21 Mo Old in Daycare - Got Bit AGAIN! Help

Updated on August 25, 2011
K.W. asks from Alpharetta, GA
9 answers

I am perplexed here.... frustrated to the MAX.....
Our son was in a daycare and all was good until he got bit, not once but 6 different times but the daycare did not document it all and when I went to speak w/ the director... well she was out of touch with the entire situation, so my husband and I opted out - we moved our son to another daycare and all has been going so well - until he was bit... the first time was handled so professionally - documented, parents of the biter and bitee called - then there was a second time and that was also handled well - but now we have moved on to the 3rd and today - the 4th time - each time the bite was witnessed/documented and it is my understanding that my son tells the "friend" -- NO BITE--- and the other kids in the room sometimes also share in the excitement of reminding the biter not to bite... but this is getting old - fast.... I have asked every time I was made aware of a situation if my son instigated the bite and 100% of the time the response has been , 'no- he is a sweet boy' -- one time he was even taking his nap when he was bit..... the daycare have a shadow person with the biter and are meeting w/ the parents ( apparently this time it is a new biter and that the prior biter is all better... but my son is still the target for some reason)... I am looking for suggestions on what we can do as a family to help our son not have this kind of experience

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answers from New York on

I worked in a daycare as a Lead Teacher, and to be honest, you NEED to be on top of them. They will have a "shadow" person watch him for a day. Believe me, you need to tell them that you are going to pull him out if they do not have some plan for "letting go" of the biter. I also did private nannying for a little boy who was released from a daycare for being a biter. They do tell the parents of the biter that they have to find a different daycare. Hope the situation gets better :)

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answers from Birmingham on

Is your son an affectionate, compassionate child? Is he a hugger? Maybe he is playing in closer proximity to the biters than other children and that makes him an easy target. If he's loving on everyone and invading their "personal space" this could cause children to bite him. As far as teaching him at home how to avoid it, if you see him playing too close or hugging multiple times or hugging too tightly, maybe you could tell him, "Back up a little baby." PS - I love affectionate and compassionate little ones! This is not something you want to completely discourage, but teach him "time and place" with affection. Good luck!

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answers from Orlando on

Unfortunatly there's not much you can do. I worked in a toddler room for years and every now and then there are children who bite for no reason. it happens to fast to stop sometimes and I know it's hard to think of your baby being bitten but it does happen. I would say just stay on top of the teachers and have them keep you updated on how they are handling the issue. In my class the children who were known biters were always by eiher my or my aids side. Hopefully it will resolve soon!

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answers from Raleigh on

Unfortunately, there isn't much you can do on your end. I understand how frustrating it is. I don't know how many times my son has been bitten in daycare at various times- I lost track. He is 5 and was bitten two months ago by someone in his preschool class. At 5!!
While it's painful and aggravating, it's rarely serious and it looks way worse that it is. It's just the way it goes with kids in daycare. Sounds like the daycare is doing it's best to control the situation. Moving him to another daycare is not going to fix the problem- he will just probably be bitten by another kid at the new daycare. It does get better as they get older. Just hang in there...



answers from Boston on

That is a tough situation. There really isn't much you can do, but DEFINITELY stay on top of it. My son had a similar situation when he was in childcare and I basically let the teacher's and director know that I was keeping a close eye. Unfortunately, at that age, some kids do just bite. I bet your son is not the only one getting bit. Just keep reinforcing to him what a good boy he is that he uses words and keeps his hands (and teeth!) to himself. Thankfully, in the next year or so the other kids should grow out of it. Good luck.


answers from Portland on

I agree that you should teach personal space and make sure he isn't giving hugs or touching the kids, like grabbing their arms (like the nice friendly grabbing kids will do) because it may give biters a target to bite. I don't think everywhere you go there are biters. My daughter has never been bitten so far. Maybe him saying no bite and it becoming a sort of game with the other kids is making the biter bite more, like how kids will do things for a reaction. I'm not saying for him not to react at all, but after saying no bite teach him to go straight to the teacher. I don't know, not much you can do but keep track of the situation and hopefully it will blow over. I would watch your son around other kids and see if he hugs or whatever, not saying that he makes himself a victim at all (by any means) just seeing if you can find out why biters seem to gravitate to him.



answers from Kansas City on

This is what I do in my in-home daycare: teach the kiddos to say "No Bite" very loudly. We sit and discuss how biting hurts just like if we fell down. We talk about not wanting our friends to be sad, etc. But the biggest thing is "No Bite", "No Hit".

Good Luck. It is a challenge for the providers, children and parents.




answers from Sacramento on

Biting is super common among kids this age. Not all kids bite, but it isn't unusual. It does seem strange that your son is getting bitten this often or the "target" in all of these different situations. I tend to agree with Beth and wonder if he's a huggie child or if he's got some characteristic that makes him a more common target.... it isn't unusual for a biter to bite the same child more than once, but I do think it's strange that you've moved him from facilities and it still is happening.

My son was a biter as a young toddler and I have had kids in my care who are (have been) biters. It's terrible on both sides... when your kid bites someone or your kid gets bitten. What I have witnessed is that kids bite for a variety of reasons. Many times in play situations, it is when they are frustrated and can't use words to express their needs, or have poor impulse
control... they want a toy someone else has, they bite or they have a toy someone else wants and they bite. It happens in a second, and the most that the provider can do is what you say your new care provider is doing (shadowing, and using preventative measures)... or they ask them to leave. I know care providers that won't provide care for a child after one bite. It's not what I do, but some people feel that the home environment need to handle it before kids are in care and it's not their job to "cure' biting, but to protect the other kids... to each his own.

Good luck~ it's a common developmental phase for some kids and it doesn't last long. Hopefully it will resolve soon :(


answers from New York on

Oh man...this is why I could never do daycare for my kids. That sucks, I would not be able to stand it either. Can you get a nanny? Maybe even a nanny share if you only have the one child with another mom who has one child to save money? And wait to put him daycare till he's older and won't have situations like this? Poor kid!! I agree, this is totally not acceptable to have this happen to your child and I would be very upset. My daughter was bitten once, completely unprovoked, at a play area type of place with her babysitter, who was right near her when it happened. I was very upset, spoke to the owner, etc, made sure it was being addressed. I can't imagine it happening so many times.

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