3 1/2 Year Old "Abusing" Puppy

Pretend the puppy is another kid, would you allow your son to do that? I think not. Time outs and reinforcing "we do not hit" as many times as necessary. I like what another poster said about "Family Time."

I also don't think you should leave them alone. One should always be with you if you need to leave the room. I know it's inconvenient, but both puppy and child need supervision.

Hi J.,

Your son is absolutely old enough to know what he is doing is wrong and has consequences. Give him some. Any type of hitting to an animal or to a person is worthy of a serious consequence. My pediatrician recommends an immediate time out for hitting! Otherwise, I also take away a favored toy and put it an "away" box for a day. Good luck, but nip that in the bud! :)

My daughter does the same but mostly to people and especially those she is closer with. All of us have scratches on our arms and faces from this horrible behavior. She's a doll though otherwise. It's just impossible to deal with, so I know how you feel. You need to just be consistent with your words and actions. I'd ditch the "experiences pain" wording and just say "No no - that hurts puppy - or - No Boo Boos to Puppy" and keep it simple so your child can understnad. He doesn't do it to be mean (that's what everyone's telling me). He's doing it to test reactions and/or get attention. I tell Emma that it's a NO NO on the first try. If she does it again, I tell her we're going in time out if she does it again. Then if she does do it again, she has to have the time out. You have to be consistent. Good luck!

Hi J.,

I think your son is old enough to understand.
It kind of seems like your son resents the puppy.
Maybe he sees her as a threat since he's not the "baby" anymore. I would agree about not leaving them alone together, especially when you have this issue. You don't want the puppy to start resenting your son and eventually snapping back.

We have small 8lb dogs and a son who is 2. Sometimes he tries to be rough with them (yanking on their tails, throwing things at their heads or even biting them) but we do not allow this behavior at all. He gets scolded and even put in timeout if he tries to do it again. Right after he does something like hitting or biting the dogs, we scold him, turn around and pay a lot of attention to the dogs and then talk to him about why what he did was wrong. We also have him apologize to the dogs with a hug.
I think you have to be very stern when it comes to young children being rough with animals...And make sure the puppy has his own area where your son isn't allowed so the puppy can get away if need be.

I would make sure the puppy stays in your view when your son is with the puppy. Nipping your son's behavior with time outs or consequences are all good. Allowing him to hit the dog should be stopped. Set clear goals on acceptable behavior and what your children can do with the puppy (i.e. teach the puppy a new trick for, at least, 15 minutes each day). Have family time where you all play together so that he sees the family interact with the dog. My kids are not quite that young but we have a 7 month old puppy and have adopted "our family time w/ the dog" on Sunday mornings right after a nice breakfast. Taking the dog, with the family to training school, so your son is involved may help. The dog probably jumps a lot or may use their teeth to play and your son may not like that. Your son should be old enough to be trained to learn how to adapt to handling a puppy. Good luck.

I am sure its normal. of course with all the terrible things we see on tv this is scary. I learned with my older son some children are not born with empathy and we have to teach it. I would just use time outs for 3 min and then get on his level and talk about it. We are religious so I also use talk about how God loves us and does not want us to hurt his creatures etc... My kids think its neat that dog is God spelled backwards to. good luck.

Well, what happens when he does it? What is the puppy's reaction? Is he laughing, (not in an evil way, but an entertained way)? Perhaps the puppy's reaction makes him laugh and he is so amused by it. Unless the puppy cries or barks I don't think the child understand that what he/she are doing is actually affecting the animal. We have two kittens. They are four months old and each between 3 and 4 pounds. My daughter does bother them a lot. She's like Darla from Finding Nemo. Anyway, I know she does it because she wants to love them and or take care of them. One of them was in the sink and she freaked out and wanted to take him out. But the way she was picking him up could have broken his legs. He was fine. She will also laugh at them scurrying away from her when she bounces around them. So she is not trying to torcher them she is just amused by their reaction. However, I am around her and making sure I use every opportunity to teach her how to handle them, care for them, protect them and play with them. So don't worry about him actually abusing if you think this is the case, but do continue to be there and teach him as you are doing now. p.s. my daughter just turned 3.

I'd also weigh in that your son is old enough to understand that he shouldn't do this to the puppy. Even if he can't not yet empathize that his actions hurt the puppy, he is definitely mature enough to understand there will be certain consequences to his actions, whether it's a time-out, or something else.

We have an almost 18-month old boy who has been raised with two shiba inu dogs. We always supervise their interactions, and when we can't, we'll gate the dogs on a separate floor. There is also a good book called "Tails are Not for Pulling" that does a nice job of explaining how to treat pets. We often read this to our son. Now Isaac is very gentle with the dogs. He knows he'll gets praised for petting them gently and not scaring them, and he'll be removed from the situation if he's touching them too hard.

Ironically, this is the same training approach we've taken with our dogs, who are extremely well-behaved -- reward the desired behaviors, and change the situation to discourage unwanted behaviors.

3 1/2 is definitely old enough to understand! I'm not sure what I would do but when little girl even holds our cat too tight, and the cat starts crying, she gets put in the naughty chair. We also tell her that if she doesn't start to listen to how she is making the cat feel, the cat will have to go to a home where she won't get hurt. We have two dogs and two cats. She has been taught to treat them gently.

Hitting a puppy on the head, no matter what the dog weighs, could really hurt the puppy. I'd be doing some serious punishing around their the next time it happens. If it doesn't stop, you should either not leave your son alone with the dog, or for the sake of the dog, give him to a home where he won't get abused.

It is developmentally appropriate behavior. Obviously, you need to try to get him to stop for the puppies sake but you shouldn't be alarmed by it or scold him and I definitely wouldn't do time outs as they only put distance between you and your child. If you want your child to have close relationships and sympathy/empathy, then shoving him off to timeout is the exact opposite of what he needs. At his age, he doesn't know about empathy or hurting etc. You can explain those concepts but it will be some time before he really understands. I would show him examples of how he should pet the dog and "be gentle" etc. There are some good books that discuss child development at different stages. One is by Ames and Ilg and they have a book for each year. They explain well that a child being a child doesn't mean the child will do those behaviors as an adult. Another is Smart Love by Martha Heineman Pieper and William Pieper.

He is certainly old enough to know what he is doing, after you've explained to him. I would not tolerate this type of behavior. I would speak to your pediatrician or other professional, such as a psychologist about this behavior. Most children are considerate and gentle with pets, once they are told that they are to be gentle with the "baby".

Hi J. - You certainly have received a wide range of opinions about whether your son's behavior is worrisome, which it sounds like is more your question than what to do about the poor puppy. That's good, because I really don't have any great suggestion about what to do - but if you come up with a solution, please let me know (LOL!) since I am experiencing something similar with my 3-year-old son's behavior toward 1 of our 2 cats (he occasionally likes to scare the cat) and toward my 5-month-old son (he occasionally likes to pick up one of the baby's soft toys and throw it in the direction of the baby - not hard, but not exactly gently either if there is such a thing!).

As for your main concern about whether your son's behavior is normal, I think you hit the nail on the head: "for a boy his age." Considering his gender and the fact that he is only 3, I wouldn't be concerned unless your son is exhibiting other behaviors consistently pointing toward his being violent or malicious. You didn't mention anything like that though, so my guess is that he is a perfectly normal little boy who is as likely to do something shocking to the poor dog (because, as Ella P. wrote about her daughter and their cats, he is "just amused by their reaction") as he is to hug and kiss you and be the sweetest, most loving child in the world.

My oldest, a now-5-year-old girl (is your 5-year-old also a girl?), has never done anything aggressive or mean to either of our cats or her two younger brothers as babies. I think boys - or at least some of them like yours and mine - are just "wired" differently. Plus, at only 3 years old, they seem very curious about, and entertained by, the reactions of both living and inanimate things - which I'm sure is why, much to my chagrin, my son likes to (1) scare 1 of our 2 cats (that one visibly reacts by nervously scurrying away, which amuses my son, whereas the other cat, who is much more laid-back, stays put and barely flinches), (2) dump his food or milk on the floor; and (3) throw a toy in the direction of the baby. Here's a new one - yesterday when I was teaching my daughter to ride her bike on the driveway without training wheels, my son deliberately steered his bike into hers and knocked them both over - fortunately, neither of them was hurt, but his explanation, which I absolutely believe, was that he "just wanted to see what would happen."

As Toni S. wrote, "I don't think your son is doing it to be cruel. I think he's doing it to be, well, three!" I couldn't have said it better myself. :)

Don't worry, J., as your son gets older, I'm sure he'll outgrow his curiosity about, and fascination with, the dog's reaction, and the hitting will stop. Obviously, though, do whatever you can in the meantime to deter/prevent the hitting, but don't beat yourself up over it or freak out about your very "normal" little 3-year-old son.

Hugs,
L.

Most shelters and foster agencies won't let a family with children that young adopt a puppy for just this reason. Toddlers can do a lot of damage to small animals. He is young, but I think you can train him to understand what he is doing is wrong. I would make it a point to tell him he cannot continue to do this, and I would reinforce that by taking away any toy he throws and putting it away for a long time. I also would never let the puppy out with him unless I was right there by them. My cousin's son at that age killed a kitten by carrying it around by the neck. I don't know how big your puppy is, but I wouldn't risk leaving them alone. Depending on how big the toys are he is throwing, he could really hurt her.

Instead of focusing on what not to do, what about focusing on what TO DO? Teaching your son about "gentle touches" with the puppy (and others) sets the example of what he can do. Teach him (physically move his hand on the dog) to pet the dog. Talk about the dog's soft ears, soft fur, fluffy tail, etc. Teaching your son to give the dog a treat can help too.

My thoughts are that by teaching him acceptable ways of touching the dog, he'll understand and know how he should behave around the puppy.

I have a 6 year old lab and a 2 year old son. We took every opportunity to teach my son what was acceptible behavior with Max and have found that there was only one instance when he didn't treat the dog nicely. He was mad at me and was walking past the dog and I just knew he was going to do it...he shoved the dog. Now the dog is 93 pounds so it didn't even phase him. But we responded quickly and told my son that this behavior was not nice and that he needed to tell "dog dog" that he was sorry.

Because of our reaction and the extra attention the dog got "Max, are you okay? Poor dog." Our son knew what he'd done was wrong and almost immediately felt remorse and wanted to tell the dog he was sorry and give him a hug.

Teaching the positive ways your son can interact may eliminate the negative. It all needs to be supervised though as no matter how big a marshmallow the dog is, it's still a dog and their behaviors can be unpredictable.

My older son is 3 and we have two large German Shepherds (65 lbs and 95 lbs). We keep our dogs and our boys separated unless we are actually in the room. That way we can head off any unwanted behavior immediately. My son hasn't ever shown any aggression with the dogs at this point, so we haven't had to address it. He does like to hit when he is mad and we are just very very consistent and swift with our discipline. If he hits anyone he gets an immediate time-out. When we first started time-outs, we would warn him but at this point he knows hitting is a no-no and he doesn't get a warning. He will actually TELL us when he's going to hit one of us "Hit Mama" and will raise his hand and stare us down...testing. I will say, "If you hit, you'll go in time out." 9 out of 10 times he won't hit one of us after that.

So, I do think that they know what they're doing at that age. I don't think they know the true consequences of hitting a dog (obviously), but they know it's wrong.

Would I be worried about your son acting that way towards the dog? Yes and no. I don't think your son is doing it to be cruel. I think he's doing it to be, well, three! Lol. I think he's just testing his limits with you. My fear is that the dog will get fed up and at 30 pounds (and growing), I'd bet that he's not much smaller than your son. Dogs can be patient animals, but they have limits. I'd keep your pup and your son(s) separated unless you or your husband can be there for direct supervision.

When you are around and your son does something inappropriate, I'd scoop him up and send him to time out immediately. Then, after he's done, explain like you have been and make him say sorry to the puppy.

Just my thoughts. I'm sure others will have some to share, too.

Good luck.

I would not leave your son with the puppy for any period of time. He can hurt the dog or the dog can bite him if it feels threatened, as any animal would. If he cannot be nice to the puppy i would not let him near it. And if he is not corrected now, his actions can get worse as he gets older, hitting other people, or not thinking about feelings of others. If you cannot get him to stop, i would talk to a therapist sooner than later.

Wow I posted almost the same post several months back. Just stay on top of the behavior always showing your son to pet nicely, to play nicely with the dog. I had the same situation with my daughter she is 4 now, but for a while she was mean to the dogs at daycare and I was worried that one day they would in turn bite her. I made her bring a dog toy or treat and apologize to the dog the next morning when the occasions happened. I got her a cat at home so I could monitor and modify her behavior with animals and now it doesn't seem to be a problem anymore.