Toddler 14 Month Old Tantrums

OMG...I also have a 14 month old son that is doing the SAME THING...throwing the head back, kicking his legs, waking up..crazy right. We have just taken him out of a daycare and are in the process of finding another. I know its hard putting them in daycare, but hey we all have to work right. I thought that it was so ironic that you were experiencing the same thing that I was...lol

Calm down - you probably haven't stressed him out it is just a phase and it will pass. He is doing new things and that is an adjustment for both of you. Hang in there 9 times out of ten there is nothing wrong. He will get used to daycare and so will you in time. All mother's go through the guilt stage but the two of you are not the first to go through daycare adjustment and you won't be the last. Good Luck

Hi K.,
Tantrums are normal and I think my son was around this age when he started throwing them. My experience has taught me to not even try and calm him down when he gets like this. I just tell him I am going in the other room and he can come to me when he feels better. Then I leave the room. He will try and follow me around to show me his tantrum, but I just ignore it. After a few minutes, he is better. The more attention you give the tantrum the more and more tantrums will happen.
Also, I started my son at daycare about 4 mos ago. I think it is a little stressful for them at first, but don't worry too much. It just takes a couple of weeks of adjustment. It is also possible that he is not sleeping well at daycare while he is adjusting, and therefore is waking up at night as a result of being overtired. I would ask the daycare about his naps or anything else you have concerns about. After a few weeks, he will be more adjusted and hopefully the nightwaking will resolve itself. In the long run he will be just fine and will probably love the interaction he gets with other children.

Firstly, he can probably 'sense' that YOU'RE stressed. If you're doing the best you can for your son (which I'm sure you are!), then he mostly needs you to be calm and collected when he IS with you. I'd definitely say that starting daycare is a MAJOR, MAJOR change in a 14 month old's life (just as going back to work is for you).

Worrying about him ISN'T helping (him OR yourself).
1) Make sure you have him in care that meets your personal standards (even if you have to privately hire a 'grandmotherly-type' person in your home or theirs)
2) Pick him us ASAP after work.
3) Make sure you're in a jolly mood when you DO pick him up (SO-excited-to-SEE-YOU attitude with him!) And
4) Talk with him happily about your and his day (even though he can't respond with words, he knows a lot about what you're saying and gets a lot from your tone of voice and range of emotion).

Hope this helps! Good luck and God bless!

Did these tantrums just start since attending daycare? If so, my concern would be that something is going on at the daycare that is upsetting to your child. Most children will successfully transition into the daycare setting within two weeks. If your child does not then I would start asking a lot of questions of the daycare director and staff to see how your son's day is going at the center. I would also encourage you and your husband to make unannounced visits to the center at different times of the day to see what your child is doing.
Also, children at this age start to become more independent and can become easily upset when they do not get their way. So it may be a combination of age and the transition into daycare.

Hi K.,

It sounds like your son may be transitioning into his new center and experiencing some emotions around it. Just as you are having anxiety about being away from him, he is adjusting to not being with you.

A lot of moms have to go back to work and their children do adjust. I do believe children are better off with their moms at home, but sometimes we can't create a stay-at-home situation.

Give yourself and your son some adjustment time. Be there for him when he has his tantrums by holding him and reassuring him. He needs to feel secure and safe.

If you actually had the ability to put your career on hold until he was about 3, I would encourage you to explore that option. If you must work for financial reasons, then be gentle with yourself - you love your son and he will know that from your consistent response to him when you're together.

Best of luck!! Please visit my website www.noblemother.com

Temper tantrums are pretty normal for 14 months old, or at least the ones I raised. It is scary when they hurt themselves. Daycare is probably contributing because it is all about adjusting. 14 months old understand more than we give them credit. Plan ahead for transitions, let him know what is coming next. Establish routines that you stick to as strickly as possible so he knows what to expect, especially bedtime routines. Try calming techniques, so that you are as calm as possible. The tantrums are going to happen. At some point when he is out of control, put him in his room to calm down. This too will pass, it may take awhile.

Hello K..
I am the mother of four grown children and 10 Grandchildren, half of them grown.
It has been my personal experience and second hand experience...
If a child is having this kind of reaction to day care, SOMETHING is VERY wrong. Yes, people will tell you, it takes time to adjust. but if the reaction is this severe, it is not a matter of adjustment. I would advise you to find another day care. it may not be the personel, but other children. And, one may NEVER know the reason, but he does NOT need to be going where he is.

There is a great book called the Kissing Hand. It is about seperation anxiety on a child's level.

First, I would make an album he can take to daycare with him so he can see a picture of you, daddy and anyone, anything else important in his life when he wants. You should also send his favorite blanket with him to daycare to sleep with, if he has one!

Second, when my kids throw a tantrum like that, I just say, "let me know when you are done" and walk away. Including my own 13 month old. Remember they do tantrums for attention.

He is definitely acting like this for "rocking his world". He is use to having you take care of him, he wakes at night to make sure you are still there. So be patient with him.

I would look into the daycare a little more. He may be having a hard time adjusting, or there may be a problem. Is there a camera so you can watch? How many recommended the daycare? Good luck, that is pretty violent behavior, I am sure he is not happy about it either.

It probably has everything to do with the new schedule, and once he starts getting used to it they'll die down. I have to daughters, one 14-months too, and she's going through the same thing because her daddy just left for Iraq a couple of weeks ago. I also went through this his last tour to Iraq with our oldest, and trust me, they start happening less often. His waking up night are called night terrors (pretty much nightmares) and are caused by something changing in his life and that's the way they're minds help them adjust to the changes.

Our youngest is not in the day care and does the same thing.Finally I put a pack n play in the living room and every time he throws a tantram he gets a "time out". I know at this age he does not relly understand the time out thing, but he will get it. Ours would throw himself on the wood floor,try to hurt anybody in site, so it was also a safety issue as well.When I put him in, he screams even louder, throws himself down, rocks the pack n play.....I do not pay attention. Once he realized that it was not working, his tantrams started getting shorter and shorter.When he calms down I ask him if he is ready to get out and be nice, he says(nods:)) yes and he goes to plays(till another one comes:))

Be patient, it should pass. He is used to getting one on one time everyday, and in daycare it is divided. Just keep "prepping" him before you go, and make it fun to see his teachers and other friends at school, and then talk about his day. It sounds like at night that it may be anxiety, or just another phase. They always seem to change, right when you have your schedule down. For the tantrums, make sure he's in a safe place. He will feed off of you if you're upset. Try not to give in though. Also you could try to determine if there is a precursor for the tantrum. I know when my son is hungry, "Mr. Cranky Pants" comes out, so i try to make sure he doesnt hit the bottom. Good luck. Give it a few weeks. Whatever your reason for daycare is, it gives us a break, and makes it easier to be happy and refreshed when you pick him up.

Tantrums are normal in children of this age. They are a responding to their lack of control in a situation, so you're probably right about the changes in his going to daycare now. But don't give up on daycare because of it. This is a time in his life when he is struggling with wanting you more and becoming more independent. Daycare will actually help him become more independent. When you take him there, give him a kiss, say you'll see him later, and leave. Even if he cries,you've got to just leave! Do not hang on. The quicker you go, the quicker he will move toward acceptance. The more he sees your response to his crying the more he will start to use crying and tantrums as a manipulation. ALso, you might take him to daycare on a day when he doesn't have to be there. Just drop in and say hi. Then go to your work and just stop by and say hi. Show him that you both have people expecting you each day, and that you both have "jobs" to do. He'll start to see that this is okay...

It sounds like he is having trouble with the transition from home to daycare. And this transition probably is not an easy one for you either. This may be something that time will take care of. It does not surprise me that he wants to be rocked when he is waking up in the middle of the night. Rocking is "mommy time" and he may need some more "mommy time" with you going back to work. When my children were little we would put them in bed with us when they woke up in the middle of the night. That way they got their mom and dad and we got to sleep. Try not to worry about your son in the middle of the day. It won't be long before he makes the transition and all is well in his little world again.

RELAX!!!!! You are going through a phase that will pass. Don't feel guilty that you have him in daycare, and don't let that guilt or his tantrums make you form the bad habit of giving in to his tantrums, or they will surely get longer and more frequent and God help you when he is older and bigger. As hard as it is for you to hear him cry, let him for up to 20 minutes or so, in a soft place. Make sure he can't hit his head on anything too hard. Offer him a sippy cup with ice water in it so that if he is thirsty he can fix that himself. No baby ever died from crying, although a few moms almost have. During these times remind yourself that he must learn who is boss--NOT HIM!

When he wakes up screaming at night, that sounds like night terrors. My oldest had that, too. Keep doing what you're doing. Eventually he'll calm down and they'll go away.

It does sound like he's reacting to being in day care. This is a huge change for him in his short life. What kind of day care situation is it? I always placed my kids in a home situation with a SAHM who had one or two other kids. She was able to give them more individual attention. If he's in a larger setting, you might try looking for something smaller.

It's great that you're going into teaching. Once the school year starts, you'll probably come home tired some evenings. You still need to make sure to give your son the attention he needs. It's not easy, but many women have done it. And it's very rewarding.

K.,
A 14 mo certainly has no idea of the possible harm that he can do to himself, hitting his head. I would not reward the behavior. Remove possible harmful items, ignore the initial tantrum. After 3-5 mins, try re-directing his attention to something positive. As far as the middle of the night screaming, I think your rocking is a good response. Rock for 5 mins, lay him down, pat his back 30 sec and leave.
Good job mom, keep it up!

When my second gradbaby was two, she started screaming and kicking and falling on her head or hitting her head on the wall and we didn't know what to do and then.....I took her in for some immunizations and she started pitching the same tantrum. The doctor (a lady) said, "I'll show you how to deal with this"...we all left, me, the doctor and my oldest and smallest grandbabies and we left my middle grandbaby in the room alone, pitching a fit. She hit her head on the floor, got no attention for it, it only hurt her and when she stopped screaming we all went back in the room. She cried and never pitched her tantrums again.

If you try to sooth your son, he will be getting rewarded for bad behavior. If you ignore him, during his tantrums, he won't have any reason the pitch them in the first place. It works and Cheyenne is proof.

Hi K.! About 4 mths ago I started my son in daycare (he'll be 2 in sept).....which i really wasn't ready to do...I don't think any of us are. He's always had an outgoing personality, been around alot of ppl since he was wee little (due to myslef being in college @ the time) etc. I knew it would be an adjustment, but didnt think it would be anything big. Well...needless to say I was def wrong! lol It was wrestle mania/wwf every a.m. getting him dressed took an act of congress, not to mention I had to chase him before hand....and i had to wrestle him down and change his diaper @ the same time.....not to mention getting him out the door and into his car seat. I seriously thought I was gonna go crazy!!!! I just wanted to scream...and cry....and cry more when I dropped him off. It took a couple wks but now he absolutely loves it! In fact, some days he runs right into his room (sep. by age groups) and forgets all about mom (which makes me sad...lol) However, I did get worriedwhen my son was acting out when time for a diaper change...so I did a few pop-up visits, stoppped in when no1 knew and watched his room on the camera to make sure nothing strange was going on,as well as talked to his ped. Everything was fine btw. This is probably just your son's way of reacting to the change/adjustment. I know its not easy and makes you feel guilty and like ur gonna go insane at the same time...but it shld pass. He just needs time to adjust.
Good Luck and Best Wishes!
E. :)

I remember my 1-yr old son banging his head on the floor when he got angry. Even though it looks and sounds painful, I wouldn't worry about they pain he is inflicting two much because he will learn not to do it if it hurts him enough. I hope this is not sounding insensitive or cruel, but I had other experienced mothers tell me the same thing. If you stop him from doing everything that might cause pain, he won't learn the consequences of his actions.
As for the reason why, it's probably impossible to tell. I wouldn't necessarily blame yourself, although it does make sense that he would rather have you around all the time (most kids do love their mothers :)) If you have to work, then the family will have to adjust. But if working and the consequences of it are stressing you out, maybe it's not worth it?

check out ask.com

type in something like dealing with tantrums

if you are worrying "95% OF THE TIME" about your son, you probably are the problem! He will be fine and a kid can see when a parent is stressed out. Chill out - he will be fine!