2 1/2 Year Old Afraid of Older Kids

Hi C.,
My son is 4 and suffers from anxiety whenever he gets around large groups of kids. He's gotten alot better though therapy, but for a while there it was really bad. If he was in the ball pit at playgroup and another kid got in, he would just get out. He didn't like kids being near him really at all.
Turns out that he does have some sensory integration issues, which just means that he's very sensitive and can get over stimulated and have more meltdowns than the average child.
Ben is a child who does awesome with regular routine. I think the more he knows the plan for the day, the better the day goes. I would suggest talking with your daughter about playgroup the night before you're going to go. Tell her about how she's feeling- for instance I would say to Ben, "you seem really afraid when we go to playgroup with the big kids. Its ok to be afraid, but mommy will be right there with you.' Try and get her using her words as much as possible. The way to do that is to name her feelings for her. Like if she's starting to tantrum, saying- 'you look really mad right now'. So she gets to knowing what she's feeling and will better be able to help you know how to help her.
I don't know where you live, but I took classes at Tuesday's Child in Chicago when things started to get bad with my son. I had no idea what was happening, but I knew something was wrong. Through their program, I learned more about him and how to set him up for success in all situations.
Please feel free to email me with any other questions. I hope that helps! :)
blessings,
J.

I don't want to alarm you but is it possible that your daughter had a bad experience with this older child? That's the first thing that popped into my head when I read your post. I hope I'm wrong but I think its worth exploring.

Children vary a lot at that age. My little 2 yr old LOVES to play with older children but lots don't. I wouldn't push it. If she doesn't want to play, then wait until she is a little older. let her stay with you. It is most important that she feel secure and that she feels that you protect her. If she gets that she will eventually grow accustomed to mixing with other children and children of other ages. 2-3 is a difficult age in some ways because children can walk/talk but aren't totally ready yet to play together yet.

Is it any older child or just one in particular? If it's any older child then maybe someone hurt her on accident and she thinks they all will hurt her.

If it's one particular child that causes this reaction, then I would definitely not disregard what is happening. She's obviously disturbed by this child and for whatever reason she's scared. That is not good. And you would be amazed at what a five year old can do.

My mother worked in an elementary school for years and one particular year they had a little boy that watched pornos with his mother. He then acted out the movies at school with every little girl he could corner. He was only in first grade.

My cousin was molested by a 10 year old when he was just 3. No body to body contact, but the 10 year old used manipulatives to torment my cousin...without getting into too much detail.

The older child might not be doing anything quite that sinister, but is obviously or has done something that really bothers your daughter.

I once had a creepy old man do some fondling when I was only about 3 or 4....to this day certain things really upset me and give me the heeby geebies.....it took years for me to realize that was my problem. Still can't remember it happening vividly, but I do have memories of a dusty shed that was sparked when I saw photos that had been lost for 20 years or so.......

She obviously can't express what is bothering her....like I"m not sure I could. But she knows she doesn't like that kid....

Keep a close eye on her and see if you can figure out what has happened to upset her.

I really don't have much advice for you, but our 2 1/2 year old has just started doing the same thing. We just visited with some family and when my older nephews (5 and 9 years old) came over our little one did the same thing. He used to be OK with them and now is timid and cried also. I am interested in what you hear from others. Good luck!

2.5 year olds won't usually play with older kids unless theya re a younger sibling and are used to it. You will see them play "around" older kids" but not really with them at this age. One of the 2.5 year olds are the same way. Find children her age for her to play with. I don't push my kids to do things they aren't understanding. She's learning that not everyone is the same and when and who to be catious with. In time it will change.