17 Year Old Sleeping with 22 Year Old

Updated on October 16, 2012
D.B. asks from Eau Claire, WI
21 answers

If your 17 year old daughter was sleeping with several people (most being her age but one is 22), would you report it?

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So What Happened?

Thanks for all the quick responses. You have the same thought as I did... Don't report it, but get help for the teen.

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answers from Dallas on

Sounds like the problem is a lot bigger than just sleeping with a 22 yr old. The 17 yr old needs some type of counseling so that her self worth can be realized and she will stop this dangerous behavior before she gets pregnant or contracts some disease.

10 moms found this helpful


answers from Boise on

I'd be more pissed with the sleeping around. I wouldn't like the age gap, but at almost 18 I am not going to ruin another persons life.

10 moms found this helpful

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answers from Dallas on

I would be much more concerned about her promiscuity than with the age of the 22 year old.

9 moms found this helpful


answers from Phoenix on

I would say that if a 17 year old girl has already had sex with "several" people, including a 22 year old, it says more about her & her parents than it does about the 22 year old. A 17 year old that is promiscuous is most definitely messed up, but she is a willing participant at this stage in the game, and not some innocent girl who fell in love & got taken advantage of. I would think some counseling/family counseling would be in order.

8 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

NO!! If she's sleeping with "several people" there are a lot more things to worry about then the age difference on one particular person. Also, why create even more problems?

8 moms found this helpful


answers from Seattle on

What do you want to report? That she is sleeping with a bunch of people? Or that she is under age? (which she is really only underage for a year longer)
When I was 18 I was sleeping with and dating a guy who was 32. We were together for 4 years.
I would be WAY more worried about the "several people" she is sleeping with. Obviously she has little to no self respect, and THAT would be my biggest problem.

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Detroit on

Nope. Sounds like the daughter needs a little guidance, or maybe a lot of it...

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

My husband is 17 years older than I am. However, when we were dating, I was not sleeping with anyone else, nor would I have slept with anyone else. The problem is SO much bigger than the age difference here.

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Grand Forks on

I would be more concered about the fact that she is sleeping with several people than the fact that she is sleeping with a 22 year old. It is only a five year age difference, and I know a few married couples who started dating when she was 16 or 17 and he was in his early 20's.. I don't think that there is anything to report. I would talk to her about the sleeping around though.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

depends upon what the legal age of consent is in my state AND IF it's forced.

17 and 22 - not so far apart - 17 and 29 or higher? you bet your bottom dollar I would report...

if my daughter is sleeping with several people?? then I guess I didn't do a good job of instilling values and morals in her. And would do what I could to help her see that sex isn't going to get her anywhere but trouble.

Sex is supposed to be something shared by two people who love each other and in a committed relationship - I know - I know - old fashioned ideals, right?

I would find out WHY she feels the need to have sex with multiple partners...

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

MOST states, the consent age has been met by 17. It seems like the daughter is lacking self respect and worth, and charging a dude isn't going to fix that. From what very little you've said, this isn't an older man manipulating her affections, or coercing her into having sex. She's just sleeping around. That's her issue. And, it's a dangerous issue. A high risk lifestyle.

Hope she's on birth control and understands the real risks of stds. (That can be caught with or without a condom.)

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Tampa on

It would really depend on what the age of consent in your state is... For instance,I believe that it is 16 in Florida. So, technically a 16 yo could make the decision to have sex herself.

Would I be thrilled about the situation? Hell no. For me it would also depend on the situation. If she was forced, then I would absolutely report it. If it was a consensual relationship at 17,then maybe not. I don't think that it would be fair to the 22 year old young man to be labeled as a sex offender for the rest of his life for making a bad decision and entering into a consensual relationship with someone that is a year too young.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Charlotte on

Is this YOUR 17 year old? (I hope not...) Though I'm lucky enough not to have your problem and I guess I'd want to say "there by the grace of God go I", I would also want to ask you where you've been while your daughter was out doing this stuff. It's hard to control your child AFTER you've allowed her too much freedom and not supervised her enough so that she had the time and ability to be out catting around.

I DO think that I'd be talking to this 22 year old about his intentions toward her if I were the mother. Sometimes just coming face-to-face with this might make someone that age stop and think and realize that there is a reckoning. Is the 22 year old in college? Is he out working? Is there a reason why he can't connect with women instead of doing this with a girl? Those kinds of pointed questions might make a difference.

Perhaps counseling might help the girl come to an understanding of why she doesn't respect herself enough to stop sleeping around.

At the very least, I'd be getting her depo provera shots because I would NOT want to be a grandmother. She should be using condoms to hopefully prevent STD's. A crash course on nasty STD's would be top on the list, that's for sure.

I haven't looked at the website someone provided for the state of Wisconsin, but I have to say that if this girl has been 17 for a while, that she is probably is old enough to know what she is doing and I don't think I'd be reporting on a 22 year old (30 or 40, yes) and trying to get him registered as a sex offender. Ascertaining his intentions by talking directly to him about his responsibility should he become a father would be more appropriate.


4 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

The big question is - is it forced? If not, no.

If it's not forced and they are in a relationship, punishing HIM for her behavior is not going to solve the problem of pre-marital/teen sex. It's just going to screw up HIS life forever and do nothing for the girl.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

I agree with Suz. Placing the blame on someone else other than where it belongs (with your daughter) accomplishes absolutely nothing.

Get her into counseling, figure out why she values herself so little. :(

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Oklahoma City on

From what my officer friends have said is that a 17 year old is usually considered old enough to have sex. Even if it's against the law in your state.

Stinks but most of the time they aren't going to do anything serious. Expecially if she's sleeping with others. The only way they can prove she is sleeping with him is for DNA evidence being found when the "crime" is reported. So it's almost going to be impossible. Plus he can always say she was sleeping with a friend and he was told she was older. There's no proof he "knows" differently.

As sad as this is she does need to see someone. She is using sex to feel loved and we know that it backfires on the teen and makes them feel used up and worthless.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

report it to whom?
clearly she's choosing to do this. why try to put the blame on someone else?
i HATE this trend!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Philadelphia on

Why would she feel so unloved that she had to sleep around? That is so sad :( She needs to talk to someone and i pray that she has been protecting herself. She should have an STD panel done.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Sioux City on

If my 17 year old were sleeping with several people she would be in serious trouble with me. Grounded would become her permanent status. If she can't keep her pants up for many then the fact that she is rolling in the hay with a 22 year old is of no consequence. I would threaten the 22 year old with the possibility though. It sounds like the 17 year old needs a reality check.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Cleveland on

In most states 13 yrs old is the age of consent... so the police won't look at it as a crime unless she is not consenting. We have been having issues with our 17 yr old as well... but she also lives with gammy & papa. I had her at 17 yrs old, so they have raised her - not by choose, but that is another story. At this point everything I try to talk to her about anything it goes in one ear and out the other... she will be 18 years old in about 2 weeks, so I'm really not sure how to change things with her. I wish you luck on trying to reach your daughter.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Cumberland on

yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it's a crime-she's your daughter-protect her-and enlist someone to threaten the pig who's taking advantage of her


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