14 YO Facebook Account with False Name

Hmmm.....if I were a 14yr old girl and I knew my mom was on FB, I'd probably create a fake name too and not tell her!!! LOL!
What exactly are you disappointed in? Did she disobey you? Seems like she has her own computer to do with whatever she pleases........she's of legal age.......what did she do wrong? Did she post inappropriate stuff?

The only thing that would bother me would be if she was friends with other family members and just excluded me!!! LOL!

If you wanted to be more in the loop with her online activity, then do so, but don't take a non role and then get upset with what she does.......

False names for kids on FB are pretty common. It's been a trend for youngsters to keep their ID's private. Could that be the reason? I've been thinking of changing my real name on FB too, but I have the highest privacy settings, so haven't made a move yet.

I suggest that it's good to use a false name. That way no one can easily track her.

I understand why you are hurt. At the same time, I'm surprised that she's 14 and you never asked her if she has one. I think that many 14 year olds have FB accounts. And I think many of them don't use their real name (or at least, they almost never use their full name).

I'd try not to over-react, but have an honest conversation with her about the internet and that nothing is ever private. Anything that is posted is forever. And let her know that it's ok to keep the account as long as she friends you, with full access to what she's posting (no blocking your access to her wall).

While you're at it, you might also ask her if she has a twitter account, or any of the other social sites that are popular with teens right now. Talk about all of it. Think of this new knowledge as a window to get to know your daughter a little better, and an opportunity to talk about internet etiquette and safety.

When my kids turned 13 they at some point got Facebook accounts, never really announced it to me, never hid it either. I mean all I had to do is look over her shoulder and I would have seen it.

My daughter also found it funny to change her name, a lot! Everyone knew who she was, I mean duh! she had her friends on it, obviously they knew who she was to friend her.

I guess I am saying if she has her friends, friends from school, there is nothing nefarious about the fake name.

All teens are moody and hard to be around. If that is going to disappoint you then buckle up you have at least another six years of disappointment.
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You seem to think she was hiding it from you. Do you know her school email? Personal email? Type that in and I bet her profile pops up. If that is the case she wasn't hiding anything.

Sorry but when I hide stuff from people I don't hand my laptop over to them to use for a while.

It sounds like your disappointment is with the fact that her actions seem deceptive, not with the FB account itself. She's 14 and has internet access... odds are pretty good she has a FB account!

When she gets home from school today, sit her down (privately) and discuss the situation. Have a(nother) talk about internet safety and why it is so important that she be open with you about her internet activity. This is NO different than "sneaking out" or lying to your parents about where you are going.

We ALL did it at that age, well at least most of us. It wasn't safe, but most of us tried it at least once. Here's the thing... once it became an "OK" thing to do... it stopped being exciting or "dangerous". I remember getting caught telling my parents I was staying at a friend's house when we were really going out to a teen night (I was 15). I caught hell when they found out, but at the same time I remember my mom asking why I didn't just ask them if I could go? They would have been fine with it if I had asked and they knew where I was, who I was with and what time we were expected home by the other parent. It was the "sneaking" that didn't sit well.

Don't forbid FB, but you can have rules surrounding her usage:
1. She MUST use her real name (or some form of it)
2. She MUST friend you
3. She MUST give you the password
4. You will respect her privacy as long as you believe that she is being honest and safe in her usage

Most kids her age are using their first and middle names or some shortened version of first and last. Not sure why, but they are. Go with it. Point being... she "snuck out" and you found out. There will be consequences if she does it again, but from here on out... she needs to ask permission and live by your rules and all will be fine!

Because 13 years is the age a person can get a FB account she probably just did it. Unless you had a talk previous to her turning 13 about her being required to ask or tell you about opening an account I wouldn't be upset or hurt about that.

And I would applaud her smart thinking in using a false name. My almost 18 year old granddaughter has been changing hers for years, her "real" friends know who she is. She's a cute girl, tall and model material, and a couple of weirdos contacted her, she blocked them and they don't know her real name to find her. And, because of some of the stupid stuff she posted a couple of years ago while going through teen angst, if a college she's applying to or employer she's applying with does a check on her on FB they won't find her posts, I know, I've tried, whew!

I doubt your daughter was trying to hide her account, most likely she didn't think it was a big deal or that you'd care. Being that she tends to be moody and hard to be around think carefully before you alienate her, she's 14 and needs your guidance in making sound choices.

YOU are dissappointed, that is your choice or doing, she needs her mom's love regardless. She has her own laptop, what are her limitations? Might be time to revisit them.

Don't be hurt, this is normal behavior for a 14 year old. Nothing to be hurt about, at all. At this age, they seek independence, and it doesn't mean she doesn't love you.

I doubt people think anything at all about her using a false name. Some people use false names, for various reasons: it's fun to create a new persona; they like the name; or most importantly, it's safe.

My daughter was moody and hard to be around at that age as well, even though she did well in school, etc. She matured and she's not moody any more.

Discuss it with her, ask her why she uses a false name. If you're reasonable, as you say, this should all turn out to be nothing.

p.s. I didn't force my kids to "friend" my on their FB accounts. I let them friend me whey they were ready.

The thing is, even my 6 year old son, is taught about online safety/precautions/dangers, at school. They even have a class on it, given by our local Police Cyber Crimes department.
And at school, they have computer class of which they are taught these things.
At home as well, we actively teach them the "rules" on it etc.
So, it is on ongoing normal thing we chat with them, about.
We are a tech family, and we all play on the computer/iPad etc. But we do not allow them to do anything via social media sites.
They always ask us first... if they can do something on the computer/tablets etc. And only we, can sign up for things. Not them.
My daughter is 10, and she is real good about telling us things and asking us things per online, and she is trustworthy.

Our kids are on their tech gadgets in front of us and we look at it anytime.
However-- My daughter who is in 5th grade, tells me all the time, about kids at school... who have all kinds of accounts.... and their parents don't know.
Such as, Facebook etc. These are kids that are 10-11 years old. And to be honest, not all of them have common sense nor good maturity about it. They are, sneaky. I know many of them, being I work at my kids' school.

Signing up for accounts, anyone can do it.
It just takes a fake name and inputting a fake age.
So the bottomline will be: how you manage your kids per online/computer activity.... and the rules you have about it, and how ONGOING you speak to them about it and DISCUSS... it all.
And then hopefully, they are open with you and tell you things, too.
Not hiding it or being deceitful.
And the other thing about it is: kids as well as adults, always post photos... of themselves... online on these FaceBook type accounts.
And who knows what personal info., they give out on it.
So, a parent has to discuss these things, with their child.

My son is 16 and has had a FB account for a couple of years. The rules that I put in place were simple - full access if I wanted it. When he first opened the account, I checked it often to ensure that he was practicing on-line safety; not cyber-bullying or being cyber-bullied; not posted derogatory items; "friending" known persons, not random strangers; etc. As he progressed and grew his social media connections, and I realized that he was being uber-responsible, I checked less and less. Now, two years later, I never check.

Same for text messaging - I used to check it constantly. Now, he is the one who reads me his conversations if he thinks it will amuse me.

Same for on-line gaming - I have "met" some of the boys from across the country that he regularly plays with via chat on the gaming system and when he Skyped with them. Turns out their Moms have done the same thing. Now we all talk about meeting up in real time one day.

It is all about developing trust and boundaries. My son and I have been navigating these waters for awhile now. I have learned that keeping the lines of communication open while allowing for privacy and growing independence is a double edged sword to the Mom in me. I want to keep him "safe", but have to let him go, in order for him to grow into the man that he will be.

None of us know our teens. Heck, our teens don't know themselves. They are all moody and hard to be around - hormones, societal influences, increased self awareness - all collide at this age. Our kids are trying to figure out who they are and where they want their place to be in the world.

Your decision now is what to do with the FB account. It is time for open dialogue about it, social media in general, and what types of boundaries you expect her to keep when engaging in those activities. Before you speak with her, you need have a mental picture of your expectations and you need to objectively look at those expectations and decide if they are realistic or not. Take your feelings out of the equation.

Teenagers naturally push their parents away - it is part of growing up and gaining independence. It sucks for us parents, but it is the right thing for them. But as naturally as they push us away they also continue to need us to help guide and encourage them. But you have to begin doing this through conversations, not ultimatums.

In the grand scheme of things I don't think a FB account for a 14 year old is a bad thing. If she didn't want you to know about it, she would not have switched computers with you. You admit that you are not sure if you had "the FB conversation" with her. But, now that the ship has sailed, you need to haul up anchor and sail on with her.

I would "friend" her fake name on Facebook! Imagine her face and shock when she sees u found out! Lets see how she handles that. Then u can be disappointed and talk to her if she doesn't come to u first! Good mom for noticing!

She just wants her privacy. If you do or say anything about it she'll just form another one and discard this one.

I feel for you, you must feel hurt.

For me the issue would be that she opened this account behind your back. Internet security and safety are a huge issue and you can not keep her safe if you don't know what pages she is using. I would have a serious talk with her about this, and consider making her delete the account until she can prove to be more open and up front with her internet usage.

I don't think using a false name is so bad, but I do find it a little disturbing that at 14, she didn't tell you she even had an account, that to me is the more upsetting thing. To me, 14 is still VERY young and yes, kids at that age should let their parents know they have an account, let alone ask if it's ok to set one up.
I would approach her and asked to talked about the situation.

I would disconnect the Internet!!!! God only knows who she is talking with behind your back. Internet is a scary place for 14 year olds. You say your daughter is hard to be around. I suggest you open up the lines of communication. I get the feeling that if she did run into a problem, you would be the last to know.

what did you read on there? Anything that pointed to drugs, alcohol, sex, etc? If not then don't freak about it. It's common for kids to use fake names on there cause they don't want weirdos finding them. My daughters use their own names but if you google their names and IL you might come up with more info on them, so some schools have advised the kids to not use a complete real name. Other kids just like to be funny with their names and use it like a nick name.
If on the other hand there was stuff on there that you were NOT approving of, then yep, time to have a talk and start taking stuff away.
As it is now, just tell her that you WILL be reviewing her facebook randomly just in case.

My 12 year old did this behind my back & her 6 year old sister ratted her out. Seriously I was like no she doesn't have one & low & hold she did. I was hurt & upset so her excuse was I knew you wouldn't let me so I did it on my own. I had her close it & we told her she will not have one till she is 13, that is the legal age requirement and she will have to give us the password to it if she decides to get on it. As of right now she does not want one! Kids are way advanced but still need lots of guidance. Told her our house our rules!!