2Yr Old Hitting 1 Yr Old for No Reason at All

Sounds to me like he is asking for attention. He gets it when he hits, even if it is negative attention he is still getting what he wants. I would talk to him about how he feels when people are mean to him and explain that if he is feeling aggressive then he should let you know and together you can make a plan. I know this sounds crazy, but it worked well with my daughter. She now lets me now that "I am having a hard day" and she goes into her room and screams into her pillow and kicks the mattress a bit. Then when she comes out I pay extra attention to her. I ask what she wants to do and we play one on one for a little while. She is much better with her brother now that we do this.
Good luck!

There is a reason! He's two! This is all normal at his age, and you as the Mom just need to be on top of it. Negative discipline, you hitting him, yelling etc. won't help, but will actually cause more of this behavior. A firm, but gentle removal of him from the situation is much better. Even better yet is to help him learn how to play with his little brother gently. And do be sure you are demonstrating to him that if the younger one is doing something to him you will deal with that as well. Even at age one, a little guy gets the idea of how to antagonize an older sibling quite quickly.
You will probably need to evaluate your activities of the day so that you can spend more time directly monitoring the playtime with your boys. The quickest way to see the rough behavior start is for Mom to be busy with household chores and seeming to not be watching what the children are doing. Find a way to do most of your jobs when the kids are napping if you can, or wait until Dad is around and have him watch the boys while you do chores. And by all means, simplify what you need to do, in order that you aren't totally tiring yourself out with household duties and taking care of the kids.
If you are truly depressed, you might also want to consider seeing a Dr., because that in itself my be contributing to the problem you are seeing in your boys' behavior.

Currently we have nine boys in our child care and three girls. I hear you loud and strong. We have two boys who currently hit without reason. We bought two sets of large white fence with two gates so that the ones building with trains or legos are not bothered by the three little ones.
We also have a gate to our kitchen so that the kids drawing, painting, playing with table toys are not bothered by other children. It does help to divide the kids. The child hitting is "stuck to me like glue" while we go through the day so I can see him every second. But you are home; so I would suggest a gate to his bedroom so that his door can be open and he doesn't feel seclued. Time in the living room or kitchen with you sitting holding the baby watching him play and comment on what he is doing so he gets extra attention from his Mommy. Or for short times, put the baby in his high chair with a toy or two so he can be safe and play. Play pens are find for short periods of time too. And keep talking to your oldest son about how little brother loves him and looks up to him. It takes time and kids have different personalities; friendly, fearful and fiesty. Some of my boys are so friendly and happy playing, I have one that is very quiet and shy and fearful doing things. And the two who are fiesty who want to tell everyone else what to do and when to do it. But we all have to get along in the world. Does your oldest son get outside to play? That really helps alot too; I have some kids inside and some outside with my husband and they need to run, jump, ride trikes, climb, etc. to use up some of their energy. Maybe you have someone that can care for the kids so you can get out of the house for lunch with a friend or a date night with hubby? This too shall pass...
F.

Of course he has a reason: he was KING before the little one arrived, and his majesty has been "dethroned." He is hurting, but he is too little to tell you about it, and too little to understand talking, yelling, or timeouts, so you just have to be vigilant. When he comes near the baby watch him like a hawk, and if he starts to hit, grab him, physically move him away from the baby, and tell him "No! You can't hit your brother!" Then distract him, as soon as possible, with some other activity, like "Look, here's your big truck! Let's find some cargo for that truck!"

At the same time, he needs some special one-on-one attention. You and your husband should take turns, several times a week, taking him out for a special "me and mommy (or daddy) time," while the other spouse stays with the baby. It sounds like it would be good for you to get out of the house, too--- go to the park, or take a walk.

Hello,

You've received some terrific advice, and I want to agree with the idea of finding some one-on-one time with your older child. I know this seems impossible, but you can do amazing things in helping your child feel special in a matter of just minutes. When moms get overwhelmed, our relationships with our kids kind of go on autopilot. We become reactive instead of pro-active. Our relationships with our kids end up happening when they demand something from us or when they do something wrong.

Try to add at least 5 "alone" moments with your 2-year old each day. When he walks into the room, smile and acknowledge him. When he asks you a question, stop and look into his eyes to have your conversation. Invite him to help stir the soup, match the socks, or hold the dustpan. These kinds of interractions will go a long way to reminding your son how special he is to you. And if you're talking to your older son and your younger son tries to interrupt (which I'm sure happens a thousand times a day), ask your younger son to wait a moment, and give your older son your full (as much as you can) attention. Then, when you're done with him, give your younger son your full attention.

Good luck!

this is something you see boys do...it is just a way to say..no don't take my toy....boys have a harder time to verbalize...but then again, he might have some jealousy towards the one year old.....maybe some one on one time with the two year old might help.

Dear S.,

First of all take heart you are not alone. Both your boys still need to be taught there is NO good reason for hitting and especially not head butting and kicking. The only way they will learn at this age is by repetitive discipline. Time outs at this age can’t be too long, but there can and should be as many as it takes throughout the day, especially for the older child. I wouldn’t do time outs in the bed or crib, because they will begin to see nap and bed time as punishment. You may already have a designated spot for time outs.

They will probably turn out to be best buddies being so close in age. Just keep reinforcing the “love your brother” theory and hopefully get your husband to give you a little break (time for yourself) when he gets home.

Blessings…..

My brother used to do this to me and it was because he did not get enough attention from my parents. So he did it to get attention. Because even negative attention (yelling, discipline, etc.) is attention. I recommend making sure you spend some one on one time with the older one (just the older one) every day so that he feels like he is just as special as the younger one. Being 1 year apart, he probably still needed a lot of personal attention at 12 months old and then lost it because it all went to the newborn which takes more focus than a 1 year old. So he needs to know that he is just as important as the other child. He hates the other child right now because the other child took your attention away from him. Very typical for an older sibling - especially so close in age. Get your husband/partner or someone else involved so that that person can be with one child alone while you are with the other child alone. And then switch children. If you always make these 2 kids feel like they are 1/2 of the same person (they never get alone time with mom or dad) then there will always be a huge amount of competition between them.

Two is still kinda young to understand the reason for being in time out & smacking him back is not the answer either....you're telling him not to hit by hitting him. I so know your pain....my boy are 4.5 yrs apart & he 8.5 yo has really struggled w/the addition of his rother & it's been 4 years! Tehyounge rborhter learned much ealrier how to hit & so will your youngest. What we try is for me to arrange time or 'dates' for my oldest & myself. Maybe while theyounger one is napping, you & the older one can have some time togeth or when his dad is at home, maybe you cna go do somethingpeial w/just the older son. W're also big fans of praising the postive. Whenever & for anything (big or small) you see the older one doing somehting nice to the younger one, lavish him w/praise telling him how nice that is & what a good big borther he is. At 2, this will probably have a bigger impact on him than any form of punishment. Also, remember it's OK for you to need a break, as well. Do you have anyone who can watch the boys for you....a neighbor, friend or relative? Make sure you enlist Daddy's help in this area, as well. Best of luck!

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