopresis that a few people mentioned to you:
http://www.enzymestuff.com/rtencopresis.htm

This site is helpful to see if celiac or gluten intolerance might be an issue. The is a whole section on symptoms:
http://www.celiaccentral.org/About-Celiac-Disease/21/

As another mom said, I would wait until he had to go (when he'd want to go off or would get under his covers - even under his bed) and I would sit him on the toilet, kicking and screaming. I would say "it's not bad" and after a minute or two, he went. It only took a few times of doing that and by the third or fourth day, he was going on his own.

We had the same problem with our son. He started about that age. He is 6 now and still has a problem sometimes. We really have to make sure he goes so he dosn't get "stopped up" We took him to a couple drs and for a while he was on miralax. We disolved it in his juice once a day. He didn't taste it at all. It would soften his stool and keep him regular. We also tried to give him as much fiber as we could. When he would refuse to go it would be days, then he would be in so much pain but he would clench his little cheeks together so nothing would come out. We would have to sit with him and rub his back so he would finally go. And after holding it for so long, his poop would be so hard and big it would give him hemroids from pushing so hard. You can get miralax otc now I think. That really helped us! Hope they find something that does help, I know how miserable it can be. S.

This is so common! there's a really cute book called "Everyone Poops" that might help open up a dialog with the little guy. Also they shouldn't punish him for sneaking off if they really feel he's afraid of the process.
Our son was afraid of falling in so we bought a little potty seat that sits on the regular toilet seat and took that sucker with us everywhere until he felt like he didn't need it anymore and I made a huge deal if he went in the toilet - we lit a candle and cheered and let him blow it out - my son LOVES birthday parties so we had poop parties.
Dorky - but it worked. Keep a sense of humor and encouragement and he'll get it. Nobody goes to prom in Pull-Ups. ;)

I went through this as a child so when my son started doing this, I had ideas of "do's" and "don'ts" in mind and my ideas created greater success for him than I had had.

First, we used "expectant praise" with our son, who was still doing this behavior in the second year of preschool. He would request a diaper to poop in, but use underwear at other times. We told him that he would eventually poop in the potty when the time was right for him. In short, we predicted his success on his own terms and took the shame and worry and pressure away.

Our sons stools were hard, likely due to holding poops in (I saw stool streaks in his underwear) so we also gave him mineral oil regularly (with juice or soda chasers) to soften the stools up first so he would be more likely to have success passing them comfortably on the potty. . Stool softening may be important to do first (check with a doctor ) because it can be hard to pass a hard stool, contributing to holding it in to avoid the pain of a hard stool. It becomes a vicious cycle too difficult for the child to resolve themselves. To tell a child to sit on the potty for "practice" under these conditions could make the whole pooping thing more traumatic and scary - it did for me, which is why I realized not to do this for my son.

We also told him that when he pooped in the potty, we would take him out to the toy store to get him a present (we tried to store prizes in the house but it became "pressure" so we stopped doing that.) Our child just turned 5, when this problem finally resolved in a matter of 3 poops in the potty, after the stool softening. We got him 3 prizes and after that, he did not need incentive. We also kept low key about his success because again, the point was it was on his terms. Jumping up and down about his pooping would have bothered him. He has not had problems since, in that area, but remains a control-oriented child who is quirky but happy and thriving in middle school. Part of his control issues come from being highly gifed, so I have found solutions to his ongoing, somewhat different, parenting needs in the gifted literature. It's not been only about the poop thing....this can just be the first sign of a child who needs more control than other children.

I hope this helps. I also know a middle schooler with continuing poop issues. My issues went on for years, which is why I strongly encourage parents to back off from control issues. My child has been spared that pattern.

Look up a medical condition called encopresis, which involves deliberately holding in poop. That's likely what he has. Our son has it, too. If this sounds right, she'll want to get in touch with the pediatrician for guidance.

Hope this helps,
M.