28 Month Old Not Sleeping in His Bed

We have a book that says that the last person or place a child sees before going to sleep will be the person or place he will want when wakes up. So if you're putting him down from the get-go in your bed, he'll want to go back there when he wakes up. So try slowly transitioning him to going to sleep in his bed, in his room, maybe have a mobile above his head (I know he's a little old for that) but something visual that's comforting for him and have it there when he wakes up, so he won't want to go back into your bed. Get a very soft blanket and have him associate that with sleep and comfort too.

I'm a mother of a five month old, and we're working on this too.

I would start by putting him in his own bed too.
When my son was about the same age as yours he would NOT stay in his bed either! I would lay down with him until he fell asleep every night. It usually didn't take long but it was starting to get old. I thought I would never be able to get him to bed by himself! Then a friend gave me the advise that another mother had called the "excuse me method". It worked!!! Probably in about a week! I could not believe it! I just said "I'll be right back" I didn't have to give a reason or anything because like she said it started with about a minute and then gradually got longer. I think it was the most valuable advise I've ever gotten! Now I have 5 more kids and it's worked for all of the ones that had bedtime issues! Good luck!

Hi C.
I highly recommend the No cry sleep solution book. It is awsome!! In the book the author says that for a child to fall asleep one place and wake up in another is like if we were to fall asleep in our bed and then wake up on the kitchen floor. Which I had never thought about but it makes so much sense. Hope this helps. T.

I think that when he wakes up he is disoriented on where he is (he isn't where he was when he went to sleep) and that is upsetting him. I read that somewhere once.

Unfortunately I cannot help more on the sharing the room thing since my boys are in separate rooms.

have you tried putting him in his room to fall asleep by himself? I can see how it can be confusing for him to fall asleep in one place and wake up in another...

use the super nanny tricks...maybe to make it fun for him before you start, go with him to the store and pick out new sheets or a new 'protective bear' for him to sleep with at night...we just got our son a bear my son named him Bruno, Bruno makes the monsters in the closet stay asleep during the night too...

I guess what I am saying is make the transition about him, make it fun for him, but be consistent...

it will take a while, but you need your bed back too...

Hi C.,

Wow! You pretty much described my life. My older son, James, was born in Sept. 2005 and my younger son in May 2007. They share a room as well, so we are at the mercy of James. He will fall asleep in his bed, but almost always gets up in the middle of the night and comes into our bed (he is in a twin bed on the floor and can open doors). We thought about gating him in, but then he'd wake up the baby yelling or crying. Yeah, it's a dilemma. My husband usually can't sleep once James comes into our bed, so he ends up going to sleep in James's bed. So far, it hasn't bothered our relationship too much (i.e., sex life, right?) because James is not there when we go to bed. So, my suggestion would be to get Koltin down in his own bed so you and your husband can at least have that part of the night to yourselves.

Have you tried the "excuse me" method? That's where you lay down with or next to Koltin in his bed, then say, "excuse me for just one minute, I have to go check on the dog (brush my teeth,go to the bathroom, whatever is not interesting to Koltin)", then come back to check on him and keep doing that until you are away longer and longer. Then, he will usually fall asleep on his own eventually. It probably won't work the first couple of nights, but if you keep at it and truly come back to him in a minute, then two minutes, then five, then ten, eventually he won't think it's any big deal to stay in bed without you. I know it's really hard when the baby is there in the room sleeping while you're trying to do this, but even if there are a couple of nights where Koltin wakes up the baby with this method (maybe your husband can take the baby during this), it seems to help in the long run.

What to do about middle of the night, I'm not sure, especially when you're so tired. Sometimes the path of least resistance is the way to go at least until the baby is sleeping through the night. My guess is your baby's sleep patterns will change a lot by the time he turns 1. It seems like most people have that experience anyhow, and babies can more easily sleep through the night then. When that starts happening, you'll have more energy to get your older son to do what you want in the middle of the night.

Best of luck! Keep us posted...

I think your first step should be to get him to go to sleep in his own bed. Do your usual routine, kiss him good night and leave. You may need to put a gate up in his room if he can get out. He will definitely protest, but if you go back in, be firm and let him know it is time to go to sleep and you will see him in the morning, he will eventually get it. You may have to do this several times the first night, or you can let him cry it out- it depends on what you are able to put up with... Once you get him to go to sleep there, then work on getting him to stay there. When he wakes at night, go in briefly to reassure him, and them leave. Will this be easy? No! Will there be crying and protesting? Yes! But if you stick to your guns, you should have him sleeping in his bed in 2 weeks (ideally). You may want to read the Ferber books on sleep issues for other ideas. Hope that helps!

C.,

I'm sorry to hear that your son is struggling with staying in his own bed - and even more, that your marriage is suffering because of it. Unfortunately my suggestion won't be fun, but it worked for me with my son when we had similar issues. First, it's probably best if you break him of the habbit of falling alseep in your bed. If you don't want to attempt it cold turkey, have him lay in your bed for a little while before bed and then move him to his own bed BEFORE he falls asleep. Then just start shortening the amount of time he spends in your bed until you just skip putting him in your bed all together. With that, I think it's best to stay firm during the middle of the night. I know when you're tired it's so much easier to grab him and put him in your bed, but try to hold off. It'll probably be pretty rough for the first couple of nights but after that it should get better. The key is being consistant. Good luck!