18 Month Old Not Sleeping Through the Night

The problem is that you are picking her up and doing stuff with her in the middle of the night. She has come to expect that when she wakes she will:
- get out of her bed
- get juice or formula to drink
- get her diaper changed
- get rocked or some other way put back to sleep

She has also learned that if she wakes up again, you will give up and bring her to bed with you. You need to change the expectation in her mind.
My son went through something like this around 1 year old. And I made some of the same decisions you made. I nursed him and rocked him to sleep. If that didn't work I'd bring him to bed with me (which was not cool with my hubby). My doc and I talked about this at his 1 year appointment. Here's what I did to change his expectations.
- Step 1: no nursing at night. Instead he got a sippy cup with water. I still did all the other things, except that I repeatedly rocked him back to sleep (no coming to bed with me -- my hubby was adamant about that).
- Step 2: Give him water and coax him to lay down in his bed, while asking him to lay down (this part is important for step 4). Stay by the bed with my hand in his or on top of him until he fell back to sleep. At this stage there was no picking up. It was hard, but he could be coaxed to lay down in his crib if I got at eye level with the crib mattress and kinda thumped my hand on the mattress.
- Step 3: No water. The rest was the same as step 2.
- Step 4: Ask him to lay down in his bed from beside his bed, then gradually ask him from farther away.
It took a while (about 4 months) because I only worked on changing one expectation at a time (he was the same as your daughter -- he'd get worked up and throw up if I didn't get him calmed and back to sleep), but it did work. He was 2 1/2 by the time he really slept all the way through the night in his own bed. But that came from him understanding that Mommy didn't like to get up in the middle of the night.
Basically you need to teach your daughter that if it's still dark in her room when she wakes up that she needs to roll over and go back to sleep. And don't worry about changing her diaper unless she is poopy or you use cloth diapers. (disposables are more than capable of holding a night's worth of urine, and they keep it locked away from baby's bum -- if her current size leaks after a whole night, go up a size for nighttime or get nighttime ones)
Good luck to you.
PS: My daughter is about the same age as yours -- she still wakes 1-2 times a night but getting her back to sleep takes 2-3 minutes because I don't pick her up -- we're about step 3 on the list right now.

Hi R. - In addition to the other ideas you've already received, there is also the possibility she is getting some reflux that is waking her up. You probably should stick to water for the mid-night drinks too - both because the calories will energize her and to protect her teeth from the sugars.

I hope you find a way to help her sleep well!

Hi R.--
Developmentally your daughter is at the height of separation anxiety and wants to be with you. She might also be teething. We have always co-slept with our children. My oldest went to his own bed of his own accord when he was 3 1/2. Our youngest is still with us at 19 months. If you allow her in your bed you're probably in it for the long haul---through toddler hood. But what parent do you know who's kid don't climb out of bed and into theirs on a regular basis? If you don't mind her being in bed with you I say let everyone get some sleep by co-sleeping. You are not going to mess up her sleep habits--she will learn to sleep on her own as she matures. (I say this not only as a Mom but as a person with a degree in developmental psychology). If you do not want her in your bed then you may have to stay in her room at times. I recommend the no cry sleep solution or The baby whisperer books for assistance.
Good luck getting some sleep!
J.

They do train us well.

I would stick with water and no talking, keep the lights low, change the diaper, and lay her down.

You may want to set up a chair next to her crib so she can see you, but do not interact with her stare in another direction. As she settles down, move the chair closer to the door, and eventually in the hall.

The first night will be worse, because she thinks she will be able to get you to go back to taking her in your bed. After a few nights she will realize this is how it is. She will get a better night sleep, and you will too.

It is easier to be a better mommy when you get some sleep.

S.
mother to Kai
www.HomeWithKai.info

Congratulations - you have a smart kid! My apologies, you have a smart kid. Luckily, God saw fit to make us older and wiser.

I am in your same boat. My boy is trying to get up twice in the night as well. Instead of giving him milk, we're switching to water. He won't die of starvation in one night.

And we put his crib downstairs so that the crying doesn't jump immediately to our last nerve. Once he learns that it is not snack time, and its really not worth his while, we're hoping that he'll adjust to sleeping through the night again.

WE need to train HIM, though he feels that it ought to be the other way around. :D

Ooohh R., I feel you pain. I had the same problems with my first born who is also a girl. Her name is Hannah and she is now 11. I also have a boy who is 7 and another boy who is 8. With my daughter I always tried to keep her happy throught the night. And like you when she woke up I also came running to comfort her. She didn't sleep through the night until she was 4. It was really really hard to be getting up 3 and 4 times a night with a 3 year old. Then when I had my first son, I tried to let them comfort themselves a little bit before I came running. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. But it worked. When he would cry at night, I would give it 5 minutes and see if he would go back to sleep. If he was still crying after 5 minutes, I would go in there, and tell him I love him. I would cover him up or change a diaper, or whatever he needed, and then leave the room. The first time or two was rough, but after he learned that he had to sleep at night and mommy still loved him, we were good. I did the same with my second son and they both are great sleepers and sleep all through the night.

I hope that this helps you. Just don't doubt yourself! Motherhood is hard and as long as you have your little one as your first priority, you will be just fine. And most of all try to remember that they will grow and change constantly. Even though it seems like it will never end, it will. She will be 3 and 4 before you kow it. Celebrate yourself as a mother!

If it is teething, as someone suggested, or a milestone, stop the habit now. For teething, give her motrin before bed. It lasts a while, and has helped some of the teething wakeups. If it is a milestone, it may take a few days, but they will get back to the schedule. Maybe just go in, soothe her - no lights, no talking, and only pick up if necessary. I think that the hardest will be getting her out of your bed, but cold turkey for that is the best. As it is the weekend, and you might be able to nap, while your husband helps during the day, now might be the time to do this.

Is your daughter SUPPOSED to be having formula still? Our youngest son is a year old, and we're weaning him to cow's milk, and I heard juice before bed is bad.

I don't know what she eats for dinner, but try a more filling and solid snack before bed. If she's used to the bottle, maybe she's just waking up hungry.

Try the Baby Whisperer books by Tracy Hogg & Melinda Blau. The case studies are practical - no matter how dire your situation you'll get practical, commonsense advice.

Good Luck, R..

WHen my children were teething, their sleep was always disrupted. Tylenol helped our family, including using it in the middle of the night if needed. Two books I like with sleep ideas are Good Nights by Gordon, and The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Pantley.

I had the same problem with my daughter at 16 months only I had let it go on for several months before finally taking her to the doc to see if there was something medical wrong with her. Ultimately he told me to quit giving food or drink at night, it was preventing her from letting herself go back to sleep. Also, the hardest part was, he told me to let her cry it out - no matter how long! YIKES! He did say that you can go in and check to make sure she is not hurting herself but only spend moments then leave again. Each night she will cry less and less. In 5 to 7 days it will stop and she will sleep again.

All this being said, I haven't let my daughter cry it out, even though the doctor said she won't remember and if you let it go until she is two that is when it will be set. I did take away the food or drink though and the problems seemed to stop. She does still get up at night here and there but nothing like she used to.

Good luck! I know it is a pain.