12 Year Old Mood Swings?

Updated on March 22, 2011
E.W. asks from Totowa, NJ
11 answers

I feel like My 12 year old wakes up mad goes to sleep mad but only at me ..i've tried to sit down with her and ask her whats goin on and she says nothing ! I talked to my husband and mom and they say she's just growing its a change she is going thru ?? When Im home alone with her I try to conversate with her ask her questions about her day any activities and she says nothing .She doesnt want to go any where with me neither ,,when she is talking to her dad or sister and i walk in the room she makes a face as if im interrrupting something ? my oldest is 15 and I never had a problem with her ? She doesnt act like that with anyone else but me ? Is this normal what should i do ? I do not want to discipline her as my mom use to do when I use to back talk with Physical discipline I have screamed at her and then cried I want to understand .. But i have had it her attitude is getting way out of hand I punish her no tv ,games ect and she doesnt show any emotion ,,if i say something she thinks i'm out to attack her ?? Its like i am living with a stranger ..Help Please ..:(

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answers from Appleton on

Aahh hormones!! She's probably going through a PMS type hormone change and doesn't like what she is feeling. My second daughter is a more traditional type person who likes to be in style and fit in, I've always been more of a free spirit. So that basic personality difference caused many conflicts between us. Now she's 24 and realizes I love her and would go through hell and back for her and her son. She has learned to accept me for who I am even though I'm still more of a free spirit.

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answers from New York on

My daughter is 13 now, and she went through that too. Every time I would ask her about school, she would say either "fine" or "ok".
I never accept the rude things like slaping the door. I sometimes over look the eye roll but I never accept the quit talk, you know, the one where they don't want to say it to your face but still want you to know they have something (probably not nice) to say. I always told her, if you want to say something then be brave, say it and live with the consecuence, but I wouldn't not accept the coward talk.
I got myself a book call: How to Hug a Porcupine: Negotiating the Prickly Points of the Tween Years. It has helped.
I also never gave up asking her about her days no matter how many times I hear just OK.
One day she had a problem with a girl at school and she just went on and on about her, and I hold TIGHT to that, (I know this is going to sound bad) and I was kind of happy because from that conversation became much more. Now I know who likes who, who wears what, what XZY said to ABC, etc.
The ups and downs at home stay there but less, I think we are taking a break for what is to come (boyfriends, going outs, driving, YIKES!).
It also helps that SIL is given us a really hard time lately, because my daughter has come to me more often to talk about how she makes us feel. No saying that you need to start a war with you SIL, .or that you should involve your kid in grown ups problems, which we didn't but SIL doesn't know how to keep her mouth shut in front of kids, but to find something in commoun to keep the conversation open in this hard times.
Hold there mom, this too should it pass.

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answers from New York on

I wish I had the answer - I am going through the same thing with my daughter (she will be 16 in June). This has been going on for about 2 years and she is now just starting to back off a little bit with the attitude (toward me). I was at my witts end. What I have found in speaking with friends is that our daughters are trying to be independent of us (be their own person) and it makes them angry (at us) because they really do need us and deep down, they really do want and need us. I only have one daughter, so I have only my friends daughters to compare her to, and I have found there is differences in all of them.

Your daughter sounds a lot like my daughter, the attitude is only directed toward us. They want to grow up and be independent so they feel they have to cut the ties with us (mom). I can only say it was a tough battle for myself. I am a stay home mom and it was a big adjustment realizing that my daughter didn't want to be with me "all the time." I am learning now that this is something they need to go through in order to feel independent. I have also learned, that my daughter did not like me "prying" into her social life. By asking "how was your day?" and "how are your friends?", she acted as if I was being nosy. Now, I don't ask specific questions and she is more forthcoming with what is going on.

It is difficult and all my friends say don't take it personally, but I know it's hard not to. She will come around - this started out gradually with my daughter, then escalated and now she is coming around.
I hope this helps - Hang in there!

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answers from Denver on

Teenagers can be fun - this age is tough sometimes. Can you give her some space??? Maybe doing less will allow her to come closer? Can you have your mom or husband talk to her "for you" to see if she'll open up to them? Good luck and hang in there. I would try to give her some space for a week and see what happens.

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answers from New York on

Want something worse? How about both mom and son going through hormonal changes at the same time? Yep, my son's a grouch bucket too...Sometimes I catch myself being a grouch bucket also. I find yelling at him doesn't work, because we wind up yelling at each other. Instead, we talk. We talk about how frustrated we feel, how hormones are a pain in the neck, how we just feel like punching someone when our blood vessels feel like they are going to burst, etc. (Of course we don't don't punch anyone...that wouldn't be right or solve anything.) Sometimes we just pick a verbal fight with each other, then laugh when hubby asks what's wrong and tell him, "Nothing." Sometimes it's better just to be alone. My son will go to his room, when he feels stressed and do something to help relax himself...like play his favorite video game or make a video or play his ukulele or guitar. I like to go fold laundry, clean, or play a video game. You know what's really creepy? When my son and I have a nice conversation.

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answers from New York on

She is growing up. Trying to separate from you, like they all do. They
eventually come back to you. Never stop being there for her. The trials
and tribulations of growing up. Not an easy time for anyone. Patience.



answers from Harrisburg on

Aaawww, that stinks. Sounds like she's dealing with some hormonal changes, my daughter is eleven and been going through it. I let her know I know what she's going through and I understand it's hard to fly with the emotions she's having but that I also won't allow her to disrespect me. It's okay to have bad moods but not to take it out on the ones you love. At this point I try not to push too much if she's not ready to talk about it. But I always add that whenever she's ready to talk, she knows where to find me. :)



answers from New York on

Every kid is different. It's normal for 12 year olds to have mood swings, caused by hormones. It doesn't mean that anything is terribly wrong. Not wanting to chat with you or go places with you is not back talking, and not deserving of punishment. It is normal for kids that age not to think of parents as companions. They enjoy some privacy and prefer spending time with friends to spending time with families. Nothing that she is doing sounds like anything you need to scream at her for. When chatting with tweens and teens, avoid "yes" and "no" questions because they dont' lead to conversation, just a one word answer, same as "How was your day?" That's a one word answer. Talk to her about YOUR day or something that interests you and see if she jumps into the conversation on her own, rather than her feeling like you are prying her for information. It's also OKAY for tweens and teens not to share every detail of their day.



answers from Johnstown on

Sounds like puberty to me.



answers from New York on

Yes, the mood swings are normal, but it's not okay for her to behave that way towards you. If she can control herself around others, she can control herself around you. Read Michael Gurian's "The Wonder of Girls" and read it with her - it will help her a lot to understand her own body and what is going on. And she really does want you to give her firm clear boundaries and not let her be rude to you.



answers from New York on

every girl is different i am no expert buy my 16 yr old is similar moody
and bitchy teens and harmones i guess just make sure everythink else is ok at school and with friend no bullying too

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