Hi im trying to figure out if my son is taking a shower in the bathroom or if he is just running the water and wetting head and saying he is. Im trying to figure it out without just barging in on him. He is 11 years old and is only in the shower for a minute or 2 i dont think thats long enough for him to be taking one. Any advise on what i can do ?
If he stinks - he's not washing.
Keep sending him back till he doesn't stink.
Since personal hygiene is important - I'd tell him no tv or devices until he's clean to my satisfaction.
It's totally up to him how long he wants to play this game but he's not going to be having much fun until he gets with the program.
What did I do when my son thought he could outsmart me? I started making marks on the shampoo and body wash. Told him I expected him to CLEAN himself and NOT just run the water over him.
I told him I could SMELL him from the next room and it wasn't pleasant. Go back in and CLEAN yourself.
In the end? One of his friends told him he smelled bad. That's all it took. Now as an adult? Oh my. Two showers a day and wears antiperspirant and cologne. Those words from a friend made all the difference in the world and stuck. Even now, 20 years later.
This one is easy, and I encountered it with my boys around that age. If he comes out smelly and/or with icky hair - touch it, you can tell - send him back in and tell him if he doesn't come out clean this time, you will come in there and wash his hair for him.
You won't have to follow through on the threat because they absolutely do not want mom washing them at that age.
I used to smell their hair when they first took over. That way I knew if they were doing a thorough job and getting the soap out.
Added:
When we were at this stage, and we covered hygiene and the adolescence/preteen stuff a good talk about why it's so important to clean here, there and everywhere - thoroughly - really helped too. Sometimes it took the talk with the monitoring together.
We never associated it with negative stuff (like taking stuff away). I get why that would work for some kids. For mine, it would have made it into a "Ugh, something I have to do ... mom's making me" instead of a 5 minutes and I'll feel good/comfortable all day.
ooh my !!! I've been in your shoes!! Both my boys didn't want to shower long enough to get clean. I used WHITE towels in their bathrooms - and told them if the dirt comes off on it? They aren't clean...
I would smell them after they got out too. Their dad also told them that if they didn't clean themselves properly? Well, then bacteria grows and bad stuff can happen...
I agree with B. And I'd add that, while he may lose devices or privileges for not showering, he's going to lose 5 times as many for 5 times as long for lying about it. Set a timer too - 2 minutes isn't long enough.
You could also put shampoo and body wash in a smaller clear bottle and measure the height of it. If it doesn't go down in 3 days, you've got a problem. Don't tell him what you're doing - otherwise he'll just dump it down the drain. If his head is wet but the towel isn't wet enough for him drying his whole body, he's lying.
I remember when my son would do this. Smell his head. If it stinks make him go back and shower again...tell him this time wash your hair with shampoo. Scrub. Wash your body with soap. Boys! So many of them do this! He will outgrow it eventually. PS - My son was doing the same with brushing his teeth. I had to go stand there and watch, otherwise he would just say he did it. Such a pain.
Put shampoo on his hair before he goes to shower and he will have to stay in long enough to rinse the suds out!
I agree with the others smell his hair. And I like the idea of clear bottles. And tell him he's got a minimum time in the shower. If needed set a timer
i wouldn't barge in on him. nor would i turn basic personal hygiene into a parental crime-and-punishment seesaw.
have a low key eye-contact conversation with him. not too lecture-y. 'marmaduke, it doesn't seem to me as if your showers are long enough for you to be cleaning yourself appropriately. you need to scrub your head with shampoo for a minute or two, rinse it well, and scrub your body all over, paying special attention to the smelly parts. you don't want to be the kid who's walking around stinky.'
if he emerges too quickly, let him dry off and get dressed and then give him the whiff test. if you honestly can't smell anything, let him roll. but if his head pongs (and it will if it's not shampooed) then quietly and without drama or threats send him back in again.
it'll get old quickly.
khairete
S.
I agree with others ... smell test afterward. Get a fragrant shampoo. I have our son using a Suave formula that's based on an Aveda product. For a long time, I had to smell him after he got out. I still do to find out if he put his deodorant on and brushed his teeth. He would rather spend time faking out on all of those than actually getting clean and he's 14 now. Waiting for the day when he actually cares about not being gross.
