2 Year Old Wants Me to Sleep in Bed with Her...

Updated on September 20, 2010
L.P. asks from Strongsville, OH
8 answers

My daughter has had a few changes lately. First off, I am now 8 mon's pregnant. Second, we have transitioned her to a toddler bed (in another room) a few weeks ago. We're keeping all the same furniture that was in her room for the new baby girl and bought Sydney all new furniture, which she loves. We had her toddler bed up for several days and one day she decided she wanted to sleep in it. I told her she could sleep in it whenever she wants, but she can't have her pacifier in it. CRAZY as it sounds, she was okay with that and is 3 weeks pacifier free!! (the third change). She STILL has not asked for it or woke up crying for it. However, the last few days she has been waking up after being a sleep for a few hours and crying for mommy or daddy to lay with her.

It is so cute, because she comes walking in our room, looks at you with her big blue eyes and says "mommy please come lay with me." I walk her back to her room and she pats her pillow saying "lay here mommy!"

I will lay there (prego and all on a toddler bed) until she falls asleep. Usually it's immediately, but not even an hour later, she's doing it again and it lasts the majority of the night.

Last night, I sat in her room watching her sleep for a good hour and she kept opening her eyes to see if I'm there... I just don't understand. Sometimes she wakes up crying, other times she'll just walk in and ask us to come lay. I don't know if it's night terriors or a phase. Should I let her cry it out? I can't really do that because she opens the door and walks right into ours. I have a gate at the top of the stairs so she can't really go anywhere else.

PLEASE help!! Any advice will be so appreciated!!

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answers from Des Moines on

My husband told me not to do this. To make her sleep alone. I thought he was mean and my daughter needed me. Now, she is nine and still wants me to come sleep with her until she goes to sleep. I wish I had NEVER started it. It is much harder to stop it after years.

My friend's oldest started sleeping alone, but her youngest is still in their bed. It has caused many fights for them and is probally why they don't havffe number three ;-)

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answers from Portland on

Hi L.,

It sounds like to me that she is having a hard time falling back to sleep with all the changes, and needs a little reassurance that you or Daddy will still be there for her when she needs you.

Give her a night or 2 to adjust, then start encouraging her to fall back to sleep on her own. The first few nights, go in, tuck her back in, rub her back and tell her it's still bed time, a few nights later, spend less time in her room, maybe cut out the back rub and a few nights later just tell her it's sleep time. I like this elimination method over any "cry it out", it's easier on the parents and child. The key is to provide her with support, but ease her into supporting herself.

Lastly, expect this to start up again after the new baby is born.

Good luck!

R. Magby

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answers from Honolulu on

....at about 2 years old.... developmentally.... toddlers go through a TON cognitively. Which also includes, development of night-time 'fears' and separation-anxiety (which is expressed differently per age juncture).

She is normal.
BUT she also has a pregnant Mommy... and lots of changes in HER life... and in you.
So... wow, that is a TON of miscellaneous stuff.... to handle.
For an only 2 year old.

It is a phase.
She is displaying NORMAL child development.

BUT... I would really PREP her, for the baby, BEFORE baby actually comes home. Then, at that point.... that will be another thing for your 2 year old to adjust to.

Both my kids, at that age, did that too. They grow out of it.

all the best,

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answers from Detroit on

Night terrors they are usually screaming and cannot be "woken" out of them.

Sounds like she is going through a lot of changes, with more than come. She might just be looking for some extra reassurance and proof that YOU are not going anywhere and that some things will never change.

Maybe try sitting in a chair next to the bed for a while (rather than in bed with her) and see how that goes. Give her choices where ever you can - "Do you want me to sit with you in the chair or on your bed? "Do you want me to come back in 1 minute or 2 minutes?" so she feels like she has some control without running the whole show. If you leave while she is still awake, tell her you will be back in a little bit to check on her. When you do return, just let her know you are checking on her, but don't stay - tell her again that you will be back. If she starts fussing, have her go back to bed and tell her again you will come back. Hopefully this will help, and she won't start depending on you to fall asleep. Good luck to you...

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answers from Toledo on

I see the beginning of the problem was when she said,"come lay with me", she led you back to her bed, patted her pillow and said "lay here, Mommy" and you did it! A better response might have been, "No, this is your bed. Mommy sleeps in the other bed." Tonight, tell her (with a sad face) you can't doing it anymore, and she needs to stay in her own bed until morning. You can keep taking her back until she stops coming into your room, or you can put a twirly knob cover on her bedroom door so she can't open it from inside, and get some earplugs. It doesn't sound like night terrors, but it might for a night or 2. You have a 2 yr. old running the show, which most of us did with our first baby, but the second one teaches us how crazy that can make us. Might as well start now.

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answers from Stationed Overseas on

DON'T DO IT!!! when you keep doing what she wants she knows when she cries and asks you to you will. Then your not the one in control she is. You need to tell her you will tuck her in and that's it. Give her a kiss and say good night. If she cries let her, I know it sounds mean but it will work. I have a friend who has an almost 3 year old and she still wants to sleep with mommy because mommy let her sleep with her while daddy was deployed. There are certain things you need to keep in a routine. My child isn't yet a toddler but soon will be. I am also pregnant with my second child as well. But I know I will stick to this because I don't want him thinking he can come sleep with me all the time. My husband and I let him sleep in our bed a few times when he just came home but that was it. Then he went into his own crib. At first he didn't like it, he cried, I let him and he became used to it. Good luck and if you make a routine stick with it no matter what. :)

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answers from Indianapolis on

I'll probably have an uncommon opinion than the others here. When we moved my son from the crib to his bed, he would come in to our bed in the middle of the night to sleep every once in a while. I was pregnant with our second at the time and there were so many changes, we just went with it. Once he fell back to sleep we would move him back to his own bed.

Now it is a year later and on the very rare occasions he will come into our room in the middle of the night. Most nights he sleeps well on his own. I just felt, deep down, that he was only young once and his need to sleep with us was a way of filling in some of the one on one time that he was missing due to my pregnancy (and subsequent new baby).

Best of luck!



answers from Indianapolis on

I always laid down with my son when he was 2 and I was prego with his sister. Now he's 7 and goes to sleep and stays asleep completely on his own. They are only little once and you are a comfort to your daughter. Obviously people have very different opinions on this but it worked for us.