17 Month Old Hitting Himself When He Gets Upset-is This Normal?

Hi, it can be normal for typical kids and normal for autistic kids. Not much help I know . . . . Ignoring it is a good thing. As far as autism, just keep and eye out for him. Even pediatricians don't catch it a lot of the time. Good luck!

When my son was about that age he would also hit himself on head/face. He had a real bad temperment when things did not go his way and was VERY ACTIVE. He did receive speech therapy in grade school. He has an IEP on file for a processing weakness. He is in High School now, has many friends, is an awseome athlete, does well in school. I really thought he grew out of the hitting himself, but the other day my younger child told me he saw brother hitting his leg when he was mad. We had a long talk about self control. I was shocked and confused. Please let me know if you get some interesting responses.

Hi F.!
My son used to hit himself in the head when he got mad or frustrated as well. He used to hit his head against the wall too sometimes. I think it's pretty normal for a kid to try to get out their frustrations. He is now a little over 3 years old & has stopped doing that. But, he still will fiddle with this hands (hit them together - one on top of the other) when he's mad. I wouldn't worry about it too much.

He is probably fine. I used to work with children with Autism, and I have a 17 month old boy as well. He hits other people and things when he gets upset, and I think I remember him hitting himself on occasion. If your son starts not looking you in the eye and doing repetitive things I would have him checked out.

Well, as a mom of 3o years and as many doing childcare in my home I would have to say not to worry. With no other signs of autism and the fact that he ges over it quickly and is otherwise a happy well adjusted and affectionate boy. Speech varues widely in children, with boys usually a little later. I have a list of things to watch for as indicators of autism if you would like it. A.

My one-year old son does this every now and then, too, and not just when he's mad. I think, in his case anyway, it comes from a toy that plays "If you're happy and you know it pat your head" and we would pat our heads, but when he does it it's more like slapping or poking. Now he does it even when the song isn't playing. Maybe your son heard the same song, or saw someone else doing it and is just imitating.
T.

Hi F..

My son did this when he was young and it scared the heck out of me. I'm a single mom but have lots of support from other men and women at our church. They all say it is normal. The only thing you want to be sure of is to ignore it. To give them attention when they do it leads to bigger and more harmful things if they think it will get them attention. My little guy is now a big 11 year old and hasn't done this in years, but tried it again just a few days ago. It is very very hard to do, but I had to ignore it again and he immediately stopped when he saw it still isn't working on me. Parenting is probably the hardest job in the world, but it sounds like you're doing a great job. Keep it up.

When my son was younger he would throw himself down or bang his head on the wall or door. eventually he grew out of it and is a wonderful normal energetic child. just be patient, but also let him know that this is not ok to do.

My son just turned 2 in Feb. and I remember him around 18 mo. acting quite the same.. it seems like signs of frustration to me, and within the bounds of normal behavior.. it's sad to see them hit themselves, and although we don't want to feed into it and give it too much attention [esp. if its coming from not getting what he wants] I would see how he reacts when you ask him softly with concern, "what are you doing? Please don't hurt yourself, I love you I want you to be safe". Let him know you understand why he's upset and offer an alternative. Toddlers love to be able to choose for themselves & express their independence.. I would offer him another choice & if he is still upset, let him get over it by himself, at least you showed you care and he is not alone.

Sounds like you are doing just the right thing--ignoring the behavior...and then he stops it after a few seconds. He sounds normal to me--just trying to get your attention and his own way. Kids are very clever at picking up even the slightest sign of attention or concern from a parent--and then they will continue the behavior. When he starts it, show absolutely no sign of interest, and i think it will stop pretty quickly. This is true for almost any kind of unwanted behavior. As for Autism--I think you would be seeing numerous symptoms--no eye contact, child appearing to live in his inner world more and more--but, of course, if you are worried about that--one call to a competent pediatrician should set your mind at ease. He sounds to me like a normal, smart, affectionate kid who is testing the power--as they all do. After you ignore the unwanted behavior and it stops, then tury giving him an alternative for expressing himself--like"use your words" or if he is angry or frustrated, someone else suggested a "mad" pillow. But i think it is critical to be very neutral about behavior you want to stop--no energy whatsoever. Then, later it becomes easier to divert the behavior to something that is more powerful for the child.

It does not necessarily sound like autism but could be a related issue. Since you see 2 things of concern, I would check with a child psychologist just to be on the safe side. If they tell you that you should wait until he's 3 years old go to someone else who will pay attention - DON'T DELAY. If there is a problem the sooner it's addressed the better. You may want to contact a great organization in Santa Clara, CA called Parents Helping Parents. Kaiser Permanente has an Autism clinic at their Santa Teresa facility. They are great at diagnosing and could help on follow through. Good luck to you!

My daughter is 15 months old and when she doesn't get her way sometimes she lays on the ground and will pound her head on the floor. It's completely normal. They just don't know how else to express their frustration.

Hi F.!

Both of my boys went through hitting themselves like this and neither one of them ended up with Autism. My 5 yr old just started doing it again, yet there is an Autistic child in his neighboring Kindergarten class, so it could just be an "imitation". Anyway, I wanted you to hear from a mother who experienced this, without Autism being the end result. There is no hitting/spanking in our home, there never was, so I was never aware of how they "learned it". I guess it's simply a way for them to express themselves, yet it looks like they could hurt themselves terribly.

My spontaneous solution one day: I ended up having a "mad pillow" around, and tried to replace them hitting themselves to hitting the pillow instead. I was afraid that this would be an "ok symbol" for hitting altogether, but it ended up being just a phase. Recently, my 5th grader will get mad enough "every now and a great then", and need to go in his room and hit his pillow. I guess I would much rather have him do this then kick the wall or something!

I also agree with Jill. Usually they are just so frustrated because thier "truck won't stay in line perfectly" or whatever....you can help him find the words and solutions to his problems. It won't always be easy, but it will teach him HUGE self-sufficiency later.

I'm not sure what else to tell you. I'm hoping it is just a phase for him, as it was with my boys. Only you can see his routine's, and can "sense" if it's something more. If you DO sense it is something more, then I would encourage to begin treatment immediately. So many kids can do so much better in thier life if their parents DON'T deny their children's disabilities, and get them the help they need immediately.

Blessings to you and your family!

N.

Hi, F.;
Actually, this is kind of common. At this age they are frustrated over a lot of stuff because they can't do so many things. When my son did that, I would just take his hand gently and say quietly something to the effect of, "Oh, icky, no hitting yourself" so he would see it's not a "good look" or very nice to himself. I think it helps if you voice what his frustrations seem to be at the moment, too. As, "Oh, you can't make that truck go on that road!" Or, "Oh, you're mad because you dropped your cookie." Encourage him to find a solution, and show him how. Have fun with your boys! J.

Hi F.- i have dealt with this problem with my foster grandson hitting himself when he was frustrated or thought he did something wrong. Come to find out my foster grandson was spanked from a very early age. I have learned through my classes in early childhood development that this is a typical reaction of a child that is being spanked. Now of course this response is in no way assuming that your child is being spanked. Just wanted to share this info with you.

When my oldest was about that age, he had a friend who would slump to the ground the second he heard the word "no." We used to call it Filet O'Will because it literally looked like Will had lost all his bones.

And once on the floor, Will would bang his head against the floor, hoping to get his own way.

We would slip a pillow or folded-up towel under his head and walk away. No attention, total ignoring. When he stood up and 'talked', we'd rush to him to solve whatever problem had caused his Filet O'Will. He eventually stopped the collapsing as soon as he figured out that no one was going to respond to it.

Remember the cardinal rule of behavior: People repeat what they are rewarded for. Therefore, any behavior that your son repeats is getting some kind of reward -- even if it is not one that YOU would consider a reward. To eliminate the behavior, try to figure out what the reward is (maybe your attention? maybe he gets his way?) and remove it. Then be sure to lavish the rewards on the appropriate behavior (for example, 'talking' to you).

Beware: if you have found the right reward to remove, you can expect the undesired behavior to INCREASE for a short time, in a desperate attempt to get your attention and regain the reward.

BTW, this technique works on husbands too -- just takes longer. ;-)

My now 5yo used to do something similar...when mad she would lean forward and hit her head on the floor repeatedly. I would love to give you a solution to stop the behavior but my daughter stopped because we stayed in a house with brick floors - she hit her head on the brick twice and never did it again. I don't have any experience/knowledge about autism but I believe this is a normal behavior for many children. My 5yo does not have autism though she did have articulation problems with her speech.

F.,
I have a 7 year old and an 18 month old. It is common for them to do that sometimes. The speech thing worries me. I know from experience. My nephew has autism. I saw the signs at a very young age. He wouldn't look into your eyes if spoken to, he mumbled words that weren't words to himself, he would dance on his tip toes, hit himself, hit his head against the wall, etc. He didn't get the help he needed until he was 4. It was almost too late. I would make sure to mention it to your dr. It's probably nothing but it's always good to just make sure.

My son would scrunch down and hit his head on the floor when angry at 18mos. I don't know if it's normal, but it stopped as soon as we stopped giving him any attention at all. Not "no", not "owie", just ignore. He's not shown any other autistic signs, but I worried, too. I think it's a phase--they're trying to get attention. Good luck!

Hi F..
I am a mother of a 18 month old and nanny for a 20 month old. About two months ago they both went through this. Both when they were frustrated and sometimes just for fun. As disturbing as it was, it's normal according to our pediatrician. If he's interacting normally in most other ways I wouldn't be concerned. But if you are just ask you doctor at your 18 month well baby check up.
To ease you a little, it does stop... eventually. :)

I would think that it might be a good idea to empathize with him. He's obviously upset and frustrated and he can't say so. It might not stop the behavior right away, but I think it would be a good time to start teaching him some emotional language. Instead of ignoring him when he's feeling bad, what if you said, " I can see that you're really frustrated" and make some guesses as to why. Even if you don't guess correctly, or if he doesn't know or doesn't respond, he is learning that it matters to you and that you are there to try to help him. If he is really hurting himself, I wouldn't let him. Hold him if you have to and tell him that you know he's really upset, and you can't let him hurt himself.

My son does that and he is not Autistic. He is almost five. He does have a mild Sensory Integration Disorder, which I think may account for it in his case. My son also has a very mild speech delay. I'm not, at all, trying to suggest that your son has sensory issues, though I think we all have them from time to time. I think that some children who are very sensitive will do this when things are just too much for them. It helps them block external stimulus.

As I've posted on here before, most autistic children have sensory issues, but most children with sensory issues are not autistic. If you have any questions about sensory integration disorder check out www.sensorynation.com. Again, I'm not suggesting your son has a serious issue. Quite the opposite. If your son is happy and social, and engaged with the people around him, this hitting himself thing is probably just due to the fact that he might be a sensitive guy. When my son does it I just give him a little space. And if people get down and say to him hey don't do that what's wrong, etc., which just stresses him out more, I just let him know that he needs space. If they don't get it, that's their problem.

Don't worry. It's okay. Best Wishes to you.

F.:

I think this is absolutely normal - and not a boy thing because my daughter does it too. She started it at about the same age as your son and she is 2 now and still does it occasionally. You mentioned that your son has been a little behind in speech. My daughter took a while too. I am thinking this behavior has something to do with not being able to express themselves verbally and they are just venting a little frustration. I wouldn't be too concerned about autism though. My daughter doesn't do it as much anymore now that she is older, so hang in there and I'm sure your son will grow out of it as he learns to express himself in other ways.

M. B.

This is interesting, I have a 7 month old daughter and she does the same thing, when she is tired or excited, she hits her mouth. I am wondering about the autism thing myself. Does your son respond when you call his name? Make and keep eye contact? Those are signs of autism too. My suggestion is to contact your physician. Jenny McCarthy has a book out regarding this issue and found that her sons diet had a HUGE effect on his outbursts. I will pray for you.

you already have really good advice from others. If the hitting continues even though you ignore it and you feel it gets to a level where he could hurt himself, you can try and give him something else like a pillow, or something soft that you feel would be safe or more appropriate for him to hit instead of himself.
Jen

Hi,

I had that similar problem with my first born who is now 13 going on 14 at the end of this month... for him it was frustration and not knowing the words to express himself and speaking what the problem was. He would hit his head on the ground or wall...Now he's an honor student and is so reponsible for taking care of school work and helping out with his little brothers. He tends to be a perfectionist so may be h*** o* himself...look out for that and see when your child does start slapping himself...is it during the time he's trying to line the cars up straight or building a tower with blocks that keeps tipping over...so it may not be an autism thing but a personality thing...observe him...hope this helps and encourages you.

As a parent of a child with autism I understand your concerns, but at this point don't get yourself too worried. If you want more information about the signs of autism, there are some really good videos available at www.autismspeaks.org. At this age, most behavior is an attempt to communicate something. He may be frustrated because he doesn't yet have the words or other ways to communicate effectively and hitting his head pretty much guarantees a reaction from mom. If you are concerned about the possiblity of autism or even the issues of speech delay, talk to your pediatrician. They can help direct you to other evaluations or help you rule out some of the diagnoses.

Best
J. J

My son who is currently going on 21 months has been doing the same thing for a little while now. It's very upsetting to me and my husband, but I think that the answer is to ignore it. From what I've read and heard, it's a sign of frustration and your son trying to show you how upset they are. But if you don't cater to the behavior, it should pass.

I know it's tough, but hang in there. (Oh, and I also saw that there was a link to autism, but my son shows no other signs of that...so I think the self-hitting is more common than we know!)

I don't hear you describing any signs of autism...sounds like your son has strong emotions and his reaction is to hit his head (a way of trying to make them go away at that age). I don't think you need to do anything about it, except to name his emotions for him. "You're upset." etc. Naming the happy ones too...to give him a vocabulary for when he's older. Sounds like what you're doing is working well...mainly ignoring it. I'd rest assured, sounds like a happy little guy.

I recently had conversations with two friends on this subject. Both have 2 yr. old girls, perfectly healthy in every way, who have recently started hitting themselves. One slaps herself on the head, the other on the chest. One consulted her doctor on the matter and was told not to be overly concerned, just tell your child not to hurt him/her self. Hope this gives you peace of mind.

My oldest son used to bang his head on the wall or floor whenever he got upset at that age. The advice from my pediatrician was to just completely ignore it--sounds like you're doing exactly the right thing. We have months of pictures of him with a nice bruise in the middle of his forehead! But I definitely wouldn't worry about autism or anything else developmental unless you had a host of signs. Sounds pretty normal and like he's just trying to figure out how to express his frustration.

Hi F.,
I guess it would not hurt for you to test him for Autism. It could just be a speach delay as well. My daughter showed signs like those around that age and we were told it was autism, we ran the ropes of therapy and discovered close to a year later, with the help of a neurologist that she had a speach delay and the lack of communication is what made her react that way. Maybe he is not ready to get up and doesn't know how to tell you or can't. His inability to communicate himself properly, furstrates him and he wants a reaction to it,thus getting your attention by hitting himslef and throwing a tantrum. Get him tested...see a speach pathologist and an occupational therapist....they will give you tools to help him communicate with you...sign language until he speaks more. Tips on soothing him when he is frustrated. My daughter enjoyed being rolled up in a blanket...and being held...even for fun..this soother her. Now, she is a beautiful 9 year old. A cheerleader, a girl scout and an honor student. And she still needs soothing...just now she dives into her books. She LOVES reading and creative writing.

Hang in there, there are many resources, talk to your doctor, if they don't help look for someone who can. Go with your gut...if someone tells you something that doesn't feel right, then keep looking. No one knows your baby boy like you do!!

Good Luck

My son went through a phase starting around 15 months where he would do the exact same thing! He would also gag himself sometimes. He's 20 months now and does it much less often, so I think he's growing out of it. I believe it's pretty normal for toddlers to do things like this - hoping to get a reaction from adults. I've even heard of kids holding their breath until they pass out!

Hi F.,
My son went through some sort of odd head-slapping stage. It led to nothing. On rare occasion I would ask him why he would hit his cute little face, but he never had much of an answer so I let it be. He wasn't making marks on his face or anything, and he wasn't crying. You can always check in with your pediatrician's office if you're concerned, but I think you're doing the right thing by just ignoring the head slapping. Our son eventually stopped and hasn't done this in ages. However, he was fine w/ his speech. A good resourse is www.autismspeaks.com. It has videos of "normal" behavior and behavior of kids with some form of autism. Maybe watching some of these videos will give you more insight, too. Remember, though, it's always ok to check in with the pediatrician. If your son does have a mild form of autism, early intervention canbe incredibly helpful.
K.
K.

I hate to say this, but it is normal. I have two boys and I had to deal with it with my oldest for a long period of time. I've been told that the reason they do that is because if your child has ever cried for no reason or gotten hurt the mother/father runs to find out what is wrong or tries to fix the situation. Inflicting pain on themselves makes them think they're going to get what they want because you don't like to see them in pain. My, 7 year old now, still does it every once in a while, but he was born with a disability.

My son is also 18 months old and does it each time he gets angy. He would drop on the floor and hit his head againt it or would sometimes slap his forehead when he wants to say no. He is perfectly fine otherwise and very active. I don't think it has anything to do with autism. Hopefully they would all grow out of it. I sometimes become very concerned in case it causes any brain damage since he is so young. I'm going to try giving him time out from now on. Maybe it should help.