My normally very upbeat, all the time smiling, and forever joke-playing son has changed. I'd say it started a few weeks ago. I noticed he wasn't picking at everyone like he normally does. He's started staying in his room alot, which I chalked up to him being a teenager and playing on his PC. Well, 2 days ago, I went to his school to drop off some things for him to try out for basketball. He was called to the office and I noticed immediately that something was wrong. He was walking with his head down...his shoulders drooped. I asked him what was wrong...and he said nothing. I kept on talking to him and he finally said, I dunno, Momma...I'm just sad; depressed...and I don't know why. I pulled him out to the foyer of the school so we could talk. I asked him questions about school...his friends...home...but he claims everything is ok. Then he did something very out of character. He put his arms around me and started crying. This child does not cry. I would say since he was about 10 I've only seen him cry a handful of times. I asked him if he wanted to come home. He wanted to try to stay at school so he could try out for basketball, but called me a couple hours later to pick him up. We went around and did some errands, came home, he grabbed a snack and sat down and watched TV a while. His dad got home and we all sat down to talk. My son asked if there was something that he could take to make him feel better, that he hated feeling like that. I told him that there were meds, but I thought that we needed to see if this was just a bad day, and that it isn't always the best thing to just start taking meds. I don't want to change his whole personality. He got a little better as the evening wore down, and by bedtime he was picking and playing. He got up yesterday morning and asked if he could stay home (again, weird because he is a straight a student, loves school, and is real big on perfect attendance). I asked him why, and he just shrugged and said, I dunno...but it was worth a try. He went on to school and stayed all day. When he came in he said his day went better than the day before. We got ready to take the kids trick or treating. Just last week, he was picking out stuff to wear, and now he was saying he didn't want to go. He is 13, but he wanted to go with his little sister to help keep an eye on her and just to hang out, really. But he kinda balked last night. I told him that he was gonna go, even if he just sat in the car, but he wasn't gonna stay home alone. Once we started, he started getting out, and even took his trick or treat cauldron and would trick or treat with the little ones. He acted like he was having a little bit of fun. We went by this one house...and they had really went all out. The kids had to go up the drive way...and by these men that had dressed up like scary monsters. My son and his father were standing next to the truck and he saw this man coming at a bunch of kids. This man was dressed like Leatherface and had a chainsaw without the chain on it. He started rev'ing it up and kids scattered like crazy. It truly was a sight to behold. Our daughter didn't think too much of it...she went and got her candy and came back to the truck. My niece and my husband's little sister though were scared outta their heads. We had the men come over and show them that they were really just men and the kids got ok and actually laughed about it. But my son laughed like I haven't seen him laugh in a long time. I honestly thought he was gonna fall down laughing. He said he was so glad he came. This morning before he left, he seemed to be ok. He was quiet, but that may have been because he had to get up earlier than what he normally does. We didn't get in til after their bedtime, so they crashed and got up this morning for showers. My question is this. Am I just being an overprotective mom? I'm so worried about him. He and his little girlfriend broke up the beginning of the school year. They'd been going together for a year before this. I don't know if this is what is going on with him. She had been going through some things herself. Basically she and my son broke up because she became so depressed and withdrawn. She wouldn't have anything to do with anyone. Her parents didn't know what was going on with her and then the school found a suicide note which really took them for surprise. I think she's doing better now, but I am wondering if this is the trigger that got my son so upset. Any advice on what I should do?
Well, as the week has wore on, Zack has gotten somewhat better. I did call his pediatrician and he told me to keep an eye on him and if he didn't improve, to bring him in. He thinks it's maybe hormones and will most likely pull out of this. In response to Renee, I am NOT against medication, and that isn't what my son thought I was saying. I was very clear to him that if he needs it, we will be sure that is what he will get. I do not however believe that is the first course of action that should be taken. He is beginning to act like himself, but I am still watching, asking questions, and making sure that he knows that he can come to me about anything. I'll be sure to update you all on how he is doing. I thank you all for your advice and thoughts. =)
Hi, I think it is great that you noticed a change in his behavior, and did not chalk it up to just being a teenager. I would get him into a counselor. Sometimes teenagers feel more comfortable talking to people other than family. A counselor can't prescribe meds, but can refer him to a psychiatrist that can... if they feel it is needed. Good luck!
I haven't read the other responses, so forgive me if I'm repeating anything.
Take your son to a child and adolescent psychiatrist immediately. Even if he doesn't need meds, he needs someone to talk to that can help him sort out his feelings. Don't keep waiting and seeing if things will improve, please. Not to scare you, but usually when people hurt themselves, it always appears if things are looking up.
Although I'm sure you trust your pediatrician, he/she is not a psychiatrist. He/she cannot tell you what is wrong with your son. To figure out if he's depressed or not take many weeks and sometimes months.
Please find a mental health professional ASAP. I started with depression when I was around 15 and tried to commit suicide at 18. Do not wait and see.
If you need an excellent doctor and live in or near Alpharetta, I take my son to a great doctor and I can give you his number. There's also a great therapist in the same office.
Bless you and your family. I'll be thinking of you and your son. Depression is something I know about, so if you have any questions, feel free to message me.
Keep talking with him. It sounds if you are doing all the right things, not being over protective! Many things could be playing a factor in his depression...the break up, hormones, bullying at school, or many other things. If it lasts over three weeks, seek professional help, even if it is from a church official, counselor at school or a private therapist. Better to be safe than sorry. Again, the biggest thing is to keep the live of communication open with him!
Good luck
I'm a social worker turned stay-at-home mom. I would definitely get him some professional help. It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship in that he's already opened up some to you and asked about help. It just might be easier for him to open up more fully to a third party. I'd maybe start with school if they have a counselor of some kind. Good luck...
B.
Something is definetly going on with your son, in my opinion. I have a 14 year old who I homeschool, and I can tell you that spending as much time with him as I do, the changes in his "moods" are connected with something happening in his life. I would consider talking with a professional, maybe at school or privately. If it is nothing, then nothing is lost. IF it is something serious, everything gained.
Hi, B.! I have a son who is 13. The last two years he has gone through some major changes!!! Very similar to the ones you have listed. He also is dealing with being taller than most of his classmates. He stands 6'1" tall right now!!! I recently was blessed with him coming to me and talking about what is going on. Some of it had to do with bullying at school. It was keeping him from concentrating on his schoolwork and homework. He doesn't have many friends, maybe 2 or 3 that he really talks about. Anyway, I am fixing to take him to a counselor and have him thoroughly checked out. He needs someone else to talk to besides "mom" who "doesn't know anything", as he sometimes puts it. It sounds like your son may be more comfortable with you about talking things over. Just keep that up. Communication is one of the most important ways to help our kids!!! I have a fear of the meds because of all the bad things you hear, but I have also had friends who experienced very bad things with their kids on meds. I'm not against it at all, I am like you - I just want to make sure that we cannot help any other way before we resort to medication. It will be the very last option!!! I will pray for you and your son and family. (Prayer, if you believe in God, is the most important resource for you to use for your children!) God bless you.
I believe that breaking up with his girl friend had allot to do with that depression + hormones + peer pressure,does he eat well balanced meals & snacks; his body really needs special help during these years, I hope & pray the Dr.'s don't put him on medication, You are doing the right thing encouraging him & being there for him, Let me know how you all are doing, D.
I don't have a 13y/o but I remember being 13...IT WAS HARD!!!...at this point children have a lot more decisions to make...sex vs. no sex, drugs vs no drugs, behave vs. misbehave. Because he does open up and talks to you all I don't think there is a major problem. Let him know it is normal to feel this way sometimes. I tell my 11 year old...go in your room-Cry- and get it out of your system. That is what he does and he's fine. The girlfriend thing probably has some to do with it. Good Luck!
Talk to your son's doctor and see what they think. Your NOT being over protective your being his mom. Don't just let this go though b/c if it is something it needs to be addressed and if you don't and god forbid something happens you'll be blaming yourself. You sound like a good mother so just follow your gut and it won't steer you wrong. I was a depressed teenager and the worst part was that my mom and dad were going thru a divorce and no one payed attention to what was happening to me and I ultimatly took up with an 17 year old when i was 14 and by the time I was 15 I was pregnant. I wish u luck with this and please message me if u need to talk and let us know how it goes.
I am the single mother of a 15 year old son so I know what youre going through. My son and I have always been very close but he's had times that he was down like that too. It's natural and normal. Thirteen is a hard age for boys because of the changes going on inside them due to puberty. It wouldn't hurt to talk to a doctor about it just to be sure that there isnt a real problem, but unless he's constantly down and withdrawn, I dont suggest antidepressants because they just provide numbness and postpones getting down to the root of the problem. I know that from my own experience with them. I would suggest counseling by a preacher, school guidance counselor, or maybe a male friend of you or your husband's that he is comfortable talking to. Sometimes it's just hard for them to talk to their parents about problems because they don't want to disappoint you. Don't push him to talk about whatever it is. Just let him know that you will be there for him when he feels like talking.
You could take him to the doctor. They don't always need meds. Sometimes it is easier for a teen to talk to someone else besides their parents. We went through the same thing with one of our sons about that age. He did go on meds but also therapy.
I think he was more comfortable talking about some things with someone he did not know. I would take him to get a complete physical and see what the doctor thinks the next best move should be. And hang in there, because sometimes it gets worse before it gets better. A., 38 mom of 4 boys 21,16,14,13
Please get him to the doctor to be evaluated. He might need meds and he might not. He might just need someone (other than Mom/Dad) to talk to and help him sort out his problems. If his grilfriend was suicidal I would be worried to. I don't mean to scare you but you hear horror stories about teenage lovers killing themselves (Romeo/Juliet) for reasons we don't understand. Please get him some help soon!! He may not want to go but you are the parent and need to insist. Good luck!
I agree, you should talk to the Dr. and take him to be evaluated. There is nothing wrong with doing that. Only a mother or father can tell if there is a change with their child. The Dr. is very educated yes, but they are not around your child all the time. Get him in there and if they don't wanna help take him somewhere else.
Good luck..
Teachers are a great source of information. Talk to them, your son's friends paretns, his friends. All of them should be able to give you some insight as to his life at school...
B. A.
Kudos to the rest of the responses!
Please see a medical professional! Medication can help.
It could even be a hormone imbalance. It could be bullying, peer pressure, depression, or drugs. Hang out with him when he is doing something he likes maybe playstation, tv, or reading a book together. My son likes to play on the playstation and wants me to watch. At first conversation is slow such as; wow, how did you do that, that looks hard, you are really good. Don't say to much. It may take a little time but he will start to talk and as long as I sit quietly, listen, and am not distracted he will tell more and more. At bedtime we lay down and talk about the events of the day. We usually giggle a lot!
Again he does most of the talking. It sounds like you have a good relationship. I would have him evaluated for all medical possibilities including depression and continue to support him. I would not tell a lot of people. Confidence is very important. Ask people to pray for your family in general as a whole this way you don't single him out. In reading your post, your conservation with your son, it sounds like what he heard was you dont agree with taking antidepressants. He has cried out for your help and you noticed. That is a big plus. Children, as well as adults, don't always hear what we are meaning to say. I would not take any chances, I would run to a councelor before he closes up.
God Bless,
R.
It's hard being a teenager, alot harder now than it was for us. Keep letting him know that you are there for him and that he can talk to you about anything. Maybe she got a new boyfriend and that's what set this off. Keep a close eye on him and continue to encourage him to get out of his room and hang with the family or his friends. Maybe there is something he wants to tell you but thinks you'll be mad. I would give it a few more weeks before calling the doctor unless things get worse. If it comes down to going to the doctor and he/she feels it's an emotional/mental thing, see if you or your husbands employer offer and employee assistance program. A lot of times you can get several therapy sessions at no charge. Also he might be starting to go through somesort of puberty changes that may have caused his moods to change. I'm sure testosterone can do this just like estrogen does to us. Let us know what happens. Good Luck!
What you describe sounds familiar. Have you heard of Seasonal Affective Disorder? The following url is the National Mental Health Association's online fact sheet on SAD. (yes, I know it's an ironic acronym, but there it is.)
http://www.nmha.org/infoctr/factsheets/27.cfm
It's just a thought. If, however, your son does turn out to be at the beginnings of Depression (which now affects 1 in 5 teenagers, according to NMHA), there are things you can do to help him beyond medication. Be aware that in many teenagers, the medication typically prescribed for Depression only causes it to get worse.
The following are guidelines from the National Insitute of Mental Health (www.nimh.nih.gov) on how to help yourself if you're depressed:
* Set realistic goals in light of the depression and assume a reasonable amount of responsibility.
* Break large tasks into small ones, set some priorities, and do what you can as you can.
* Try to be with other people and to confide in someone; it is usually better than being alone and secretive.
* Participate in activities that may make you feel better.
* Mild exercise, going to a movie, a ballgame, or participating in religious, social, or other activities may help.
* Expect your mood to improve gradually, not immediately. Feeling better takes time.
* It is advisable to postpone important decisions until the depression has lifted. Discuss it with others who know you well and have a more objective view of your situation.
* People rarely "snap out of" a depression. But they can feel a little better day-by-day.
* Remember, positive thinking will replace the negative thinking that is part of the depression and will disappear as your depression responds to treatment.
* Let your family and friends help you.
You've obviously got a child who trusts you enough to come to you for help with the problem, and that's a tremendously good place to start. If it continues, talk with his doctor about the best treatment for your son.
