My happy 16 month old boy has recently learned to walk and is saying quite a few words. He is expressive and, according to what I hear from other parents, has been an "easy" baby. He is big and tall and healthy and has often been very assertive physically when he is affectionate (especially w/ me). Recently, his "pats" on me or others have become full-fledged slaps. He seems to use hitting as a way to express himself physically when he is happy, frustrated, affectionate, jealous......any emotion really. He even hits me while he is nursing. We remind him to use "gentle touches" like when he touches the kitty (who he loves), emphasizing that all of his touches should be gentle. I have tried pretending to cry, showing him how sad I/we are when he hits someone else, ignoring him and moving him to another spot in the room while I give attention to the victim and just saying "no hitting". I think he is far too young for time-outs and clearly doesn't understand yet that he is hurting people. He is around other kids his age as well as a 3 year old quite often. Suggestions?
He is not too young for "time outs", the naughty stool, or the naughty corner. Watch Super Nanny, I did, and it works. I also agree with the sign language. They want to express themselves so badly but can't spit it out.
My son who is 20 months old too started hitting about that age. I am still struggling with trying to correct this behavior, but all I can suggest is trying to teach him sign language. They pick it up faster than speech and it could help express his frustration or needs better to you. Also just reinforcing to be soft. With my son if he hits me with something I take it away and then have him give me hugs or kisses (his way of saying sorry) and I tell him that’s no and hurts momma. I then take his hand and softly rub where he hit me. It's starting to help.
Good luck you aren't alone.
Good luck you aren't alone.
My 18 month old mild-mannered daughter did this briefly at about the exact same age. (She's already over it, if that's any encouragement!) Do you have pets? It helped us to always say with ultra-seriousness "Oooooh, Gentle!" because she would hit us - with a smile, hit the cat, etc. I would hold her hand and help her pet the cat very gently repeating, "Let's be Gentle". She got it quickly. This is different from when my son was 18 months - he really hit me! He is more sensitive, easily frustrated and stubborn than my daughter. (He is now 3.) He seemed to hit with frustration a LOT (mostly me and my hubby - sometimes grandma, too - but never really other kids for some reason). Anyway - we started Time Outs on our stairs at 18 mo. and found it useful.
Perhaps the answer is to teach him other positive ways to express himself as opposed to punishing him or trying to make him feel badly for hitting. I have no idea what those other things might be but I'm sure knowing him well you could figure something out. We don't break old habits but simply replace them with new healthier ones.
Good Luck,
C.
Guess what? This is an easy fix! My son would scream for food, point, hit, or whatever to try to communicate with us. He knew what he wanted, but just couldn't communicate it. We taught him sign language (from the book Baby Signs)and it all stopped. It actually helped him verbally, too. Good luck!
When my children hit like that, I would hold their hand, tell them that it hurt, and then with their hand deminstrate a soft pat, or rub while saying "gentle, soft" etc. It as worked pretty well, and is a good lesson on how to treat animals and other small children. My daughter recently saw a mom patting her baby and tried to emulate. We had to show her to rub the baby instead because she couldnt pat soft enough.
N.,
Hi! It doesn't sound like your son is purposefully trying to hurt anyone, he is just trying to express himself. I think I would take some time to teach him the way to touch softly. Like when he hits you you could say "ouch! Mommy doesn't like that when you hit. Touch Mommy soft. Like this." Then take your son's hand and show him how to pat you gently. Give him lot's of praise and in time he will learn the difference. Good luck.
I have two grown children. I used "attachment parenting" before there was such a term. At 16 months, your boy is not too young to understand that he hurts other people when he slaps them.
When I was about 2 years old, I bit my baby brother out of jealousy. My mother bit me back. I never forgot the lesson. What hurts me hurts others. It was my first lesson in compassion. I was young...but I clearly remember that lesson. I also remember my feelings of anger and jealousy at my baby brother. Those feelings also need to be addressed.He needs to be reminded that you love him no matter what his negative feeling might be. Saying the word jealousy or angry when and if appropriate, also is the first step toward emotional literacy.
I am NOT saying beat him, but you might slap him back in the same manner that he slaps others. This may be what teachers now call, "A teaching moment." Help him to learn that what he does can heart those around him.
I have a almost 15 month old who does the exact same thing. We have also tried telling him no, being sad, crying, and putting him down. However, when we put him down he throws a fit along with passing out at times. If we tell him no he'll just hit again or throw something. His dad and I are very affectionate people, together and to him, so I'm not sure were he gets it. He is in daycare with kids from age 1-2 so maybe he learned it there. I also feel as if there is nothing more we can do at this point but let him get through this and hope it's just a phase. Sorry I don't have suggestions, but it's nice to know there are others out there with the same problem. Good luck!
N.-
I have a 18month old girl who is doing the same thing. And so did my other two when they were at that stage. The best thing I found for dealing with hitting is to firmly remind them "no hitting, mommy (or whomever) doesn't like to be hit". But I try to avoid reacting emotionally, sometimes they'll do it just to get a reaction. Then they are set down or removed from the scene and ignored for a minute or two. The other thing I've done is to teach them to "touch nice". I take their little hand and guide it on my face and tell them "nice, this is nice".
It takes a lot of repetition (lots and lots!). But you and your little one can get thru this stage... and onto the next!
Best of luck!
-B.
Believe me, your son is not too young for timeouts. Here's what I did - if my son did hit, I would tell him calmly that that was a no-no, and that he hurt Mommy, and put him in a chair away from people (but where I could see him). Timeouts are only supposed to be a minute for each year, so about a minute and a half for your son. Once the timeout is over, go get him and let him know again why he got a timeout ("That hurt Mommy"). Worked well for me. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
I am also in the camp that it is not too early to start time outs. They do understand them, and typically you would have them face the corner for 1 minute per year of age...so 1.5 minutes for your son. I would first say "no hitting" and then put him in the corner immediately. They won't understand big explanations at this age, so just keep any statements simple and direct. "That's not ok" is also a big phrase in our household. It is also important to bring your son back to whomever he hit and work through an apology with them (you can be the one saying how sorry your son is, but your son will take all of it in). If he continues the behavior, remove him from the situation immediately.
I would also NOT pretend to cry when these things happen, simply because kids often get a kick out of these types of reactions from their parents. Some kids will do things repeatedly in the hopes that they can make you react a certain way again.
There is a series of books out there for behavior issues that this age group encounters. One is called "Hands Are Not For Hitting" and I highly recommend it. It is a board book and we read that frequently with our son, along with doing the time outs.
The hitting is definitely a phase for this age group, but I have found that moms who take it lightly (and don't reinforce the proper behavior) find themselves deeply regretting it later on. Better to gently and repeatedly nip it in the bud now before it becomes a larger problem. Kids are so much smarter than we give them credit for. They take in everything, so make sure your expectations are set early on.
Take care!
M.
You are right that he is too young to understand that he is hurting people, but in my opinion, you are wrong about him being too young to learn it and too young for time-outs!
When he hits another child and makes the child cry, I'd take him to stand in front of the child and show him "she has owies, you gave her owies." When he hits, immediately say "no hitting" very firmly and place him in a time out for one minute. After the time-out, show him where he hit you and tell him "owie". Have him either kiss the owie better, or hug you to apologize. For sure, you also need to end the nursing session when he hits.
This is how babies learn that hitting is not acceptable. If you let it continue now because you believe he is too young to understand, then by the time he is 2 or 3, it'll be a lot harder to teach.
