2Nd Child - San Rafael,CA

I personally think it is the age thing more than you working or going to school. My daughter did the hitting me thing and acting out around the same time. I am a teacher, but she was acting out in the summer (16-17 months old) when I am home with her everyday. She is now about 21 months old and is getting better. We started giving her timeouts at that age and it actually worked pretty well. She says Sorry and gives hugs after each timeout and it allows myself and her time to calm down. I am currently working as a full-time teacher and don't feel guilty about it, because I am doing what is best for our family. Many stay at home moms are able to cut back and make it work, but not everybody can do that. Also, just because you are home everyday doesn't mean you are spending quality time with your kids. We have a mortgage payment that requires me to work and we can't just sell our house in this market. We also enjoy vacations, eating out and my daughter loves to do all the activities that I can afford since I do work full-time 8 months out of the year. I am considering working part-time when I have #2 in March since it will be a lot easier on our family to not have to rush out the door every morning.

You have three or four different factors that may all be working together to make your daughter act this way. First it's an age thing... even though you may not think of it this way yet, she is approaching two years of age... and though I don't like the term "terrible twos" there is some validity to that being a stressful age for kids and parents.
Someone else mentioned teething.. and the teeth that come in at this age generally tend to be worse for pain than some of the earlier ones.
She may be sensing the new baby and feeling a bit unsure about that.
I agree with the person who said your schedule may be a big part of the problem. My suggestion is to talk with your college counselor and find out options for putting that on a back burner for a while, unless you can afford to cut back on your work schedule or quit work entirely. I know I was working and going to college a couple of years ago, and even without young children in the home that was an extremely stressful time for me. You need the relief from some of your hectic schedule as much as your daughter does. Take it from an older mom/grandma/great-grandma, you'll never regret the time you spend with your children, but you might regret not having that time with them due to work and school.
And don't let anyone convince you that you must get this college now, or you won't be 'employable' once the children are older. That might have been true 50 or 100 years ago, but not today. I started college the first time - and got my AA degree - at age 45. I went back for my BA at age 62. No, I never have been an 'executive' making a huge salary, but I have been able to work sometimes when people with MBAs and PHDs couldn't find a job.

I have to disagree with the notion that your daughter knows that things are going to change. She does not possibly understand yet what it means to have a sibling and I don't think she is kicking your belly because of that. The behavior you are talking about is common with children that age whether or not they have siblings or are about to have siblings.

Be firm, teach her discipline and give her tons of love. If she senses that you are wavering in your discipline of her, she will take full advantage. Don't read too much into it unless the behavior becomes very violent or serious (which I doubt it will).

Hi C.,
COngrats on the pregnancy! If you haven't already read it, read 'Siblings w/out Rivalry' by A. Faber. It's an easy read and fantastically helpful. As a therapist, I read it long before I had my first son, then again when expecting my second son. It's a very easy read and Super Helpful on handling and diffusing sibling rivalry.

When I was having my second I tried to have my daughter help me with getting everything ready for the baby. She was really young also but I talked about how much fun a baby brother would be, I also got her some books that talked about a new baby coming home. I had her rub cream on my belly and told her where to touch to feel baby. Once she was more involved she got excited about her new baby brother.
I would also advise you to get her a baby doll to give to her on her first visit to the hospital. I had my daughter come when the baby was sleeping and I let her climb into bed with me and we read books and spent some one on one time together before she saw the baby. Then I gave her the doll and told her that mommy had to spend a lot of her time taking care of her new brother now, but that she now had her own baby to take care of too, just like mommy. Then we showed her the sleeping baby and told her that having a sibling was very special and that she was a big sister now. We made a big deal about how she was the only big sister in our family and that her job was very important.
Once we got home I asked her to help me by telling me when she heard her brother wake up or when ever he was crying. She took to him right away and they have been best friends and great play mates. They do get rough with each other every now and then but they are brother and sister after all.
Best of luck!

Hi C.- sounds like you daughter knows things are going to change, children, even at 16 months are very perceptive. She doesn't see you much now with you working and going to school and is trying to let you know she misses you and needs you. When kids act out like she is, it is because they want your attention and do not know any other way to show that they need it. It sounds like your daughter needs you to cut back on school or work or both. Escpecially with a new baby your daughter is going to feel left out and alone. I think you need to spend more time with her and need to give up something else for now. Your child is more important than school or work at this time. If you are unable to cut back on work you should cut back at school. I know it is hard, I just left my FT job to be a stay at home mom for my 8 month old and 3 year old and money is tight with only my husband bringing in the $$. It is worth it in the long run to give your child the security she needs, may not feel like it now, but you can always go back to school or get another job, you will never get these years back. Good luck and congratulations on your 2nd prenancy.

It's normal. And when the baby's born show her extra attention as much as possible at all times. A friend of mine made really sure to do that after the birth of her second recently, and after 2 months the older brother is already really loving, despite showing jealous signs early on. If she complimented the baby or said something about him, she followed it up with something even better about the older brother, and she did this with every sentence she said and every action. It worked.

as far as i know/hope totally normal.. we have a 3 week old and my older daughter is 23 months so was about the same as yours when we found out. the combo of age/stage and feeling changes makes it normal, or so everyone told me when i freked out. she is still adjusting but it gets better because mine out grew most of the violence before the baby came and now has lots and LOTS of words...

Hi C.,

I know it may sound "dumb" to some people, but my 'ancestors' believe that babies or born children can 'sense' when the mommie is expecting and they start acting this way because of their fear or losing their place, anyway maybe it's just like someone already said, "terrible twos" are knocking...I wish you the best with your children, and CONGRATS!

Congradulations on the new baby! I'm by no means an expert, Im learning as I go. I wanted to share with you that my 15 month old baby girl is doing the same thing. I think at least in my case, (and maybe yours too) the biting is teething (molars). It helps to give Fiona baby advil at night to help her sleep, I try not to during the day, because of how drowsy it makes her, but she too wants to be picked up 24/7 and by me only, and is constantly whining. Just wanted to let you know your not alone. good luck.
M.

I am not trying to sound mean at all, but with you working, going to school, pregnant (tired) it sounds like your little one may be needing more Mom-time than she is getting. And she'll be getting even less when baby comes. Can you take a break from work or school to give yourself a break and give your daughter more time?