19 Month Old with Sleep Issues and Still Nursing...

N.-

I can relate to the sleep deprived state you are in, but first I want to congratulate you for nursing so long! I think what you are doing is great and you are showing your son that his needs are important and that he can trust you. Please do not do CIO, it will change this relationship and he may become clingy, anxious, angry, depressed, withdraw, etc. I'm guessing now he is a happy and smart toddler?

Also wanted to clear up something a previous poster said. Just because he is nursing frequently does not mean he is not getting the hindmilk. Your body adjusts to the demands and length of his feedings and the composition of your milk changes based on that. So I would not worry about that. You could always feed one breast per feeding to assure that he is emptying the breast all the way (not switching back and forth every couple of minutes).

I know it's hard to have outside pressure, but you know your son best and you know what feels right to you in your heart. I think you will really regret CIO. There are other things you can do to help your situation.

My daughter sounds similar to your son. She was still gettign the majority of her calories from breastmilk around that age and was probably having 2-3 small solid meals throughout the day. His solid intake will increase in the next 6 months, so I would just keep trying to offer healthy foods throughout the day and let him decide how much he is going to eat. Breastmilk is SO good for him and meets many nutritional needs.

My daughter was also a frequent night nurser for the first two years and then she really tappered off on her own. As they get older their ability to sleep longer stretches (high needs kids like our own) and you wont have to do a whole lot. One thing you can do now is let him feed when he wakes up but unlatch him after he starts to slow down. He may get really upset and you can let him latch on again for another 10 seconds, and then repeat the delatching. This technique is from the No Cry Sleep Solutions book by Elizabeth Pantley, I recommend it! If my daughter was getting too upset a certain night I would let her continue to feed and just try to nap with her during the day. Are you able to nap during the day?

My daughter is now 2.5 years old and while she still co-sleeps she nurses and then falls asleep laying next to me (I usually tickle her back)at bedtime. She no longer wakes and asks to nurse at night (By about 28 months I was able to tell her we don't have milkies over night and she would just roll over and go back to sleep with no problems.) So now she sleeps 10-11 hours without nursing and it is heaven. It happened when she was ready though so maybe you could wait it out a few more months and see if your son calms down on his own.

It's a tough situation to be in but I am really glad that I stuck it out and my daugher and I have a great relationship. She is a very calm toddler, doesn't throw tantrums, and is extremely sweet and smart. I attribute a lot of those things to my patience with her nighttime needs and her nursing. Feel free to message me if you have any other questions! Good luck!

I exclusively breastfed our son to 9 months old and then he started other food. We breastfed till 18 months. We also co-slept with BOTH of our kids.

The main reason I quit feeding was becasuse he was waking up multiple times a night to nurse and I was desperate for a good nights SLEEP! I knew he was doing it more for comfort than anything. I could tell I had barely any milk left anymore. So, I spent about a week cutting down on nursing sessions. And then one night I just said no and handed him a blanket and bear and told him to snuggle. I cuddled up with him and every time he tried to lift my shirt I just said snuggle with blanket and bear. The second night he just hugges his blanket and bear and curled up with me and we SLEPT! It was great. I do miss nursing now but am happy that we made it as long as we did. When he turned 1 1/2 we put a mattress on our floor and moved the 2 kids to that. (A queen size bed was NOT big enough for the 4 of us anymore!) And right after he turned 2, my husband and I moved out of the bedroom to our own room. We were planning on moving the kids out of our room but thought it would be easier on them to stay in the same room that they were used to sleeping in. Our 4 year old got a full size bed and our 2 year old got a toddler bed. They now sleep great.

Good luck.

N.. You are not alone in your frustration or feeling like you are being unkind by letting your baby cry to sleep or any time. We went through the same feelings with our oldest at 15 months.

My husband and I read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child for advice. So the night we let our kiddo cry himself to sleep was painful for us. We sat outside his room and cried ourselves (probably because we were so exhausted from sleep deprivation). Those hours seemed longer than possible.

Eventually, with stoic determination and CONSISTENCY, Jake became a more peaceful sleeper and happier kid all the way around. (Or maybe WE just had more patience with this new adventure of parenting.) Either way, victory in our home for all involved.

Another book that helped to point us in a logical parenting direction was Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay. We so did not want to become "helicopter parents"- those rushing to all minor catastrophes in our kid's life. It starts when they are young, that is their expectation of Mommy fixing the situation. That includes sleep patterns.

Good luck with your son. Remember, NO mom is perfect, so do give yourself a break.

Your son sounds an awful lot like my son. He'll be three in December, but still doesn't "sleep through the night" - we've gotten it down to one or two wakings on most nights. He was weaned officially at 28 months (I think when my milk flavor changed due to being pregnant). He has his own bed in our room, but he doesn't always stay all night in it. I'd rather have him close by so I don't have to wake up any more than I have to when he needs me in the middle of the night!

First of all, don't stress about sleeping through the night - each child is different, and by the time your son goes to college, he will be weaned, sleeping through the night, potty trained, etc. I know the night wakings are rough on you. When my son turned two, I finally said that's enough, and started weaning him at night - I told him that he could nurse at bedtime, but then "nursies went night night too" and he could nurse when it was time to get up (when it was light out, or when the alarm went off, etc). It made for a couple of really tough weeks where I was getting even less sleep, but it did help my son sleep a bit better in the long run. If I wasn't really sick when I was pregnant, though, I probably wouldn't have done that.

Secondly, if your gut is telling you to not let him cry it out, don't do it. I tried two or three times in the first two years and just couldn't do it, plus it just upset my son more and made him extremely clingy for the next day or two. CIO just doesn't work with some children no matter what, and if you prefer a gentler parenting method, then go with what you're comfortable with, regardless of what others say.

Have you read Elizabeth Pantly's "No Cry Sleep Solution"? We've tried a several of her methods, and although most didn't work for our son, it was reassuring to read about other parents' struggles, and we did get a few good ideas to try that actually helped. There's another one she's written for toddlers - check your library!

Things WILL get easier, eventually. It's hard to imagine, but even if your son's sleeping habits don't change for another year or more, it really is a short time in both of your lives. With our second child born just a month ago, and showing all the sleep patterns of the fist, it looks like we're in for the long haul as far as sleep deprivation is concerned - and I still wasn't getting consistently good sleep before she was born. But I'm much more okay with it this time around, just because I feel more confident. Hang in there! Things will get better!

I was in the same boat with my youngest. I, too, was the only one available to wake up with my little cosleeper. My daughter weaned at 22 months from the breast, and she immediately started sleeping through the night. She would have continued nursing if I had let her but I found that once I initiated weaning, she was actually indifferent about it! When she stopped nursing, she started sleeping ALL NIGHT, EVERY NIGHT. I did do what a friend suggested, I went to Target and found Numz (I think that's the name of it) or is it Thumz...in the pharmacy--it is something used to end thumbsucking but rather I put it on my nipples. I only did that the first few times she wanted to nurse, and I'd say "Mommy's milk is all gone! Do you want a sippy cup of juice?"

Good luck! I think you will be getting a full night of sleep very soon.

I wonder if several things might be going on.
1. You may have developed a habit that needs changed. Having access to you all night long is a habit. He should be sleeping through the night. It will be hard to break this sleep routine, and crying it out is what it will take. I suggest working in small increments. Put his crib in his own room and let him cry for 10 minutes. Then go in and pat his back, but don't pick him up. Leave after a minute or two. Slowly increase the time you let him cry before going in until he eventually falls asleep. If you do this consistently he will learn to put himself to sleep and sleep in his own bed. You are re-teaching him how bedtime and sleeping will work at your house.

2. If he isn't eating enough solids during the day, he will be hungrier and crankier and want to nurse more and not rest as well. Increase his food intake so he fuller.

3. If he is nursing all the time then he is only getting the for-milk and not the rich fatty hind milk that fills and satisfies. You need to allow your milk to build up between feedings so you are producing the fatty hind milk that gives him the fats and nutrients he needs to grow. Nursing at this age still provides benefits, but isn't really necessary for growth. It's more for comfort. If you are both still enjoying it, then feel free to continue, but make sure his nutritional needs are being met with table food as well.

That's my advice!

Oh...so familiar! I have friends who advocated crying it out, but THEIR kids cried for 10 minutes and then went to sleep! MINE cried for three hours and were more riled up than we started with! Anyway--I think getting those more-keyed-up kids to sleep is a much harder job, but it can be done without crying it out. Oh--I would, though, recommend trying it for 10-15 minutes. We found, with our second, that when we put him down for his nap, if we let him fuss and scream for 10 minutes, he will put himself to sleep. I cannot deal with much more than that (unless I'm really upset with him!), so if he cries longer, I either rock or decide he wasn't ready for a nap.

Anyway--what we've done: stop nursing at night. It sounds like you're not attached to that concept (I'm very pro nursing, and, as a matter of fact, am at that stage right now w/ my 25 month old--we're night weaning, finally, again...). You might go back to it when he's teething or sick, but at least you can start the process. It may be very hard; if someone else is willing and able to get up w/ him, great. If not, it just teaches him NO all the sooner.

Once that is firmly established (it may take a while), you can start on naps. Getting our second to nap and fall asleep on his own did a lot for his nighttime sleep, and I had a lot more patience teaching him to sleep during the day. We started out rocking him to sleep...then put him down drowsy...then finally, after months, were able to put him down awake and he'd put himself to sleep.

Then we started that at night. We'd do our routine (nurse FIRST, so he doesn't nurse to sleep), read books, sing, rock...and, eventually, go to bed awake.

Finally, we got to a point where we could get up with him at night, lay him down, and simply pat his back (as opposed to rocking him a half hour, 2-3 times a night). We WERE there, then we hit 2 year molars and most of this wonderful advice flew out the window! We'll be starting over again when he gets his two top ones in and we're done with teeth! Anyway--he seems to sleep better every step we take--he DOES learn from it; he's just a very easy waker.

Anyway--I can't deal with the crying either; it feels cruel. This whole thing took maybe 2-3 months, but is soo worth it. Our first didn't sleep through the night until 3 1/2, and we had #2 by that time, which was a little rough. You will probably encounter setbacks (your own or his...) but just remember that it's ALL helping him learn, and mistakes happen. Just try again!

Good luck.

you know, you are doing what you feel is best. everything else is just nonsense.

one thing no one really tells others is that you will most likely NOT sleep. ever. again. not like you did before your child came into the world! and that is a constant! i have a friend who has a 14 YEAR old, and she loses sleep at night too! theres always something to worry about with our kids, no matter what age they are.

family bed is a great way to go. you do NOT have to put your son in the other room and make him cry. that will not help you and could actually increase his sleep issues. my son self weaned around 19 months, so i guess i never had a struggle with it, but until then he was sleeping at least part of the night in our bed. he is going to be 3 at the end of november, and he still sleeps in his crib in our room. so im telling you, you just keep up what you need to do and things will be more than ok.

will his crib fit in your room? can you set up a "bed" on the floor of your room? that way when he is deeper asleep, you can put him there and maybe not being in immediate vacinity he wont wake up as much.

what i need you to know though is that mothering is individual. YOU are the mom, YOU are the only one in this situation who knows your child instinctivly and perfectly. even living with your parents, you still know your child better than anyone. just keep doing what you are doing; it is ensuring that you are connected and sensitive to your son's needs, and there is NOTHING wrong with that!

write me if you need some support, or want to talk more. as far as getting more sleep, and him not nursing so much, i dont know what to tell you. i was an on-demand nursing mom, and it was perfect for me. buuut...

www.askdrsears.com is a good resource. theres a book, nighttime parenting, that william sears writes and its fantastic!!! check it out - you shuld be able to get it for rather inexpensive on amazon.com! :)

Cry it out doesnt have to be that bad. My son moved to his own room when he started waking more at night(3 months) he slept longer blocks and night weaned himself at 7 months. We did the Cry It Out at 6 months as that is when he started walking back up after nursing to sleep. I made sure he had his pacifier and his stuffed monkey and the longest he cried was 20 mins after a week he made no fuss going to bed on his own. He did have a pacifier he went cold turkey on the pacifier at 17 months. I thought it would be horrible to get him to nap and go to bed at night but we turned on the radio for him and he hardly fussed at all. Before he went off the pacifier i would have to get up with him a few times a night to give him the pacifier back. but after the pacifier was gone he slept straight through 12 hours. I think you best bet to get more sleep is to give him his own space. if he knows you are right there he will want you to get up all the time but if he has his own space he will learn to go back to sleep when he wakes up. Good luck it is never easy to hear your baby cry but sometimes they need to learn to comfort themselves.