14 Month Old Pulling My Hair

Hi - he is actually not too young for a time out. My pediatrician told me to start doing time outs at 1 yr old for 1 minute. He recommended using a playpen of something that my son no longer uses. I think it is great because my son too can push my buttons and it gives us both a chance to cool off...my son actually doesn't seem bothered by it but his behavior has improved. Good luck!

I agree with Jen. When they pull my hair I pull back and eventually they get it and stop.

This might be one of those issues that doesn't have a quick fix. It might be a case where you just have to keep on giving him lots of positive attention for the behavior you want to encourage, keep doing what you have been doing to discourage his pulling on your hair, and until he moves out of this phase, keep your hair tied up or back so it's out of his reach. Consistency will win the day on this one.

Pull his back, it will stop. Just a little tug, he will get the meaning of hurt. Works the first time. My other daughter used to bite, I nibbled her back. Never bit me again. She is 21 and well adjusted, not traumatized at all. :)

This too, will pass, but only with consistency in your response. He is getting a reaction out of you (crying, pretending to cry, putting yourself in time out, etc.) and that is what he's after. I know it's hard, but you have to try and remain neutral and walk away from him without any reaction. My daughter started hitting around that age and when I reacted negatively and with a sharp "no" like the books said... she loved it. I then talked with behavioral therapists that I work with and they suggested the ignoring and walking away. If they want a reaction, and they get none, they'll realize that it doesn't work and it's pointless to do that action anymore since it isn't giving them what they want. Also, my daughter was more heartbroken that I wouldn't hold her or be with her when she hit, that she would cry and be sad over it while I looked neutral (although I was upset and hurt). Turn your back and walk away, literally. I had to do it for a while for it to completely diminish, and then a few weeks or months later it came up again, and I had to react the same way for it to be effectively stopped (and quicker that time).

Good luck and keep us posted.

Hi L.,
I would keep putting him down, or spending time away for a few minutes when he does this. I would suggest putting your hair in a ponytail or up with a clip for a week or two and see if that helps to deter him. It will also make it less easy for him to grab. I don't think he understands that it is hurting you at this point...
I would keep trying to give him something to play with so he will be interested in something else. Maybe put on some music and let him bang on a plastic tupperware container..... or play with some toys on the floor while you are an arms length away. Also, take him to the library and let him play with toys that are in the children's area. Keep reading books to him, so he can get interested in stories and that will hold his attention. When you read, make sure your head is back against a pillow, so he can't grab it.
This stage can be very trying whether it is your hair, or earrings or neclace that they are grabbing. Hope these things will help.

hey L.

I have a 15 month old that thought it was funny to do the same thing. I tried everything too. So one day i pulled his hair to show him that it hurts and he hasnt done it since. Im not aying yanking it out of his head but giving it a lil tug. If you would rather not do that when my oldest who is now seven acted ui would sit him on my lap facing away from me for one minute and he would get the point and stop doing what he was doing.

At 14 mos he's really not capable of understanding that it hurts you. I absolutely disagree with the advice to pull his hair to let him know what it feels like. That's mean and a very confusing message to tell him it's wrong but to do it to him.

With DD when she did things like that (I have short hair so we had hitting and kicking) I did what another poster recommended. I said we don't hit very matter of factly and put her down. If she wanted to resume what we were doing at that point, fine we did but if she hit again I just kept repeating the above. It does sink in eventually and really does not take a lot of repeats.

Your son gets a really cool reaction when he pulls your hair. You are adding a lot of importance to what he's doing by giving it a lot of attention. If you deal with it simply without raising your voice and getting all exercised (I know that's hard when they hurt you!!) and just stopping the interaction it makes hair pulling a lot less interesting to them.

He will repeat this test over and over when he finds other new interesting things to drive you insane with. I have found that the matter-of-fact approach works really well. We really have not had long drawn out periods with these totally normal behavior phases. Good luck.

With my son I needed to pull his hair so he could understand the the word 'hurt' means. He just might not understand what you are trying to explain to him. Luckly, I only needed to pull his hair once for him to understand that he was hurting me. Hope this helps!

I feel that a 14month old is not to young for a time out because he knows that he is intentionally pulling your hair. He may not understand the timeout but he will learn that the behavior is not excepted by you. I had a step from my kitchen to living room that I would sit my daughter and tell her she was in timeout and if she got up then I would sit her back down and I put a timer on and said when it dinged them she could get up and when it did I would say you were in timout for pulling my hair say sorry and a kiss. She is now 2 and knows where the timeout spot is and sits then get up and says sorry for whatever she did. The first few time it probably won't last a minute but you are starting to let him know that it is wrong. Good luck because I know the hair pulling does hurt!

Hi L.
I was just reading some of the other advice some of the moms had given you about him pulling your hair. Its a phase
or one of the stages that your son is into right now
, but trust me when I say this that he will soon grow bored of doing the pulling of the hair. Right now at this age a time out may not be a good thing for him because he is still lerning and not really going to understand time outs untill hes older.
I also understand where you are coming from with your son pulling your hair all the time. I know that it gets fursturating at times and you dont know how to deal with it or how to act or punish him because its hard at this age and they still are learning and dont always understand why you are upset at what they just did.
when you do punish your son for being bad make sure that he knows that its not a game and that you are serious on punishing him, he will soon learn that mommy is the "Boss" and I should listen.
I have a 1 year old boy to and
Im afraid to even wear my hair down or even if its up
my 1 year old son who does the same thing to me and not only to me but to others and thinks that its funny and its ok, to hurt people by pulling their hair. What you have
been doing is been good so far but one mistake that you are making is punshing yourself for you sons bad behavior DONT DO THAT you are not the one whose being bad your son is, but you are on the right track with what you have been doing but one thing that you can do better is to get on his level then tap him lightly on the hand & tell him a firm" NO" once then leave the room for a 1 minute then go back in . I have learned after I have punished my son its ok to hug them and give them a kiss that way they know that you still love them even though they were in the wrong to do what they did. I have had people tell me my whole life that two wrongs dont make a right but if what you have been doing or telling him no doesnt work for you pull his hair lighly and say ouch doesnt that hurt, my son laughed at me the first time but the second time I did that he cried and I felt bad, but he now understands that its not ok to hurt people.
If you start now with the whole no thing or whatever else that you want to do he will soon grow bored of pulling hair and move on.My son has slowly started to stop pulling eveyones hair because I am on top of telling him "NO" hope that all of this advice works for you
Good Luck:)
Happy Holidays

I have a 2.5 year old who does the same thing. It's becoming worse of late. He wants up up up all the time but when he does he plays with my hair and entangles his fingers in it and YANKS! I know what you are going through. I think at his age my son can comprehend the hurt aspect and does stop for me. but all I can say is be persistent. Like saying be gentle with mom's hair or else (whatever your choice of distraction/separation from that activity which promoted hair pulling) and continuing to stop the hair pulling and activity as soon as it starts. In the beginning my son would cover my face with my hair and play a peek a boo game.... but that has now become more aggressive.

Good Luck..
Mary-Clare
Watertown, MA

Try NOT reacting at all. Remove yourself, or him, from the situation. Not sure why you think he's too young for a time out, other than the fact that you don't want to give him attention by sitting there and holding him in the time out chair.

I disagree with pulling his hair to show him it hurts - at this age, they don't have the developmental maturity to transfer their feelings to someone else. All he will know is that you chose to hurt HIM. Aside from giving him negative attention (which is better than no attention at all, in his eyes), you will confuse him. When another child hits him, do you really want him to respond by hitting the other child back, or do you want him to walk away? Even people who want their kid to fight back find out that, when the kid goes to pre-school or kindergarten, that's not allowed, and the kid winds up being confused about appropriate behavior. Every school and every teacher will tell him to walk away, or come get an adult. This is the problem with spanking too - it teaches kids that hitting is okay, at least if you're bigger.

I also think that's why he doesn't understand or care when you cry - he's just not there developmentally at this age.

I don't see why you can't isolate your son - just pick him up (not in a comforting way, just a methodical way, like under the arms with no cuddling) and deposit him in his room. Put a child-proof doorknob cover on his side of the door if you have to, or a playpen. Some people use the crib but others think that makes the kids resent the crib and not want to go to sleep.

Whatever you choose: Do not engage him. What he's doing is not acceptable. You have to be consistent. Your goal is to get him to stop the behavior. It doesn't really matter whether he understands WHY it's not acceptable. Think of this behavior like grabbing the hot stove or running into the street. Would you allow it? Of course not - you would stop it whether or not he understood it. If you have a phrase that you use for situations like those, indicating that a behavior is non-negotiable, use the same words for hair pulling.

It's a shame that you've already cut your hair to prevent this - I'd like to see you be able to take care of yourself and enjoy your hair!

Good luck!

Sounds like my son! It is a phase and he will grow out of it trust me. In the mean time you need to remove yourself from him and tell him in a stern voice NO, you don't pull hair.
You will have to do this over and over again but trust me it eventually works and he will stop. At 14 months they are a little to young for time outs but you could try putting him in is crib for 1 min. When he pulls your hair say Uh-oh time out for pulling mama's hair. Put him in his crib walk away & go back to him for 1 min. At least that way he knows you mean business & you get a time out too! Good luck.