Hello fellow Mommies! I have a predicament i've never had to face before...i have 3 other children, but my new baby girl is totally different than any of my others had been personality wise...she cries, no, screams, when someone other than Mommy tries to hold her! She is that way with our husband, and he absoulutely is heartbroken. He gets upset about it. I have to remind him that she is only 14 wks. old, and that he has been in this world for 37 years, so his coping skills SHOULD be better than hers! :) I feel for him, because he loves to hold and snuggle our babies. He was that way with all of them, and he feels he's missing out on bonding. I do breastfeed, so he can't bond over bottlefeeding unfortunately. She (Josie) even cries when our 14 yr.old daughter holds her for longer than 1 minute. She will flirt and smile with family (And strangers) if Mommy is holding her. When they get sucked in by her charm and ask to hold her, i cringe! Perfect example: 2 weeks ago i went to our 8 yr. old daughters Parent/teacher conference...when we were done, her teacher asked to hold Josie...i warned the teacher of her disposition, but she wanted to give it a try...sure enough, as soon as i passed her off ,Josie craned her neck 360 degrees like an owl (Looking for me) then starting waling! Will she grow out of this?!? I cannot get a break. Even when i grocery shop, she prefers to be with me in a baby bjorn carrier. No family member can hold her for very long without her having a complete meltdown. I cannot leave her with my parents to babysit, because she'll cry until sweat is pouring off of her! Is this normal? I am a Mom of 4 and feel like i have NO experience under my belt! My husband has said that if our first child was like her, we'd probably only have one kid!!! :) I LOVE her to no end, she is my heart, but Momma needs a break! Help!
I know it's a little sacrifice, but why don't you trying pumping some of your breast milk and allowing your husband to bottle feed her once in a while? Of course she'd have to adjust to latching onto a bottle once in a while. If it works it'd give you a little free time too.
Just a thought... When we had to leave our little ones in the NICU they recommended that I sleep with a blanket and then leave it for them as a comfort. Wonder if the same would help your little one, if she had something that smelled like you maybe she'd go to others more easily. God bless. J.
My daughter was the same way---only mommy & no one else but mommy would do. She is our first child & the first grandchild to all her grandparents, and everyone was hurt & sad because only I could hold her--and she screamed if I put her down for a second.
So I held her tight, loved her with all my heart, and tried every few days to let someone else hold her. My arms were aching, I was so tired, but I just keep thinking that it would pass soon.
The first breakthrough came with time. At around 4.5 months daddy could hold her when I wasn't in the room. Within a few weeks, she allowed my husband to hold her even when I was there. But he was the only one. She would shriek when my mother-in-law or sister-in-law picked her up, and they would hurriedly pass her back to me.
When she was almost 6 months old, we were at a party & another mom begged to hold her. I warned her it might be difficult especially since it was the first time my daughter had ever met her, but this experienced mom held out her hands and asked my daughter's permission before picking her up. My daughter looked up into her face & held up her arms to be picked up, and only then did the other mom pick her up. She didn't cry the whole night, and I enjoyed my first real break since my daughter was born.
I'd love to say things changed overnight, but they didn't. Sometimes she let people hold her, other times not. It wasn't until she was almost 10 months old that she let her grandma hold every time we went to visit.
I thought for a while I was doing something wrong, but I realized that was just her intense personality. Now at 11 months, she will crawl towards grandma and reach for her FROM MY ARMS because she intensely loves her. She will scream with delight "Dada, dada!" when daddy comes into the room & loves him so much it makes me cry with the beauty of it.
Your daughter will bond soon with your husband and everyone else & you'll get your much deserved and needed break! Hang in there mommy--you’re doing great!
I would say let dad hold her while you leave the room. You have to give her the chance to learn to feel comfortable with different people. Let her cry (certainly not for a long period of time...VERY short spells), but also give her the opportunity to get to know "the comfort of dad". You can hand her off to daddy and say something like "Mommy will be right back". Start with 5 minutes at a time, and when those 5 minutes are up return to her and say something to the effect of "Mommy came back, just like she promised".
Our son used to do this, but at a later age. He wanted his mommy and wasn't interested in others holding him. It was even tough to leave him in a swing or a exersaucer while I went to the bathroom or ran upstairs to get something - he'd scream when I would get out of his line of sight, but I would just say to him "Mommy's gotta go potty, and I'll be right back" or "Mommy needs to get something from upstairs and I'll be right back". We started with 'daddy practice' time every evening and he eventually learned that daddy is fun AND learned that when I said I would come back, I always did. He is now in daycare and has never had any separation anxiety (not yet anyhow...he is still only 9 months) and is very receptive to others holding him and playing with him.
Give you daughter the opportunity to learn that other people are okay, fun, and loving and try not to rush back to her everytime. To be the best mommy that you can be, you need to be healthy and have some time to yourself as well.
This is exactly how my daughter was at that age. Her doctor suggested to me at the time that my husband should bring her to me when she needed to eat. This way she would learn that daddy is how she will get to you to eat, especially during the night time hours.
I don't remember what I did for her to not scream when someone else held her. I think it just went away with time.
We had this problem with my daughter when she was younger. I would just let someone else hold her, but stay in her eyesight. Put your hand on her back and tell her that she's ok. Just keep doing this. Eventually she'll understand that you're not going to leave her. Then you can start leaving the room for short periods of time. It's a phase that a lot of babies go through. She may be suffering from some separation anxiety. It's perfectly normal. It should blow over soon. Also, when you are home with her, don't hold her all the time. If she knows that when you leave the room, you'll come back, that will help.
