2Yo Boy Bullying My 15Mo Daughter...

Updated on January 31, 2011
K.E. asks from Monmouth Beach, NJ
11 answers

My sitter has a scheduling conflict and has asked if she can bring a 2yo boy she sometimes watches over to my house for a couple of hours. She forgot that she had committed to this other mom so she can run an important errand - her day was originally dedicated to watching my daughter. This boy has been to our house once before - he is the youngest of 3 boys. He was quite rambunctious - which was to be expected - but he was also kind of a bully with my little daughter. I know he is young and doesn't know a whole lot better plus has two older brothers who are pushing him around. But, I just don't know if I'm comfortable having him over again after what I witnessed the last time. He was playing with my daughter's toys and would swat her hand away if she tried to play with him, or when he was on one of her slides he tried to kick her away when she came up to try an get on it with him. She is a very sweet and playful baby who loves playing with other kids and this little guy continuously pushed and shoved her making her cry over and over again. Am I overreacting? My sitter said I am and that it would all be ok - that it's normal for kids to behave this way. It just annoys me that this kid was in my daughter's house and wouldn't even allow her to play with her own toys! Should I let him come over or find another sitter that day?

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L.D.

answers from Dallas on

It IS normal for kids to behave that way - but they need to have adults that correct them and teach them the right way to behave.

To me, the problem isnt with the little boy, it is with the sitter.
I would not let her bring the the little boy if she is not going to address his behavior.

I have a two and a half year old son and a one year old daughter, and my son DOES swat at her, push, shove, etc to keep her away from his toys and we address his behavior, give timeouts, praise when he shares, teach him other options (such as giving her an alternate toy). We do NOT say "Oh, its normal" and let get pushed around.

4 moms found this helpful

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A.J.

answers from Portland on

Very typical 2 year old behavior and not bullying (bullying means intent to do harm which 2 year olds aren't really capable of in terms of brain development). He is capable of being re-directed and should be though. As to having him over, it's really up to you and your comfort level. Just know that eventually ALL toddlers, even sweet mannered ones, get a case of the "mine" and "I'll do what I have to to get that"! Might be an opportunity for you to show your daughter how her mama handles aggression and learn from you how to stick up for herself in a good way (not the pulling out hair kind of way). Just my initial opinion:)

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R.K.

answers from Boston on

Ugh.....I cannot stand when people lable toddlers as bullies. Please understand that this is normal 2 yr old behavior they do not know how to share, typically at this age they do not play together but side by side. Of course he needs to be corrected I he gets physical and disciplined appropriately for his age. Was he at your home with his mom or the sitter the prior time?

4 moms found this helpful

B.C.

answers from Dallas on

Yes, this is typical 2 y/o behavior. I know that you're protective of your little one, but since it's just a couple of hours, I think you might let it go.

4 moms found this helpful

J.S.

answers from Chicago on

While it may be normal for that boy to act that way, that doesn't mean you have to put up with it.

I'd get another sitter for that day. Especially since your current sitter either seems unwilling or unable to correct the boy's actions towards your daughter.

4 moms found this helpful
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S.X.

answers from Chicago on

normal? well under the circumstances likely yes. HOWEVER is the sitter setting limits and redirecting? that would be more my issue.
we had a worker in our home who brought their 3 yr old.
no way. in your face rude controling little monster (sorry), never again.
have him bring his own toys.

2 moms found this helpful
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J.B.

answers from Atlanta on

You are majorly overreacting! Two year olds aren't bullies! They're TWO. When your daughter is two, she will also horde toys and swat at, kick at and scream at anyone who wants to take one. Yes, it's our responsibility to instill sharing and nice behavior in our children, but this is completely normal. There have actually been a number of papers written and studies done showing that kids growing up today don't have the coping and problem-solving skills that we and prior generations do because they're not being allowed to ever deal with situations on their own. Parents and adults are constantly hovering and removing any conflict from their lives. It will be good for your daughter! She needs this exposure. She needs to learn for herself that if she doesn't like the way someone is treating her -she needs to stand up to them. Those lessons are learned VERY early -and they need to be. She may crawl away the first few times, but sooner or later he'll have her favorite toy, and she'll come away with not only her toy, but a hunk of his hair -and he will have learned a valuable lesson too!

2 moms found this helpful
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T.H.

answers from Kansas City on

I think it's fairly normal too, however, I would feel similarly to you about protecting your baby! ;) I would ask the sitter to make sure she addresses the issue and that although you understand this is to be expected, to a degree, you'd appreciate if she would take that time to work on sharing with the other boy. If he's the youngest, his parents may just always force the other two to give in to his demands, I've seen it happen many times like that, so maybe he really doesn't know how to share! I would let it go this time and give it one more go but if you witness similar actions tell her that you won't be allowing it again.

1 mom found this helpful
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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Its for 2 hours.
Just don't make it a habit.... of watching this kid for her.
This seems like a 1 time thing, right?

Do you get compensated for it?
Not that that is the point...

2 year olds are active... but not all act alike.

Also, if this is her overall 'attitude' toward a child's behavior, then you need to decide if this is okay for you?

Tell the boy, what is off limits and what is okay, to play with.
And manage him...

It is up to you.

1 mom found this helpful

D.R.

answers from San Luis Obispo on

I would voice my concern to the babysitter. She has the perfect opportunity to help re-direct his aggressive behavior. Unless she can swear she won't allow one slap, pinch or shove, I wouldn't be okay with it. And how can she? I guess in the long run we have to allow our kids to be kids but you don't just put your kid in harms way knowingly. Kudos to the sitter for allowing you to make the choice.
I FEEL your pain!!! Sorry but whether the poor little guy is a :"Bully" or not.... I wouldn't feel comfortable having my "baby" being his teaching tool of how not to be so physical with her if it was even for TEN minutes!
Either the moms here who have come to the defense of the little tike have the two year old version of the kid in your question or don't have kids yet! I was a working mom and had to have child care and am not overly protective but would have a problem if I knew I was putting my kid in harms way for even two hours.. what's a little kick or slap? SORRY!!!! I'm with you for being concerned!
One day when my son was two, we ran into the Director of his preschool and he basically had a meltdown when he saw her right there at a carnival where he was having a blast. Do you think he ever went back? I pulled him out of that place faster than it took you to read my reply!

A mother who listens to that mother LION instinct will never have regrets!

1 mom found this helpful

M.M.

answers from Chicago on

A) It is totally normal and totally normal behavior for that age. There is definitely something about older kids with younger kids. Because I'm sure that boy doesn't act that way with his older brothers. I've seen this with my son a million times. I wouldn't worry about it, it's a good way to teach sharing with the kids - both of them. Just remember to set rules and enforce them.

B) If you're not comfortable with it, then tell her. But be aware that you'll need to find another sitter, since it sounds like this other boy was a prior committment. It IS your house and you shouldn't have to tolerate anything you don't want to. However, I don't think it's a big deal. Like I said, it's a good learning opportunity for both of them, and your daughter will toughen up.
Should you ever have another child, this is going to be the standard in your house. And if you don't, it's going to be the standard whenever she goes out and interacts with other kids. No harm in getting her used to it now.

1 mom found this helpful
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