18 Year Old

Updated on January 08, 2013
S.S. asks from Oceanside, CA
13 answers

My son lives at home. He works hard. He has become a complete pig. He doesnt clean up after himself his room stinks. I know hes not doing drugs, and drinking. Well I'm sure a little but I don't see it as a bad habbit. He's not sure what he wants to do with school yet. He has a job. Overall he is a great kid. My problem is he doesnt respect our home and has become a total sloppy lazy kid when he is home. Is this normal?

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So What Happened?

I posted what I did on my other question. I want to thank everyone for their advice it really helped me. It also opened my eyes on how I've dropped the ball on follow through and being more clear and consistent. I'm a single mom with two teens and it gets frustrating, but still there is no excuse to allow bad manners and habits. I realize being their friend isn't the best. Be tough now, or you will pay .

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answers from Seattle on

If this is new / "he's BECOME" ... Then I would be very worried about what's happened to make him change & want to address those issues.

3 moms found this helpful

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answers from St. Louis on

I was a pig until I bought my first home, don't worry about it unless it becomes a health hazard.

Granted my pigness never went beyond my room.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

Yes, very normal. I don't think being dirty warrants being kicked out though. That's a bit harsh for a 'great' kid - it's just a dirty mess AND he's working. Is it frustrating, annoying, infuriating - YES! Tell him to keep it behind closed doors and do not worry about it. I would give him a date to decide about school though!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Columbia on

It's only normal if you put up with it and don't demand that he clean up after himself.

If he wants to be a slob, he can move out and be a slob. If he's living in your home, he needs to be considerate of the people who live there.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Columbia on

well, normal, I guess.

He needs to decide what he wants to do when he "grows up". Like now.

Most kids at 18 either move out and go to college or move out and get a full time job and start their own life.

Let him pick which one he wants to do..... by March 15 - he either has to apply to colleges or start looking for his own apartments.

or - you talk with him and agree on "rules" he has to abide by while he lives at your house.

Good Luck.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on


At 18 and still living at home? As long as you allow it - then he will continue to do it. It's that's simple. You are allowing him to run roughshod on your home - he's an adult.

Tell him the rules of the house. If he can't abide by them - he can go get his own place and trash that. In OUR HOME? Not happening dude. You will be a functioning member - by taking care of the house and its belongings - if you can't do that - then you are welcome to leave.

Charge him rent. He's 18 and working.

Drinking and doing drugs in your home and you don't see it as a bad habit? Sorry - he's not 21 and if he goes out of your home and gets in an accident while under the influence of alcohol and or drugs - you will be in trouble right there along with him for contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

Only way it's going to change is if you put up rules and start charging rent.


2 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

Yes, it's normal. Kids are always "testing" their parents. If you allow this type of behavior, it will just continue and get worse.

Let him know exactly what his responsibilities are. If necessary, write up a contract listing the rules of your household and what is expected of him and the consquences.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from New York on

He's a pig, because you allow it. It is your home and you set the rules. He does not respect the home, he does not respect you. You need to sit and make things clear. Lay out what you want from him and either he will comply or the consequence will be him moving out. Sometimes kids don't get it and assume that because they are home, they can do as they please. My son is 23 and at home, school's on hold and we had to have a sit down of what was expected of him when he was 19 and then again at 21. I told him I did not agree with him not finishing school or being undecided for too long, but that he was an adult and I respected his choice, but with that said, that didn't mean he was going to sit around and do nothing. I gave him things to do, like the laundry, breakfast dishes, dinner dishes, vacuuming. I also told him he needed to work and I would expect 100.00 for the phone bill monthly since he upgraded himself & paid for an Iphone. He has to pay his school loans as he is not in school, so he understood and was clear on the fact that there would be no sweeter deal anywhere in real estate at this time and pulls his weight. Yes, I have to remind him now and again, typical young male behavior, but he pulls his weight. I also had to teach him to pick up groceries with his own money now and again without expecting a pay back. Just remember, it's hard for them sometimes, they are very use to thinking of themselves and need to be taught to wake up and smell the coffee........REALITY! Give the talk a try, hopefully it will clear many things up for you. Good Luck.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from New York on

If he hasn't decided what he wants to do with school then it's ok that he isn't going. However making grown up choices means you have grown up responsibilities. So he needs to work just like all grown ups work and pitch in around the house because grown ups have to do things around the house.

Time to sit down a have a chat about your expectations now that he's a legal adult. You can't say he's living like a pig. Instead you need to make it known that food can't be left in his room. Dirty clothes need to be thrown in the hamper and washed on a regular basis. Pick general chores that he needs to do to help around the house. No one gets a free ride in life and it's time he learns that.

A good alternative for education for a kid who doesn't know what he/she wants to do is to take classes at community college. He can get a 2 yr degree in something and transfer credits to a 4 yr school if he wants.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

Very normal for today but we have an issue with it mostly because we (the parent) were not able to be slobs. The world has changed our children into lazy little piggies. It's still your home and he is still your child. The issue is not a matter of his being a little pig but that it is your home where you should be able to control the cleanliness throughout. Respect for an 18 year old boy might be just being sweet one day, not necessarily what we define it as. Give him a day a week (just like we as adults do) that he is to clean the room and do his laundry. Hey, if you'd like, offer to do his laundry and sheets if he agrees to have them ready for you on the day that you request. He can do the rest...Just saying, it might allow you some peace of mind and still allow him to understand that you are not becoming a drill seargent, just need to control the dust and "smell"..haha.



answers from Anchorage on

He is an adult, he needs to act like one. Tell him he will respect your house and keep his area clean or he can find his own place to live.



answers from Miami on

I'm not sure if you meant that you don't see it as a bad habit that he drinks a little. I hope you don't mean that you think he does a little drugs and that you don't think that taking drugs is bad... if you do, then you evidently don't understand that you can get in trouble YOURSELF and have a liability issue with your son handling drugs in your home.

So first thing first - NO drugs in your home. No exceptions, period.

Now, I'm so glad to hear that you feel that he's a good kid. There are moms on here who have real difficulties with the way their kids treat them. However, that doesn't mean that living like a pig in your house or him expecting you to be his maid is acceptable.

One of the reasons that American parents WANT their kids to go live in a dorm when they are going to college is so that they have peer pressure of a sort to learn how to live on their own. Instead of mom harping on them, the roommate, suitemates or the Resident Assistant tells them to straighten up. And that's good. College is kind of like the "halfway house" to life.

Your son isn't ready to go to college it seems, and that's okay. However, he is working hard, and that's good.

Time to go price apartments with him, specifically ones that roommates are looking for someone to help pay the rent. If he doesn't have a car, find one near a bus stop. S., he needs to have to work hard to figure out life without the help from mom. That's what helps him to grow up. He WILL stop being a pig in his apartment, or his roommates will throw him out. He'll learn that no matter how many hours he works at a low level paying job, it will be hard to make ends meet. How many of us as begining married couples right out of college had to pench pennies and find free things to do for entertainment, until we moved up in our jobs? We all want better for our kids than we had it, but quite frankly, one of the reason WHY we are successful is because we had to manage on our own instead of having our folks make everything easy on us.

Tell your son that it is now time for him to go out on his own. If he decides that he wants to go to college, you two can talk about that, but right now, he is 18 and not going to school. If he isnt in school, he has to go live on his own and learn to be a man.

Go over a budget with him, protect yourself legally with his insurance, tell him you're proud of how far he has come, and then turn him loose. Invite him for dinner once a week and listen to his problems, but don't bail him out. Instead, ask him what he plans to do to fix his problems. Wait for him to ask for advise. But don't solve his problems for him.

I have a college boy, S.. He is learning to handle lots of things without us, including finding places to fix his car that don't cost an arm and a leg. He knows that he will not get another car from us, so this one has to last (it's a 13 year old car with 125,000 miles on it, and if an accident is HIS fault, insurance won't cover damage to it - only to another car.) He is learning how to deal with the insurance company on his own as well, including making sure that there is always money in his bank account to cover the direct monthly withdrawal for his insurance. When he flies home to visit us, he is in charge of dealing with the airlines, especially if he misses his flight (and yes, that has happened. It's hard, that's for sure, but a good learning experience.) And though we pay for his flights home, HE has to pony up the extra if he makes a mistake that costs him money. He knows that he will not be coming home to live once he graduates - he will have to find a job and live somewhere OTHER than with us. My high schooler knows this too, though he is nowhere nearly as grown up as his brother. That will come.

Give him wings to fly. He won't like it at first, but he will rise to the occasion given time and space, and will be a better man later for it, Mom.




answers from San Francisco on

the term "normal" is relative. We don't know what's "normal" in your home.

However, you are now holding the cards. He's 18 - you can kick him out.

Tell him either clean up or get out and stick to it. He is no longer your legal responsibility and he needs to understand that turning 18 is not only HUGE for him because he's now an adult; it's HUGE for you also because he's now an adult and no longer legally your responsibility.

Make sure he understands that it works both ways!

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