I have 3 kids, a boy 8, girl 2 1/2, and girl 9 mon. Well the middle child has decided not to talk to me the last week. Last wed, and thur her brother stayed home from school, he went back on fri, and thats when she stopped talking to me (or any other adult). She still talks to her bro and sis, and she still comes to me and is still nice to me, but she now grunts to me or whispers with her hand on her mouth to make her lips move. No big event happened, I think she is finally jealous of her sister. She is a quiet kid to begin with, but I don't know how to get her to talk again. I tried spending time with just her, I tried to not let it bother me, it just gets worse. She thinks she doesn't have to listen to me if she doesn't talk to me. I have never had to deal with this before. she will be 3 in march. I think my son talked when he was born! thanks for any ideas!
Well, it is day 14 of no talking. Not much has changed. Except now she has revered on her potty training. I don't understand why. The other night she talked to dad at dinner when bro was at table, he left then she stopped again, so we had him come back to get her talk again. I told her she has to ask for her tv shows, until then I will watch my shows, she would rather not watch tv than talk, to get a cookie she had to ask, she would rather not talk than get a cookie! I'm am shocked at how stubborn this girl is! I really think it is because of baby sis, yesterday she was tired and wanted me to hold her, but I was nursing the baby (9mon) and she threw a fit for me to put the baby down so I could hold her alone I think she is mad at for the baby, although she loves the baby and is also so nice to her sis. My first born was 5 when I had my 2nd so he was not that jealous, although he had his moments when he would want me to put the baby down and play wwith him. I am still just being patient with her and making her special. I took just her shopping (still no talking) she spent a day with grandparents happy, but still no talking. I hope this will pass soon!
Ignore her when she tries to get her way with grunts or whispers. Tell her you can't understand her and that she has to use her words. Tell her that big girls use their words, and explain to her all the neat things that big girls get to do, and then walk away. Ex: paint their nails, dress up, color, play with play dough, etc... Let her know that babies don't get to do fun things like that.
I think you nailed it about being jealous of her sister. She might feel something different from you also because nine months ago everything changed. The 9 month old is constantly changing not giving the almost 3 year old time to understand or work through her feelings. As long as she is eating, sleeping and talking to her siblings, I would wait a little while longer. Throw her a good party for her birthday.
However, if she does act really different around adults, maybe, something happened that you don't know about. If you have left her with anybody new or a new day care, I would have her checked out by a doctor asap.
It sounds like it might be just something she is playing around with for NOW. If it she keeps on I might take her to a Doctor. Try first leaving her with a grandparent, friend ect. for a day to see if she "comes out of her shell". If she is pretending, she might forget under different circumstances. Or have you tried taking just her out for ice cream or to the store to just get out and make her feel like she is the only child for a little while? I know it is hard when you have more than one child, try to count on the ones around you for help. Good Luck!
Because she is talking to others, I would think she is just going through a "phase". Try to just let it ride for a few more weeks and see what develops. Maybe something said to both older kids, like "Who wants a treat?", and only accepting verbal answers might bring out something. Itcould be the jealousy you mention, or just trying something new to get attention. If it doesn't go away when she gets tired of it, then check with the doctor. Don't kids do the most amazing things!
It will pass. Find something fun to do that will require talking. She may be stubborn and this will have to happen repeatedly to work. But, it should work. She can't play unless she plays by the rules and talking is part of that. Also, maybe try talking about it where she can hear you but that she "isn't supposed to hear" and let her know how much you miss her talking to you. How much it saddens you because it's one of the highlights of your day. With my kids, sarcasm seems to work best and quickest. I would say something like: Boy, I'm sure glad she stopped talking to me. Man, my life sure has been peaceful since she stopped talking to me. I can read. I can talk to my other child more, etc. (With the right tone of course.) Or, I switch and play up the crying part of how horrible it is. My kids usually respond with laughter and hugs. It's that reverse psychology trick.
Great repsonses so far. I immediately thought when I read this- SMART little girl! She's figured out a way to get mom's attention and concern-and she's not misbehaving. Good luck!
I agree with the first post....don't respond to her when she grunts or whispers like that. If she gets what she wants even when she won't ask by using her words, she has no incentive to change her behavior. I agree word for word with the previous post. Play up the "big girl" stuff and ignore the unwanted behavior. If she wants to get what she's asking for, she will be forced to use her words to get it. My daughter just turned 3 and we also have a 9 month old in the house and she has started this also, but to a lesser extent. If I tell her to use her words, she does, but she is a pretty compliant kid. Like you said, I think now that the baby is able to interact more, they are starting to really realize that they have something to be jealous about. She'll get past it, just stick to your guns on this one! Best of luck to you.
ITA with the other ladies, when she doesn't talk normally don't reward her with attention. I would say stuff like "Too bad I can't hear you" when she whispers or "Use your words" when she grunts. And if she doesn't talk then move on to something else.
And if she does use her words or talk nicely praise her "Good job using your words".
