150-200 Baby Shower Guests?

That isn't a shower, it's a monsoon.
And anyone who TOLD me that I was hosting anything would be TOLD that they were sadly mistaken.

How much would it cost me? Nothing because I would respectfully bow out of host duty at that point. Ain't nobody got time for that.

Wow! I think you have clearly defined the concept of gift grabbing! A baby shower should be family, close friends, not a small town.

I really like Gidget's generous answer that gives this clearly confused mom-to-be the benefit of the doubt rather than just blasting her up front.

Is this her first child? I am guessing this IS her first? I am also thinking she might never have been to a shower herself, and certainly hasn't organized one. Or possibly she's from a different country or culture where baby showers aren't done so it's new to her.

This is why you and the other two friends -- all three of you together, not just you alone -- need to meet her and have the kind of talk that Gidget mentions: "Hey, Sally, we four all need to talk about the baby shower you've asked us to host. We are fine hosting a shower, but we know this is your first child, and maybe you're not aware of what's pretty much usual for baby showers. They're usually small and limited to very close relatives and friends." Then see if she does indeed have some notion like "I have to invite all the women who were at my wedding, people from work, all my relatives out to the fifth cousins" and so on. Explain that a shower is traditionally for close relatives and a few close friends, and what she has in mind, in terms of numbers, is closer to the size of a wedding or large engagement party.

Then present her with a simple plan that you and the other two women have already come up with. Give HER a number of guests ("This is what a shower for 25 would look like" for instance) and then impress her with your plans: "We can do it at the events room at Nancy's condos - it is free on (date) at (two hour time period maximum!). For food, Nancy will make X, I will make Y, Missy will make Z, and then we will cater finger sandwiches and get a beautiful cake. These are the games we have in mind..." .If you are hitting her with details and preparation she may see that this takes a ton of planning and go with what you suggest. Do not let her add people after the fact, though!

If she insists, "I cannot do only 20-25-whatever people, it has to be this whole list," look very regretful and say, "You told us to host, and we honestly can't plan or afford a party that size in terms of food, location or drinks. But if you want separate showers for work friends; for family; for friends from our social group, you can always have three separate showers hosted by people from those groups; however, we're prepared and willing to host this one, for the friends from our group and your closest relatives, up to X number of people."

If she persists and says "This is MY big day, I want what I want, I thought you were my friends" and so on -- be prepared for that kind of hissy fit! -- you and the other two should be on the same page and react as one: "We're so sorry you feel that way. We really do want to help out but we've told you our limits. If you'd like this smaller number of people we can manage that, but if you feel you need something different, we truly are not offended if you just ask someone else to arrange it." Then smile coolly at her and say nothing more.

I think frankly she sounds entitled and clueless, but also there is a chance she just got carried away with the guest list and will see sense when you and the others, who are not all raging with hormones and are thinking about the practical side of this, show her that it's not normal to have 150 for a baby shower.

Are you friendly with her mom or a sister or sister-in-law? Anyone in the family that will agree that this is excessive and could talk to her?

If she truly goes "momzilla" on you, and gets angry that you won't do her bidding -- back out, be clear that you backing out so she doesn't think some surprise shower is in the works, tell her you are "sorry you feel that way" and don't expect an invitation yourself. When she has the baby, be in touch with her and mention nothing about this silliness to see how she reacts.

Your post sounds as if you feel you must do this one way or the other since you are asking for food ideas and don't seem certain that 150 plus is too big for a shower. But you need first to see if you ARE hosting this shower at all. I think that is still in question because she has asked you to basically cater and find a location for a wedding-sized party. You and the other two women need to discuss this ASAP and talk to her immediately so it's clear whether you are hosting a reasonable shower or no shower at all. I would not cave in and host a shower for the guest list she has given you. I hope she sees sense.

If someone TOLD me that I was hosting a shower,
the first words out of my mouth would be "Oh no I'm not!".

Invite 150-200 guests to a baby shower?!?
I didn't have that many people at my WEDDING.
(I had 75 guests tops.)
This strikes me an a enormous arrogant gift grab and I would not touch it with a 10 foot pole.
Step away from this hot mess right now.
If you get involved in this you WILL be SO SORRY you did not walk away from it.
The most I would do is find out when they plan to have this monstrosity and then make plans to be out of town or at a day spa when it goes down.

Additional:
Even if she narrows down the list and offers to cover costs - the sheer audacity of the request should be enough to having you running the other way.
She needs a wake up call - it's not your job to adjust her attitude.
Just wish her Good Luck and have nothing to do with it.
Period!

You have to say no. First of all, 150-200 people isn't a baby shower, it's a wedding. That is greedy, selfish and totally unnecessary. Who has that many people to invite to a shower? If your friend really has that many people that are so important to her, she needs to split it into groups:
1. You host a shower for the friends that are similar in age and not related
2. Someone else hosts for the mom's side of the family
3. A third person hosts a shower for the dad's side
Or whatever it is... you have to break it up into several, small showers and YOU only need to host one... and you don't need to attend the others.

Your friend is being very inconsiderate in asking you to do this. no one should spend that much money on a baby shower or have to host that many guests. Seriously, you need to stand up to her and say no.

Offer to host a shower with a max of 50 people (or whatever you can afford). See if you can find a restaurant with a private room that will do a set menu, maybe brunch so it's a little less expensive. Offer water, juice and coffee - no alcohol. Buy a cake at Costco (or whatever warehouse store is near you) so it's cheaper than dessert at the restaurant.

The alternative would be to host something like an afternoon tea in your backyard. Then you can get away with finger sandwiches, fruit, salads, and a cake. You don't need a full meal if you make it from like 2:00 - 4:00. Either way, limit the number of guests. 150+ is absurd.

Why is this person your friend?? How can someone make you host a party for them? I would seriously re-evaluate this friendship before spending a dime.

What? WHAT?! You were *told* you were going to host a shower for possibly TWO HUNDRED people?!

First of all, NO that's not in any way, shape or form considered "normal". Second, it's highly, highly rude of her to demand you host her shower for even 1 person, much less 200!

I would flat out tell her "Please cut your guest list down to 30 people or you'll have to ask someone else to host. I love you, sweetie, but this is unrealistic." If she's close enough to ask you to do such an outrageous thing, you should be close enough to her to say "absolutely not."

I've never heard of a shower that big. If she insists on that many guests, I would plan it for 2:00. Buy a sheet cake, a can of mixed nuts, the makings for punch and not serve anything else.

Bow out now. That is not a shower - it is either a wedding reception (and a large one at that!) or it is a crowdfunding attempt at paying for baby. Either way, a shower is meant to be a special gathering of mother to be with closest female relatives and friends. This sounds like inviting all the FB friends. There is a lot of confusion these days about acquaintances and friends.

Tell your friend that you are not doing it. C.

You have got to be kidding? How presumptuous of mom to be. In my opinion it is downright tacky to invite that many people to a baby or any type of shower.

Sounds like she is just greedy for presents. God bless her child.

No, that is absolutely insane. It's a baby shower not a wedding! Showers should include family and close friends. I'd tell her to pare down the guest list or break it into several showers hosted by different people. You're looking at over $1000 to feed that many people!

Completely ridiculous!!!!! If she has that many friends, she needs to break it into several showers...a family shower, a work shower, a close friends shower, and hubby's family shower. You can be responsible for the friends shower.

Celebrities sometimes hold showers for themselves and their rich friends and all their children, and the showers are held at prominent venues with sponsors and event planners and caterers.

If your friend is the star of a popular tv show, then tell the media that you're hosting her shower and tell the poshest nearby hotel that you'll need a ballroom.

If, however, your friend is a normal human carrying a human baby, then she needs guidance. A shower, when it's not a publicity stunt, is a celebration for the families and the best friends. If your friend is not satisfied with a less-than-Kardashian event, you need a new friend.

Be honest with her. Tell her that you can host her mother, the mother-in-law, the grandmas, the aunts and about 15 of her dearest friends. If she protests, just wish her the best and clearly inform her that you will are not an event planner, you will not host this shower, and that you will be sending an appropriate baby gift when the birth occurs.

It's a baby shower, not a wedding.

No, that's not normal. And if it absolutely HAS to be 200 people, then it's a potluck.

Can you imagine opening gifts from 150-200 people? You'd have to serve lunch AND dinner!!

That is more people then I had at my wedding, too many people for a baby shower. I would not expect someone to throw me a shower that big other than maybe my mom or MIL if we had big families and even then I think split over two showers would be nicer and not so overwhelming.

OMG!!!!
IMHO that is very rude.

I would let her know that this just isn't possible. Are you family/close friend? I would ask her to keep it to them and let co-workers etc. have their own gathering.

I had like 20 to 30 people at mine, close friends and relatives. My co-workers had an office gathering for me in the office. Both were very nice and thoughtful, not expensive.

I think she is confusing a baby shower with a wedding. If you and the cohosts cannot afford to host 200 people, then I would step down or ask her to pare down. is this a cultural thing or just a greed thing? Either way, if it's out of your budget, it's out of your budget. If a friend "told" me I was hosting this shindig, she would be TOLD no way.

I had 22 people at my shower. You don't invite everyone you know, you invite very close friends.

My lord, I'd tell her I'm not doing it, to get over herself. If she insists, then do chicken and make it a pot luck.

I would TELL my friend that no, I'm NOT hosting or co hosting a baby shower for 150 to 200. Not just no but hell no!!

As many have said, that's not a baby shower that is a gift grab. I would meet with her and explain that "while I'm so excited about the baby, this size of a shower even with two other people helping is beyond my financial means. I cannot afford this size of a shower." I'm happy to give you a shower with 20 people, but again, beyond my financial means."

Whether or not she understands is not the issue, the issue is she TOLD you to do this and didn't even have the decency to inquire as to cost. Wow. Is she a Princess or what?

150 - 200 guests?

That is crazy talk. The ONLY time I have ever heard of a baby shower being this big was when a A young Ministers wife was expecting their first child. And even then, she asked that people to please not purchase gifts, to instead make donations to a local moms group. Of course many people still gave them gifts, but she certainly had in no way expected it.

All you have to do is tell her, "I received your list, but I can only accommodate 20 people. Here is your list back, let me know which ones you choose."

No need to apologize or anything.. And if she feels like this will not work for her, It would not be a big deal for me, she is delusional.

That's insane! It's a baby shower, not a wedding. I would ask her to limit the guest list down to 50-75 people max. If she can't do that then maybe do it pot luck style. I also see no problem in asking the grandparents to help out.

So glad that everyone else said exactly what I was thinking. This is just a gift grab. You only invite your close friends and family to a shower. And If I was invited to a shower that had that many people I would just say sorry can't come. the logistics of gift opening would be nuts. now having said that i agree with previous poster who said if it is really that many people then it should be split. showers for the following. her family, his family, close friends and maybe work people and then friends could do a separate one. and you should not have been "TOLD" that you were doing it. I would just say I am so sorry I can't do that. But let me know when it is and I will come if I can.

That is absolutely ridiculous! I would tell her to pare down the guest list or cough up money to pay a caterer. There is no way you can cook enough food to feed 200 people on your own in your home's kitchen! Even with 2 other co-hosts.

Personally, I would be mad at the mother-to-be for TELLING me that I am going to do this. Sorry, but I don't tolerate that from anyone unless, of course, they are going to make my house payment for me! LOL!

I don't think it's rude to ask the aunts and grandmothers-to-be to help with the shower being on such a large scale. Perhaps when you speak to those people and let them know they must make enough to feed 200 people THEY will speak to their family member about being more realistic. To me, she is just wanting a lot of presents. I truly don't believe she could be that good of friends with that many people. And truly I bet several of those people are wondering why they were even invited.

If I were an attendee, once she started opening gifts I would leave. There is no way I would spend literally HOURS watching someone open that many gifts. As another poster said, yawn-fest!

It may be your friend's baby but it's your party (albeit for her), and you get to have it the way you like. "Joan, my house will hold twenty-five guests, so, once you're cut your list down, I'll go on planning."

I've been to showers where the guests were asked to bring a little something in the way of food. I don't know if it's ever done in your area, but around here we don't mind.

This is just ridiculous. All 3 of you should bow out and tell her no. I would have a hard time asking aunts and grandparents to help out with this given the fact that the guest list is so absurdly large. This is just too much to take on and is completely unnecessary. Maybe I'm being harsh, but I would not spend another minute worrying about how to do this. I just wouldn't.

You might want to sit down with her and talk to her about what a baby shower usually looks like. She may just not know. If this seems too uncomfortable (it probably would to me), do you think you could talk to her mom? I'm just thinking that if I approached my friend's mom and let her know what was going on, she might be able to talk to her daughter about it and help her come up with a more realistic scenario.

Totally giving her the benefit of the doubt, but does she think she's supposed to invite everyone from the wedding? There was a time when i thought I was supposed to do that for a bridal shower (thought I heard somewhere that you were supposed to invite all the females who were invited to the wedding - wow was I wrong! That would be insane!)

Also, I can't imagine most of them would come anyway. It's one thing to go to a wedding for a co-worker or your spouses co-worker or your co-worker's daughter. It's another thing to attend a baby shower. So much more intimate.

NO. Baby showers are closest friends/family. My wedding didn't have that many people.

If she wants you to host it, she can pay for it.

Where does she think it will take place? Does she think you'll be paying for the venue or are all these people piling into your house?

This is absolutely ridiculous and way out of line. No, this does not seem a typical number to invite. I did a baby shower for a friend and had 12 people and that was enough work for me. I went to one with 30 people and it seemed huge. And kind of boring watching all those gifts being opened.

Tell her how many you are willing to host. End of discussion.

First, you were TOLD you area hosting? That is pretty presumptuous. And the guest list is way too long. I would let her know she needs to reduce or break it up. A friend of mine hosted some showers where the family pitched in to help get things setup food and décor wise.

Jamax,

Welcome to mamapedia!!

uuummm...NO...that's ABSURD!!! LUDICROUS!! Tell her NO freaking way. That's not a baby shower - that's a wedding and big wedding at that. Yes. the baby deserves to be welcomed into the world, however, 200 people at a shower? Obscene.

I would tell her what I CAN do and would be WILLING TO DO .... but there is NO WAY I'm going to fork over the money and time for a 200 guest baby shower. Sounds like she is MOMMAZILLA instead of Bridezilla. Get a reign in on her...NOW before it's too late!!

I love all the answers.

And Jamax, this is a very valuable and important life lesson that you can and will learn from, right now.

You will learn boundaries. How to set them. How to keep them. How to mean them.

Consider what you are willing to do, and politely and graciously inform her. The end.

I have never heard of such a thing. Tell her you cannot afford to do this. That normally someone invites about 15-20 people. Could your house even hold that many people? How would you afford the drinks and food...and cake for everyone? That is completely nuts. Is she inviting people she hardly knows? That is considered tacky and like you just want gifts. Tell her all you can handle is up to 20 good friends. Maybe her mom's friend can hold another shower for all the older lady friends of her mom's. Or her work friend could hold another shower for her work friends. Etc...

"come celebrate the new little Smith making his arrival with pot luck cookie exchange party!"
That's about the only way I see this being able to be done - ask each guest to bring a plate of cookies or other dessert to share and to be snarky I would make it a book party or something like that where every guest only brings a children's book with a special note in it. It would be a pretty cheap version of a baby shower with that many on a guest list, like only paper goods and maybe party game items would be bought by the hostesses.

Seriously this is so rude of the mom to be to expect that many people to come to a party that she is not paying for!!

I don't even think I had that many people invited to my wedding!
If the guest list must be that large than most certainly don't feel obliged to pay for that many. Either a pot luck or punch and cake is all I would do. I could never afford to pay for food for that many people much less the rental of a venue large enough to hold that many people.

The only shower I went to which was that large was one for a girlfriend who had had an out of town wedding, and moved out of town. She left behind a lot of people, and both she and her family were very active in the community/ church. Her mom hosted a very large baby shower with 200+ guests, at a nice brunch spot.

If I recall correctly, she said that they felt blessed and were well able to provide for the baby, but would welcome books and/or gifts to charity.

Best,
F. B.

That's not how a baby shower works. The mom-to-be's close friend or family member throws the shower, and the mom-to-be doesn't plan it.

Also, those invited should be CLOSE friends and family ONLY. So if you're still okay with doing this, the first thing that MUST be done is paring down the guest list to about 30 people.

If it were me, I'd bow out of that mess completely. That's just insane.

Down here we like to have the mother to be open all her shower gifts. There's no way I would stay and watch her open gifts from 150-200 guests. I love baby things, but that sounds like an absolute yawnfest.

If you are going ahead with it, then you either have to fork out the money and give her a nice shower, or risk your shower being labeled a cheap one.

Or you can have a cover charge. Just kidding.........

I think you got a unanimous response (from everyone on this site) that this request was unreasonable. It is rude to TELL someone that they are hosting a shower for you. Was this someone who wanted you to host a shower for all women in a church congregation? At my daughter in law's church, a blanket invitation is issued to all women to attend and a hospitality committee hosts coffee and punch and a cake in a come and go setting for all first time moms. I have never heard of a shower with 150-200 guests. I liked the other ideas to suggest that she trim her list down or have family or co-workers host different showers for her.

Just tell her you are not doing it unless she pays for it. It is insane to expect others to pay for you to have a party when you want to invite that many people. Showers are supposed to be small events with maybe 20-30 people. I would make it perfectly clear to mom to be that if she wants me to put together a party for that many people she needs let me know HER budget and give me money up front or she can organize her own shower. That is ridiculous and she is trying to take advantage of you IMO.

I also had less people then this at my wedding, and while I kept the cost of my wedding below $2000, that is way to much for a shower. Your cost should not be more then you can easily afford without hardship, maybe $100-200 total for the entire thing.

Whaaaaat? I have never heard of a baby shower with 150 people at it! That's nuts. I'm assuming the guest of honor is the person who told you that you were hosting this? If so, tell her you'll send the invitations so it doesn't look tacky that she sent them herself, but that you can't host that many people. That's like asking your friend to throw your wedding reception for you. Just say no.

realistically not all possible 200 guests will come. you will end up with 20-40. maybe do sandwiches (cut in 1/4s), salads, fruit/veggies and such. get lemonade mix since you can make it in large quantities. how long do you have to plan for this event. i suggest sitting down with your friend and these two other ladies and figuring it all out. seems like an awful lot. i planned my own shower lol.

I don't let people obligate me to do things. Tell her, "I'm sorry, that doesn't work for me."

Your friend is tacky and rude, so if she gets mad and stops talking to you I'd count that as a win.

I would TELL your friend that you simply can't afford a shower like that. You'd be happy to host 20-40 people tops. If she doesn't like it, she can find someone else to host it.

It's ridiculous, unnecessary and extremely greedy of her to invite/expect that many people at a baby shower. Baby showers should be for immediate family, grandmothers, aunts and very close friends, perhaps a couple of close co-workers. That's it.

An old coworker of mine had her baby shower at a hall and there easily 250 people there. Ridiculous. She ended up griping (even though she got her big ticket items) because most of the people brought outfits and receiving blankets for the baby instead of going off her registry. I just shook my head in disbelief.

Please tell me this is her first baby!
Even so, that's ridiculous.
I really don't think you can ask gets guests to bring food or pitch in.
it must be nice being friends with the queen of Sheba!

What do your co-hosts say? If you want to go ahead and host, talk to the guest of honor and find out her vision, and then let her know what that looks like in reality. Get as close as you can to what she wants, but tell her that your resources are limited.

Nope, as other people have said, that's the number of people who would be invited for a large wedding and a shower (bridal or baby) is a much smaller, more intimate event. It's just the wrong atmosphere. Giving the mom-to-be the benefit of the doubt and assuming that she thinks she is supposed to invite everyone from the wedding, someone needs to have a chat with her. You or someone close to her can remind/explain to her that a baby shower is a smaller gathering of close friends+relatives. I bet her bridal shower (if she had one) wasn't nowhere near 150 people, so making the comparison will help her get it.

If she still tries to stick to that large a guest list, you could say you are simply not up to organizing the event and say you'll be giving her a gift at another time. No one can make you take on that kind of a task!

If she does get the list down to something reasonable (20 people max), then I think it is absolutely fine to ask the mothers/aunts/sisters to contribute salads and side dishes. Good luck with it!

ETA: I love the plan proposed by Leigh R. Go with what she said!

That is ridiculous...ask her mother to tell her to trim the list and accept help from all that offer. Host at 2 pm, just snacks and cake. Wow,.,,

Crazy! And totally unreasonable!
I had two small showers, one for family/close friends hosted by my niece and another friend offered to have one for my soccer mom friends and co-workers. But I did not assume these people would host, and I certainly would not invite the entire planet!
My niece had a large shower for her first(big extended family), about 50 people. We rented out the clubhouse at my parents condo and we each (my Mom, me, my sister) made food and ordered platters and a cake. Had sandwiches/chips/pasta salad/chicken wings etc. It was too crowded and crazy, but it worked out. I wouldn't do it any bigger than that and prefer a smaller, more intimate gathering anyway for myself.

I don't think I've been to a shower that wasn't just cake and stuff like nuts or mints. Don't do food. Why would you? It's not a meal is it? If so then stop right there. It's a shower not a meal.

insanity.
shoot me now.
i can't imagine being informed by some asshat that i would be in charge of any such thing. who tells someone they're going to host and then presents them with a guest list of ANY size let alone this behemoth?
i'd put this right back on whatever jerk stuck you with this. and you need to get a much better NO.
khairete
S.

I don't understand why you were "TOLD" to host it...I thought somebody usually offered to host it....that's how it was when I hosted one for my cousin...it did it on my own and wasn't told to do it.

Who made the guest list? I was confused..

I see nothing wrong with a pot-luck (maybe phrase it like..."if you would like to bring a dish to share", and then give them a side dish, main dish based on the letter of their last name.

I would talk with the person making the guest list...where are you going to put that many people?

Are you for real??? If you are, why are you letting your "friend" walk all over you and TELL you that you are hosting her baby shower??? Do you always allow people to take advantage of you? What a sad life. You need to change ASAP and stop letting people walk all over you! Learn the extremely important skill of saying NO (nicely) to people!!! You need to say no to your "friend," explaining to her that you decided not to host her shower at al because she did not ask you. Tell her it is not polite to tell someone they are hosting her baby shower. Explain to her (because obviously she did not go to kindergarten and learn her manners) that she does not tell (or even ask) people to give her a baby shower. She waits for THEM to offer it to her - and if no one offers, then she will not have a baby shower. This person is not your friend. Please evaluate the people in your life who you believe to be your friends, and think about how they have treated you over the years. Seems like you need to get new friends (especially this one). Good luck.

You need to give the mom to be a reality check. This is a baby shower, not a wedding. And how does someone TELL you that you are hosting and here's what you need to do? That is so way over the top. I frankly wouldn't do it. To host 200 people, you would have to rent a banquet hall space. That's not realistic for a baby shower. What did the other two hosts gave to say?

It should be the family bringing the food if its that many people. Totally not realistic. Sorry that your friend pit you in this predicament. You'd really need a catarer and a hall.

wow. 150+ people?! lol.. And to think I was feeling bad my list has 32 people on it when I gave it to my sister. ha-ha .... I would not and could not afford to throw a party for 150-200 people. I'd have to politely decline being a hostess.

Is this a Hispanic couple? My Hispanic friends day that it is normal to have the large showers with whole families but ppl bring food and enjoy it.

Sounds greedy. Oprah wouldn't have 150 guests.... Lord....

My first thought is that is pretty ballsy of the mom to be. My second thought is, how likely will all of them show up? My third thought is, how close are you to this "friend"? If she is a close friend, I would help host and it wouldn't necessarily cost a lot to do so. If you are not very close, I would just tell her you can't do it and leave it at that.

If you decide to help, figure out the most cost effective way to do the food. For example, I made an easy pasta salad for church on Easter Sunday. It didn't cost much at all and served a LOT, so you could double it. Here is the link to the recipe: http://faithfulcooking.blogspot.com/2014/04/ham-pasta-sal... You could also do shredded chicken sandwiches: Put b/s chicken breasts and thighs in crockpot, cover with water, add 3 packets of onion soup and salt and pepper. Cook on low all day, pull out chicken, shred or chop, put on rolls with some bbq sauce and you're done. Get a couple of green salads and some cut up watermelon and maybe some chips. Done, cheap and easy. I would do some basic decorations too. And a fun game that doesn't cost much is to get those cheap PAPER plates, everyone puts one on top of their head and without looking, they have to draw a pic of the mom and baby. Then they put their name on the back and the mom picks the winner. You can also do this at bridal showers. So funny to see the drawing and doesn't cost much.

So if you HAVE to, you could totally do this for a reasonable, if not cheap cost. Of course you can ask her family members to pitch in. Just keep it to the basics. That's what she gets for being greedy and self centered. JMO. Good luck.

We have big showers in my family (both sides, friends and church people). Usually 50ish. All the aunts (and sometimes cousins) are asked to bring something to make a buffet. Example my cousin's shower was closer to 100. My mom, sister and I were in charge of games, supplies and drinks. My other aunt and her daughters were in charge of desserts. Each family given a thing to do/bring. Menu was roughly written by grandma to be. We host at a church that is free or $50. None of us are being rude by having a large shower, we have big families and like seeing everyone. I've never thought of asking friends to put cash out for a party. I hosted one with another friend (for a mutual friend) and they wanted to have it at a fancy brunch place, so they paid for that and we did invites, decorations, game, party favors. Hope it works out well.