21 Month Old Boy Starting Temper Tantrums

Wow Stephany- you are getting some top notch advice here !
Try not to take the crying personally (I know you don't )
When you can -make sure your child is safe , and leave his presence, behind a closed door. Take a long deep breath and let it out slowly. Sit or lye down and relax as much as "motherly" possible, And Breath as regularly as you can.If you return to him and he is still screaming -tell him Oh excuse me I thought you were done . Then leave again- breath again, and as weird as it sounds SMILE -to your self not your son. The smile seems silly but it actually sends good 'vibes' to your body.
The Little Guy is frustrated and unhappy , and babies cries are designed to send us into action.
This too shall end ! Good luck Mommy-
call a friend when you can and get completely away once in awhile- even if it is just a few moments away from the sound.
I have tried singing , and an older child can help sing too - well it works once in awhile- made us feel a little better !

Hi S.,

I found this help online at

Unfortunately, it seems that these tantrums almost always happen in the public eye. In such cases, remove yourself and your child from the area that is disturbing to him or her.

The best approach to temper tantrums is to try to prevent them from even occurring. To prevent a child from having an outburst or tantrum, you must understand a child’s personality development; you must be consistent in discipline and the most important aspect you must use commonsense in determining what demands and restrictions are reasonable for your child. As a child grows older, parents must teach their children to verbalize their feelings, rather than demonstrate them. As adults we can understand when a child says, “ That makes me mad,” or “ I’m upset”, adults can understand better how to handle words more than a display of anger through physical acts of violence.
A good approach to temper tantrums is to ignore them as much as is humanly possible. If you find you are not able to handle yourself and your child is upsetting you so much, that you feel you may result in violence. Remove yourself from your child, place your child in his or her room, and walk away. He or she will realize that they are not going to get their way. It is essential that your child not get his or her own way after a tantrum. Punishing the child briefly and then indulging the child ensures that the tantrums will continue. You are doing nothing more than telling your child that throwing a temper tantrum is the way to get what you want. Giving in even occasionally will prolong the persistent outburst.

On top of this, I had good results to giving him choices between what I wanted him to do and something rediculous that he would not want to do. Like, "Would you like a peanut butter sandwich, goldfish crackers & banana for lunch or would you rather I make you kielbasa and sourkraut. It's your choice." Of course, I have to have the other on hand just in case he picks it. Leaving somewhere that he wants to stay at is tougher. Trust me when I say that once he starts talking better, he will be less frustrated with his circumstances.

Bringing up Boys by Dr. Dobson is a great book for any mom, but so is a book he wrote on raising a strong willed child.

God Bless you S.. I'll be praying for you.

D.

Since you indicated that your son isn't advanced in his speech - let me just recommend that you call and have your son evaluated by Early On - it can only help! I had a similar situation with my son....his hearing was fine (it was checked) - my son understood us very well, but he couldn't say anything to us. At about 20 months, my son was still NOT saying anything (not even babbling). There was a lot of grunting, whining, crying and aggressive behaviour. So, against LOTS of peoples advice, I called the school for an evaluation. The school performs the evaluation and writes an Individualized Education Plan (IEP), which is very similar to what Early On will do as well. The Certified Speech Language Pathologist from the school evaluated his comprehension of speeach, as well as his speech (or lack thereof), AND his gross and fine motor skills. My son tested above his age for the gross motor skills, at his age level for the fine motor skills and comprehension. He tested WAY BELOW his age for talking. Additionally, the therapist thought he might have some oral apraxia (I don't recommend doing research on this - it will just scare you!). We started speech therapy with the school district (for FREE) immediately and started to see some progress - about 2-3 months into therapy my son said 'mama' for his first word. Since the school district didn't offer services through the summer, I enrolled him in a special speech summer program through North Oakland Medical Center (NOMC - in Pontiac). AT NOMC I again was given the diagnosis of 'apraxia' and my son made some progress. We started teaching him (& us) sign language and that made a HUGE difference in his attitude / behavior. Prior to learning signs, he would just grunt / cry and point to what he wanted because he couldn't communicate. We've continued with therapy - both the FREE therapy through the school district and summer programs (we also used Beaumont Speech therapy) and now my son is 5 and talking at his age level.

Dear S.,

This too will pass! There's no magic answer to this problem. But one thing that I've learned from my 3 kids (the youngest is now 3 1/2), is that temper tantrums only work if there's an audience. If you pay attention to the tantrums and get stressed out, then that only fuels the fire. One solution that we've used is to put the child in their room, or any room (preferably with a door), and tell them they can scream all they want in that room. But they can't come out until they're done. If they come out and continue screaming, put them back in. In this way you're giving them permission to express their frustration, but they can't manipulate you while doing it. This works well when you're at home of course. If you're out somewhere, you could take him to the car and tell him to stay until he's done screaming. Giving in to a tantrum, shows him that this is how he can get what he wants.

It's a hard situation. But if you're able to react in a loving, calm, and consistent way, I think you'll see the tantrums tapering off.

Good luck!

Have you considered giving him some kind of treat, once he is in his car seat ? A sweet healthy snack, or maybe some finger crackers. You must some how show him the car seat is not a bad thing. And lots of kisses for a good boy !!! Is he on the way to the babysitters ?? Some where he doesn't want to go ? I love to sing in the care and if your a little silly, they can't help but think "What the heck ?? " Give these things a try.

just ignore it. you are the adult in the situation!

I believe you have to think of it in steps.
Before you leave the house you tell him what is going to happen. "When the timer(?) goes off that means we need to get our coats on and go into the car. If you help mommy take my bag(??) to the car I will give you a treat. If he is sucessful tons of praise. Then you set the next goal. "Now are going to the market (?) mommy really needs you to help with the grocerys. When we get to the store Mommy we let you ..." Give short goals, make him feel like this is something worthwhile for him. Always let him know what to expect and how you expect him to behave. "Mommy knows that you are a big boy and can sit in the car, if you upset you need to talk to Mommy..."

My best advice is don't react. He is expecting to get a certain reaction from you. So, hard as it is, just act indifferent. When he does something right give him lots of positive attention and praise so he learns he gets more attention that way. Also, both of my kids went through a phase of trying to "let their voice be heard" by being difficult and screaming a lot before they started really talking. he is about that age where he knows what he likes and knows what he wants to say but can't express it and he is frustrated. Hopefully, it will pass or at least lesson.
M.

Reward the good behavior, ignore the bad behavior. I remember laughing hysterically at 2 of my children's temper tantrums. I don't know why, but they just hit me as funny. It was their one and only tantrums. Since they didn't get the attention and response they wanted, they never repeated them. A nice little reward of some type when he doesn't throw the fit, will have him wanting to repeat that experience. As difficult as it sounds, the ignoring the bad behavior really does work. Even better, fawn all over the sister who is behaving appropriate when little brother is not, and see how quick that stops it.