13 Yr Old Crying After Game....(not Right!)

When I was senior in high school I was stat manager for the varsity football team.
We had a winning season, won the championship and went to the local professional football stadium for the final game.
We lost by a field goal in overtime.
This was a busload of 17 and 18 yr old football players and every single last one of them cried - not hysterical or anything, but the tears were running down their faces.
It's a normal reaction to disappointment and frustration.
It was a game and you win some and you lose some.
Even grown men will cry over football once in awhile.

I don't know....Having never NEVER? Lost my thought this is his first time handling those feelings of dissappointment. Seems like you did the right thing and he appreciated it. Losing is never fun and in you sons situation I imagine even worse.

Wait, you have a Sonic in your town?! Lucky duck!

I love your story. Sounds like your fella is in touch with his feelings, and actually exercising coping skills.

And even if the coaches DID rip into him, he can handle it. You can't make it all go away this time Mama, but it sounds like you've done something right thus far. Sounds like a healthy well adjusted young man!

:)

My 17 yr old 6'2" 175 lb boy cried, on the field, still in pads. He cried, I cried, I think dad had a little sniffle himself. I think that my boy, not being too cool to cry in front of his friends showed great heart and humility. We lost in the playoffs after going further than any other team in his schools history. They left it all out there on the field and had nothing to be ashamed of. But, it takes that level of intensity to be champions and when you are that invested in something and lose, it is emotional. I think your boy waiting until he got in the car to cry says a lot about him trying to man up in this situation. And I think you did the absolute best you could've done to support him through it. That's why you got the big hug once he calmed down. Good job mom

You know your son, of course, so you can see a difference in behavior here from what you are used to seeing, but....I don't see anything really off about his response to a huge disappointment. Thirteen year-olds are not men, they are boys, no matter how big they are. (And I personally think we'd be all better off if men WOULD cry when they were disapoointed...). Middle school is an emotional time for most kids, also.

You were there to support him. Keep listening and being there. There will be many more life lessons he learns before adultuhood. If you continue to suspect any mistreatment, then you might want to have a chat with the coach. But for now, I would let your son process this loss and move on.

It sounds all perfectly normal to me. Haven't you seen professional football players cry after they lose the Superbowl? It's all relative. And I certainly remember crying after I lost tennis matches once I was in HS. I'm a girl but I was older... And I will never ever forget how I was key to beating a long time rival and I fell apart. It doesn't sound like your son had that much responsibility but games/teams are important to kids and that's a good thing. Plus, I'd much rather see him react the way he did than get all violent and pissy in his disappointment.

No, the coaches probably didn't say a thing!! Don't embarass your son by going to his coaches and asking!!! Your son was probably very frustrated that they lost and was crying about it, which is FINE! People cry when they are sad or frustrated....even guys that are 6ft and pushing 170. :)
L.

No, mom, I wouldn't do that.

My older son (a talented athlete) has played sports for many years, and boys that age put a TON of pressure ON THEMSELVES. The coaches didn't have to say one word. He knew he missed that tackle and he's taking the burden on himself. That's what men (or boys growing into men) do. He's becoming a man and you have to let him do it as much as I know it hurts (and I've been in your shoes). I would like it much less if he pointed the finger at everyone else but himself like a diva.

To this day it surprises me (growing up in a family of all girls myself, except my dad) how emotional my sons can get, though they are both tough as nails and rarely let it show.

I would let him process it his own way, unless you see any concerning behavior. Bless his heart he sounds like a great kid. The best thing you did was tell him that it was an entire TEAM let-down. He didn't lose that game by himself (football is a major team sport). Just build him up and encourage him - that's what men need most from their mamas and later their wives.

JMO.

It's natural for anyone who faces a big disappointment to cry, no matter what their age. Sometimes the disappointments are personal goals, so they are hard to see.

It's possible your son hid his other disappointments as well, but this one was too big to hide.

You did right to just offer him support. I wouldn't call the coaches, they probably didn't do anything and your son would just be embarrassed.

Okay, momma, slow down.

Life is full of disappointments. He just had one. He's upset and that is okay. Let him be upset. Offer your support, but don't over do it and don't try to fight any (imagined) battles for him.

You're being a bit of a helicopter mom here. If he needs you to do something or just wants comfort, offer it to him and back off. Part of raising our boys to be competent men is to teach them to fight their own battles and deal with their own disappointments.

I know it's hard to see him this upset, but consider it to be a valuable life experience for the both of you. Don't just try to solve the "right now" issues (which really don't needs solving). He sounds like a well-rounded, smart kid who is disappointed with his team's failure. He will cope as long as you provide a good example on HOW to cope with that failure.

Good luck!

I think you need to just be there to support him. Keep telling him that he's amazing, a great person and player to help negate any *possible* negativity he's getting elsewhere.

Leave the coaches alone. Unless your son SPECIFICALLY said something, there's no way to know. More likely, it was just that your son was SO upset about losing the game. In high school, the ONLY time I saw any of my guy friends show any emotion was when they lost their championship game. It's a guy thing :)

I'd let it go, Mama. To lose a game after such a long winning streak is a really hard thing to do and I'm sure everyone was emotional about it, mourning the death of the perfect record. Whether the coaches were critical or just nostalgic, I'm sure the lockerroom talk was pretty heavy and your son was just working through that. Your son cried out of disappointment, which is a normal reaction for anyone. No reason to get involved. Good luck@

.

It sounds like he was just really disappointed in himself. Maybe he felt like it was his fault they lost the game. I don't think him crying for awhile about it, is that unnatural. He waited until he got in the car and felt comfortable enough with you to cry in front of you. He also gave you a hug which shows he trusts you with his feelings. I would just let it go. You're right that you can't go to the coaches. He'll probably feel better in a day or two. Hang in there. It's hard, Mama!

Probably not. This is a very emotional age for boys. Also new experience for him. I try to not make a big deal when my son does, I just tell him I am here if he needs me. Usually he willl come around and want to chat. The crying makes him feel even worse, they think they shouldn"t at that age, then the flood gates open. Oh boy, deep breathes.

Don't call. Really.

Keep an eye open for the next week or so. Not so you can give him pointers on how to play (that's the coach's job), but to evaluate how he's feeling and how the team over all is doing with this.

i wouldnt bother with it, i have friends that played football from middle school through senior year and they some times got a good talking to in the locker room if they werent on their game its part of the game but he was back to his normal self and is just fine, it wont hurt him at all to hear some pointers from coaches every now and than

You are right you can't fight your son's battles anymore. He is growing up and he is entering that transition period between child and adult and there are bumps along the way. At 13 he is entering the world of the teen and emotions and hormones. Some kids are more sensitive than others to situations (my son and grandson) and they will cry at the drop of a hat.

What you have to do is just get to the bottom which was the team losing the game and what to do next time as there will be a next time. As long as they learn from the first to the next to not repeat the exact same thing it will be okay.

Don't go to the coaches. I am quite sure there was a meeting about the game in the locker room which didn't help your son or many others on the team about the outcome. This is part of the world of sports and what people don't see. People cry out of frustration, happiness, anger and disappointment.

The hug and the cookies were "the bomb" mom. Just put this in your book of something you two experienced together for a future chat when he has kids.

Love to you both.

The other S.

PS Been there with the wins and losses of the football world. Have also seen how ugly parents have gotten at coaches and how the coaches have held it all together when they wanted to deck a parent.

I would ask your son what the coaches said, if anything.

O. thing to remind him: you win as a team and you lose as a team.
A loss is the sum of every play from the kick off til the clock runs out. Surely at 16, he knows that!

And I agree with you, at 16, definitely don't go to the coaches yourself.

Coaches can be down right nasty. I've seen it first hand. They forget that it is JUST A GAME!
Let it go because you weren't there and he gave you no information, but if it happens again, I'd call them and have a chat.
LBC

I see nothing wrong with how your son reacted.

It's possible the coaches said something; but they could have said it in a positive way; you may never know. I have coached high school sports for 7 year, 3 seasons a year. Some kids cry because they have heart, some are bc a coach gave them positive feedback and sometimes coaches say the wrong thing too. A couple of things you could consider talking with him about if it happens again: it's a team sport the entire game cannot rest on your sons shoulders if he thinks it does maybe you can talk to him about changing his attitude towards game; it's ok to talk to coaches if you have to but don't be accusatory say to them that you are worried about his behavior and is there anything you can do? The coach may echo your concerns. Finally and a lot of athletes love this: get him a copy of the poem, Don't Quit. It says it all. Good luck to you!