2Nd Marriage Questions

Updated on April 29, 2008
M.M. asks from Brighton, MI
10 answers

Hello Everyone,
I'm engaged and this will be the 2nd marriage for both of us. We aren't going to have a traditional wedding ceremony and might just get married at the Court House. Our plan is to have a simple ceremony with the two of us and my two children present. We'd like to provide the children with something symbolic to make them feel included in this special day. Not only are we getting married but my two children will finally have a father figure in their lives. (There father was abusive towards them and has chosen not to be involved in their lives.) The last 8 years I've been a single mom! Do you have any suggestions for things we could give the kids and/or how to fit it into the ceremony? My son is 11 years old and my daughter is 8 1/2.

Another question we're tossing around is this...we'll get married now (within a month or so), and should we have a small reception for immediate family only; directly following, or just wait and have everyone celebrate when we have our larger celebration with family and friends later in the summer? By immediate family, it would be parents on both sides, two siblings & spouses, and a grandmother.

Lastly....should we register for gifts? I'm leaning more towards not, and thinking it's inappropriate since we're both 39 years old and have been married before. However, I've strugged tremendously these past 8 years and while he has a good job he isn't financially wealthy.

Any thoughts would be appreciated!
M. M.

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answers from Detroit on

Considering the kids' ages, you might want to have a family getaway, not the traditional honeymoon. Make it a real special place tho.

I'd opt for the large gathering later. More people to celebrate with. plus if you're watching your budget, having two parties could put a strain on it, and stress you out twice. Once would be enough.

Lastly, don't register for gifts. I'd wait and take an inventory of what you two could use, after his and your stuff kinda comes together. what does he have, you have, not have, need. Then use the $$ from one of the two parties you'd consider and put it towards that.

Congratulations, tho!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Detroit on

When my husband and I got married, I had 3 boys from a previous relationship. We decided to get each of them a necklace and gave it to them during the ceremony. I would say get them some kind of jewlery (nothing expensive) like a necklace for your son and a ring for your daughter, as long as it was from you and you explain why you're giving it to them, I'm sure they'll appreciate it.
As for the gathering, first thing you should think of is are you letting everyone know that the larger gathering will also be for your wedding? Will you expect gifts/will they feel obligated to bring one? It all depends on your family and how close your family is.
I would not register because it isn't really going to be formal. Maybe the two of you could discuss what you have and then if anyone asks what you need you would have a list of things, or you could tell a couple of people what you need then if someone asks them they could spread the word.
Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Saginaw on

Congratulations on your upcoming marriage!! Also Great job rasing two children on your own!! To help with your questions I thought of my situation, I am engaged to be married & have 2 girls (8 & 3) and he has a 13 year old son. We are trying to incorperate them somehow also. This is very important to us!! I really wanted to go the sand thing, and am still trying to convince my priest to do it, (he doesn't believe in unity candles because even when we are married, we are still our own person). I found an awesome vase that we could have engraved with our family name & each individual names, along with the date & add each color of sand to represent us. The madellion thing can also be neat. I seen it at my friends wedding & they gave her 3 sons one to represent the unity & were also asked if they accept her new husband. I think if you check out any of the free wedding websites (weddingchannel.com or theknot.com) you can find many ideas of things to give or do to include them. Good luck with everything!!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Kalamazoo on

Hi M.-
First I just wanted to say, it sounds like you are an amazing mom and doing a great job :)
I have seen parents get their children involved by the person performing the ceremony asking them if they take the father and they have to say I do and the father also has to take the kids and say I do and they have did a ring exchange with the kids.
As far as the reception I would just do one big one it sounds like you have enough on your plate as it is and you can do something special at the reception in front of everyone for your children to feel like they are apart of it also. I wouldn't register because people like to give when they go to weddings. Most will probably help you two starting a new life together anyway and especially if they are family and friends that know you have strugged.
I agree with one of the other moms a family vacation sounds wonderful (it doesn't have to be expensive like an all inclusive destination) and there are lots of places that help with child care so you and your new husband can spend time together or go to dinner you can even get married while on vacation (kill 2 birds with 1 stone). Congratulations and good luck with all!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Detroit on

M. -- I am in my second marriage, but this is my husband's first. My boys were 9 and 7 when we got married. They escorted me down the aisle together, and then sat on the front row, one on either side of the aisle. At the point in the ceremony that we lit the unity candle, the boys were invited to join us, and my husband read a beautiful message to them as he joined our family. It was so touching.

Perhaps your son could escort you down the aisle, and your daughter could be your matron of honor...or you could do a special something during the ceremony that would be significant of the four of you joining to be one family -- all lighting candles, or standing toghether as a reading is done, or song sung or something...

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answers from Grand Rapids on

I'm on my second marriage also and we did the court house thing and than took immediate family out to dinner afterwards. I than sent out wedding announcments afterwards to let everyone know right away. We also didn't register for gifts as I felt it wasn't right to ask everyone for gifts again.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Detroit on

Hi there, I just thought I would mention what we did for our daughter when my husband and I were married to include our daughter in the ceremony. We had her stand between us when we took our vows, also when we did our ring exchange, we included her by giving her a family medallion necklace. You can find them online for purchase, but basically they are a charm that has 3 rings engraved on them, obviously the 3rd being the childs ring! My daughter really enjoyed this!

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answers from Springfield on

For the ceremony:
My sister, who has a 13 year old, recently got married to a man who has two older children, and I really like what they did to show the blending of the family - they had a jar, and each person had a different color sand. They took turns pouring their sand in layers. Once the sands (representing each family member) are in that jar, they can never be separated. It also makes something beautiful. I thought it was really neat, and something younger kids would enjoy, too.

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answers from Detroit on

A special book or scrapbook/photo book reviewing their life and encouragement for the future ahead....a loving letter (each of you write one to both children...very personal), a piece of jewelry (family jewelry), coupons for special family nights or together nights they can redeem for a night or activity of their choice. A bible with their new name (if they are taking on his name), a book that you & your hubby fill out of special stories of your upbringing...

I would still register for gifts, as there are people in your life that will want to get you something. It makes it easier on them to shop, also better for you to get what you need or want.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Detroit on

When my ex got remarried he and his new wife gave my son a ring. You could do that for your son and a necklace for your daughter. I think that would be really nice and it would be something they'd use forever.
As far as the reception. I think that either option would be great. You could even do both. Immediate family after and a party later in the summer with friends and more relatives.
Registering isn't a good idea to me. You've both all ready been married. If people bring gifts great but registering is like asking for them and I don't think that would be appropriate for second weddings. Good luck and I hope you enjoy many happy years together!

1 mom found this helpful
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