14 Month Biting His Friends

Having dealt with alot of biters in my class, I can say that it depends on the biter.

In this case is sounds as though he is biteing from either overstimulation or strong emotions he experiences from being around so many children.

No matter the motive, I usually suggest the parent set up playdates with children, increasing the number kids based off the child's progress. Your attention needs to be fully on him, without letting him know. So don't distract yourself by talking on the phone or making lunch or anything. What his emotions and see what is provoking the biting. Then start to correct his behavior by redirecting how to handle that emotion. For example. I had a biter that would do it when other children would take his toys or something he felt was his. So I redirect his emotion by showing him how to grunt and stomp his foot to show his was angry (he couldn't talk yet, otherwise I would have asked him to use word to say he was mad). Another child, for some odd reason was just totally obsessed with this little red headed girl, and kept doing anything to torture her, biting included. Because it was only her, we figured he was really interested in her, but didn't know how to express it. We had to spend an extensive amount of time showing him how to interact with her. he did get better, but I never stayed long enough to see it fully recover.

Anyway, just arrange playdates were he can be watched from a distance and see why he is biting, and redirect the emotion with an age appropiate responce. Increase the number of kids until he can handle the playgroup atmosphere better. It will take time. Just stick with it.

Biting is a big big cultural no. It is a phase, but it needs help in getting through it.

Pick up the child carefully, and say firmly with no emotion "no biting" remove the child from the group.

Since the child is so young only do it for a minute or two.

Repeat every time it happens. Stay calm. Repeat the sentence always. The child may become frustrated and cry. Just repeat the behavior. Stay calm.

I do not believe in being violent back to a violent act. It just teaches violence.

I have had a similar problem with my now two-year-old. But he would pinch, then scratch. It was nightmare! The method that worked best for us was immediately removing him from the situation and putting him in a time out. I always made sure the child he hurt was OK first. And many times he left bloody scratches. My son has started to outgrow this behavior. I don't feel like I have to watch his every move around other children. So your friend's child will eventually outgrow this behavior. Be consistent with consequences. I always have said it is a lot harder to be a parent of a child who is a bully then a parent of a child who is picked on. And I have been a parent of both. My two older children were the most passive, peaceful cildren. It was my third one that was the aggressor. When your child is the threat, everywhere your child goes is a potential problem that you must watch like a hawk. I always felt like I was on pins and needles. Many times I would call my husband coming home from playgroup or music class, crying and totally ebarrassed about my son's behavior. Also I always shared with parents that my child was having problems with hitting and that we were working on it. I never wanted the parents to think I wasn't addressing the situation. If you let those around you know your concerns, they are a lot more willing to help you in situations and even give you advice. And they are a lot more understanding. It will get better! Goodluck!

My grandson was a biter, briefly, so I have combed through thousands of suggestions and remedies.

The generally-agreed WORST response is inflicting pain or retaliation on the biter, who may not even understand the intent of the punishment at all. A large majority of child behaviorists have convincing arguments that this can have unintended negative consequences later on for both parent and child, and of course by then it's too late to undo the damage.

The BEST suggestion is Crystal's, below. And I wouldn't do this at a distance. Shadow your son while he's interacting with other children. Spend several sessions doing essentially nothing else besides observing him closely, and learning what constellation of circumstances leads up to his biting. There are lots of different shades of biting, and probably every child who does this has his own "trigger" situation. As you've observed, often it's not even malicious, but rather an expression of excitement or dismay.

Really close monitoring is the key to success here. Be ready to swoop in and airlift him out of his predicament. A firm "NO biting!!!" and redirection are enough for some kids, if repeated several times over a few get-togethers. Teaching the child to recognize and express his feelings in other ways is often helpful, especially for pre-verbal kids. Some children need to to be taken home for the day, probably several times. The more immediate your rescue/correction, the more quickly he'll relate it to that impulse he was just about to surrender to.

This may seem too demanding, or exhausting, or embarrassing for some parents. But consider that a play date is at least as much an occasion to teach your child good socialization skills and impulse control as it is an occasion to play. Let the other moms know what you are trying to do, and perhaps some will take turns shadowing your son, giving you a break. (Sometimes it takes a village to help raise a child.) Not only will most mothers appreciate what you are doing, but you could become the resident expert in your group, and others will look to your experience when their own children display problem behaviors. Which they will.

Good luck. This is a hard one, but it is doable.

sometimes at this age the only way they "get it" that biting is not a good expression of their feelings is if they get bitten back. I wouldn't encourage the other children to do it but don't give him a lot of sympathy if he does get bitten back. "yeah biting hurts!"

I've not experienced this, but a friend was successful with offering something that was acceptable to bite. Encouraging the biting of this "thing" instead of other people.

Hi H.- I see you have some great advice for your friend. As far as pinpointing when this kid does his biting....you mentioned that it is a "Mommy's group"...and when Mommies get together they aren't paying as much attention to their kid because they're talking. In addition to the extra stimulation and possible triggers from specific children, the trigger here may be that Mom's not paying enough attention to me and I want her attention.
I always wonder, too about sleep. My child is more impulsive and prone to being aggressive when she's tired and nearing naptime. Perhaps the Mommy group is at a time when the kid might be better off heading for a nap?
Good luck to you and your friends. A.