We adopted our daughter internationally at 5 months old and she is now a smart and funny 2 year old. In the back of my mind though I am always concerned about attachment issues and recently some things have come up. She is super sociable and will try and go off in a controlled environment like a show at a park for example, with other kids/adults. I think she doesn't worry enough about where Mom & Dad are and my hubby thinks I am being silly. Last week, my sister and brother in law watched her for about 4 hours and they both commented "Wow, most 2 year olds wouldn't do that well without their Mom & Dad for 4 hours"....Now, of course they mean it as a compliment but it makes me think that we might have some issues. Or, for those with 2 year olds (26 months to be exact) is this a phase? She does seem very attached, will say MY Mommy and MY Daddy to anyone new she meets, makes good eye contact, looks to us for comfort, but I guess I'd feel better if she weren't so darn social! Last week at the park children's show, when we got there she saw a girl from her daycare class so she spent most of the time sitting with this other girl and her Mom, not with us. We were only a few feet away but she was completely comfortable with someone else.
Thanks for any input you might have! C.
Thanks so much for everyone's words of encouragement! I did feel like I was being a bit paranoid. I love how social she is and my hubby and I are actually exactly the same way, talk to strangers, help people out in the store, etc. so I guess we're encouraging it every day! It's just tough when you hear so much about attachment with adopted kiddos, I didn't want to let it go if it was completely unusual for a 2 year old. My only other experience is with my SIL's kids who, at this age, would burst out crying if a stranger as much as looked at them! Now they're very social so I guess it's just that all kids are different. Thanks again for the input!!! C.
Hi C.,
I think you are just sensitive to it. My son is 16 months & he will go with anyone that smiles at him. He also loves to test how far I will let him go. He will check to see I am in his eye sight but besides that he will walk far away( like at a park. ) I think if she was not being social you would worry too. You want to make sure she is well ajusted, & it sounds like she is. M.
Hi C.,
My daughter was the same way. At Gymboree she would constantly go to another mom for lap time. We are extremely close and she loves her mama. She was the social butterfly. I don't think you have a problem you need to worry about. As long as you teach her to be cautious with strangers, which I am sure you are. Being outgoing is a very good thing. You have obviously given her lots of love to develop the tremendous confidence she has. Enjoy your Butterfly!
My son is exactly your daughters age. BE THANKFUL she is social. As a kindergarten teacher and a mom I can tell you that is a good thing. You'll teach her about boundries when she is old enough to understand. GOOD JOB MOM!
Hi C.,
We're also an adoptive family, my DS is 4.5 and came home from Korea at right around 6 months...so I understand your concern and scrutiny. I'm certainly not an attachment expert, but I think it sounds like your daughter is simply confident and social. My son has always been the type to need to warm up to social situations, so I can't speak first hand. But We have some very close friends whose kids are both bio children and both are very social kids - their daughter extremely so, but their son as well. I'm trying to remember exact ages (the kids are 11 and 8 now), but I'm fairly certain their son was maybe in the 2-3 range when he slept over at our house for the first time, with no issues whatsoever - like surprisingly so. I remember their daughter around 4 or 5 at a fireworks display seeing kids about 150 feet away and asking if she could go see if they wanted to play - that's something my son would never do unless he saw one of his buddies from daycare, and even then he'd want me to walk over there with him. So I guess what I'm getting at is that each kid is different and some are just more confident and outgoing than others and that I wouldn't see it as an attachment issue, especially since she comes to you for comfort - that to me is a big factor. I'm also recalling that around that age my son was a lot more active and less cuddly - testing out the world and not yet afraid of anything. Over the past year or so he's become more clingy and cuddly, and more afraid of "scary" things...so I'm thinking her age and cognitive stage may be playing into it as well.
However, if you're really concerned about attachment you could always get in touch with your adoption agency to find an attachment professional to help you assess the situation and perhaps ease your mind.
Cheers!
K.
My 3.5 year old did the same thing at that age, but not my now 2 year old. I think it is their personality, not an attachment issue. My 3.5 year old cares more now where we are than he did a year ago. Enjoy the fact that she is so social!
