19 Month Old Hitting and Throwing.....

It is so normal at their age to express their frustration that way. If she throws a toy, pick it up in front of her and say "we do not throw toys, it is gone for today" and put it up, on the fridge, entertainment center where she can see it but do not give it back to her until the next day.

Also, when they are older and still being h*** o* toys or throwing them, let them watch Toy Story. I did this with my son and even still I will ask him "are you an Andy or a Sid?" (Sid being the mean boy to his toys) and he will always smile and calm down and say "I am an ANDY!!!"....

When you give it back, say "thank you for not throwing"...and a hug.
If she hits, grab her hand before she makes contact and tell her firmly "not nice, do not hit"..and put her down and away from everyone, in a playpen if need be for time outs. Do not engage in conversation or acknowledge her.
She is frustrated and has little to do with attention but more she doesn't have the verbal means to express herself yet.
I used to say to both of my kids "if you need help, ask mommy but do not throw things out of anger or frustration"...they were older and more apt to comprehend but try and just let her know it is not okay, then reward the times she stops herself.
It isn't lack of attention, it is a normal phase. My daughter at that age used to come in for a hug if frustrated and BITE ME! :) I actually had to resort to thumping lightly on the nose and setting her down and after about a dozen times of that she got the message, hee hee.
My son was the one to throw at toy if it didn't work the way he wanted. I always tried to be empathetic to if they needed help with a toy and not get them upset about it, but also now they are socializing more and she could hurt another child.
Setting her away when she does it and rewarding when she doesn't will help her make the connection.
Even saying things like "I know you are angry but we do not throw things!", Acknowledging feelings is key however also not tolerating agression during upset is too. Good luck, we all have been there with this one I assure you! :)

One of my twin boys has the same problem although it happens much less frequently now at 26 mos than it did at 19 mos.
I do the time out thing everytime but in addition I also sit with him and practice some breathing exercises. I know how this sounds and I am not a froot loop:)
First I stepped back and figured out what the common link was to his frustration. I found 2 things: 1. He gets mad when he can't do something as well or fast as he sees his brother or parents and 2 My reaction was to get mad and punish while I was mad so his emotions just got worse.
My Mom is a school psychologist and she suggested the breathing thing when, like you, I was at my wits end.
So what I do now is first make myself breathe to calm down and then pick him up and put him on the steps for time out.
I explain in short simple sentences what he did wrong and ask him to take a big breath and blow his mad out. Funny thing is I started this at about 18 months with him and he barely paid attention. Now sometimes I see him do it by himself when he gets mad while playing alone.
It has worked wonders probably because I was more than half of the problem and it calms me down.
Hope this helps.

It's normal behavior for a 19 month old. And it has nothing to do with the fact that she goes to a caregiver. She wants things and she doesn't have a way to express herself - she doesn't have enough command of the language to use words to let you know what she's thinking.

Try to head off throwing and hitting before it happens. Be on the lookout when she's tired or hungry, because it's more likely to happen then. Gently redirect her attention to something else, and help her calm down. You can also help her by giving her the words. Say "I can tell that you are angry (or frustrated, or whatever)" as you redirect her.
When she does throw or hit, tell her firmly "we don't throw things" or "we don't hit" and put her somewhere that she can see what the family is doing but can't interact, and she doesn't have any toys (a playpen? avoid her room/crib at this age). It's a modified time out. It should not be longer than 1 minute (set a timer), and don't expect her to sit quiet during it - its not appropriate at this age to start the time over if she cries.

Be patient. By being a good example and showing her how you deal with frustration/anger (talking, taking a minute to calm down, not yelling) and puting labels on your feelings "mommy's angry right now" you are teaching her what to do also. She'll grow out of it, though it may take a little while.

Good for you. Putting her in a time out is good because it does not reward her action. If it doesn't seem to get the message through, you can make the time out be in her bed or a room away from all of you. She is getting plenty of attention, it sounds like, but really wants to rule the world. She needs to learn her place (part of the family, not the ruler) and that she won't get what she wants by those actions. Just be strong and consistent.

My first thought is, where did she learn this? Being that she is the only child at her caregiver's, is it possible she saw mommy, daddy or even caregiver get upset and throw something or hit something? Children learn behaviors and then mimic them. Of course you have to get control of the hitting. When she begins to hit, grab her hands, look her closely in the eyes and in a deep, stern voice, say "NO". Do this every time. She will eventually learn that she can't hit people. Since she can't tell you why she is frustrated, you need to help her figure out what is upsetting her and do your best to fix it with her. For instance, if she is upset because she can't get her blocks apart, then throws them, pick up the blocks, go over to her, and gently say, "instead of throwing the blocks, lets get them apart together, mommy will help you." Take her hands and with yours pull the blocks apart. She will eventually learn to ask mommy for help instead of throwing. Since she is in daycare, I would ask that the provider do the same thing so there is consistency.

My daughter went through the same thing at that age (and she certainly didn't learn it from my husband or I and she doesn't go do daycare, so I disagree with the thought that children will ONLY mimic behaviors they have seen). My daughter would also try to bite me if she was mad at me. When she hit or bit, I would put her in time out. If I caught her before she could actually hit me, I took her hand and said "no hitting! That's not nice. Be gentle" and had her stroke my arm so she could see what gentle is. With the throwing thing, she goes directly to time out and then when she comes out, SHE has to pick up whatever it is she threw. For my daughter, it had to be AFTER her time out because if I told her to pick it up before that, she'd just throw more things. Good luck!

This is VERY common at this age. They can't express themselves with words yet so they use physical ways to do it. The best way to handle this in my experience is repetition, repetition. Every time she hits grab her hand and say "no hitting." then say " be gentle" and take her hand and stroke your arm with it so she knows what gentle is. Same thing with throwing, just focus the gentle on the toy. If this doesn't work, take the toy. Also, if it is an obvious reason for the hitting or throwing, acknowledge the reason. For instance..."I see you are frustrated that mommy isn't listening to you" or whatever the reason. Then do your best to tell her the right and simplest way to express herself. It will take time and patience but this will pass. It really goes a long way when you let your child know you understand. Although many people believe in time outs at this age, I am still on the redirect thing. Generally bad behavior at this age isn't really "bad", just testing and frustration. Changing their focus can be just as effective as a time out. I didn't start time outs until 2- 2 1/2. However, if they are working for your child, go for it. Every child responds differently. HTH. sorry for rambling!

A.