18 Month Old Screaming!!!!

My son went through this same "phase" at this same age. I talked to some co-workers and they made me realize what I was doing. When I came home from work with my toddler from day care I immediately started making dinner, threw a load of laundry in the wash, and picked up toys from the day before. Once I stopped doing this things changed. I would walk in and sit down with my son to read a book (with extra snuggling) and then get him interested in a toy before starting my evening chores. It seems he just wanted some of my undivided attention after a full day of being seperated. Dinner was only ready 15 minutes later than usual and he was much happier. Hope this helps.

My daughter only had one screaming fit in public. We were at her sitters wedding and I picked her up and we left. She was so surprised that she just quit screaming. I talked to her all the way home and she did get a spanking for the fit, but she never did it again. She was just over 2 when this happened. I think the best thing is to just ignore her and see what happens. I know this is hard, but the fits most likely are her way of trying to get attention and as long as you respond to them they will continue. Good luck....
G.

I am sure this is only a phase that your little girl is going through - a very loud phase.

When she doesn't get what she wants - stick with a firm NO and as best you can ignore the behaviour.

I really can't remember my boys doing this, but do remember turning up the radio in the car if the noise got to loud - basically drowning them out until it stopped. You could try that and make a game out of it by having a good time without her by dancing and laughing while ignoring the screaming - diverting her attention - she will see you having a good time and might want to join in.

You might want to also try whispering/talking softly when she is screaming. By not being able to hear what your saying she may stop screaming and start listening. My mother-in-law swore by this when she was an elementary school teacher.

Hope this helps.

Hi M.,
I have twin daughters, who are now 10yrs old. They have tried the screaming thing when they were younger, but only when it was time to leave like the park or something they were having fun at. What I did was to let them know that if they were going to do that when it was time to leave, that they just wouldn't be taken to places they like to go to, until they learned how to act when it's time to go.
I do believe that someone said to set down with her with a book and give her some of your time....that is a good idea. Also to check out this daycare...you might be surprised at what you find, and the sign language is also a good idea there are some free sign language links on the web that I use,
email me if you want these links and I'll be happy to give them to you.
I aslo believe that you can spoil a child...is there something you used to do that has changed? If so she maybe wanting that agian.
Swatting her on the butt, isn't a horrible thing. Correct her when needed, but let her know why or what reason you have done so. She will not become an abuser when she gets older. I living proof of that...my mom used a fly swatter, a belt, her hand...and she would tell us why she would whip us, what we did to get it. As she gets older use the time out thing...put her in her bedroom, tell her she needs to think about what she did, and don't let her play with anything while in there.
These things do work...The Bible says to train up a child, and it also says to correct them. Some people use the praise
Spare the rod and spoil the child...That is true. So when you correct her be consistent, meaning if after the first time you corrected her she does it again, correct her again.
Don't believe everything you read in a book either...my older sister read in a book that said, you can't spoil a baby...she has learned that you can.

Is she screaming because she doesn't get what she wants, or is she screaming because she is hurting for some reason..I think if it's because she's not getting what she wants then welcome to the terrible 2's..How long does it last-well I have an almost 4 year old and we haven't outgrown that yet..He doesn't scream per say but he has an attitude like you wouldn't believe..I don't think it ever gets any easier they just get older and have different things they are "screaming" about..

My dear, I think you have given away your number. At some time she screamed and you responded quickly. She is capable of feeling your frustration now and she is using it. Try ignoring her. Also take deep breaths and calm your own feelings so she cannot feed off frustration. If you must respond, do it with humor, saying things like "wow" I hear a dog howling back at you. Can you hear him? Be sure to say these things with a smile as if you enjoy it. She will not care much for the results. She does not want to entertain you.

Pick up the books "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" by Dr. Harvey Karp and "Shepherding a Child's Heart" by Dr. Tedd Tripp. Sometimes things like this are a communication issue (they can't yet put into words what they want and get frustrated), and other times it is a test of wills. Whatever you do, don't give in after a scream fest and give her what she wants to quiet her. She may also be mimicing what she sees in daycare, or may be decompressing a bit after a long day there. Be sure that as her temper rises that you stay calm, talk to her calmly, etc. so that the tension doesn't escalate.

you said that she was always otherwise very quiet-does she speak well? I'm assuming it's a just a phase and she'll grow out of it-IGNORE HER!!! LOL....but,my mind immediatley jumped to a hearing problem..if she's not speaking legibly,than maybe you should have her hearing checked.I hate to put some sort of scary thought in your mind,but, just consider her speaking habits.Also-you said it starts when u pick her up from daycare-consider she might be trying to tell you in the only way she knows how that something might be wrong there.Does she have a new teacher? Alot of centers allow parents to sit back and watch them through the glass or in a secretive way(w/out them or the teacher knowing you're there).It's probably just a phase,but, then again-there could be an underlying problem that u just can't "see". Good luck!

My oldest daughter did this at about that age. Some days i just had to cry and thought maybe I was in the wrong line of work (mommy.) I remeber my husband and I trying to find things to make her stop-do you want this do you want that-don't do that! You have to ignore her-yes it is very hard, but it worked in about 2 weeks with my daughter! Sometimes I would put her in her room and tell her when she was done she could come out-that made her mad, but I told her I didn't want to hear her throwing a fit so she could do it in her room. She's almost 4 and the issues have changed, but there's still screaming-just not the same way!

I feel for you, I have the same problem with my 15 month old. It is horrible when all you want to do is spend time with her and all she wants to do is test your patience.on top of it all I am pregnant and not very patient. My poor husband has to put up with the both of of us!

I agree with most of the other responses. I would ignore screaming as best you can and only respond to talking. At this age, most screaming comes from not being able to say what they want. We taught our son some basic sign language and that really helped. We taught him maybe 7-8 words (more, all done, please, eat drink, etc.) and I really think it helped. There are lots of books available that show you simple signs to use. Once she learns to talk she will probably stop the screaming, or at least tone it down.
Second, and more important, no matter how mad you get never EVER use a flyswatter or any other object to discipline your child. All the experts agree that this is a horrible idea. It teaches your child to hit others with objects and may turn them into an abuser as an adult. My son began to understand time-out at that age. Time out is for you as well. It gives you a chance to count to 10, or otherwise cool off without resorting to the swatter. I would make him sit in a special chair, with his face to the corner until he quieted down. The SECOND he was quiet, or not screaming, I would get him out and praise him for being good. That reinforces the good behavior instead of the bad. Good luck!

M.,

Yes, 18 months old is about the time the sweet little babies turn into something not so sweet. At least each of my three did. The first one was a great shock 'cause I thought they only acted defiant and angry at age two...boy, did I not know much! With our first he was relatively pleasant until about 5:00 when he had just had too much stimulation and the only way to release that was crying. I dare say our daughter might have sensory overload.

K.

My daughter went through this same thing, and at the same age! I never knew what was going to set her off, and with her being so young, I felt my options were limited because I wanted to make sure I was going about it in the proper way to where she would understand "why" this was inappropriate behavior... After trying several things, I came to my wits end one day... while she was in the middle of one of her tantrums, I pulled out the camcorder... stood above her and started recording... she looked at me as if to say "what in the world are you doing?"! I just stood there and recorded her (without saying a word) until she stopped. Once she calmed herself down, I told her we were going to watch a video... I started the VCR, and the look on her face as she watched the screaming fit was shocking! She stared at it in awe... I think her being able to see for herself what the 'fit' looked like really got her attention... she didn't like what she was seeing. After that, she still had the occasional 'melt down', but not nearly as often as before...and usually because of a more justifiable reason, like being tired, wanting something she couldn't have, etc...

She is 9 years old now, and a very well-behaved, well-mannered little girl!

Good luck to you and God Bless!

Mommy's get the worst side of our kids. Most kids will behave themselves much better in front of strangers than their moms so after a full day of playing and being good she just may not have the energy to behave. Try doing quite activities in the evening so that you can bond and she can unwind.

First of all, you are right that time out and spanking will not work on most 18 month olds. There minds don't get punnishment yet. I think that the best thing for this age is to not pay much attention to the screaming and just try to get her mind on something else interesting. At this age they forget quickly what they were upset about, unlike 3 year olds. Just redirect, redirect, and redirect again.

It sounds a little like you are trying to reason with her on some level. Stop that. One sentence, NO SCREAMING, chair or room. Not another sound or action out of Mom unless it is to reset in chair or replace in room. 2 minutes is not too long for this. When it is over....it is over. Not to be mentioned by Mom again. When it occurs again you act like it's the first time and NO SCREAMING, chair or room. Repeat as necessary. You cannot bargain, reason, argue, or stress out with them. You remain cool and quiet Mom. Best of luck.
B.

I would take her to the doctor. She may be very irritable because of ear infections, bowel or kidney infection. She could be too hot...etc. She must be unhappy or uncomfortable for her to scream like that. Let her know you want to help. Ask "what can Mama do to make you feel better?" Where do you hurt? Sometimes it is too much acid in their diet and something to soothe their stomachs helps alot.