2 1/2 Year Old Having BIG Sharing Issues

Hi S.!
For starters, good job. You're doing great. Sharing is a skill all kids need to learn, and your son is learning it now - that's his job right now, is to learn how to do this - and to find out whether if he screams just a little louder or longer, the rules will change. So good job being consistent and keeping the rules firm. And good job getting him into child care - his transition and socialization into school would only be harder if he were home with you all the time, and he wouldn't learn these things as easily. So I hope you feel good about what a great job you're doing!
I've heard good things about the Karp book, 'happiest toddler on the block' so perhaps you could give that a try. I worked in childcare for several years, and toddlers were a challenge in this way. But here are a few suggestions I picked up from those years, take it or leave it:
--give him some warning when you're going to take away a toy or transition to a different activity. "you have two more minutes. one more minute." etc - and then stick to that - perhaps even buy a timer, and when it beeps, it's time. don't keep adding time, though - let the deadline be firm. But tell him when he can play with it again/do that activity again "Oh, would you like to play with this again after lunch? Sure, you can play with it after lunch! Where would you like to leave it while you're eating?" etc.
--if he screams, you can validate his feelings by saying something like "I hear that you're angry. It's OK that you're angry. would you like a hug, or your blankie?" something like that. after all, these lessons aren't easy for him. Or you can say "if you're angry, say 'i'm angry!'"
--but if he's throwing a tantrum, he can't come sit at the table or have some other desirable thing until he can calm himself down. and you can affirm his ability to do so: "you can calm yourself down. calm your body down." sometimes they aren't even aware that they CAN control themselves.
--give him choices - no more than two, though - so he has a sense of agency. "would you like to put that away by yourself, or do you need me to help you?" wait a few seconds - not long! - "ok, i see that you are choosing to have me help you! I can help you put it away." and take his hand and force him to put it down/away/whatever. also works for "helping" toddlers to move to a new area (lunch table, etc). If he does do it, you can say "oh, that's great! you decided to do it yourself! good job!" or something affirming.
--as for sharing, the timer works well for that - if you want to help him practice sharing, pick up a toy he likes, and when he wants to grab it tell him he can have it in two minutes. set the timer for 2 minutes, and then give him a 2 minute turn. so when the timer beeps it is your turn again.

again, these are just things we did at the day care center i worked for, but they did work well in the toddler room. i hope you find some things that work for you! best of luck!
sincerely,
T.

My almost 3 year old daughter is the same way. I am a stay at home mom so she gets total attention. But when it comes time to go to the nursery at my church she has a hard time sharing. She was fine almost a year ago. Seems to me it is not the terrible two's it is the terrible 3's. LOL I have a 3 month old son also and she has no problem with him it is the other kids her age. So I guess it is normal. I think the more and more he is with kids his own age the more and more he will come around and start sharing. The only way he will learn is if he is forced to. So I say keep him in daycare let him get adjusted to having ather kids around and pre-school will be an easier adjustment.

You've got some great advice here already! I would like to add that I rarely used the word "sharing" when my daughter was a toddler- it really is an ambiguous word for that age! I preferred to say "Now it's your turn, may I have a turn with [this toy]?" and I would tell her I will give it when I'm done, and I take the toy for a few minutes and give it back. Consistency and positive role-modeling :-)

He may be unhappy at daycare for a different reason, I don't think having to share would set him off so much. Talk to the teachers and ask if they noticed anything that would trigger his unhappiness. How does your son handle transitions? Because the time shift is quite significant and it could take awhile to adjust. Speaking from my own experience, my now 4-yo daughter tends to have a tough time with transitions and she never did well at drop-offs at her first daycare, where she went for a full year, but only 2 days so it was hard to establish a routine; that and, during the end of her first year, I noticed extreme unhappiness after talking to the caregivers, surmised that one or two rowdier kids were aggressive to her on at least one occasion and the teachers may not have handled it well.
I had intended to enroll her in a different daycare after that first year anyway, and towards the end she was so unhappy that I pulled her out two weeks earlier than planned. She has been doing great at the current daycare (year 2, going on year 3 this fall).

Suzaane,
Developmentally, 2.5 is still young to understand sharing - most kids aren't at a cognitive level to understand this until after age 3/preschool age. Unfortunately, daycare forces kids to share before they are ready. All you can do is be persistent in offering alternatives and reminding him of the rules and that you know it frustrates him but it is what it is. Just wanted you to know that there's nothing "wrong" with this behavior, it's developmentally appropriate to some degree.

Sounds pretty normal. You're doing the right things! Keep it up and he'll learn new healthy habits soon enough!