12 Year Olds Having Sex W/15 Year Old Boyfriend.

Updated on July 28, 2010
K.D. asks from Saint Francisville, IL
18 answers

What is my husbands rights to his daughter in regarding her in a serious relationship w/ a high school student, started in 7th grade. Mother is allowing them to spend everyday together and they are sexually active. This has just made me and my husband sick. Needless to say her mother is constantly putting my husband down on how he feels of his daughters but to me this is neglect. What can we do? Help, we have a 15 mth old and We are not ready to be grandparents.

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answers from Washington DC on

The daughter is probably over the moon to be dating a HS kid.

However, if the mom knows that they are being active and is doing nothing to stop it, then that is neglect. You are right to be concerned because 12y can get pregnant.

A good deterent to sex is to have the 12y old come over and babysit the 15m old.

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answers from Kansas City on

People get pregnant even on birth control. I don't know how to stop it. But I'd get a lawyer or call family services. Something needs to stop this.

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answers from Pittsburgh on

The ex wife is putting your husband down because he does not want her to be able to have sex whenever she wants? That's nuts!

This won't be popular response, but if I were you I would take her to a gynie asap and have her put on birth control right away.

Right, wrong or indifferent to the kids being sexually active, one thing is for sure--they DON'T need a baby at this stage in their lives.

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answers from Los Angeles on

I think jumping to bringing in the police or DCFS is a little excessive. No, I don't think it's healthy for a 12 year old to be having sex daily with a 15 year old boy, but I also don't think involving the police is going to make the situation any better.
You and your husband need to sit down with her, treat her like an adult, and have an honest conversation. Talk about facts - pregnancy, STDs, being emotionally mature enough for this type of relationship, etc.
Explain to her that you are not comfortable with it and think she's too young, but LISTEN to her side as well. Find out where she is coming from and why she is doing it. Does she truly want to, or is she feeling pressured? Does she think that because she said yes one time, that now she can't go back and refuse to do it? There could be so many factors that a 12 year old just might not be able to handle on her own without some help, guidance and support - not fighting - from her parents.
Have a gyno check her out and prescribe birth control - you can decide whether or not to fill the prescription. Better safe than sorry.

As for your husband's relationship with his ex, that's always going to be a tough situation. He needs to talk to her about not putting him down to the daughter, and you guys need to make sure you aren't badmouthing the ex to the daughter too.

Bottom line: your husband is her father. He should involve himself quickly in this situation and talk directly to his daughter, regardless of anything the ex says.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Seattle on

Okay, first of all....YOU wont be a grandma! lol (Kidding....my husband had a child at 13...she is now 20. If she has any kids he is a granpa...no WAY am I a grandma!)
First, get the daughter on birth control...pronto! Second, someone here really needs to sit down with her and talk about sex...how great it is with someone when you are OLDER...respecting her body...him respecting her. All the things that should have already been talked about. The boy is only 15? sheesh. Talk to the parents of that boy. Does your husband have custody? Maybe go to court and try to get it.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Anchorage on

I do not believe this is statutory, both are children. She needs to talk to someone who will not judge her, tell her no, or make her feel she needs to lie. She needs real sex education, about conception and disease prevention, including the facts about STDs and oral sex. I was raped when I was 12. I felt lost, and scared. The next time I found myself in a situation where a boy wanted sex, and I said no, and he persisted (as teen boys will) I got scared of violence and gave in. This continued and colored my teen years. I turned to drugs and alcohol to escape, and grew up in a world well beyond my years. It was not until years later that I was able to look back and see the truth of those years. I needed an advocate, someone to really help me, not judge, but listen and guide. A councilor is a safe place to start, and she needs to go see an OBGYN and be tested for STDs and discus birth control options. When she does come to you to talk, DO NOT yell, or judge, just listen and guide.

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answers from Boston on

Why is your husband allowing this everyday??? WOW.....the parents here are at fault. She is a child!!! I would bring her to court and quick!!! He should be calling the boys parents also. This is not a good situation. If this CHILD becomes pregnant who do you think is to blame. The parents of these kids because it is being allowed. Tell you husband he needs to step in quick and be ready to fight. His daughter will fight him on this because she does not know how taken advantage she is. Man that mother is a surely a dope!

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Sioux City on

My husband is a cop. He would say bring in the police. You can't treat a child like an adult, because a child isn't an adult. A 12 year old is not capable of acting or thinking in an adult fashion because they aren't developmentally mature. Her life is at stake and that warrants pulling out all the stops. You know this boy? Do you know where he has been? Who he has been with? Call the Cop an DCFS!

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answers from Columbus on

I am soo sorry you are having to go through this! I do not have any real advice but that I will pray for you and your family. A 12 year should not be sexually active at all.

Has you or your husband tried talking to the 12 year old about sex? Or what is her relationship with her dad like? I don't know if they are able to at least talk birth control but at least if she is aware that she can get protection from you guys? (though I wouldn't want her thinking you are allowing her to have sex by giving her birth control). So, this is tough, b/c I really don't know what to suggest. Good luck and as I said, you will be in our prayers!!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

In the state of Texas that kind of activity is ciminal.

It is called something like minor to minor molestation or something to that effect because they are both under the age of consent and if anyone finds out that they are...the MOTHER will also be prosecuted for allowing it to happen.

Now if it were me, I'd take the child (and she is a child) to her pediatrician and have them do an exam. If they find that, yes they are sexually active, I'd give the mother a choice, the daughter come live with you, or you take the findings to your nearest courthouse.

Bottom line is that consensual or not, it's not legal.

And frankly if everyone is worried about the 15 yr old...before taking anything to anyone, I'd call the 15 yr olds parents and behoove them to make sure it doesn't happen again or you will take matters into your own hands. I would simply state that it can't happen again and they cannot see each other or you will have him arrested. I think that will make the boys parents reconsider their position.



answers from Phoenix on

You have every right to be upset. I'd be proactive in this situation and have a serious talk with your daughter. I'd talk to your daughter's counselor and find out what all you can do to stop this. You're daughter really needs you and your husband to stop this. She is too young! If she is living with her mother, then you'll need outside help with this if she isn't going to help stop this. Otherwise, I'd prevent her from seeing this boy. Do all you can and don't give up, even if she throws a fit. She is unable to see this situation as an adult because she is just a child. Good luck to you. My prayers are with you.



answers from New York on

Has anyone contacted the boy's parents, CPS or the police?



answers from Harrisburg on

If this is your daughter, stop your daughter from seeing this boy. She is only 12. Lay down some ground rules and hold firm.



answers from Kansas City on

I would talk to a lawyer. Perhaps this is a situation that could allow him to get full custody? The mother should NOT be allowing this to happen!

Also, maybe you should talk to the boy's parents. If they are unaware of the situation, they could be on your side and help out. I'm sure the last thing they want is to have their son get someone pregnant when he's 15 or end up on the sex offender registry like this kid: http://www.rickyslife.com/



answers from San Francisco on

Yup, I agree with Denise P.

Birth control, and maybe some other sex education (disease, abortion, etc). The cat's kind of out of the bag.



answers from Cincinnati on

A 12 year old cannot give consent to sex and a 15 year old is also still a minor. Call CFS and ask what steps you need to take. Good luck.


answers from Dallas on

Actually I'm pretty sure you can press charges against the boy even though he is a minor too. I would also get in touch with your lawyer and have full custody and say she is an unfit mother to allow this. Also call you police station after you find out what he can be arrested for, approach mother, daughter and boyfriend and his parents that the next step is having him arrested. I'm sure he'll leave her alone and find someone else's daughter.



answers from Philadelphia on

The mom is just trying to be friends with her daughter and not make the correct decision. Its easier to bad mouth you then for her to use her brain.

I would try to get custody of your step daughter get her away from her nutty mother.
That girl needs someone to say NO to her.

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